There’s absolutely no shock factor to what he said. Part of me suspected that my mother more than likely run off with the money she made from the ring instead of paying her debt.
“Okay… What do you want me to do about it?” I ask, glancing around at the parking lot. There’s no one around, which isn’t an ideal situation. I can see the front desk clerk watching us through the window which eases my worry just a little.
“Well, I was hoping you could point me in the direction of your mother.” He pops a cigarette between his lips and strikes a match, lighting up old school.
“Sorry, but I haven’t seen her,” I reply coolly as Clara presses her rigid body against my back.
He takes a long drag from the cigarette, the smell of the smoke awakening my nicotine addiction. “That’s strange since your mother mentioned she saw you last night.”
“My mother’s a liar.” My voice is firm, despite my nerves being rattled. “You should know that.”
He sticks his hand out the window and grazes his thumb across the bottom of the cigarette, scattering ash to the ground. “That I do.” He pauses, and I hold my breath, praying he’ll leave. “Well, Jax,” he sits back in his seat, “it’s been a pleasure meeting you. I’m sure one day we’ll cross path’s again.” He starts to roll the window up, but pauses. “And if you do by chance hear from your mother, please let her know I’m looking for her. And remind her how determined of a man I am.” He grins one final time. Then the car drives off, kicking up a cloud of dirt behind it.
“Are you okay?” Clara asks, rushing in front of me.
I watch the car pull out onto the street. “You know what, I think I am. Whatever my mother’s done, it’s no longer my problem. I’m not going to worry about her anymore. I’m sick of getting involved and letting her try to ruin my life.”
“Good.” She grazes her finger across the inside of my wrist. “She may be your mother, but she’s a terrible person and you don’t owe her anything.
“I know.” I meet her caring gaze and my anger evaporates. “Are you ready to go home?”
She eagerly nods. “More than ready.”
Minutes later, we’re driving past the final gas station in town. I glance one last time in the rear view mirror, watching my past slip out of sight, knowing it’ll be the last time I ever see it.
I’m never coming back, I silently promise myself. No matter what.
As difficult as it is to say goodbye, I know it’s for the better. I allowed my guilt over leaving my mother gnaw at me for too long.
For the first time in forever, I’m able to breathe freer as I let my past go and head into the future.
The best part is, Clara’s at my side.
Chapter Seventeen
Clara
“I think this is about as high as I can go up,” I tell Jax, hugging the black vase that carries my father’s ashes.
“Are you sure?” He stands on a shallow ledge just above me, staring out at the sparse fields below us with his hands on his hips. He peers up at the pointed, sloped incline of the mountain behind us. “We could go higher if we need to.”
I shake my head and remove the lid from the vase. “I can’t go higher. I’m already experiencing vertigo.”
“Are you afraid of heights?” Jax asks, bounding down onto the small rock I’m standing on.
I nod with a shallow breath. “I actually am.”
The wind dances up from behind me and through my hair as I inch toward the ledge. It’s cold this high up on the mountains, even in May. I zip my jacket up to my chin while Jax steps back a ways to give me some privacy, which I appreciate.
“Hey, Dad,” I whisper as the breeze encompasses me and tears sting at my eyes. “It’s me, Clara, your Little Spitfire. I know I’ve been pretty absent, at last being the spitfire girl you knew, but I’m slowly getting there again, getting happy again. Mom’s doing… well, as okay as she can in the condition she’s in. I wish I could tell you she’s doing great, but I don’t think she’ll ever be in a place where she’s herself again. She does seem pretty happy, though, and Nelli’s helping me take care of her.” I shrug as I stare at the grassy field below.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get you up here.” I stretch my arms out with the vase grasped in my hand. “I hope you can finally have some peace now.” I slowly tip the vase and the ashes float forward with the wind and snow down to the land below. Tears drip from my eyes. “Goodbye, Daddy.”
I’m not sure how long I remain standing still, but eventually, Jax moves up beside me.
“Are you going to be all right?” he asks.
I utter one last goodbye then look up at Jax. His hair is sticking up and flattened on one side, and his cheeks are kissed pink from the wind.
“I will be. It’s good I did this, good he finally got to be where he wanted to be.”
Jax offers me a smile, and then we hike back down the hill to where the Jeep is parked. An hour later we’re on the main road again, heading east, heading home.
“Goodbye, Wyoming,” I singsong, cranking up “Creep” by Stone Temple Pilots. “I’m not going to miss you at all.” I slip my shoes off and relax back in the seat while Jax laughs at my made up song.
“I’m glad to see my hometown made a great impression on you,” he remarks, glancing down at the gauges. “I’m with you, though. I’m more than ready to get the hell out of here.”
“Okay… What do you want me to do about it?” I ask, glancing around at the parking lot. There’s no one around, which isn’t an ideal situation. I can see the front desk clerk watching us through the window which eases my worry just a little.
“Well, I was hoping you could point me in the direction of your mother.” He pops a cigarette between his lips and strikes a match, lighting up old school.
“Sorry, but I haven’t seen her,” I reply coolly as Clara presses her rigid body against my back.
He takes a long drag from the cigarette, the smell of the smoke awakening my nicotine addiction. “That’s strange since your mother mentioned she saw you last night.”
“My mother’s a liar.” My voice is firm, despite my nerves being rattled. “You should know that.”
He sticks his hand out the window and grazes his thumb across the bottom of the cigarette, scattering ash to the ground. “That I do.” He pauses, and I hold my breath, praying he’ll leave. “Well, Jax,” he sits back in his seat, “it’s been a pleasure meeting you. I’m sure one day we’ll cross path’s again.” He starts to roll the window up, but pauses. “And if you do by chance hear from your mother, please let her know I’m looking for her. And remind her how determined of a man I am.” He grins one final time. Then the car drives off, kicking up a cloud of dirt behind it.
“Are you okay?” Clara asks, rushing in front of me.
I watch the car pull out onto the street. “You know what, I think I am. Whatever my mother’s done, it’s no longer my problem. I’m not going to worry about her anymore. I’m sick of getting involved and letting her try to ruin my life.”
“Good.” She grazes her finger across the inside of my wrist. “She may be your mother, but she’s a terrible person and you don’t owe her anything.
“I know.” I meet her caring gaze and my anger evaporates. “Are you ready to go home?”
She eagerly nods. “More than ready.”
Minutes later, we’re driving past the final gas station in town. I glance one last time in the rear view mirror, watching my past slip out of sight, knowing it’ll be the last time I ever see it.
I’m never coming back, I silently promise myself. No matter what.
As difficult as it is to say goodbye, I know it’s for the better. I allowed my guilt over leaving my mother gnaw at me for too long.
For the first time in forever, I’m able to breathe freer as I let my past go and head into the future.
The best part is, Clara’s at my side.
Chapter Seventeen
Clara
“I think this is about as high as I can go up,” I tell Jax, hugging the black vase that carries my father’s ashes.
“Are you sure?” He stands on a shallow ledge just above me, staring out at the sparse fields below us with his hands on his hips. He peers up at the pointed, sloped incline of the mountain behind us. “We could go higher if we need to.”
I shake my head and remove the lid from the vase. “I can’t go higher. I’m already experiencing vertigo.”
“Are you afraid of heights?” Jax asks, bounding down onto the small rock I’m standing on.
I nod with a shallow breath. “I actually am.”
The wind dances up from behind me and through my hair as I inch toward the ledge. It’s cold this high up on the mountains, even in May. I zip my jacket up to my chin while Jax steps back a ways to give me some privacy, which I appreciate.
“Hey, Dad,” I whisper as the breeze encompasses me and tears sting at my eyes. “It’s me, Clara, your Little Spitfire. I know I’ve been pretty absent, at last being the spitfire girl you knew, but I’m slowly getting there again, getting happy again. Mom’s doing… well, as okay as she can in the condition she’s in. I wish I could tell you she’s doing great, but I don’t think she’ll ever be in a place where she’s herself again. She does seem pretty happy, though, and Nelli’s helping me take care of her.” I shrug as I stare at the grassy field below.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get you up here.” I stretch my arms out with the vase grasped in my hand. “I hope you can finally have some peace now.” I slowly tip the vase and the ashes float forward with the wind and snow down to the land below. Tears drip from my eyes. “Goodbye, Daddy.”
I’m not sure how long I remain standing still, but eventually, Jax moves up beside me.
“Are you going to be all right?” he asks.
I utter one last goodbye then look up at Jax. His hair is sticking up and flattened on one side, and his cheeks are kissed pink from the wind.
“I will be. It’s good I did this, good he finally got to be where he wanted to be.”
Jax offers me a smile, and then we hike back down the hill to where the Jeep is parked. An hour later we’re on the main road again, heading east, heading home.
“Goodbye, Wyoming,” I singsong, cranking up “Creep” by Stone Temple Pilots. “I’m not going to miss you at all.” I slip my shoes off and relax back in the seat while Jax laughs at my made up song.
“I’m glad to see my hometown made a great impression on you,” he remarks, glancing down at the gauges. “I’m with you, though. I’m more than ready to get the hell out of here.”
