Six months after that, she didn’t understand why it hadn’t happened yet. He’d told her it would take time. Simon still worked a lot. He worked nights at times. He wasn’t always there when she was ovulating.
When another six months passed, they went to see a doctor.
It hadn’t been her, it had been him. They could always adopt. She could use a sperm donor, yada, yada. They would think about it. Discuss their options.
Simon didn’t stop working. He worked more. Even when he wasn’t at work, he was still studying the heart. Learning more about it.
Heather wasn’t so understanding anymore. She wanted her husband. She wanted a baby.
Simon couldn’t give her either of them. The first was more of a choice than the second. The divorce came a short time later.
They were closer now as friends than they had been when they were married. Sometimes he missed her. Wished he could give her what she needed, but he couldn’t. Not then and not even now, because it didn’t matter if he could perform surgery or not, it was still what held his heart.
“How are you doing?” she asked as they continued to walk.
Simon sighed. He knew that was coming. “Fine.”
“Try again. I know you, remember? I was married to you.”
He looked at her and grinned. “But you’re not anymore, which means I don’t have to talk about my feelings if I don’t want to.”
Heather laughed. “Please. Like that’s any different. Even when we were married you never talked to me. Not about how you really felt.”
It was the truth, and that made him an asshole. “I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. You introduced me to Alan, so you’re forgiven. Plus, you’re not only that way with me, you’re that way with everyone. That makes it easier.”
She set her head on his shoulder as they walked, and Simon knew she wasn’t done yet. “I think you should try again. Just because it didn’t work the first time, doesn’t mean surgery isn’t still an option for you. I—”
“It’s no use,” Simon cut her off. Logically he knew she was right, but emotionally, getting his hopes up scared him. “It is what it is, sweetheart. I don’t want to talk about it. I came here to get away for a few days. Let’s just try and enjoy it.”
She nodded, and he realized that it didn’t matter that they weren’t married anymore. He still managed to break the one organ he was supposed to know the most about. Her heart.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Jason isn’t coming?” his mom asked when they walked through the door of their childhood home. It was a small, modest house. Only two bedrooms. He and Blake had shared their whole lives. Their father died of liver disease in the room his mom still slept in.
“Yeah, Blake. No Jason?” Trevor cocked a brow at his twin, aware that he was behaving like a teenager, even though he wasn’t sure why.
The truth was, Trevor wasn’t surprised they didn’t end up being serious about each other. They were best friends who decided to be friends with benefits for a short time. Mom always assumed they would end up together, and she’d thought that was that. They decided to be friends again, she thought it meant they broke up but it didn’t change their friendship. Everyone loved Blake. Everyone wanted to be his friend.
“Ha ha, big brother. What about you? No Simon?”
Fuck. Their mom looked back and forth between the two of them. “Wait. Who is Simon? Are you seeing someone?” Her voice was a high-pitched mix of hope and fear. He had no doubt she would love to see both of them happy with a partner, but she would always worry about whomever Trevor ended up with. Worry he would screw it up, take things badly, and start using again if they broke up.
“No, Mom. I’m not seeing anyone. We’re only friends. Blake’s just giving me a hard time.” He wasn’t sure why he didn’t add in the fact that Simon was straight and currently with his ex-wife, an hour and a half away in San Francisco.
Blake raised a brow at Trevor as if to say, how do you like it? Give me shit and I’ll give it right back, only you’ll get it a lot worse than me. Because he would. There would only be the hope if it came to Blake finding someone. There would be no fear in sight.
Trevor flipped his brother off behind his mom’s back. Blake barked out a laugh, and then their mom was looking back and forth between the two of them again.
“I always feel like I’m missing something when it comes to the two of you.” He heard the love in her words. It made Trevor have to look away. The heavy ache he always had in the center of his chest grew. It hurt looking at her. Hurt knowing how much pain she’d endured because of him. Their father hadn’t treated her the way he should have, and then Trevor had broken her heart over and over again.
