Trevor closed his eyes and shook his head. No matter how much he’d screwed up in his life, he always knew he mattered to his mom and Blake. Even with things strained between himself and his brother, he knew they cared.
“I didn’t get the chance. He died my senior year of high school—heart attack. He’d worked himself into the ground his whole life. He never got to see me make something of myself.”
But Simon had never stopped trying to be a person his father could love, had he? And he’d tried to honor him in death by fixing broken hearts. Jesus, Trevor respected the man.
“I care.” Trevor shrugged. “You matter to me.” And he did. More than Trevor ever thought he would...he was falling in love with Simon. Hell, maybe he was already there.
***
Trevor’s words should make him want to run. This was never in his plan, caring about someone again. He hadn’t done well with it the first time...and he wasn’t doing so hot this time, either. But he didn’t feel the need to escape. Not from this.
“I know you do. That’s why I hate that I left last night. I should have been there for you, should have supported you. I was shit at that with Heather too.”
“Don’t,” Trevor cut him off. “Don’t compare me to your ex-wife. Her and I aren’t the same. I don’t think you’re the same as you used to be, either.”
That wasn’t true, though. If he wasn’t the same, Simon wouldn’t have run off while Trevor was in the bathroom.
“I don’t know how to do this.”
“And I do? I’m still trying to figure out how to keep myself from drowning in a bottle most days.”
He loved that honesty in Trevor. It was something Simon wasn’t sure he ever had. “There’s a surgery. It’s new and controversial...but it could help me, yet I’m too scared to do it. If it doesn’t work then I know there really is no chance. You’re still living, you’re fighting your demons every day. I’m running from my fears.” That hurt to admit. Simon had always considered himself a strong man...but he didn’t feel that anymore. There was something to be said for someone showing you your weaknesses. Not in a way that belittled him, but in a way that made Simon see more clearly. That’s what Trevor gave him.
“You’ll do it when you’re ready. You knew I was sober this morning before you saw me, and I know this about you. I guess this just proves you’re human like the rest of us. I looked you up, you know. All that shit you’ve done...they say you were a young genius.”
Simon laughed, feeling lighter but wanting more. Wanting Trevor. He’d never been enough for his father. Heather loved him, he knew that, but he also knew there were parts of him that checked the boxes of what she’d wanted from a husband. Someone like her father. And then...well, then he hadn’t been able to give her what she needed. No baby. He hadn’t been able to be there for her the way she needed, either.
“I want you.” Probably more than he ever had. Simon didn’t look away from Trevor. “I know you’re sore and—”
“Shut up. It was a fight. I’m not dying. I’d be insulted if you didn’t want me right now. I kicked ass last night. Isn’t that a turn on?”
Simon laughed like only Trevor could make him. Then he stood, and said, “Let’s go.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Trevor didn’t feel any pain, not anymore. He felt desire, need, and hunger. As soon as they got to Simon’s room he pulled the man’s shirt off, kissing his neck, Adam’s apple, collarbone, and chest. He loved a firm, masculine body. Loved the feel of rough hair against his face, and muscle under skin.
He’d never lacked for sex. Never. Not since he lost his virginity as a teenager. But it was always just that...sex. Drunk sex, high sex, fast sex. This was different. Trevor wanted to savor it. Wanted to let Simon fuck him all day, every day just because it felt real. Drugs were good at numbing you...making it so nothing felt real. Everything was real with Simon.
His hands moved down to unsnap Simon’s pants, only to realize he was already doing it himself. He had them unbuttoned and unzipped before Trevor had the chance. Simon shoved his own jeans down, stepping out of them while he pushed his hands down the back of Trevor’s sweats.
His finger slid down Trevor’s crack, making him shiver. It was nothing compared to the overwhelming need he felt when Simon whispered against his ear, “I want to use my tongue on you...want to taste you the way you do me. I want to fuck you with my tongue.”
