I’d spent every second since Oliver had pulled that trigger making sure no one ever got close enough to hurt me physically or emotionally. I was determined to make myself unbreakable and unmovable. I wanted to be strong and definite like Salem was. I wanted to be untouchable and unattainable like Sayer was. But I wasn’t. I was still too soft, too easily wounded. My armor was made of feathers and fluff and all it took was that voice on the other end of the phone to pierce right through it. If Wheeler hadn’t shown up when he did, I would still be wandering up and down the streets calling Happy’s name, and he was right: I would have been frozen and of no use to anyone because I couldn’t think. That phone call had launched me right back to a place I never wanted to be again, and instead of facing it head-on and confronting my fear, I let it overwhelm me and cripple me … just like I always did. Fear was familiar and it was far too easy to let it take over all the other things I’d allowed myself to feel as I moved on from my abduction and attack.
Happy started to playfully growl and jump around in front of my face, pawing at my hair and butting his soft head against my chin. I had no clue how long we had been curled up in bed but I bet it was long enough that the puppy needed another trip outside. He was ready to play but it was well past both of our bedtimes. I didn’t want to wake Wheeler up but he had me pinned tightly to his front. I could feel his chest rising and falling steadily behind me and there was no give in the iron band of his arm where it rested firmly across my middle. I was also lying on one of the sleeves of his coveralls, I could feel the snaps digging into my legs, which, now that I was awake, was totally uncomfortable.
I shifted my hips and moved my legs, the initial warmth I’d felt when I woke up now spreading to other, more intimate parts of my anatomy. I was sure the flush on my face was visible even in the pitch-blackness and the silence surrounding us made the sounds of my breaths rushing in and out between my parted lips obscenely loud. Wheeler made a noise behind me and his hold around my waist tightened and then immediately loosened. I was going to roll away from him so I could get Happy off the bed before he made any more noise, but before I could Wheeler’s tattooed hands reached around me and plucked the little dog off the pillow, where he was now chasing shadows across the fabric.
“I’ll take him outside and then set him up in the kitchen for the night. You go back to sleep.” His voice was rough and groggy and there was no room in it for argument. I had to sit up and scoot over to free the part of his coveralls I was lying on and he grunted a little when he was finally free to stand up. “Sorry for crawling into bed with you still in my work clothes. If I got anything dirty let me know and I’ll replace it.”
He scratched Happy behind the ears and set him on the floor so he could pull his discarded boots back onto his feet. I stared at his back, eyes tracking the way his plain T-shirt stretched across the span of his wide shoulders. I pulled my knees up, wrapped my arms around them, and rested my cheek on the bony surface as I continued to watch him. When he lifted his arms up over his head to work the kinks out of those long and lean muscles, I couldn’t hold back a sigh. He turned his head to look at me over his shoulder and I told him truthfully, “You can ruin every single set of sheets I have. You showed up and cleaned up a mess I made that was way more difficult to deal with than a few grease spots. If you can clean up after me, I have no problem cleaning up after you.”
He turned back to the bed, hands on his hips, and I noticed that the collar of his T-shirt was ripped and that fabric was hanging down over his collarbone, revealing what looked like part of a mountain range and some kind of animal inked on the center of his chest. I had a feeling I could see his skin a thousand times and each time I would find something new to look at.
“Everyone ends up a little bit out of place every now and then. I’ll put you back where you’re supposed to be, Poppy.” He grinned, and even in the dark I could see those twin dimples digging enticingly into his cheeks. It made my toes curl into the covers and had my breath moving faster and my skin tingling in a way that was impossible to ignore. “That’s what I do, ya know. I put things back the way they were supposed to be. I make things the way they were before someone didn’t treat them right.”
I scrunched up my nose at him and squinted as he turned on the small bedside light. “I’m not a car, Wheeler. You can’t find replacement parts for all the things inside of me that don’t work right anymore.”
He bent at the waist, put his fisted hands on the bed, and leaned over so that his lips could lightly touch the top of my head. It was a kiss that I felt all the way through my entire body. His care reached places inside of me no one had ever touched before, places that lit up and exploded like fireworks every time he did something nice. They were places that were growing and expanding, pushing out the other areas inside of me that had long been dark and scarred.
“Nothing about you needs replaced. What you got runs just fine, it just needs a tune-up and some proper maintenance.” His tone indicated he was the guy more than up for the job of getting me back in working order. I should tell him I’d never been a hot rod. “I’m taking Happy out and getting him settled; then I’ll get out of your hair so you can go back to bed.”
He started for the door, the puppy happily nipping at the heels of his boots. I called his name and waited for him to turn around before I asked him, “Aren’t you going to ask me what made me let go of the leash? Don’t you want to know why I was in such a sorry state when you found me?” Honestly, I didn’t know what to do with the fact he wasn’t blaming me, questioning me, accusing me. There was zero censure or condemnation from him and I had no clue how to navigate that. I had platitudes and apologies itching to crawl off my tongue but he didn’t ask for any of them.
“No. I don’t care what happened, I just care that it did happen. I hate that something upset you to that point and I hate that you feel like you owe anyone an explanation for feeling however you feel. Everyone made it inside safe and sound, so whatever bad shit happened, it didn’t win tonight and that’s what I think we should focus on.” He always made it sound so easy. His acceptance and reassurance settled around me like a velvety blanket.
I closed my eyes and rubbed my cheek against my knee. “My mom called. I haven’t spoken to her or my father since Oliver took me. She’ll occasionally send an e-mail to make sure I’m alive and to tell me that Salem and Rowdy need to stop living in sin, but I haven’t heard her voice in months and months.” I let out a shaky sigh, and when I pried my eyes back open I saw that he looked angry enough to spit nails. He understood that my safe space had been breached, that hearing from my mom brought back memories of more than just Oliver. The tenuous hold I had on my sense of safety was ripped away by that voice with its soft Texas drawl and thinly veiled accusations.
Happy started to playfully growl and jump around in front of my face, pawing at my hair and butting his soft head against my chin. I had no clue how long we had been curled up in bed but I bet it was long enough that the puppy needed another trip outside. He was ready to play but it was well past both of our bedtimes. I didn’t want to wake Wheeler up but he had me pinned tightly to his front. I could feel his chest rising and falling steadily behind me and there was no give in the iron band of his arm where it rested firmly across my middle. I was also lying on one of the sleeves of his coveralls, I could feel the snaps digging into my legs, which, now that I was awake, was totally uncomfortable.
I shifted my hips and moved my legs, the initial warmth I’d felt when I woke up now spreading to other, more intimate parts of my anatomy. I was sure the flush on my face was visible even in the pitch-blackness and the silence surrounding us made the sounds of my breaths rushing in and out between my parted lips obscenely loud. Wheeler made a noise behind me and his hold around my waist tightened and then immediately loosened. I was going to roll away from him so I could get Happy off the bed before he made any more noise, but before I could Wheeler’s tattooed hands reached around me and plucked the little dog off the pillow, where he was now chasing shadows across the fabric.
“I’ll take him outside and then set him up in the kitchen for the night. You go back to sleep.” His voice was rough and groggy and there was no room in it for argument. I had to sit up and scoot over to free the part of his coveralls I was lying on and he grunted a little when he was finally free to stand up. “Sorry for crawling into bed with you still in my work clothes. If I got anything dirty let me know and I’ll replace it.”
He scratched Happy behind the ears and set him on the floor so he could pull his discarded boots back onto his feet. I stared at his back, eyes tracking the way his plain T-shirt stretched across the span of his wide shoulders. I pulled my knees up, wrapped my arms around them, and rested my cheek on the bony surface as I continued to watch him. When he lifted his arms up over his head to work the kinks out of those long and lean muscles, I couldn’t hold back a sigh. He turned his head to look at me over his shoulder and I told him truthfully, “You can ruin every single set of sheets I have. You showed up and cleaned up a mess I made that was way more difficult to deal with than a few grease spots. If you can clean up after me, I have no problem cleaning up after you.”
He turned back to the bed, hands on his hips, and I noticed that the collar of his T-shirt was ripped and that fabric was hanging down over his collarbone, revealing what looked like part of a mountain range and some kind of animal inked on the center of his chest. I had a feeling I could see his skin a thousand times and each time I would find something new to look at.
“Everyone ends up a little bit out of place every now and then. I’ll put you back where you’re supposed to be, Poppy.” He grinned, and even in the dark I could see those twin dimples digging enticingly into his cheeks. It made my toes curl into the covers and had my breath moving faster and my skin tingling in a way that was impossible to ignore. “That’s what I do, ya know. I put things back the way they were supposed to be. I make things the way they were before someone didn’t treat them right.”
I scrunched up my nose at him and squinted as he turned on the small bedside light. “I’m not a car, Wheeler. You can’t find replacement parts for all the things inside of me that don’t work right anymore.”
He bent at the waist, put his fisted hands on the bed, and leaned over so that his lips could lightly touch the top of my head. It was a kiss that I felt all the way through my entire body. His care reached places inside of me no one had ever touched before, places that lit up and exploded like fireworks every time he did something nice. They were places that were growing and expanding, pushing out the other areas inside of me that had long been dark and scarred.
“Nothing about you needs replaced. What you got runs just fine, it just needs a tune-up and some proper maintenance.” His tone indicated he was the guy more than up for the job of getting me back in working order. I should tell him I’d never been a hot rod. “I’m taking Happy out and getting him settled; then I’ll get out of your hair so you can go back to bed.”
He started for the door, the puppy happily nipping at the heels of his boots. I called his name and waited for him to turn around before I asked him, “Aren’t you going to ask me what made me let go of the leash? Don’t you want to know why I was in such a sorry state when you found me?” Honestly, I didn’t know what to do with the fact he wasn’t blaming me, questioning me, accusing me. There was zero censure or condemnation from him and I had no clue how to navigate that. I had platitudes and apologies itching to crawl off my tongue but he didn’t ask for any of them.
“No. I don’t care what happened, I just care that it did happen. I hate that something upset you to that point and I hate that you feel like you owe anyone an explanation for feeling however you feel. Everyone made it inside safe and sound, so whatever bad shit happened, it didn’t win tonight and that’s what I think we should focus on.” He always made it sound so easy. His acceptance and reassurance settled around me like a velvety blanket.
I closed my eyes and rubbed my cheek against my knee. “My mom called. I haven’t spoken to her or my father since Oliver took me. She’ll occasionally send an e-mail to make sure I’m alive and to tell me that Salem and Rowdy need to stop living in sin, but I haven’t heard her voice in months and months.” I let out a shaky sigh, and when I pried my eyes back open I saw that he looked angry enough to spit nails. He understood that my safe space had been breached, that hearing from my mom brought back memories of more than just Oliver. The tenuous hold I had on my sense of safety was ripped away by that voice with its soft Texas drawl and thinly veiled accusations.
