Jackass.
“What’s going on?” she asks when we stop to talk.
“Did my father say something to you? Did he offend you or try to put his hands on you?” I ask, cutting right to the point.
She sighs, hangs her head. “He said a few things. Nothing that I haven’t heard before.”
What the hell does she mean by that? “What are you talking about?”
Bryn lifts her head so her gaze meets mine once more. “He asked if the two of us were—sleeping together yet, though he phrased it a little more crudely.”
I inwardly groan. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him we weren’t, of course, which is the truth.” She stresses the last word. “He didn’t believe me.”
“What a bastard,” I mutter, running my hand through my hair in pure frustration. “How did you get him to leave?”
“Well, he wouldn’t stop with the crude remarks and insults so I finally dragged him to his feet and hauled him out of here. Turned him over to the guys working valet, and they got him to his car,” she explains matter-of-factly.
While I wish I could’ve been there by her side to defend her, I’m also proud of the fact that she handled herself so calmly. “You’re amazing,” I say softly, wishing I could touch her. But I can still feel Archer’s eyes on me so there’s no way I’m going to do it.
“I did what you asked. Don’t make it out to be more than it was.” She offers me a wan smile. “Is that all you wanted to ask me?”
“Bryn.” Unable to help myself, I reach out and touch her arm lightly. Screw it. I don’t care what Archer thinks. “Are you okay? You seem upset.”
“Nothing like a little dose of reality to bring me back and remind me of what I really am.” The smile turns brittle, and she inclines her head toward the rest of the partygoers circling in the courtyard. “You need to go talk to everyone else and make them all happy that they got a chance to speak to the owner of the new and rather impressive DeLuca Winery, don’t you think?”
I let my hand drop. “Can I see you? Later tonight?”
She slowly shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mr. DeLuca.”
And with those last words, she walks away, leaving me in the dust.
Chapter Nine
Bryn
THE PHONE HAS been ringing constantly since I got into work this morning, but I blame that on the aftermath of the party. Everyone’s looking for Matt, including me. Though I shouldn’t. I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to face him yet.
I stayed home the entire weekend, not daring to go out, barely glancing at my phone. I ignored the calls and texts from Ivy and Marina, ignored the single text from Matt too. It wasn’t work related so I figured I was safe. The text had come Saturday afternoon, asking if I’d survived the night okay, and I didn’t bother answering.
How could I tell him the night had been a revelation? That I realized exactly who I am and what people saw when they looked at me? Well, specifically what men see, minus the bland outfits and boring hair.
That hurt, though deep down inside, I knew it. That’s why I hid, pretending to be something I’m not.
Avoiding Ivy and Marina was tough because I would’ve loved to confide in them but what if my confession turned them against me? All the old worries and insecurities swamped me these last few days. It’s hard to shake those old habits when they’d been such a part of my life for so long. Men don’t respect me, they never have. I didn’t have many friends growing up, and I definitely haven’t had any since I’ve come to California.
I’m scared if I tell Ivy and Marina my fears, what happened between Matt and me, what his dad said about me, they’d see me differently. Dumb, I know since they’re the ones who convinced me to go after Matt in the first place, but I can’t help it. I’m afraid they’ll know what I really am versus what I present. A silly dumb girl who is only thought of for her sexuality, not her brains or her skills.
And I don’t know if I could face them, seeing the judgment in their eyes.
Besides, I know they kept reaching out to me because they only wanted to gossip about Friday night’s party or analyze what happened between Matt and me. I’d rather not think about it at all. The more I do, the more upset I become, especially when the things his dad said to me come into play.
I bet you chase her around your desk all the damn time, trying to get your hands on that ass. I know I would.
Spending the majority of the weekend in bed watching bad TV and eating junk food didn’t do anything to help my mood either. By the time I got my act together and prepared to go into work, I had bags under my eyes, my skin was kind of pale, I felt five pounds heavier, and I had a zit on my chin.
Great.
I showed up right on time though, not wanting to disappoint anyone—specifically Matt. Not wearing any beige or my severe hairstyle either, deciding to give in and go with what’s natural for me, not the phony front I’ve put up since I’ve arrived here. Clad in the dress I wore last Monday, with the black background and blue and green flower and bird pattern, I leave my hair loose and hanging down my back.
I’m tired of the facade. Of being something I’m not. If I had my slightly trampy clothes from my time in Hollywood or even my wardrobe from Cactus, I’d be wearing them. Today. Right now.
But I don’t have any of those clothes anymore. I burned most of them. It had felt like a cleansing of sorts, one I’d needed to start fresh.
Now I wish I had them. Just to remind me of my roots and who I really am. That reminder would fuel me and keep me strong for what I’m about to do today. Something I need to do.
I need to quit.
But Matt showed up late which made me antsy. He came in just past nine with a harried expression on his face, rushing into the room with the determination of a man on a mission. He’d dressed casually, jeans and a polo shirt that fit him to perfection.
My mouth literally waters when I see him now.
But what else is new?
“Had a meeting with the Napa Valley Vintners this morning,” he says, stopping just in front of my desk. His mind is going a mile a minute, I can tell. “I need you to look into flights to New York City in a few weeks. We’re going to attend the Savor Wine Guild annual convention. Had no idea it was going down, so I need to make arrangements quick.”
I grab a pen and start jotting down notes. “What are the dates?”
“We’d have to leave two weeks from today,” he says, whipping out his phone and scrolling through his emails.
My pen stills on the notepad, and I pause for a moment, his words slowly sinking into my dense brain. I glance up to find him watching me carefully. Almost too carefully. “Did you say we?”
“I want you to go with me, Bryn. I’ll need your help. It’s only for a few days but it’s a busy few days. I’ll want your input, and you’ll have to keep me on task,” he explains.
He wants me to go with him, alone, to New York City. I must be hearing things.
“Are you serious?”
“Serious as a heart attack.” His expression is dead serious too. “You’re my assistant right? I can’t do this alone, Bryn. There’s going to be a two-day forum with business discussions, workshops, and extensive, in-depth wine tastings. I can’t be everywhere at once, so I need you to take on some of the workshops and talks or whatever, take notes and get back to me.”
“Okay.” I take a few more notes then turn to my computer and start searching for flights. “Are you sure you want to bring me though? I mean, really? Won’t it be just an extra expense, my flight and hotel room, food and everything else that comes with traveling?”
“I need as many write-offs as I can get,” he says dismissively. “And I can afford to bring you, Bryn. That’s not an issue so don’t worry about it.”
All my plans of giving my notice to Matt fly right out the window at his rapid-fire requests. There’s no way I can leave now. He needs me, as ridiculous as it sounds. Despite all the trouble I will no doubt bring him and the expectations he’ll have, I need to be there for him.
I can do this. I’ll work for the next two weeks, take the trip to New York, run around this convention with him for a few days, come home, and then I’ll give my notice. That ought to give me enough time to find a job in Cactus, not that it should be too difficult.
I’d called my grandma last night, asking if I could go back and live with her in Cactus. She’d agreed readily, her booming voice coming at me over the phone, loud and reminding me why I left my hometown in the first place.
“Of course, you can come live with me, girl. I know Wanda down at the Soap-n-Snip needs a new phone girl. Maybe you could get your cosmetics license and make that career happen. It’s a good one, you know. Why, that sweet little Becky who’s only two years older than you has made herself quite the career working there.”
Then she’d launched into a twenty-minute gossip session full of what’s been happening in Cactus the last few years. By the time she finished, I knew everything. All of it.
Some stuff I found interesting. Other stuff I could care less about. Typical Cactus talk, all of it.
And soon I’ll be back, right in the midst of it all. Working at the Soap-n-Snip, answering the phone, sweeping up hair and generally miserable with life.
At least I’ll be in my element, back in my hometown. Where I can literally let down my hair, be free and be me.
I don’t feel like I can be me anywhere else, not even here.
Especially not here.
“I’ll find some flights and show you the options,” I say, my voice crisp as I go into efficient mode.
“Great. Go to the Savor website and register us too. We’ll probably have to pay for late registration, but I don’t care. I can’t miss this. The people at the Vintners said I must attend this event. We’ll find out the latest trends, see both the business and the creative side of winemaking; it’s going to be pretty awesome.” He smiles, and I smile back unable to stop myself.
He’s just so excited, so pumped to do this. I want to be excited for him. Even though I plan on disappointing him completely within the next month.
Matt
“YOU SLY DOG.” Gage shakes his head just before he takes a bite of his cheeseburger. We’re at a restaurant in downtown St. Helena, one that makes the best burgers and sandwiches and doesn’t have a vegetarian or gluten-free option in sight. This is why the place is filled with mostly men. We’ve grown weary of the massive health movement that’s taken over our area so easily.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, my voice neutral.
“You know. Taking the assistant to New York City where none of us can keep tabs on the two of you. Where you’re free to walk around and hold hands, kiss her on the street, and f**k her all night in a hotel room. Smart move, man. Smart. Move.” Gage laughs.
I ignore him, digging into my hamburger with gusto. I’m freaking starving, I’ve been so busy with work for the last three days: hardly taking a break, skipping lunches, staying late. Gage had been giving me endless shit, calling me the last two days saying he wanted to meet for lunch. Finally, after harassing me all morning with nonstop texts, I gave in, telling Bryn I’d be back in an hour and that if I didn’t show up at the office by one-thirty, she needed to buzz me and get my ass back there.
When I’m with either Archer or Gage, we usually start talking about all sorts of crap and lose track of time, especially if there are beers involved.
Today, there aren’t. I made sure of that.
“Does Archer know you’re taking her to New York? I assume he does. I only found out because Marina told me after she spoke with Bryn yesterday. Like you’d ever tell us.” Gage laughs some more. “I guarantee at the end of the forty-five days I’m going to find a way out of making this payment to you. Watch me. Why should we pay you when you’re off f**king your assistant?”
“You have a dirty mind,” I mutter, grabbing a fry and dipping it in catsup before I point it at him. “Not everything is about f**king, you know. How does Marina put up with your ass day in and day out?”
“Marina loves my ass. And she especially loves my dirty mind.” He waggles his brows at me like a pervert. “And listen to you, the former king of groupies, chastising me like a prude. You sure as hell need to get laid and quick so we can cancel this entire bet once and for all. I’m tired of dealing with your insufferable ass.”
“Yeah, yeah. Fuck off,” I mutter, shaking my head, concentrating on my lunch. “You’re the one who wanted to have lunch with me in the first place.” He has a point. I’m grumpy as hell because I want Bryn, and she’s turned off the signal completely. It’s like she barely realizes I exist.
I know why though. It’s because of my father. It’s because of that kiss. I regret her having to deal with my dad and the things he said to her. I wish I could’ve protected her from that.
But the kiss? I don’t regret that at all.
“I asked you to lunch so I could find out where your head is at.” He takes a drink from his soda. “So tell me. Did you plan this so-called business trip on purpose to get her in your hotel room or what?”
“Not even,” I scoff, munching on another fry. “We’re attending a conference—and not some phony one either, which I’m sure you’ll accuse me of. I won’t even have time to think about doing anything else except going from workshop to workshop, attend wine tastings and the like. It’s all about the business, my friend. Something you’ve forgotten since you’re too enraptured with your new girlfriend.”
“What’s going on?” she asks when we stop to talk.
“Did my father say something to you? Did he offend you or try to put his hands on you?” I ask, cutting right to the point.
She sighs, hangs her head. “He said a few things. Nothing that I haven’t heard before.”
What the hell does she mean by that? “What are you talking about?”
Bryn lifts her head so her gaze meets mine once more. “He asked if the two of us were—sleeping together yet, though he phrased it a little more crudely.”
I inwardly groan. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him we weren’t, of course, which is the truth.” She stresses the last word. “He didn’t believe me.”
“What a bastard,” I mutter, running my hand through my hair in pure frustration. “How did you get him to leave?”
“Well, he wouldn’t stop with the crude remarks and insults so I finally dragged him to his feet and hauled him out of here. Turned him over to the guys working valet, and they got him to his car,” she explains matter-of-factly.
While I wish I could’ve been there by her side to defend her, I’m also proud of the fact that she handled herself so calmly. “You’re amazing,” I say softly, wishing I could touch her. But I can still feel Archer’s eyes on me so there’s no way I’m going to do it.
“I did what you asked. Don’t make it out to be more than it was.” She offers me a wan smile. “Is that all you wanted to ask me?”
“Bryn.” Unable to help myself, I reach out and touch her arm lightly. Screw it. I don’t care what Archer thinks. “Are you okay? You seem upset.”
“Nothing like a little dose of reality to bring me back and remind me of what I really am.” The smile turns brittle, and she inclines her head toward the rest of the partygoers circling in the courtyard. “You need to go talk to everyone else and make them all happy that they got a chance to speak to the owner of the new and rather impressive DeLuca Winery, don’t you think?”
I let my hand drop. “Can I see you? Later tonight?”
She slowly shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mr. DeLuca.”
And with those last words, she walks away, leaving me in the dust.
Chapter Nine
Bryn
THE PHONE HAS been ringing constantly since I got into work this morning, but I blame that on the aftermath of the party. Everyone’s looking for Matt, including me. Though I shouldn’t. I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to face him yet.
I stayed home the entire weekend, not daring to go out, barely glancing at my phone. I ignored the calls and texts from Ivy and Marina, ignored the single text from Matt too. It wasn’t work related so I figured I was safe. The text had come Saturday afternoon, asking if I’d survived the night okay, and I didn’t bother answering.
How could I tell him the night had been a revelation? That I realized exactly who I am and what people saw when they looked at me? Well, specifically what men see, minus the bland outfits and boring hair.
That hurt, though deep down inside, I knew it. That’s why I hid, pretending to be something I’m not.
Avoiding Ivy and Marina was tough because I would’ve loved to confide in them but what if my confession turned them against me? All the old worries and insecurities swamped me these last few days. It’s hard to shake those old habits when they’d been such a part of my life for so long. Men don’t respect me, they never have. I didn’t have many friends growing up, and I definitely haven’t had any since I’ve come to California.
I’m scared if I tell Ivy and Marina my fears, what happened between Matt and me, what his dad said about me, they’d see me differently. Dumb, I know since they’re the ones who convinced me to go after Matt in the first place, but I can’t help it. I’m afraid they’ll know what I really am versus what I present. A silly dumb girl who is only thought of for her sexuality, not her brains or her skills.
And I don’t know if I could face them, seeing the judgment in their eyes.
Besides, I know they kept reaching out to me because they only wanted to gossip about Friday night’s party or analyze what happened between Matt and me. I’d rather not think about it at all. The more I do, the more upset I become, especially when the things his dad said to me come into play.
I bet you chase her around your desk all the damn time, trying to get your hands on that ass. I know I would.
Spending the majority of the weekend in bed watching bad TV and eating junk food didn’t do anything to help my mood either. By the time I got my act together and prepared to go into work, I had bags under my eyes, my skin was kind of pale, I felt five pounds heavier, and I had a zit on my chin.
Great.
I showed up right on time though, not wanting to disappoint anyone—specifically Matt. Not wearing any beige or my severe hairstyle either, deciding to give in and go with what’s natural for me, not the phony front I’ve put up since I’ve arrived here. Clad in the dress I wore last Monday, with the black background and blue and green flower and bird pattern, I leave my hair loose and hanging down my back.
I’m tired of the facade. Of being something I’m not. If I had my slightly trampy clothes from my time in Hollywood or even my wardrobe from Cactus, I’d be wearing them. Today. Right now.
But I don’t have any of those clothes anymore. I burned most of them. It had felt like a cleansing of sorts, one I’d needed to start fresh.
Now I wish I had them. Just to remind me of my roots and who I really am. That reminder would fuel me and keep me strong for what I’m about to do today. Something I need to do.
I need to quit.
But Matt showed up late which made me antsy. He came in just past nine with a harried expression on his face, rushing into the room with the determination of a man on a mission. He’d dressed casually, jeans and a polo shirt that fit him to perfection.
My mouth literally waters when I see him now.
But what else is new?
“Had a meeting with the Napa Valley Vintners this morning,” he says, stopping just in front of my desk. His mind is going a mile a minute, I can tell. “I need you to look into flights to New York City in a few weeks. We’re going to attend the Savor Wine Guild annual convention. Had no idea it was going down, so I need to make arrangements quick.”
I grab a pen and start jotting down notes. “What are the dates?”
“We’d have to leave two weeks from today,” he says, whipping out his phone and scrolling through his emails.
My pen stills on the notepad, and I pause for a moment, his words slowly sinking into my dense brain. I glance up to find him watching me carefully. Almost too carefully. “Did you say we?”
“I want you to go with me, Bryn. I’ll need your help. It’s only for a few days but it’s a busy few days. I’ll want your input, and you’ll have to keep me on task,” he explains.
He wants me to go with him, alone, to New York City. I must be hearing things.
“Are you serious?”
“Serious as a heart attack.” His expression is dead serious too. “You’re my assistant right? I can’t do this alone, Bryn. There’s going to be a two-day forum with business discussions, workshops, and extensive, in-depth wine tastings. I can’t be everywhere at once, so I need you to take on some of the workshops and talks or whatever, take notes and get back to me.”
“Okay.” I take a few more notes then turn to my computer and start searching for flights. “Are you sure you want to bring me though? I mean, really? Won’t it be just an extra expense, my flight and hotel room, food and everything else that comes with traveling?”
“I need as many write-offs as I can get,” he says dismissively. “And I can afford to bring you, Bryn. That’s not an issue so don’t worry about it.”
All my plans of giving my notice to Matt fly right out the window at his rapid-fire requests. There’s no way I can leave now. He needs me, as ridiculous as it sounds. Despite all the trouble I will no doubt bring him and the expectations he’ll have, I need to be there for him.
I can do this. I’ll work for the next two weeks, take the trip to New York, run around this convention with him for a few days, come home, and then I’ll give my notice. That ought to give me enough time to find a job in Cactus, not that it should be too difficult.
I’d called my grandma last night, asking if I could go back and live with her in Cactus. She’d agreed readily, her booming voice coming at me over the phone, loud and reminding me why I left my hometown in the first place.
“Of course, you can come live with me, girl. I know Wanda down at the Soap-n-Snip needs a new phone girl. Maybe you could get your cosmetics license and make that career happen. It’s a good one, you know. Why, that sweet little Becky who’s only two years older than you has made herself quite the career working there.”
Then she’d launched into a twenty-minute gossip session full of what’s been happening in Cactus the last few years. By the time she finished, I knew everything. All of it.
Some stuff I found interesting. Other stuff I could care less about. Typical Cactus talk, all of it.
And soon I’ll be back, right in the midst of it all. Working at the Soap-n-Snip, answering the phone, sweeping up hair and generally miserable with life.
At least I’ll be in my element, back in my hometown. Where I can literally let down my hair, be free and be me.
I don’t feel like I can be me anywhere else, not even here.
Especially not here.
“I’ll find some flights and show you the options,” I say, my voice crisp as I go into efficient mode.
“Great. Go to the Savor website and register us too. We’ll probably have to pay for late registration, but I don’t care. I can’t miss this. The people at the Vintners said I must attend this event. We’ll find out the latest trends, see both the business and the creative side of winemaking; it’s going to be pretty awesome.” He smiles, and I smile back unable to stop myself.
He’s just so excited, so pumped to do this. I want to be excited for him. Even though I plan on disappointing him completely within the next month.
Matt
“YOU SLY DOG.” Gage shakes his head just before he takes a bite of his cheeseburger. We’re at a restaurant in downtown St. Helena, one that makes the best burgers and sandwiches and doesn’t have a vegetarian or gluten-free option in sight. This is why the place is filled with mostly men. We’ve grown weary of the massive health movement that’s taken over our area so easily.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, my voice neutral.
“You know. Taking the assistant to New York City where none of us can keep tabs on the two of you. Where you’re free to walk around and hold hands, kiss her on the street, and f**k her all night in a hotel room. Smart move, man. Smart. Move.” Gage laughs.
I ignore him, digging into my hamburger with gusto. I’m freaking starving, I’ve been so busy with work for the last three days: hardly taking a break, skipping lunches, staying late. Gage had been giving me endless shit, calling me the last two days saying he wanted to meet for lunch. Finally, after harassing me all morning with nonstop texts, I gave in, telling Bryn I’d be back in an hour and that if I didn’t show up at the office by one-thirty, she needed to buzz me and get my ass back there.
When I’m with either Archer or Gage, we usually start talking about all sorts of crap and lose track of time, especially if there are beers involved.
Today, there aren’t. I made sure of that.
“Does Archer know you’re taking her to New York? I assume he does. I only found out because Marina told me after she spoke with Bryn yesterday. Like you’d ever tell us.” Gage laughs some more. “I guarantee at the end of the forty-five days I’m going to find a way out of making this payment to you. Watch me. Why should we pay you when you’re off f**king your assistant?”
“You have a dirty mind,” I mutter, grabbing a fry and dipping it in catsup before I point it at him. “Not everything is about f**king, you know. How does Marina put up with your ass day in and day out?”
“Marina loves my ass. And she especially loves my dirty mind.” He waggles his brows at me like a pervert. “And listen to you, the former king of groupies, chastising me like a prude. You sure as hell need to get laid and quick so we can cancel this entire bet once and for all. I’m tired of dealing with your insufferable ass.”
“Yeah, yeah. Fuck off,” I mutter, shaking my head, concentrating on my lunch. “You’re the one who wanted to have lunch with me in the first place.” He has a point. I’m grumpy as hell because I want Bryn, and she’s turned off the signal completely. It’s like she barely realizes I exist.
I know why though. It’s because of my father. It’s because of that kiss. I regret her having to deal with my dad and the things he said to her. I wish I could’ve protected her from that.
But the kiss? I don’t regret that at all.
“I asked you to lunch so I could find out where your head is at.” He takes a drink from his soda. “So tell me. Did you plan this so-called business trip on purpose to get her in your hotel room or what?”
“Not even,” I scoff, munching on another fry. “We’re attending a conference—and not some phony one either, which I’m sure you’ll accuse me of. I won’t even have time to think about doing anything else except going from workshop to workshop, attend wine tastings and the like. It’s all about the business, my friend. Something you’ve forgotten since you’re too enraptured with your new girlfriend.”
