"I don't suppose there's any point in me telling you that boys Seth's age shouldn't be going up and down extension ladders unsupervised."
"I don't suppose there is."
"Or that boys his age are careless, often awkward, and clumsy."
"He's not clumsy," Cam said with some heat. "He's agile as a monkey. Of course," he added with a sneer in his voice, "the rest of us are baboons, so that fits."
She closed the first aid kit, rose, and handed it to him.
"Apparently," she agreed. "However, accidents happen, no matter how careful you are, no matter how hard you try to prevent them. That's why they're accidents."
She looked at his face. The irritation was still there, she noted—with her, with circumstances. And oh, that underlying anger that never seemed to fade completely away was very, very close to the surface.
"So," she said softly, "how many years of your life did that little event shave off?" He let out a breath. "A couple of decades. But the kid handled himself." He turned a little, to look back toward the building. It was then that Anna saw the smears of blood on his back. Smears, she realized after her heart's first leap, that had come from Seth's hands. The boy had been held, she thought. And the boy had held on.
Cam turned back, caught her smiling. "What?"
"Nothing. Well, since I'm here, and you're all eating my food, I think I'm entitled to a tour."
"How much of this business are you going to have to put in one of your reports?"
"I'm not on the clock," she told him, more sharply than she intended. "I thought I was coming to pay a visit to friends."
"I didn't mean it that way, Anna."
"Really?" She stepped around the car door and slammed it shut at her back. Damn it, she had come to see him, to be with him, not to fit in an unannounced home visit. "What I will put in my next report, unless I see something to the contrary, is that it's my opinion that Seth is bonding with his guardians and they with him. I'll make sure you get a copy. I'll take a rain check on the tour. You can get the hamper back to me at your convenience."
She thought it was a great exit as exits went, striding around the car while she tossed off her lines. Her temper was flaring but just under control. Then he grabbed her as she reached for the car door and spoiled it.
She whirled around swinging, but her fist slid off his damp chest and ruined the impact. "Hands off."
"Where are you going? Just hold it a minute."
"I don't have to hold anything, and I don't want you holding me." She shoved at him with both hands.
"God, you're filthy!"
"If you'd just be still and listen—"
"To what? You don't think I get it? You don't think I've clued in to what you saw, what you thought when I pulled up. 'Oh, hell, here comes the social worker? Close ranks, boys.' " She jerked back. "Well, f**k you."
He could have denied it, could have taken the I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about approach and done an expert job of it. But her eyes had the same effect on him as they'd had on Seth. They wouldn't let his tongue wrap itself around a decent lie.
"Okay, you're right. It was knee-jerk."
"At least you have the decency to be honest." The depth of the hurt infuriated her as much as it surprised her.
"I don't know what you're so frosted about."
"Don't you?" She tossed back her hair. "Then I'll tell you. I looked at you and saw a man who also happens to be my lover. You looked at me and saw a symbol of a system you don't trust or respect. Now that that's cleared up, get out of my way."
"I'm sorry." He dragged the bandanna off because his head was splitting. "You're right again, and I'm sorry."
"So am I." She started to open the car door.
"Will you give me a damn minute here?" Instead of reaching for her again, he dragged his hands through his hair. It wasn't the impatient tone that stopped her, but the weariness of the gesture.
"All right." She let go of the door handle. "You've got a minute." He didn't think there was another woman on the planet he'd explained himself to more than the one watching him now with a faint frown. "We were all a little shaken up right then. The timing couldn't have been worse. Goddamn it, my hands were still shaking."
He hated to admit that—hated it. To gather some control, he turned away, paced off, paced back. "I was in a wreck once. About three years ago. Grand Prix. Hit the chute, misjudged, went into a hell of a spin. The car was breaking apart around me. The worst fear is invisible fire. Vapors catching hold. I had this flash of myself burned to a crisp. Just for an instant, but it was vivid." He balled the bandanna up in his hand, then pulled it out smooth. "I'm telling you, Anna, I swear to you, standing under that kid and watching his shoelaces dangle was worse. Hell of a lot worse." How could she hold on to her anger? And why couldn't he see that he had such a huge well of love to give if he would only let himself dip into it freely? He'd said that he would probably hurt her, but she hadn't known it would come so soon, or from this direction.
She hadn't been looking in the right direction. She hadn't known she was falling in love with him.
"I can't do this," she said, half to herself, and wrapped her hands around her arms to warm them. The chill penetrated, even though she stood in streaming sun. How many steps had she taken toward love, she wondered, and how many could she take back to save herself? "I don't know what I was thinking of. Being involved with you on a personal level only complicates our mutual interest in the child."
"Don't back off from me, Anna." He experienced another level of fear now, one he'd never felt before.
"So we take a few wrong steps. We get the balance back. We're good together."
"We're good in bed," she said and blinked when she saw what might have been hurt flash in his eyes.
"Only?"
"No," she said slowly as he stepped toward her, "not only. But—"
"I've got something for you inside me, Anna." He forgot his hands were grimy and laid them on her shoulders. "I haven't used it up yet. This thing with you, it's one of the first times I haven't wanted to rush to the finish line." They would still get there, she realized. She would have to be prepared for him to reach that line, and cross it, ahead of her. "Don't mix up who I am and what I am," she told him quietly. "You have to be honest with me, or the rest of it means nothing."
"I don't suppose there is."
"Or that boys his age are careless, often awkward, and clumsy."
"He's not clumsy," Cam said with some heat. "He's agile as a monkey. Of course," he added with a sneer in his voice, "the rest of us are baboons, so that fits."
She closed the first aid kit, rose, and handed it to him.
"Apparently," she agreed. "However, accidents happen, no matter how careful you are, no matter how hard you try to prevent them. That's why they're accidents."
She looked at his face. The irritation was still there, she noted—with her, with circumstances. And oh, that underlying anger that never seemed to fade completely away was very, very close to the surface.
"So," she said softly, "how many years of your life did that little event shave off?" He let out a breath. "A couple of decades. But the kid handled himself." He turned a little, to look back toward the building. It was then that Anna saw the smears of blood on his back. Smears, she realized after her heart's first leap, that had come from Seth's hands. The boy had been held, she thought. And the boy had held on.
Cam turned back, caught her smiling. "What?"
"Nothing. Well, since I'm here, and you're all eating my food, I think I'm entitled to a tour."
"How much of this business are you going to have to put in one of your reports?"
"I'm not on the clock," she told him, more sharply than she intended. "I thought I was coming to pay a visit to friends."
"I didn't mean it that way, Anna."
"Really?" She stepped around the car door and slammed it shut at her back. Damn it, she had come to see him, to be with him, not to fit in an unannounced home visit. "What I will put in my next report, unless I see something to the contrary, is that it's my opinion that Seth is bonding with his guardians and they with him. I'll make sure you get a copy. I'll take a rain check on the tour. You can get the hamper back to me at your convenience."
She thought it was a great exit as exits went, striding around the car while she tossed off her lines. Her temper was flaring but just under control. Then he grabbed her as she reached for the car door and spoiled it.
She whirled around swinging, but her fist slid off his damp chest and ruined the impact. "Hands off."
"Where are you going? Just hold it a minute."
"I don't have to hold anything, and I don't want you holding me." She shoved at him with both hands.
"God, you're filthy!"
"If you'd just be still and listen—"
"To what? You don't think I get it? You don't think I've clued in to what you saw, what you thought when I pulled up. 'Oh, hell, here comes the social worker? Close ranks, boys.' " She jerked back. "Well, f**k you."
He could have denied it, could have taken the I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about approach and done an expert job of it. But her eyes had the same effect on him as they'd had on Seth. They wouldn't let his tongue wrap itself around a decent lie.
"Okay, you're right. It was knee-jerk."
"At least you have the decency to be honest." The depth of the hurt infuriated her as much as it surprised her.
"I don't know what you're so frosted about."
"Don't you?" She tossed back her hair. "Then I'll tell you. I looked at you and saw a man who also happens to be my lover. You looked at me and saw a symbol of a system you don't trust or respect. Now that that's cleared up, get out of my way."
"I'm sorry." He dragged the bandanna off because his head was splitting. "You're right again, and I'm sorry."
"So am I." She started to open the car door.
"Will you give me a damn minute here?" Instead of reaching for her again, he dragged his hands through his hair. It wasn't the impatient tone that stopped her, but the weariness of the gesture.
"All right." She let go of the door handle. "You've got a minute." He didn't think there was another woman on the planet he'd explained himself to more than the one watching him now with a faint frown. "We were all a little shaken up right then. The timing couldn't have been worse. Goddamn it, my hands were still shaking."
He hated to admit that—hated it. To gather some control, he turned away, paced off, paced back. "I was in a wreck once. About three years ago. Grand Prix. Hit the chute, misjudged, went into a hell of a spin. The car was breaking apart around me. The worst fear is invisible fire. Vapors catching hold. I had this flash of myself burned to a crisp. Just for an instant, but it was vivid." He balled the bandanna up in his hand, then pulled it out smooth. "I'm telling you, Anna, I swear to you, standing under that kid and watching his shoelaces dangle was worse. Hell of a lot worse." How could she hold on to her anger? And why couldn't he see that he had such a huge well of love to give if he would only let himself dip into it freely? He'd said that he would probably hurt her, but she hadn't known it would come so soon, or from this direction.
She hadn't been looking in the right direction. She hadn't known she was falling in love with him.
"I can't do this," she said, half to herself, and wrapped her hands around her arms to warm them. The chill penetrated, even though she stood in streaming sun. How many steps had she taken toward love, she wondered, and how many could she take back to save herself? "I don't know what I was thinking of. Being involved with you on a personal level only complicates our mutual interest in the child."
"Don't back off from me, Anna." He experienced another level of fear now, one he'd never felt before.
"So we take a few wrong steps. We get the balance back. We're good together."
"We're good in bed," she said and blinked when she saw what might have been hurt flash in his eyes.
"Only?"
"No," she said slowly as he stepped toward her, "not only. But—"
"I've got something for you inside me, Anna." He forgot his hands were grimy and laid them on her shoulders. "I haven't used it up yet. This thing with you, it's one of the first times I haven't wanted to rush to the finish line." They would still get there, she realized. She would have to be prepared for him to reach that line, and cross it, ahead of her. "Don't mix up who I am and what I am," she told him quietly. "You have to be honest with me, or the rest of it means nothing."
