“No, it doesn’t,” he agreed, and I noticed his eyes intent on me. “Does that hurt?”
“No.”
“Baby, he burned you. Your dad. Your father did that to you. I can’t comprehend that. And it wasn’t for some jacked sense of family devotion and loyalty that he did that.”
“It doesn’t hurt, Sebring.”
He stopped stroking my jaw and cupped it, starting with ill-concealed disbelief, “Olivia—”
“It would hurt someone normal,” I whispered. “I’m not normal. It isn’t like a phantom limb, something you had, used, needed and missed when it was gone. I never had that. I never had love. Devotion. Loyalty. You can’t miss something you’ve never had. Even when they had me tied down and he was pouring the oil on me, my mind wasn’t even there. I felt it happening but it was just something happening. It hurt. It hurt unbelievably. But I wasn’t there. My mind was where it always was. Somewhere else so I could survive and not go totally fucking crazy.”
I stopped talking.
Then I went still.
Because Nick was still. The air was still. The room was still. In fact, I fancied the earth stood still as he stared at me, the rage that he’d successfully tamped down before burning blatant in his gaze.
“Nicky—” I whispered, inching up his chest.
“You’re out of that warehouse, yeah?” he grunted.
“I…” I nodded uncertainly because I hadn’t told him yet about my change in job and I didn’t know if he was telling me to get out or confirming I was out. “Yes. Do you—?”
“Babe, I know everything,” he declared, answering the question I didn’t completely get out. “Just get that. I know about your sister’s labs. I know Raid Miller found the man whose job you’re doin’ now. And I know since Raid brought him back that no one has seen that man.”
I felt my eyes grow huge but Nick wasn’t done talking.
“It’s my business to know everything. I got a lot of ways I find shit out and I use those ways. I do not trade in information very often. That’s sticky and you gotta keep tabs on everything, beware of shifts in the underbelly, because you could cross someone you don’t wanna cross when they’re nobody but they end up somebody and allegiances in our world change daily. But I still gotta know. I make my money getting things for people. Delivering things for people. Providing safety in a variety of ways. Knowledge is power and to do my job and make it so my guys can do theirs and do it safely, I need as much of that as I can get.”
“Okay,” I said when he stopped talking.
“So I know.”
“Okay,” I repeated.
“And I want you to stay away from that warehouse,” he ordered.
“I can’t, Sebring,” I shared, watched frustration flash in his irate eyes and went on, “I’m out of my warehouse but I have a meeting with Dad and Georgia next week. They want me doing what I do in DTC but they also want reports about what I’m doing. David, the man who did it before me—”
“Jacked your shit and stole a shit ton of money.”
Automatically I started to push up from his chest.
Surface information was one thing. It was rife on the streets. Anyone could gather it in a variety of ways.
But detail like that?
His arm that was resting on the bed shot around me and held me where I was.
“Liv, it isn’t a secret,” he told me.
“Did Raid—?” I started to ask, not believing that. Raiden Miller was a bounty hunter and a good one, part of that being he was the soul of discretion.
“The man disappeared and Harkin went after him. Harkin is clumsy and has never been known for finesse. But your dad thinks he can do and say whatever the fuck he wants wherever the fuck he wants. He spewed his anger wide about Littleton fucking him and what he intended to do with him when he got him back. So like I said, not a secret.”
“God, Dad is such a fool,” I whispered to Nick’s throat.
“Liv.”
I looked to his face.
“You know what happened to David Littleton?”
I shook my head, sharing, “In our crew, David wasn’t the first to disappear. I might be privy to certain decisions but I’m rarely privy to the mechanics of carrying them out. Those functions of the business were never a part of my role.”
“Keep it that way,” he ordered.
I nodded readily, seeing as following that order wouldn’t be difficult.
“Your sister is making moves,” he declared. “No one knows why she’s doin’ some of the shit she’s doin’ but everyone is watching. Everyone. You watch your ass and you steer as clear of that as you can. You with me?”
I nodded.
“And you do not share that with her,” he warned. “She doesn’t already know she isn’t flying under radar, she’s a moron. Don’t know your sister but what I do know, she doesn’t give the impression of bein’ a moron. You are not in that. Part of what we gotta figure out with us is what goes from this bed, this house, what we got to out there. But I’ll state right now that I am absolutely not a conduit to makin’ your family safe by sharin’ information. You with me?”
I nodded again.
“Say the words, Livvie,” he demanded firmly but also managed to do it tenderly.
I gave him the words. “I’m with you, Nick.”
I expected him to relax.
He didn’t.
And he didn’t because he was worried about me.
“No.”
“Baby, he burned you. Your dad. Your father did that to you. I can’t comprehend that. And it wasn’t for some jacked sense of family devotion and loyalty that he did that.”
“It doesn’t hurt, Sebring.”
He stopped stroking my jaw and cupped it, starting with ill-concealed disbelief, “Olivia—”
“It would hurt someone normal,” I whispered. “I’m not normal. It isn’t like a phantom limb, something you had, used, needed and missed when it was gone. I never had that. I never had love. Devotion. Loyalty. You can’t miss something you’ve never had. Even when they had me tied down and he was pouring the oil on me, my mind wasn’t even there. I felt it happening but it was just something happening. It hurt. It hurt unbelievably. But I wasn’t there. My mind was where it always was. Somewhere else so I could survive and not go totally fucking crazy.”
I stopped talking.
Then I went still.
Because Nick was still. The air was still. The room was still. In fact, I fancied the earth stood still as he stared at me, the rage that he’d successfully tamped down before burning blatant in his gaze.
“Nicky—” I whispered, inching up his chest.
“You’re out of that warehouse, yeah?” he grunted.
“I…” I nodded uncertainly because I hadn’t told him yet about my change in job and I didn’t know if he was telling me to get out or confirming I was out. “Yes. Do you—?”
“Babe, I know everything,” he declared, answering the question I didn’t completely get out. “Just get that. I know about your sister’s labs. I know Raid Miller found the man whose job you’re doin’ now. And I know since Raid brought him back that no one has seen that man.”
I felt my eyes grow huge but Nick wasn’t done talking.
“It’s my business to know everything. I got a lot of ways I find shit out and I use those ways. I do not trade in information very often. That’s sticky and you gotta keep tabs on everything, beware of shifts in the underbelly, because you could cross someone you don’t wanna cross when they’re nobody but they end up somebody and allegiances in our world change daily. But I still gotta know. I make my money getting things for people. Delivering things for people. Providing safety in a variety of ways. Knowledge is power and to do my job and make it so my guys can do theirs and do it safely, I need as much of that as I can get.”
“Okay,” I said when he stopped talking.
“So I know.”
“Okay,” I repeated.
“And I want you to stay away from that warehouse,” he ordered.
“I can’t, Sebring,” I shared, watched frustration flash in his irate eyes and went on, “I’m out of my warehouse but I have a meeting with Dad and Georgia next week. They want me doing what I do in DTC but they also want reports about what I’m doing. David, the man who did it before me—”
“Jacked your shit and stole a shit ton of money.”
Automatically I started to push up from his chest.
Surface information was one thing. It was rife on the streets. Anyone could gather it in a variety of ways.
But detail like that?
His arm that was resting on the bed shot around me and held me where I was.
“Liv, it isn’t a secret,” he told me.
“Did Raid—?” I started to ask, not believing that. Raiden Miller was a bounty hunter and a good one, part of that being he was the soul of discretion.
“The man disappeared and Harkin went after him. Harkin is clumsy and has never been known for finesse. But your dad thinks he can do and say whatever the fuck he wants wherever the fuck he wants. He spewed his anger wide about Littleton fucking him and what he intended to do with him when he got him back. So like I said, not a secret.”
“God, Dad is such a fool,” I whispered to Nick’s throat.
“Liv.”
I looked to his face.
“You know what happened to David Littleton?”
I shook my head, sharing, “In our crew, David wasn’t the first to disappear. I might be privy to certain decisions but I’m rarely privy to the mechanics of carrying them out. Those functions of the business were never a part of my role.”
“Keep it that way,” he ordered.
I nodded readily, seeing as following that order wouldn’t be difficult.
“Your sister is making moves,” he declared. “No one knows why she’s doin’ some of the shit she’s doin’ but everyone is watching. Everyone. You watch your ass and you steer as clear of that as you can. You with me?”
I nodded.
“And you do not share that with her,” he warned. “She doesn’t already know she isn’t flying under radar, she’s a moron. Don’t know your sister but what I do know, she doesn’t give the impression of bein’ a moron. You are not in that. Part of what we gotta figure out with us is what goes from this bed, this house, what we got to out there. But I’ll state right now that I am absolutely not a conduit to makin’ your family safe by sharin’ information. You with me?”
I nodded again.
“Say the words, Livvie,” he demanded firmly but also managed to do it tenderly.
I gave him the words. “I’m with you, Nick.”
I expected him to relax.
He didn’t.
And he didn’t because he was worried about me.
