Rushing the Goal
Page 149
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“I didn’t mean what I said to you. You don’t deserve that. I’m sorry. You know I hate handouts. I’m just so fucking scared, so mad at Rick, not you. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“I know, baby,” he whispered against her head as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. “It’s going to be okay. But I won’t lie, Lucy, you almost broke my heart there. You really need to think before you speak.”
She nodded against his chest, moving her nose against him as she hugged him tighter, almost like she didn’t want him to let her go. He wouldn’t. Not every man could deal with her tantrums, but then not every woman could deal with the shit she dealt with daily. If he couldn’t love her through her hard times, why should he be allowed to love her during her good ones? So he would cut her a little slack. It wasn’t easy for her right now, but it would be soon.
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
“Forgiven.”
“I don’t deserve that forgiveness,” she whispered and he kissed her nose. “I just hate how I feel so helpless. I never needed anyone. Not my dad, not a man, but now I need him and I fucking need you. I’m starting to need you to keep me grounded. I’m used to being so independent, only worrying about Angie. But you…I can’t let anything hurt you or mess up what we have.” She paused, sucking in a breath as a sob burst from her. “I want him to go away so it can just be us. So you can one day be Angie’s dad. I just have so many fucking feelings and I hate them. I hate feeling like this.”
“Do you want to go back to the way it was before?” he asked, and she looked up at him. “Lonely, only worried about Angie? ’Cause I sure as hell don’t want that for you. I love you. I don’t want anything but for you to be happy.”
She shook her head. “For once in my life, I don’t have to fake like I’m happy or force myself to feel that way. When I’m with you, I’m just blissful and I feel like nothing can touch me. So, no, I don’t want to go back to my life before, because that life wasn’t something I wanted. You are something I want in my life.”
Looking deep into her eyes as they swam in her tears, he smiled. She didn’t share much, but when she did, it hit him straight in the gut. “Then why are we still talking? Kiss me.”
She cried out before his mouth came crashing against hers, and he got lost in her kisses as he held her close, his heart pounding in his chest. He knew this wasn’t easy now, and while he hoped, in two weeks, Rick would be gone, he knew he wouldn’t be.
No, Rick would always be a thorn in their sides.
But like he had been doing since the beginning, he’d be there for Lucy.
Because he loved her, and he knew there was no other love like hers out there.
Sitting at her desk, Lucy leaned against her hand as she read through emails. She was supposed to be at the house packing, so when Benji got home that night, they could meet him before heading to the airport. But Lucy was dragging ass. Not only had she not slept much that weekend with Angie and Benji both being gone, she was stressed with work. The other designer had fucked up on a job and Lucy had had to refund the client, which sucked ass. Now, she was considering letting Meg go and hiring someone else, but she had three open jobs right now. Lucy sure as hell didn’t have time to take them on, so she’d have to let Meg finish them.
Then maybe she’d fire her.
It was a mess, and she couldn’t wait to be on the beach. While, yes, she would be working, she would also get to just hang and bum it in the sun. A nice, relaxing vacation before court with Rick the following week. It was just what she needed. Surrounded by the people she loved with her toes in the sand. Glancing at the picture on her desk of Angie and Benji, of course, making silly faces—she swore they couldn’t take a picture of themselves actually looking normal—she smiled. Even though Angie was only at school, she missed her dearly.
The past weekend had been hell once more. Rick had brought Heidi, for what reason, she wasn’t sure, but she stood by as Angie threw a fit, not wanting to go at all. Angie begged him not to make her, but he was hell-bent and made her leave, ignoring her bag with her medication. Even when Lucy tried to give it to him, he just drove off. Lucy had always hated him, but she was really starting to loathe him, and she really didn’t like that.
She wanted that co-parenting thing that everyone on Facebook raved about. She had never even had an ounce of that. Rick had been a dick since the beginning, but Lucy had wanted to believe that maybe she could have that. That they could be adults. She had hoped he wanted to be a father, a good one, but she was starting to realize that Rick Hart would never be a father to Angie.
But Benji could be.
She knew it was insane to think about it, but he was just so great with her. Yes, the bank account thing pissed her off, but it was sweet. It was Benji. Always wanting to help, be there for everyone. But his main concern was always Lucy and Angie. He loved her girl as much, if not more than she did—not that that was possible—and she couldn’t ask for more than that. Because Benji didn’t have to love Angie. Hell, Heidi sure as hell didn’t love her, but Benji did. With all of himself.
God, she missed him. She couldn’t understand how she’d gotten so lucky to meet a man like him. But she loved him more than she could ever express. The way he understood her, was so patient with her—she swore he deserved a medal. She sure as hell didn’t deserve him, but somehow, she had him.
“I know, baby,” he whispered against her head as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. “It’s going to be okay. But I won’t lie, Lucy, you almost broke my heart there. You really need to think before you speak.”
She nodded against his chest, moving her nose against him as she hugged him tighter, almost like she didn’t want him to let her go. He wouldn’t. Not every man could deal with her tantrums, but then not every woman could deal with the shit she dealt with daily. If he couldn’t love her through her hard times, why should he be allowed to love her during her good ones? So he would cut her a little slack. It wasn’t easy for her right now, but it would be soon.
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
“Forgiven.”
“I don’t deserve that forgiveness,” she whispered and he kissed her nose. “I just hate how I feel so helpless. I never needed anyone. Not my dad, not a man, but now I need him and I fucking need you. I’m starting to need you to keep me grounded. I’m used to being so independent, only worrying about Angie. But you…I can’t let anything hurt you or mess up what we have.” She paused, sucking in a breath as a sob burst from her. “I want him to go away so it can just be us. So you can one day be Angie’s dad. I just have so many fucking feelings and I hate them. I hate feeling like this.”
“Do you want to go back to the way it was before?” he asked, and she looked up at him. “Lonely, only worried about Angie? ’Cause I sure as hell don’t want that for you. I love you. I don’t want anything but for you to be happy.”
She shook her head. “For once in my life, I don’t have to fake like I’m happy or force myself to feel that way. When I’m with you, I’m just blissful and I feel like nothing can touch me. So, no, I don’t want to go back to my life before, because that life wasn’t something I wanted. You are something I want in my life.”
Looking deep into her eyes as they swam in her tears, he smiled. She didn’t share much, but when she did, it hit him straight in the gut. “Then why are we still talking? Kiss me.”
She cried out before his mouth came crashing against hers, and he got lost in her kisses as he held her close, his heart pounding in his chest. He knew this wasn’t easy now, and while he hoped, in two weeks, Rick would be gone, he knew he wouldn’t be.
No, Rick would always be a thorn in their sides.
But like he had been doing since the beginning, he’d be there for Lucy.
Because he loved her, and he knew there was no other love like hers out there.
Sitting at her desk, Lucy leaned against her hand as she read through emails. She was supposed to be at the house packing, so when Benji got home that night, they could meet him before heading to the airport. But Lucy was dragging ass. Not only had she not slept much that weekend with Angie and Benji both being gone, she was stressed with work. The other designer had fucked up on a job and Lucy had had to refund the client, which sucked ass. Now, she was considering letting Meg go and hiring someone else, but she had three open jobs right now. Lucy sure as hell didn’t have time to take them on, so she’d have to let Meg finish them.
Then maybe she’d fire her.
It was a mess, and she couldn’t wait to be on the beach. While, yes, she would be working, she would also get to just hang and bum it in the sun. A nice, relaxing vacation before court with Rick the following week. It was just what she needed. Surrounded by the people she loved with her toes in the sand. Glancing at the picture on her desk of Angie and Benji, of course, making silly faces—she swore they couldn’t take a picture of themselves actually looking normal—she smiled. Even though Angie was only at school, she missed her dearly.
The past weekend had been hell once more. Rick had brought Heidi, for what reason, she wasn’t sure, but she stood by as Angie threw a fit, not wanting to go at all. Angie begged him not to make her, but he was hell-bent and made her leave, ignoring her bag with her medication. Even when Lucy tried to give it to him, he just drove off. Lucy had always hated him, but she was really starting to loathe him, and she really didn’t like that.
She wanted that co-parenting thing that everyone on Facebook raved about. She had never even had an ounce of that. Rick had been a dick since the beginning, but Lucy had wanted to believe that maybe she could have that. That they could be adults. She had hoped he wanted to be a father, a good one, but she was starting to realize that Rick Hart would never be a father to Angie.
But Benji could be.
She knew it was insane to think about it, but he was just so great with her. Yes, the bank account thing pissed her off, but it was sweet. It was Benji. Always wanting to help, be there for everyone. But his main concern was always Lucy and Angie. He loved her girl as much, if not more than she did—not that that was possible—and she couldn’t ask for more than that. Because Benji didn’t have to love Angie. Hell, Heidi sure as hell didn’t love her, but Benji did. With all of himself.
God, she missed him. She couldn’t understand how she’d gotten so lucky to meet a man like him. But she loved him more than she could ever express. The way he understood her, was so patient with her—she swore he deserved a medal. She sure as hell didn’t deserve him, but somehow, she had him.
