Savage Urges
Page 30
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Returning his honesty with her own, Makenna said, “I won’t say that the attraction is only one way. I admit, I don’t like it when females are mooning over you. And I don’t like the idea of you in danger. And my wolf . . . well, she feels the same way. But if we were mates, we’d know. We’d feel the pull of the mating bond.”
“Not if the frequency is jammed by mental barriers or anxieties about mating.” Wanting—no, needing—to touch her, Ryan shackled her wrist, circling her madly beating pulse with his thumb. “What do you fear, Makenna? What about mating makes you afraid?”
Her spine snapped straight. “Who says I’m afraid of mating?”
“I’ve watched you. A lot. You’re not easy to read. Mostly because you don’t act or think normally.” Why she looked proud of that, he wasn’t sure. “You put a lot of time and effort into helping others. But you don’t let many into your life. You step into their life, but you don’t let them step into yours.”
There was more truth in that than she was comfortable with.
“Maybe it’s because you don’t want them to know your secrets. Maybe it’s because you once lost someone important to you.”
Flushing, she tried to yank her hand away; he held it tight. “You can stop analyzing me now.”
“Those sort of issues would jam a mating frequency.”
“Did you ever consider—assuming we are mates—that maybe you’re jamming it, not me? You can’t tell me you don’t have issues of your own.”
“I have issues. But I haven’t let them blind me to the truth.”
As his eyes roamed over her face with a fierce possessiveness that made her stomach clench, she said, “You’re absolutely positive about this, aren’t you?”
“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I wasn’t.”
“How long have you believed this?”
“Since yesterday.”
Well that explained the odd behavior he’d displayed. He’d probably felt as shocked as she was feeling right now. Honestly, Makenna had never imagined herself mating. Ryan was right; she didn’t know how to be open with people. A part of her had shut down after her mother died. For as long as she could remember, it had always been the two of them against the world—Fiona Wray had been everything to Makenna, her rock, her safe place.
Then she’d died, and Makenna had been lost.
So lost she’d sought sanctuary in her wolf form, desperate to escape the pain and grief. Her wolf, just as guttered, had turned half feral. When she was placed in the shelter by Social Services, Dawn and Madisyn brought her back from that state and forced her to grieve like a human. But even back in her human form, she’d remained half feral for a while, a state that had amplified those feelings tormenting her.
Dawn and Madisyn had offered her a shoulder to cry on, but Makenna hadn’t taken it. Hadn’t shared her grief with anyone. Instead, she’d turned inward, become her own rock. She didn’t rely on others for anything, and she liked it that way. A mate, however, would never accept that. As such, Ryan’s claim scared her.
Still, that bone-deep loneliness inside her reached out to him, wanted it to be true. Being independent gave her strength and a sense of security and control, but it also made her feel very alone. She’d accepted that, though. She’d thought she could handle it. It wasn’t until this very moment that she realized she felt as incomplete as her wolf—maybe even more so.
Still, Makenna didn’t know if she wanted to let anyone be her rock again. Ryan’s strength and air of self-possession drew her. It would be so very tempting to lean on him. But what if she tried that, what if she let herself hope, and it turned out that he was wrong? Makenna didn’t want to ever be that lost again.
Her wolf wasn’t caught up in any of Makenna’s issues, too elemental in her way of thinking. The animal didn’t recognize him as her true mate, but she wasn’t fussed by that. She saw a strong, dominant, reliable, loyal male who would make an excellent partner and give her what she wanted, including a pack.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” said Ryan. “I’ve been very honest with you, Makenna.”
She inhaled deeply. “I can see that you’re one hundred percent certain we’re mates, Ryan, but . . . I can’t say the same, I’m sorry.” The lonely part of her was sorry about that too.
His wolf snarled at the rejection, but Ryan simply said, “Okay.” He released her wrist to cup her chin. “But can you say that you’re one hundred percent certain that we’re not mates?”
She swallowed. “No.”
He gave a short nod. “That’s enough for now.” She was open to the possibility on some level, and that was something Ryan could work with. It was also more than he’d hoped for. But he didn’t like the weird look that surfaced on her face. “What is it?”
“Don’t get offended and growly, but we need to keep this to ourselves.”
“No.”
“For Zac’s sake. If he thinks that I—someone he trusts—might join your pack, it could sway him to do the same. He has to join for his own reasons, not because he thinks I might be there to protect him.” Particularly since there was a high chance that Ryan was wrong about them being mates. “Besides, he needs to feel that your attention is on him, that he’s your priority. Once you have his trust, it will be a different matter. But for now . . .”
“Not if the frequency is jammed by mental barriers or anxieties about mating.” Wanting—no, needing—to touch her, Ryan shackled her wrist, circling her madly beating pulse with his thumb. “What do you fear, Makenna? What about mating makes you afraid?”
Her spine snapped straight. “Who says I’m afraid of mating?”
“I’ve watched you. A lot. You’re not easy to read. Mostly because you don’t act or think normally.” Why she looked proud of that, he wasn’t sure. “You put a lot of time and effort into helping others. But you don’t let many into your life. You step into their life, but you don’t let them step into yours.”
There was more truth in that than she was comfortable with.
“Maybe it’s because you don’t want them to know your secrets. Maybe it’s because you once lost someone important to you.”
Flushing, she tried to yank her hand away; he held it tight. “You can stop analyzing me now.”
“Those sort of issues would jam a mating frequency.”
“Did you ever consider—assuming we are mates—that maybe you’re jamming it, not me? You can’t tell me you don’t have issues of your own.”
“I have issues. But I haven’t let them blind me to the truth.”
As his eyes roamed over her face with a fierce possessiveness that made her stomach clench, she said, “You’re absolutely positive about this, aren’t you?”
“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I wasn’t.”
“How long have you believed this?”
“Since yesterday.”
Well that explained the odd behavior he’d displayed. He’d probably felt as shocked as she was feeling right now. Honestly, Makenna had never imagined herself mating. Ryan was right; she didn’t know how to be open with people. A part of her had shut down after her mother died. For as long as she could remember, it had always been the two of them against the world—Fiona Wray had been everything to Makenna, her rock, her safe place.
Then she’d died, and Makenna had been lost.
So lost she’d sought sanctuary in her wolf form, desperate to escape the pain and grief. Her wolf, just as guttered, had turned half feral. When she was placed in the shelter by Social Services, Dawn and Madisyn brought her back from that state and forced her to grieve like a human. But even back in her human form, she’d remained half feral for a while, a state that had amplified those feelings tormenting her.
Dawn and Madisyn had offered her a shoulder to cry on, but Makenna hadn’t taken it. Hadn’t shared her grief with anyone. Instead, she’d turned inward, become her own rock. She didn’t rely on others for anything, and she liked it that way. A mate, however, would never accept that. As such, Ryan’s claim scared her.
Still, that bone-deep loneliness inside her reached out to him, wanted it to be true. Being independent gave her strength and a sense of security and control, but it also made her feel very alone. She’d accepted that, though. She’d thought she could handle it. It wasn’t until this very moment that she realized she felt as incomplete as her wolf—maybe even more so.
Still, Makenna didn’t know if she wanted to let anyone be her rock again. Ryan’s strength and air of self-possession drew her. It would be so very tempting to lean on him. But what if she tried that, what if she let herself hope, and it turned out that he was wrong? Makenna didn’t want to ever be that lost again.
Her wolf wasn’t caught up in any of Makenna’s issues, too elemental in her way of thinking. The animal didn’t recognize him as her true mate, but she wasn’t fussed by that. She saw a strong, dominant, reliable, loyal male who would make an excellent partner and give her what she wanted, including a pack.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” said Ryan. “I’ve been very honest with you, Makenna.”
She inhaled deeply. “I can see that you’re one hundred percent certain we’re mates, Ryan, but . . . I can’t say the same, I’m sorry.” The lonely part of her was sorry about that too.
His wolf snarled at the rejection, but Ryan simply said, “Okay.” He released her wrist to cup her chin. “But can you say that you’re one hundred percent certain that we’re not mates?”
She swallowed. “No.”
He gave a short nod. “That’s enough for now.” She was open to the possibility on some level, and that was something Ryan could work with. It was also more than he’d hoped for. But he didn’t like the weird look that surfaced on her face. “What is it?”
“Don’t get offended and growly, but we need to keep this to ourselves.”
“No.”
“For Zac’s sake. If he thinks that I—someone he trusts—might join your pack, it could sway him to do the same. He has to join for his own reasons, not because he thinks I might be there to protect him.” Particularly since there was a high chance that Ryan was wrong about them being mates. “Besides, he needs to feel that your attention is on him, that he’s your priority. Once you have his trust, it will be a different matter. But for now . . .”
