“You should do what I always did—try not to think at all. It’s much more fun.”
Simon sat up and rubbed a hand down his chest. It was sticky. From Trevor’s dry come, he wondered? Trevor didn’t move. He lay with his legs on either side of Simon, his dick flaccid in a bed of hair at his dark crotch. He didn’t flinch when Simon took him in, studied him, though why would he? “Like I said, I’ve been with men before, but I always thought, even back then, that when it came to a committed relationship it would be with a woman.” Maybe that’s what made him freak out a little with Trevor. Because he knew that Trevor already meant something to him, even if it was only on a deep, friendship level.
He cursed himself silently when Trevor mumbled a, “fuck.”
“I thought you didn’t do this. Didn’t talk about how you feel,” Trevor added.
Simon didn’t. Not normally. He wasn’t sure if this counted as talking about how he felt, but he also needed to get this out. And it seemed that he said a lot of things to Trevor that he didn’t say to most people. Things like, I missed you. “I don’t. Not typically.”
There was a pause, and then Trevor nodded once as though he got what Simon was saying. Simon talked to Trevor more than he did to most people. “Your um...friendship has come to mean a lot to me. I don’t...I don’t want to do anything to sacrifice that. But I can’t...I don’t know what this means, either. I’m not looking for anything serious. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, now that I’ve lost the ability to operate and—”
Trevor interrupted him. “And I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life now that I actually have one. No one asked you for promises and declarations, Simon. We’ll just take it as it comes. We’ll be friends, and if we end up being friends who sleep together, we’ll just run with that. We don’t have to put a real name on anything or make commitments. I just know...” Trevor shrugged. “I know that even though I’ve been sober for over a year, I’ve felt like shit most of that time. There was a few weeks in there, when we were hanging out, that things weren’t so bad. And then the last month, I felt like shit again. I’m not a thinker like you. It’s probably why I fuck up so much, but it’s just not who I am. I know I like spending time with you. That’s enough for me.”
Trevor was right. Why did Simon have to put so much thought into it? Why did he have to have all the answers? All he knew was he liked spending time with Trevor as well. He liked talking to him. That was enough for Simon too.
He leaned forward and covered Trevor’s mouth with his own. Their tongues tangled, wrapped around each other as they kissed deeply.
Minutes later, half-hard but tired as hell, Simon pulled away and stood up. “I’m going to bed. I’m too old to sleep on this couch all night. Let’s go.” He held his hand out, his fucked up hand, and Trevor grabbed it, letting Simon lead him to his bedroom.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Blake sat on the couch watching ESPN when Trevor came through the front door the next morning. His brother didn’t speak as Trevor made himself a cup of coffee. He needed a shower. He had no doubt it was obvious what he spent his night doing. He smelled like sex, but he also knew the longer he let Blake fester, the worse their fight would be.
“Do you have my lecture prepared?” he asked, leaning against the table.
“Fuck you, Trev. I’m not your dad. I’m not here to lecture you.” Blake was tense...stiff.
“But you do, don’t you? You’ve been lecturing me for as long as I can remember. Lets have it so I can go get cleaned up.”
Blake shoved to his feet. “I wouldn’t have to lecture you if you didn’t always screw up. Jesus, you’re fucking him. This whole time you’ve been insisting he’s straight and you’re fucking him.”
The urge to throw his coffee mug across the room hit. Before he did, he set it on the table. “For what it’s worth, I thought he was straight until last night. And second, why do you care? Why the hell are you so interested in my sex life? I don’t give a shit if you fuck Jason or some guy you meet in a club. Hell, fuck a woman and I wouldn’t give you shit about that, either.”
“Are you kidding me?” Blake tugged on his left ear. He did that when he was frustrated. “I couldn’t care less about your sex life. Fuck who you want. Hell, I’m glad you’re getting laid. What I care about is Rock Solid. What happens when you two break up? Or if you decide you’re done with him without giving him any word. What happens if you start...?”
