This wasn’t Blaire’s fault. Why couldn’t Nan see that? This was like talking in circles. I reached out and pulled her into my arms. The little girl I had taken care of my entire life was looking at me through swollen eyes. I was all she had. “I’m sorry for yelling at you,” I told her, and she sobbed harder against my chest.
“I just . . . just . . . don’t understand,” she said.
Telling Nan that I was in love with Blaire wasn’t the answer to this. For starters, I hadn’t told Blaire I loved her, and I needed to tell her first. Second, Nan would lose her shit if I told her that. She could go from pitiful, sobbing mess to wild, insane tornado in a second. I had witnessed that more than once. “It isn’t about the sex. I’ve tried to tell you that Blaire isn’t to blame. I’ve tried explaining to you how she’s been wronged here, too. You aren’t the only victim. You shouldn’t hate someone who has suffered the way you have. I don’t understand why you can’t see that, Nan. I love you. I will always love you. You know that. But I can’t choose you over her. Not this time. This time, you’re asking for too much. I won’t give her up.”
Nan stilled in my arms. I wanted to hope that she was listening to me, that I was getting through to her, but I knew my sister. That would be too damn easy. It would take something much bigger to get her to give up a hatred she had held on to most of her life. “Why can’t you give her money and send her away?” Nan asked quietly as she leaned back from my embrace and crossed her arms over her chest defensively.
“Because I can’t let her go. She . . . she makes me happy, Nan.” I admitted that much to her.
Nan’s eyes flashed the anger I knew would ignite if she thought for a minute that I felt more for Blaire than I did for her. As f**ked up as that was, Nan expected to be my number one her entire life. She never considered what would happen if I fell in love one day. She was so desperate to be someone’s number one that she was determined to force it on me. “Because she’s a good f**k?” she said sourly.
I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath. Keeping my calm was important. Losing it with Nan again wouldn’t help anything. When I opened my eyes, I leveled my gaze on my sister. “Nan. Don’t do that again. Blaire is not a f**k for me. Get that through your head. She isn’t controlling me with sex. She’s more than that.”
Nan stiffened and turned her head to glare at the open door to Blaire’s room. “You don’t even know her. You just met her. Yet you want to choose her over me,” she spat.
“I do know her. I’ve been sharing a home with her for weeks now. I’ve been unable to keep my eyes off her. I’ve watched her. I’ve talked to her. I know her. She’s . . . God, Nan, she’s what makes me happy. Can’t you accept that? Let this thing with her go!”
Nan didn’t look at me or respond. The fight was done for now, but I knew I hadn’t won. She wasn’t over this.
We stood in silence for a few moments, and I waited for her to say something. Whatever she was deciding needed to be dealt with carefully. Nan held the power to ruin things for me. She could tell Blaire everything, and I’d lose. I couldn’t lose Blaire.
“I want to have friends over here tonight,” she said, swinging her gaze back to me.
Fine. She was going to force one of her parties on me. Typical Nan. She needed to know that I would still give in to her on some level. “OK,” I replied without argument. I would take Blaire up to my room, and we would be away from the crowd and noise.
Nan nodded, then turned and walked away. That was it. For now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I wasn’t in the mood for this, but I’d told Nan she could have her party. I should have expected she’d overdo it without me giving her any guidelines. I wasn’t drinking tonight. I intended to spend my night with Blaire. The guys may have been informed of the fact that Blaire was off-limits, but the females hadn’t accepted that I wasn’t available. I shook my head at another of Nan’s friends who was offering to give me a blow job right in front of everyone.
Grant’s eyes met mine over the crowd. He was kicked back on the sofa, with a girl I had said no to earlier half-sitting in his lap. He rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. I had asked him to come and monitor things tonight. I didn’t want interruptions. He had agreed, as long as he could stay in his usual room if one of the females piqued his interest.
I didn’t care what he did, as long as no one bothered Blaire and me. I nodded my head in the direction of the girl I had just sent away. If he wanted easy, adventurous sex, I was sure that one was a good choice.
He raised his eyebrows in interest and watched her saunter into the living room. I was going to head upstairs and wait for Blaire in her room. She shouldn’t be too much longer now.
“You going up?” Nan asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. Grant’s here if you need him.”
“What about her? Is she gonna stay up there, too?” Nan asked, trying to look like she didn’t care what Blaire did.
“Blaire will be with me. Good night, Nan. Enjoy your party” She spun on her heels and stalked toward the kitchen.
I turned to look back at Grant, and he just shook his head.
He knew Nan was giving me shit about Blaire. I could tell he wasn’t on board with the not-telling-Blaire idea. He thought I should tell her now before it went too far.
Problem with that was that I had already let it go too far.
Blaire’s room smelled like her already. I didn’t turn on the lights. I could see the moonlight on the Gulf better in the darkness. Sitting down on the end of her bed, I inhaled, trying to feed my hunger for her. She would be here any minute. But I was growing impatient. If I could get her to stop working and let me take care of her, I would, but I knew better than to suggest that. Blaire would throw a fit. I’d had to lie to her to get her to take the damn cell phone. She was still planning to pay me for the food in my kitchen. I was just going to find a way to put that back in her savings. Somehow. Stubborn woman wouldn’t take anything from me but my body. I grinned at that thought. I was more than willing to give her my body. She would also gladly accept my tongue. She had a thing for my tongue. The way her eyes danced with anticipation when she saw my piercing was so damn sexy .
I heard footsteps and turned to see Blaire enter the room. Both her hands flew to her mouth to cover a startled scream, which died the moment she realized it was me. I stood up and walked toward her. I couldn’t not touch her a moment longer.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” she replied, and then a frown tugged on her lips. “What are you doing in here?”
Where else would I be? “Waiting for you. I kinda thought that was obvious.”
She ducked her head to hide the pleased smile I still saw on her lips. “I can see that. But you have guests,” she said.
I had already forgotten they were here. My focus had been completely on her. “Not my guests. Trust me, I wanted an empty house,” I assured her, and cupped the side of her face. “Come upstairs with me. Please.”
She tossed her purse onto the bed, then slipped her hand into mine. “Lead the way.”
I managed to let her get to the top step before pulling her into my arms and pressing my lips to hers. All day, I had thought about how good she tasted and how I loved the feel of her tongue sliding against mine.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me back eagerly. The longing in her kiss matched mine, and I knew I had to stop now if I intended to have a talk with her tonight.
I tore myself away from her. “Talk. We are going to talk first. I want to see you smile and laugh. I want to know what your favorite show was when you were a kid and who made you cry at school and what boy band you hung posters of on your wall. Then I want you naked in my bed again,” I said.
She smiled and walked over to the sofa. Images of her naked on my large sectional flashed in my head, and I had to shake it to stop myself. Not the plan, Rush.
“Thirsty?” I asked, opening the fridge I kept in my room.
“Just some ice water would be nice.”
I started fixing her a glass of ice water and thinking about everything I wanted to know. Not how she looked when she came.
“Rugrats was my favorite show. Ken Norris made me cry at least once a week, but then he’d make Valerie cry, and I’d get mad and hurt him. My favorite and most successful attack was a swift kick to the balls. And, I’m ashamed to admit, the Backstreet Boys covered my walls.” Blaire had answered every question I had mentioned.
I handed her the water and sat beside her on the sofa. “Who’s Valerie?” I asked. She had never mentioned her friends. I assumed she didn’t have many because of her mom.
Blaire tensed up beside me, and my interest further intensified. Had Valerie hurt her? “Valerie was my twin sister. She died in a car accident four years ago. My dad was driving. A year later, he walked out of our lives and never returned. Mom said we had to forgive him, because he couldn’t live with the fact that he’d been driving the car that killed Valerie. I always wanted to believe her. Even when he didn’t come to Mom’s funeral, I wanted to believe he just couldn’t face it. So I forgave him. I didn’t hate him or let bitterness and hate control me. But I came here, and . . . well, you know. I guess Mom was wrong.”
Shit. Holy shit. My stomach felt sick. I leaned back on the sofa and put my arm around her. I wanted to pull her into my lap and console her. Tell her I’d do anything she asked to make this better. To fix this. To change the past, I would move heaven and hell. But I couldn’t do that. So I said all I could say. “I had no idea you had a twin sister.” That was a lie. I had known. But it was so easy to forget that the girl I knew these facts about was the same woman I was completely in love with. The one who suffered from what I had done.
“We were identical. You couldn’t tell us apart. We had a lot of fun with that at school and with boys. Only Cain could tell us apart.”
I slipped my hand into her hair and played with the silky strands. “How long did your parents know each other before they married?” I asked. I wanted to hear it from her. There was so much truth I was afraid I didn’t know. So many lies I had believed.
“It was a love-at-first-sight kind of thing. Mom was visiting a friend of hers in Atlanta. Dad had recently broken up with her friend, and he came around one night when Mom was at her friend’s apartment alone. Her friend was a little wild, from what my mom said. Dad took one look at Mom, and he was sunk. I can’t blame him. My mom was gorgeous. She had my color hair, but she had the biggest green eyes. They were like jewels, almost, and she was fun. You were happy just to be near her. Nothing ever got her down. She smiled through everything. The only time I saw her cry was when she was told about Valerie. She crumpled to the floor and wailed that day. It would have frightened me if I hadn’t felt the same way. It was like part of my soul had been ripped out.” Blaire stopped, and I felt her quick intake of breath. I couldn’t imagine losing Nan or Grant. Yet she’d lost her twin. Then her father. Then her mother. My chest constricted in pain.
I held her against me. “I’m so sorry, Blaire. I had no idea.”
Blaire turned her head up and pressed her lips to mine hungrily.
She was seeking comfort, and this was the only way she knew how to get it from me. I wanted her to know that she could climb into my arms, and that I’d hold her tight whenever she needed me. But I couldn’t say that right now. Not yet.
“I love them. I will always love them, but I’m OK now. They’re together. They have each other,” she said, pulling back from the kiss. She was trying to make me feel better. She had lost them, and she was trying to comfort me about it.
“Who do you have?” I asked, feeling more emotion than I’d ever felt in my life.
“I have me. I found out three years ago, when my mom got sick, that as long as I held on to me and didn’t forget who I was, I’d always be OK,” she said with determination.
I couldn’t breathe. Fuck that. I didn’t deserve to breathe.
She was so damn strong. She had faced hell, and she was still finding reasons to smile. She didn’t think she needed anyone. But God, I needed her. I wasn’t as strong as she was. I didn’t deserve her. But I wasn’t a good guy. I would never do the right thing and stop this, because I wouldn’t be able to physically watch her walk away. Panic and desperation settled in my chest.
“I need you. Right now. Let me love you right here, please,” I begged her. I was ready to plead. This wasn’t right. She needed someone to listen to her and hold her, but here I was begging her to take care of me.
Blaire pulled her shirt off and reached for mine. I lifted my arms and let her take it off me. I liked having her undress me. Reaching behind her, I unsnapped her bra and threw it aside. Cupping her full br**sts in my hands, I let their heaviness fill my palms.
“You are so f**king unbelievably gorgeous. Inside and out,” I told her. “As much as I don’t deserve it, I want to be buried inside you. I can’t wait. I just need to get as close to you as I can get.”
Blaire moved away from me, causing her br**sts to sway and bounce. My mouth watered, and my palms itched to reach out and squeeze them. Fondle their perfect satin plumpness in my hands again. Then she started taking off her shoes. My eyes fell to her hands, which were now working on the button on her shorts. She was stripping for me. No bashfulness about her body like this morning. I wasn’t going to have to coax her clothes off again.
She shimmied and stepped out of her shorts, and I was pretty sure I was panting loudly.
“I just . . . just . . . don’t understand,” she said.
Telling Nan that I was in love with Blaire wasn’t the answer to this. For starters, I hadn’t told Blaire I loved her, and I needed to tell her first. Second, Nan would lose her shit if I told her that. She could go from pitiful, sobbing mess to wild, insane tornado in a second. I had witnessed that more than once. “It isn’t about the sex. I’ve tried to tell you that Blaire isn’t to blame. I’ve tried explaining to you how she’s been wronged here, too. You aren’t the only victim. You shouldn’t hate someone who has suffered the way you have. I don’t understand why you can’t see that, Nan. I love you. I will always love you. You know that. But I can’t choose you over her. Not this time. This time, you’re asking for too much. I won’t give her up.”
Nan stilled in my arms. I wanted to hope that she was listening to me, that I was getting through to her, but I knew my sister. That would be too damn easy. It would take something much bigger to get her to give up a hatred she had held on to most of her life. “Why can’t you give her money and send her away?” Nan asked quietly as she leaned back from my embrace and crossed her arms over her chest defensively.
“Because I can’t let her go. She . . . she makes me happy, Nan.” I admitted that much to her.
Nan’s eyes flashed the anger I knew would ignite if she thought for a minute that I felt more for Blaire than I did for her. As f**ked up as that was, Nan expected to be my number one her entire life. She never considered what would happen if I fell in love one day. She was so desperate to be someone’s number one that she was determined to force it on me. “Because she’s a good f**k?” she said sourly.
I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath. Keeping my calm was important. Losing it with Nan again wouldn’t help anything. When I opened my eyes, I leveled my gaze on my sister. “Nan. Don’t do that again. Blaire is not a f**k for me. Get that through your head. She isn’t controlling me with sex. She’s more than that.”
Nan stiffened and turned her head to glare at the open door to Blaire’s room. “You don’t even know her. You just met her. Yet you want to choose her over me,” she spat.
“I do know her. I’ve been sharing a home with her for weeks now. I’ve been unable to keep my eyes off her. I’ve watched her. I’ve talked to her. I know her. She’s . . . God, Nan, she’s what makes me happy. Can’t you accept that? Let this thing with her go!”
Nan didn’t look at me or respond. The fight was done for now, but I knew I hadn’t won. She wasn’t over this.
We stood in silence for a few moments, and I waited for her to say something. Whatever she was deciding needed to be dealt with carefully. Nan held the power to ruin things for me. She could tell Blaire everything, and I’d lose. I couldn’t lose Blaire.
“I want to have friends over here tonight,” she said, swinging her gaze back to me.
Fine. She was going to force one of her parties on me. Typical Nan. She needed to know that I would still give in to her on some level. “OK,” I replied without argument. I would take Blaire up to my room, and we would be away from the crowd and noise.
Nan nodded, then turned and walked away. That was it. For now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I wasn’t in the mood for this, but I’d told Nan she could have her party. I should have expected she’d overdo it without me giving her any guidelines. I wasn’t drinking tonight. I intended to spend my night with Blaire. The guys may have been informed of the fact that Blaire was off-limits, but the females hadn’t accepted that I wasn’t available. I shook my head at another of Nan’s friends who was offering to give me a blow job right in front of everyone.
Grant’s eyes met mine over the crowd. He was kicked back on the sofa, with a girl I had said no to earlier half-sitting in his lap. He rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. I had asked him to come and monitor things tonight. I didn’t want interruptions. He had agreed, as long as he could stay in his usual room if one of the females piqued his interest.
I didn’t care what he did, as long as no one bothered Blaire and me. I nodded my head in the direction of the girl I had just sent away. If he wanted easy, adventurous sex, I was sure that one was a good choice.
He raised his eyebrows in interest and watched her saunter into the living room. I was going to head upstairs and wait for Blaire in her room. She shouldn’t be too much longer now.
“You going up?” Nan asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. Grant’s here if you need him.”
“What about her? Is she gonna stay up there, too?” Nan asked, trying to look like she didn’t care what Blaire did.
“Blaire will be with me. Good night, Nan. Enjoy your party” She spun on her heels and stalked toward the kitchen.
I turned to look back at Grant, and he just shook his head.
He knew Nan was giving me shit about Blaire. I could tell he wasn’t on board with the not-telling-Blaire idea. He thought I should tell her now before it went too far.
Problem with that was that I had already let it go too far.
Blaire’s room smelled like her already. I didn’t turn on the lights. I could see the moonlight on the Gulf better in the darkness. Sitting down on the end of her bed, I inhaled, trying to feed my hunger for her. She would be here any minute. But I was growing impatient. If I could get her to stop working and let me take care of her, I would, but I knew better than to suggest that. Blaire would throw a fit. I’d had to lie to her to get her to take the damn cell phone. She was still planning to pay me for the food in my kitchen. I was just going to find a way to put that back in her savings. Somehow. Stubborn woman wouldn’t take anything from me but my body. I grinned at that thought. I was more than willing to give her my body. She would also gladly accept my tongue. She had a thing for my tongue. The way her eyes danced with anticipation when she saw my piercing was so damn sexy .
I heard footsteps and turned to see Blaire enter the room. Both her hands flew to her mouth to cover a startled scream, which died the moment she realized it was me. I stood up and walked toward her. I couldn’t not touch her a moment longer.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” she replied, and then a frown tugged on her lips. “What are you doing in here?”
Where else would I be? “Waiting for you. I kinda thought that was obvious.”
She ducked her head to hide the pleased smile I still saw on her lips. “I can see that. But you have guests,” she said.
I had already forgotten they were here. My focus had been completely on her. “Not my guests. Trust me, I wanted an empty house,” I assured her, and cupped the side of her face. “Come upstairs with me. Please.”
She tossed her purse onto the bed, then slipped her hand into mine. “Lead the way.”
I managed to let her get to the top step before pulling her into my arms and pressing my lips to hers. All day, I had thought about how good she tasted and how I loved the feel of her tongue sliding against mine.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me back eagerly. The longing in her kiss matched mine, and I knew I had to stop now if I intended to have a talk with her tonight.
I tore myself away from her. “Talk. We are going to talk first. I want to see you smile and laugh. I want to know what your favorite show was when you were a kid and who made you cry at school and what boy band you hung posters of on your wall. Then I want you naked in my bed again,” I said.
She smiled and walked over to the sofa. Images of her naked on my large sectional flashed in my head, and I had to shake it to stop myself. Not the plan, Rush.
“Thirsty?” I asked, opening the fridge I kept in my room.
“Just some ice water would be nice.”
I started fixing her a glass of ice water and thinking about everything I wanted to know. Not how she looked when she came.
“Rugrats was my favorite show. Ken Norris made me cry at least once a week, but then he’d make Valerie cry, and I’d get mad and hurt him. My favorite and most successful attack was a swift kick to the balls. And, I’m ashamed to admit, the Backstreet Boys covered my walls.” Blaire had answered every question I had mentioned.
I handed her the water and sat beside her on the sofa. “Who’s Valerie?” I asked. She had never mentioned her friends. I assumed she didn’t have many because of her mom.
Blaire tensed up beside me, and my interest further intensified. Had Valerie hurt her? “Valerie was my twin sister. She died in a car accident four years ago. My dad was driving. A year later, he walked out of our lives and never returned. Mom said we had to forgive him, because he couldn’t live with the fact that he’d been driving the car that killed Valerie. I always wanted to believe her. Even when he didn’t come to Mom’s funeral, I wanted to believe he just couldn’t face it. So I forgave him. I didn’t hate him or let bitterness and hate control me. But I came here, and . . . well, you know. I guess Mom was wrong.”
Shit. Holy shit. My stomach felt sick. I leaned back on the sofa and put my arm around her. I wanted to pull her into my lap and console her. Tell her I’d do anything she asked to make this better. To fix this. To change the past, I would move heaven and hell. But I couldn’t do that. So I said all I could say. “I had no idea you had a twin sister.” That was a lie. I had known. But it was so easy to forget that the girl I knew these facts about was the same woman I was completely in love with. The one who suffered from what I had done.
“We were identical. You couldn’t tell us apart. We had a lot of fun with that at school and with boys. Only Cain could tell us apart.”
I slipped my hand into her hair and played with the silky strands. “How long did your parents know each other before they married?” I asked. I wanted to hear it from her. There was so much truth I was afraid I didn’t know. So many lies I had believed.
“It was a love-at-first-sight kind of thing. Mom was visiting a friend of hers in Atlanta. Dad had recently broken up with her friend, and he came around one night when Mom was at her friend’s apartment alone. Her friend was a little wild, from what my mom said. Dad took one look at Mom, and he was sunk. I can’t blame him. My mom was gorgeous. She had my color hair, but she had the biggest green eyes. They were like jewels, almost, and she was fun. You were happy just to be near her. Nothing ever got her down. She smiled through everything. The only time I saw her cry was when she was told about Valerie. She crumpled to the floor and wailed that day. It would have frightened me if I hadn’t felt the same way. It was like part of my soul had been ripped out.” Blaire stopped, and I felt her quick intake of breath. I couldn’t imagine losing Nan or Grant. Yet she’d lost her twin. Then her father. Then her mother. My chest constricted in pain.
I held her against me. “I’m so sorry, Blaire. I had no idea.”
Blaire turned her head up and pressed her lips to mine hungrily.
She was seeking comfort, and this was the only way she knew how to get it from me. I wanted her to know that she could climb into my arms, and that I’d hold her tight whenever she needed me. But I couldn’t say that right now. Not yet.
“I love them. I will always love them, but I’m OK now. They’re together. They have each other,” she said, pulling back from the kiss. She was trying to make me feel better. She had lost them, and she was trying to comfort me about it.
“Who do you have?” I asked, feeling more emotion than I’d ever felt in my life.
“I have me. I found out three years ago, when my mom got sick, that as long as I held on to me and didn’t forget who I was, I’d always be OK,” she said with determination.
I couldn’t breathe. Fuck that. I didn’t deserve to breathe.
She was so damn strong. She had faced hell, and she was still finding reasons to smile. She didn’t think she needed anyone. But God, I needed her. I wasn’t as strong as she was. I didn’t deserve her. But I wasn’t a good guy. I would never do the right thing and stop this, because I wouldn’t be able to physically watch her walk away. Panic and desperation settled in my chest.
“I need you. Right now. Let me love you right here, please,” I begged her. I was ready to plead. This wasn’t right. She needed someone to listen to her and hold her, but here I was begging her to take care of me.
Blaire pulled her shirt off and reached for mine. I lifted my arms and let her take it off me. I liked having her undress me. Reaching behind her, I unsnapped her bra and threw it aside. Cupping her full br**sts in my hands, I let their heaviness fill my palms.
“You are so f**king unbelievably gorgeous. Inside and out,” I told her. “As much as I don’t deserve it, I want to be buried inside you. I can’t wait. I just need to get as close to you as I can get.”
Blaire moved away from me, causing her br**sts to sway and bounce. My mouth watered, and my palms itched to reach out and squeeze them. Fondle their perfect satin plumpness in my hands again. Then she started taking off her shoes. My eyes fell to her hands, which were now working on the button on her shorts. She was stripping for me. No bashfulness about her body like this morning. I wasn’t going to have to coax her clothes off again.
She shimmied and stepped out of her shorts, and I was pretty sure I was panting loudly.
