Sacrifice of Love
Page 2
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Coming back to the present, Fane climbed out of bed and staggered a bit. His limbs felt stiff and tight from the intensity of the dream and it took a few steps before he felt them loosen. He went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face but avoided looking in the mirror. He didnt want to see what stared back at him.
When he came back into the bedroom, he stopped abruptly in midstep when he saw Sally sitting in one of the chairs that was in the small sitting area.
Does your mate know you are in another mans room? he asked dryly as he altered his course to the closet and grabbed a shirt. He slipped it over his head and then rejoined Sally though he did not take a seat.
He does, though he is not happy that I did not allow him to come with me. Sally stared at him as if he were a new species of bug that needed examining. He stared right back. He felt his wolf stir and had to push him down. Sally stood and walked over to him. He tensed but didnt move. She slowly lifted her hand and placed it on his chest and he watched as she closed her eyes. He wanted to push her away and growl at her for thinking she had a right to touch him, but then, she was a healer and it was, therefore, her right.
He tried to keep the walls in his mind up but Sally was strong and she pushed through with little effort. He waited for her to see what he had become and then run screaming from the room. He felt her presence, but it wasnt the same as the mate bond. There was no intimacy involved, and yet, at the same time, he felt very vulnerable. She stepped back as her hand dropped and her eyes opened. She met his gaze and her face became stern.
She could help, she told him firmly, but her words were gentle.
At what cost to herself? he asked.
It is her right to sacrifice for you. Just as much as it is your right, she continued before he could speak. Its spreading inside of you like a disease and eventually your wolf will take over. The wolf taking over, all instinct, without any of the reasoning of the man would be a very, very bad thing. Though, the fact that you are not in control might actually be worse. You know this and still you hold back. She is aching and empty because of your refusal to allow her to be what you need.
You saw what happened? he asked, knowing she would understand that he was asking her about his memories.
She nodded.
You saw who touched her, who she willingly allowed, and yet that doesnt anger you? his voice dropped to a growl.
It wasnt real, Fane. It was a curse that fed our deepest fears. She has suffered enough and you are causing her more pain than the curse did. You have to find a way to let it go. You need her and she needs you. If you cant talk to her right now, then talk to someone because you are on a war path to self-destruction, and if you lose this battle, it wont only beJacque who suffers.
He watched as Sally walked from his room closing the door gently behind her. He knew what she said was true. He had to fix this mess he had created. He needed his mate, needed her like a drowning man needed air. Sally spoke of Jacquelyn aching and his gut plunged to the ground. He knew that ache. It was his constant companion as well. His arms longed to hold her. His wolf needed to possess her, and he needed to love herto show her how desperately he loved her.
He didnt know if he had pushed her too far or if she would forgive him. He didnt know how to tell her about the madness inside of him. He didnt know how to bear his weaknesses and shame to her, but he knew that if he didnt he would destroy them both.
Love, we need to talk, he sent through their bond and pushed so that it penetrated the wall she was keeping between them. He felt her shock, and then the utter despair that filled her, rush through to him. Please, Jacquelyn, come back so we can talk.
He held his breath waiting for her answer, praying it wasnt too late.
Its about damn time, she growled at him.
He nearly fell to his knees and wept as she reminded him of who she was. She was his and she wasnt giving up on him.
No Im not giving up on you, but I just might kill you. She was coming to him; he could feel her getting closer.
If dying by your hand means I can feel your touch, then you can kill me a thousand times, he knew his words sounded as fraught as he felt.
Dont tempt me.
Fane growled as he felt the pain inside of her at the mention of touch. It had been so long since theyd touched and it was his fault.
Im going to fix this, Luna, though I fear how you will look at me once you know everything. But Im so empty without you and the darkness is beginning to drive my wolf mad. He growls for you and I can barely hold him back from snatching you and begging you not to leave. I need you but more than that, I want you.
He knew that is what she needed to hear. She had felt like he didnt want her anymore and that she was no longer worthy to be his mate. The door slammed open as she rushed inside and threw herself into his arms. Fane buried his face in her neck and breathed deep. Her scent rushed into his lungs and for the first time in weeks he felt as though he could breath. He held her close and shuddered when her fingers twined in his hair.
Im sorry, he whispered against her hair, Im so, so sorry.
Jacque bit her lip as she tried to hold back the tears. She knew they were a long way from okay, but they were a step in the right direction. She knew there were going to be many fights ahead, but she also knew that meant lots of making up as well.
When he came back into the bedroom, he stopped abruptly in midstep when he saw Sally sitting in one of the chairs that was in the small sitting area.
Does your mate know you are in another mans room? he asked dryly as he altered his course to the closet and grabbed a shirt. He slipped it over his head and then rejoined Sally though he did not take a seat.
He does, though he is not happy that I did not allow him to come with me. Sally stared at him as if he were a new species of bug that needed examining. He stared right back. He felt his wolf stir and had to push him down. Sally stood and walked over to him. He tensed but didnt move. She slowly lifted her hand and placed it on his chest and he watched as she closed her eyes. He wanted to push her away and growl at her for thinking she had a right to touch him, but then, she was a healer and it was, therefore, her right.
He tried to keep the walls in his mind up but Sally was strong and she pushed through with little effort. He waited for her to see what he had become and then run screaming from the room. He felt her presence, but it wasnt the same as the mate bond. There was no intimacy involved, and yet, at the same time, he felt very vulnerable. She stepped back as her hand dropped and her eyes opened. She met his gaze and her face became stern.
She could help, she told him firmly, but her words were gentle.
At what cost to herself? he asked.
It is her right to sacrifice for you. Just as much as it is your right, she continued before he could speak. Its spreading inside of you like a disease and eventually your wolf will take over. The wolf taking over, all instinct, without any of the reasoning of the man would be a very, very bad thing. Though, the fact that you are not in control might actually be worse. You know this and still you hold back. She is aching and empty because of your refusal to allow her to be what you need.
You saw what happened? he asked, knowing she would understand that he was asking her about his memories.
She nodded.
You saw who touched her, who she willingly allowed, and yet that doesnt anger you? his voice dropped to a growl.
It wasnt real, Fane. It was a curse that fed our deepest fears. She has suffered enough and you are causing her more pain than the curse did. You have to find a way to let it go. You need her and she needs you. If you cant talk to her right now, then talk to someone because you are on a war path to self-destruction, and if you lose this battle, it wont only beJacque who suffers.
He watched as Sally walked from his room closing the door gently behind her. He knew what she said was true. He had to fix this mess he had created. He needed his mate, needed her like a drowning man needed air. Sally spoke of Jacquelyn aching and his gut plunged to the ground. He knew that ache. It was his constant companion as well. His arms longed to hold her. His wolf needed to possess her, and he needed to love herto show her how desperately he loved her.
He didnt know if he had pushed her too far or if she would forgive him. He didnt know how to tell her about the madness inside of him. He didnt know how to bear his weaknesses and shame to her, but he knew that if he didnt he would destroy them both.
Love, we need to talk, he sent through their bond and pushed so that it penetrated the wall she was keeping between them. He felt her shock, and then the utter despair that filled her, rush through to him. Please, Jacquelyn, come back so we can talk.
He held his breath waiting for her answer, praying it wasnt too late.
Its about damn time, she growled at him.
He nearly fell to his knees and wept as she reminded him of who she was. She was his and she wasnt giving up on him.
No Im not giving up on you, but I just might kill you. She was coming to him; he could feel her getting closer.
If dying by your hand means I can feel your touch, then you can kill me a thousand times, he knew his words sounded as fraught as he felt.
Dont tempt me.
Fane growled as he felt the pain inside of her at the mention of touch. It had been so long since theyd touched and it was his fault.
Im going to fix this, Luna, though I fear how you will look at me once you know everything. But Im so empty without you and the darkness is beginning to drive my wolf mad. He growls for you and I can barely hold him back from snatching you and begging you not to leave. I need you but more than that, I want you.
He knew that is what she needed to hear. She had felt like he didnt want her anymore and that she was no longer worthy to be his mate. The door slammed open as she rushed inside and threw herself into his arms. Fane buried his face in her neck and breathed deep. Her scent rushed into his lungs and for the first time in weeks he felt as though he could breath. He held her close and shuddered when her fingers twined in his hair.
Im sorry, he whispered against her hair, Im so, so sorry.
Jacque bit her lip as she tried to hold back the tears. She knew they were a long way from okay, but they were a step in the right direction. She knew there were going to be many fights ahead, but she also knew that meant lots of making up as well.
