She lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “It’s not exactly something I’m proud of. I should be able to do what you did and walk away. I’ve known since the first time Oliver raised his hand to me that I was in a bad situation. I’ve been there before and I just didn’t learn my lesson.”
“Is that what Rowdy was talking about when he saw you?”
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell you all the gory details, considering you two are obviously way closer now than you were back when we were kids.”
“He told me that it was your story to tell.”
A tiny smile that actually had some life in it flirted with her broken mouth. “He always did have more integrity than any other man I ever met.”
“He told me he asked you to marry him and you turned him down.” I sounded like the words had to fight their way out because they bothered me so much to say them.
“No, Salem, he didn’t ask me—he offered. That is very different. I was pregnant with the quarterback’s baby and the guy told me to get rid of it so that I wouldn’t ruin his shot at going pro or ruin his reputation as a squeaky-clean All-American. When I refused to end the pregnancy the guy smacked me around. Rowdy was the only person I felt I could tell about it, and he couldn’t miss the black eyes. There was no way I could take him up on the offer—he didn’t really love me or want to marry me—so I told him no, that I loved him like a brother, and then he went and almost murdered the baby’s dad and took off. He was trying to save me from myself. A week after he was gone I had a miscarriage and the quarterback never even so much as looked at me again.”
Who was this girl? I felt like I was looking at a stranger in my sister’s body.
“Dad was devastated by the breakup with the football star. He loved the idea of me hitching my wagon to a famous athlete.” She made a face. “He always said it would help repair the stain that you left on the family name. I was an idiot. I never even liked the guy. I was just doing what I always did and going through the motions because that was what was expected of me. That’s how I ended up back in a situation with a man that thinks it’s okay to hurt a woman he supposedly loves. I can’t do it anymore. I had to break the chains. It was long past time.”
“You broke Rowdy’s heart, Poppy.” I couldn’t help but sound a little accusatory.
“Oh, come on, Salem. Don’t be ridiculous. Rowdy never loved me. He deluded himself into thinking I was his perfect girl because I was never going to be you. There was no grand adventure waiting for me. There was no risk. No unpredictability. He couldn’t have loved me because he was in love with you. Still is from the looks of things.”
“What?” I was dumbfounded to hear her say it like it was so obvious.
“He never acted like himself with me. He was always the ‘church’ version of Rowdy around me. With you he was carefree, he was open, and he let himself have a moment where he wasn’t always worrying about what was going to happen next. And then you left.”
I let my head hang down for a second.
“And then I left.” And left a disaster in my wake for the two people I loved the most.
“But you came back.”
“I’m not sure how much that matters. The leaving seems to be the thing that sticks.” I sighed and got to my feet. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here and I will help you shed the chains and anything else you need in order to get away from your life in Loveless, Poppy. No one deserves this.” She let me bend over and hug her without flinching, so I thought it was time to press my luck. “I have a friend that’s a nurse. You should let me call her and have a look at you.” I was going to ask her about filing criminal charges once I was sure she was strong enough to have that conversation. She sighed and pushed some of her hair out of her face without giving me an answer. I don’t think she wanted anyone else to see her like this. The shame she was feeling was practically palpable.
“I’m glad I’m here, too, and I think it’s awesome that you found your way back to Rowdy even if it took a really long time.”
It was funny she used the word “found,” because all of a sudden I felt more lost than I ever had been. I didn’t know how I had missed my sister being abused and my dad being a tyrant to the point he could ignore the fact that his child was being hurt. I don’t know how I had missed that whatever was percolating between me and Rowdy when we were younger was something more important and went so far beyond kinship and camaraderie than I ever thought. And maybe most importantly I didn’t know exactly how I felt about the fact that the ghost that was always hovering between Rowdy and me was here in the flesh and going to be impossible to ignore, for both of us.
CHAPTER 13
Rowdy
I NEEDED TO GO home and take a shower and wash the sweat and sunshine off of my skin, but I wasn’t in the mood to be alone, and the one person I wanted to be with was currently accompanied by the one person I never thought I would see again. That being the case, I headed to the one place where I knew there would be someone I could commiserate with and would feed me booze even on a mellow Monday afternoon.
The Bar was actually pretty busy considering it was still an hour or so before happy hour and Mondays weren’t generally big crowd days. The regulars were all lined up in their usual spots at the bar but there was also a group of younger guys gathered around the pool tables in the back that were being loud and ridiculously boisterous. Asa was watching them with careful eyes as I made a place for myself among the grizzled war vets that sat sentinel at the scarred bar top.
“They seem fun.” The sarcasm was heavy in my voice as Asa set a beer in front of me and narrowed his eyes even further as a chorus of hoots and hollers went up as Dixie dropped off a trayful of drinks.
“I don’t know where they wandered in from but I wish they would find their way back there.”
“You need a bouncer to keep the peace.”
“Rome used to handle most of the rowdies.” He snorted as I lifted my eyebrow at the twist on my name. “But with the baby and Cora, he isn’t here as much as he was before. I don’t have any problem cracking a head here or there, but I have a record, so I have to watch myself.”
“Hire someone to do it if Rome isn’t able to.”
He moved down the bar to make a round of drinks that Dixie called for and came back wiping his hands on the back of his jeans.
“Is that what Rowdy was talking about when he saw you?”
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell you all the gory details, considering you two are obviously way closer now than you were back when we were kids.”
“He told me that it was your story to tell.”
A tiny smile that actually had some life in it flirted with her broken mouth. “He always did have more integrity than any other man I ever met.”
“He told me he asked you to marry him and you turned him down.” I sounded like the words had to fight their way out because they bothered me so much to say them.
“No, Salem, he didn’t ask me—he offered. That is very different. I was pregnant with the quarterback’s baby and the guy told me to get rid of it so that I wouldn’t ruin his shot at going pro or ruin his reputation as a squeaky-clean All-American. When I refused to end the pregnancy the guy smacked me around. Rowdy was the only person I felt I could tell about it, and he couldn’t miss the black eyes. There was no way I could take him up on the offer—he didn’t really love me or want to marry me—so I told him no, that I loved him like a brother, and then he went and almost murdered the baby’s dad and took off. He was trying to save me from myself. A week after he was gone I had a miscarriage and the quarterback never even so much as looked at me again.”
Who was this girl? I felt like I was looking at a stranger in my sister’s body.
“Dad was devastated by the breakup with the football star. He loved the idea of me hitching my wagon to a famous athlete.” She made a face. “He always said it would help repair the stain that you left on the family name. I was an idiot. I never even liked the guy. I was just doing what I always did and going through the motions because that was what was expected of me. That’s how I ended up back in a situation with a man that thinks it’s okay to hurt a woman he supposedly loves. I can’t do it anymore. I had to break the chains. It was long past time.”
“You broke Rowdy’s heart, Poppy.” I couldn’t help but sound a little accusatory.
“Oh, come on, Salem. Don’t be ridiculous. Rowdy never loved me. He deluded himself into thinking I was his perfect girl because I was never going to be you. There was no grand adventure waiting for me. There was no risk. No unpredictability. He couldn’t have loved me because he was in love with you. Still is from the looks of things.”
“What?” I was dumbfounded to hear her say it like it was so obvious.
“He never acted like himself with me. He was always the ‘church’ version of Rowdy around me. With you he was carefree, he was open, and he let himself have a moment where he wasn’t always worrying about what was going to happen next. And then you left.”
I let my head hang down for a second.
“And then I left.” And left a disaster in my wake for the two people I loved the most.
“But you came back.”
“I’m not sure how much that matters. The leaving seems to be the thing that sticks.” I sighed and got to my feet. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here and I will help you shed the chains and anything else you need in order to get away from your life in Loveless, Poppy. No one deserves this.” She let me bend over and hug her without flinching, so I thought it was time to press my luck. “I have a friend that’s a nurse. You should let me call her and have a look at you.” I was going to ask her about filing criminal charges once I was sure she was strong enough to have that conversation. She sighed and pushed some of her hair out of her face without giving me an answer. I don’t think she wanted anyone else to see her like this. The shame she was feeling was practically palpable.
“I’m glad I’m here, too, and I think it’s awesome that you found your way back to Rowdy even if it took a really long time.”
It was funny she used the word “found,” because all of a sudden I felt more lost than I ever had been. I didn’t know how I had missed my sister being abused and my dad being a tyrant to the point he could ignore the fact that his child was being hurt. I don’t know how I had missed that whatever was percolating between me and Rowdy when we were younger was something more important and went so far beyond kinship and camaraderie than I ever thought. And maybe most importantly I didn’t know exactly how I felt about the fact that the ghost that was always hovering between Rowdy and me was here in the flesh and going to be impossible to ignore, for both of us.
CHAPTER 13
Rowdy
I NEEDED TO GO home and take a shower and wash the sweat and sunshine off of my skin, but I wasn’t in the mood to be alone, and the one person I wanted to be with was currently accompanied by the one person I never thought I would see again. That being the case, I headed to the one place where I knew there would be someone I could commiserate with and would feed me booze even on a mellow Monday afternoon.
The Bar was actually pretty busy considering it was still an hour or so before happy hour and Mondays weren’t generally big crowd days. The regulars were all lined up in their usual spots at the bar but there was also a group of younger guys gathered around the pool tables in the back that were being loud and ridiculously boisterous. Asa was watching them with careful eyes as I made a place for myself among the grizzled war vets that sat sentinel at the scarred bar top.
“They seem fun.” The sarcasm was heavy in my voice as Asa set a beer in front of me and narrowed his eyes even further as a chorus of hoots and hollers went up as Dixie dropped off a trayful of drinks.
“I don’t know where they wandered in from but I wish they would find their way back there.”
“You need a bouncer to keep the peace.”
“Rome used to handle most of the rowdies.” He snorted as I lifted my eyebrow at the twist on my name. “But with the baby and Cora, he isn’t here as much as he was before. I don’t have any problem cracking a head here or there, but I have a record, so I have to watch myself.”
“Hire someone to do it if Rome isn’t able to.”
He moved down the bar to make a round of drinks that Dixie called for and came back wiping his hands on the back of his jeans.
