“Right,” he stated shortly, his unhappy expression uncharacteristically unhidden. “I’ll pretend ’cause we are what we are that doesn’t mean dick to me. Sayin’ that, it sucks knowin’ there isn’t anyone you got for you.”
My heart tripped again because that felt good too.
I had to put a stop to this.
“This is the part where it’s important we remember the limits of what we have,” I shared in a whisper to gentle my words but also to hide the pain his words caused because I liked them too much for safety.
“You look at me with that sweet, sad look in your eyes, Olivia, and you say those words to me…”
He shook his head and I thought, even hoped he was just going to let that hang.
But he kept talking.
“You fuck me like you can’t get enough of me and you give me you like you want me to drown in your pussy and then you tell yourself you believe that it stops there. You do that, I got no choice but to give that to you. But I can get what we are to each other and still give a shit about you. And that’s where I am right now, with that sweet, sad look in your eyes, lyin’ on top of me after just havin’ you. And that’s where I was with you two days ago with your mom shovelin’ shit you for some reason got no choice but to swallow. And even before, you tryin’ to hide your scar from me.”
Before I could break in to stop him, relentlessly he went on.
“And I’ll let you think you’re bullshitting me that I’m just cock to you when you didn’t hide your pain for me when you thought my dad was dead. You need that, I’ll let you have it because you give me no choice.”
“You telling me it’s bullshit isn’t exactly letting me have that, Sebring,” I pointed out when I had the chance to wedge words in, but I got no more out.
“Oh yeah,” he said like it was a continuation and I hadn’t even spoken, “and I’ll try to pretend you’re stone-cold Olivia Shade two seconds after you’ve been a smartass.”
Hesitantly, I shared, “I wasn’t being a smartass. I was simply pointing out an incongruity in your statement.”
He looked to the ceiling. “Christ, I’m tellin’ her if she needs me, I’m there however she needs that to be, and she’s spoutin’ words at me like ‘incongruity.’”
She needs me, I’m there…
I couldn’t focus on that.
Instead, even more hesitantly, I began to ask, “Do you not get that word or—?”
His eyes cut to me and his arm around me squeezed hard with annoyance. “Yes, I get that word.”
“Oh…kay.” The first syllable came out in a wheeze because he hadn’t yet loosened his hold.
He studied me.
Then he slid his arm up my back until his hand caught under my arm and he pulled me up his chest so we were eye to eye.
“The point is,” he said softly, “we’ve established we get it. There are lines we don’t cross. We both know why. We both got shields up to protect ourselves and each other from the shit in our lives. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give a shit and that doesn’t mean we can’t be decent to each other when the need arises.”
“I…I…” I didn’t know what I wanted to say, so I finished weakly, “I actually am fine, Sebring. I have some things on my mind but I’m fine.”
He scowled at me.
I wanted to shut this down. I wanted to stop myself from feeling what I was feeling because it felt too good.
But he was right.
We got it.
And if that was true—and he believed it was—and if I could convince myself of that—then we did get it.
So I could have it.
“However, if needed, I’ll be certain to get shitfaced safely with you or…” I shrugged, “other.”
“You do know you can be cute,” he remarked curtly.
I could?
“No,” I told him.
“And it’s fucking annoying,” he declared, sounding like it was far worse than that.
I had the deep desire to smile.
Instead, I pressed my lips together.
His eyes dropped to them and he suddenly looked well beyond fucking annoyed.
His gaze came back to mine.
“And, just sayin’, in a perfect goddamned world, I’d know who taught you it wasn’t okay to be happy, not even for the length of time you’d give yourself to smile, and I’d fuck them right the fuck up,” he declared, his words and their tone proving he was definitely beyond fucking annoyed.
But still, I liked he had that emotion for me.
And liking it, I felt my body melt on his as I whispered, “Sebring.”
“Now,” he rolled me to my back, “with all that shit, I’m not fine.” His mouth came to mine. “So we’re fucking until I feel better.”
“Okay,” I agreed, sliding my arms around him, perfectly fine with giving at least that to him.
So I did.
We fucked.
And by the time he walked me to my car, I didn’t know how much better Nick felt.
But outside of leaving him, I felt great.
Chapter Twelve
Rearview Mirror
Olivia
5:26 – Saturday Evening
My phone rang, I looked at it and didn’t bother fighting it.
I answered it.
“Hey,” I greeted.
“Hey,” Nick replied. “Got somethin’ that came up. Can’t do dinner tonight.”
My heart sunk.
“Text you when my shit’s done. You can come over or I could come to you,” he finished.
My heart tripped again because that felt good too.
I had to put a stop to this.
“This is the part where it’s important we remember the limits of what we have,” I shared in a whisper to gentle my words but also to hide the pain his words caused because I liked them too much for safety.
“You look at me with that sweet, sad look in your eyes, Olivia, and you say those words to me…”
He shook his head and I thought, even hoped he was just going to let that hang.
But he kept talking.
“You fuck me like you can’t get enough of me and you give me you like you want me to drown in your pussy and then you tell yourself you believe that it stops there. You do that, I got no choice but to give that to you. But I can get what we are to each other and still give a shit about you. And that’s where I am right now, with that sweet, sad look in your eyes, lyin’ on top of me after just havin’ you. And that’s where I was with you two days ago with your mom shovelin’ shit you for some reason got no choice but to swallow. And even before, you tryin’ to hide your scar from me.”
Before I could break in to stop him, relentlessly he went on.
“And I’ll let you think you’re bullshitting me that I’m just cock to you when you didn’t hide your pain for me when you thought my dad was dead. You need that, I’ll let you have it because you give me no choice.”
“You telling me it’s bullshit isn’t exactly letting me have that, Sebring,” I pointed out when I had the chance to wedge words in, but I got no more out.
“Oh yeah,” he said like it was a continuation and I hadn’t even spoken, “and I’ll try to pretend you’re stone-cold Olivia Shade two seconds after you’ve been a smartass.”
Hesitantly, I shared, “I wasn’t being a smartass. I was simply pointing out an incongruity in your statement.”
He looked to the ceiling. “Christ, I’m tellin’ her if she needs me, I’m there however she needs that to be, and she’s spoutin’ words at me like ‘incongruity.’”
She needs me, I’m there…
I couldn’t focus on that.
Instead, even more hesitantly, I began to ask, “Do you not get that word or—?”
His eyes cut to me and his arm around me squeezed hard with annoyance. “Yes, I get that word.”
“Oh…kay.” The first syllable came out in a wheeze because he hadn’t yet loosened his hold.
He studied me.
Then he slid his arm up my back until his hand caught under my arm and he pulled me up his chest so we were eye to eye.
“The point is,” he said softly, “we’ve established we get it. There are lines we don’t cross. We both know why. We both got shields up to protect ourselves and each other from the shit in our lives. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give a shit and that doesn’t mean we can’t be decent to each other when the need arises.”
“I…I…” I didn’t know what I wanted to say, so I finished weakly, “I actually am fine, Sebring. I have some things on my mind but I’m fine.”
He scowled at me.
I wanted to shut this down. I wanted to stop myself from feeling what I was feeling because it felt too good.
But he was right.
We got it.
And if that was true—and he believed it was—and if I could convince myself of that—then we did get it.
So I could have it.
“However, if needed, I’ll be certain to get shitfaced safely with you or…” I shrugged, “other.”
“You do know you can be cute,” he remarked curtly.
I could?
“No,” I told him.
“And it’s fucking annoying,” he declared, sounding like it was far worse than that.
I had the deep desire to smile.
Instead, I pressed my lips together.
His eyes dropped to them and he suddenly looked well beyond fucking annoyed.
His gaze came back to mine.
“And, just sayin’, in a perfect goddamned world, I’d know who taught you it wasn’t okay to be happy, not even for the length of time you’d give yourself to smile, and I’d fuck them right the fuck up,” he declared, his words and their tone proving he was definitely beyond fucking annoyed.
But still, I liked he had that emotion for me.
And liking it, I felt my body melt on his as I whispered, “Sebring.”
“Now,” he rolled me to my back, “with all that shit, I’m not fine.” His mouth came to mine. “So we’re fucking until I feel better.”
“Okay,” I agreed, sliding my arms around him, perfectly fine with giving at least that to him.
So I did.
We fucked.
And by the time he walked me to my car, I didn’t know how much better Nick felt.
But outside of leaving him, I felt great.
Chapter Twelve
Rearview Mirror
Olivia
5:26 – Saturday Evening
My phone rang, I looked at it and didn’t bother fighting it.
I answered it.
“Hey,” I greeted.
“Hey,” Nick replied. “Got somethin’ that came up. Can’t do dinner tonight.”
My heart sunk.
“Text you when my shit’s done. You can come over or I could come to you,” he finished.
