I stared up at him, lips parted, frozen in disbelief.
This went on for too long and I knew that when Tommy clipped out, “You wanna snap out of it?”
“You get me?” I asked.
He moved away half a step and tossed both hands up in exasperation. “Fuck, Liv, what do you think I’ve been eatin’ shit for the last six years?”
I could not believe this.
“Your wife is pregnant,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, and when I dump the bitch, the kid’ll still be mine. He’ll be raised half the time by you and me, which might suck, but kids deal with that shit all the time. He’ll be good.”
I could not believe this!
“When you dump the bitch?” I asked.
“Liv, I’m in love,” he pointed a finger less than an inch from my face, “with you. We’re gonna make kids. You’re gonna do whatever you do at David’s office. I’m gonna run Georgia’s crew. And it’s all gonna be the way we wanted it to be.”
“If it’s all gonna be the way we wanted it to be, Tommy, how is my cousin pregnant?”
He shrugged.
Yes.
Shrugged.
Then he explained, “It took Georgia longer than she expected. I kept ridin’ her ass. She told me she’d deliver. I saw the fruits of her labors, they came slow, but I saw them so I trusted her. In the meantime, your dad kept givin’ me a load of shit for not knockin’ up my wife. The bitch I got at home was also givin’ me shit. To shut them down, keep a lid on it, make them think I was still cowed and to give Georgia time to do what she needed to do, I knocked her up.”
Was I once in love with this man?
“Tommy,” I started for reasons I didn’t know due to the fact this conversation was moot. Regardless of what he thought, there was no him and me. “You’ll remember the way we wanted things to be was not being involved in this life.”
“Babe, love you in a bikini on a Jet Ski. Love you in a bikini anytime. But you start havin’ my babies, the bikini will be out and you’ll have kids to take care of, so the Jet Ski will be out too. That was us bein’ young and stupid. This,” he pointed to the floor, “is our life.”
“It isn’t my life,” I told him. “Or at least I don’t want it to be, Tommy, and you know that.”
“It isn’t yours,” he agreed. “You’re right. But it’s mine. It’ll put food on our table. It’ll keep us with the family. You do what you gotta do, babe. You leave the rest to me.”
I held his gaze as I stated softly, “I cannot believe you’re saying these things to me.”
He shook his head in annoyance. “I can’t believe you can’t believe it, Liv. Fuck. You’re the love of my goddamned life.”
“Did you think of sharing that sometime in the past six years?” I asked.
“I did every time I looked at you,” he answered tersely.
This was, I had to admit, true.
“Perhaps you could have used your words,” I suggested. “And/or my sister using hers.”
“The less people in the know with that, the better. And she was worried. Worried you couldn’t keep your shit together. You’re sensitive. Shit bothers you. You wanted out of stuff, she was diggin’ in deeper. We had to keep you in the dark. She saw that shit happen to you and me, she and Gill were gettin’ it on, they were tight, things were intense, she knew your dad would shut that down with them. Took her a long fuckin’ time, but she got it sorted. For her and Gill and for you and me.”
All of this, all of it, was a surprise to me. My father, my sister, my ex-lover, none of them thought enough of me, my thoughts, wants, needs, even to discuss my own damned future with me.
That didn’t matter.
It was too late and Tommy needed to know that.
“I’m with Nick now and—”
“Right, Nick,” he interrupted me, spitting out Nick’s name furiously. “That’s a pile a’ shit you created, Liv. Now Georgia’s gonna have to deal with him and do it slick ’cause if he’s not dealt with right, that brother of his is gonna lose his mind, drag Sloan into it and Denver will be at war. We’re buildin’ up, we don’t need that kind of hassle.”
Unease started creeping.
“Georgia hardly has to—” I began, only to get cut off again.
“Babe, you don’t know, you would have totally fuckin’ lost it, Georgia fuckin’ lost it when she found out and that was when her plans went into hyperdrive. But when your dad got messed up in that human trafficking shit, it was not pretty.”
He’d been saying so much to me I couldn’t believe, I’d forgotten he’d said those words previously.
And I’d forgotten I’d heard them before.
Now I focused on them.
“What human trafficking shit?” I asked.
“The human trafficking shit the Feds were all over. Hawk Delgado was all over. It was so hot, only a moron would get near it. Plus, human trafficking? What the fuck? The guy won’t deal meth because it’s a poor man’s drug, but he’ll sell a human being?”
He didn’t expect an answer.
He kept spewing hideous words.
“Georgia nearly screwed everything after your dad ordered Gill to whack Nick and his Fed girlfriend…”
My lungs started burning.
“…and now she knows Sebring is biding his time for revenge. Fuck, we just found out he had bugs all over this fuckin’ warehouse and they been here a long time, Liv. Fuckin’ years he’s been listenin’ to everything that’s gone down here. Every-fuckin’-thing. Who knows the shit he’s got on us? We just know it could fuck us, all of us, including you.”
This went on for too long and I knew that when Tommy clipped out, “You wanna snap out of it?”
“You get me?” I asked.
He moved away half a step and tossed both hands up in exasperation. “Fuck, Liv, what do you think I’ve been eatin’ shit for the last six years?”
I could not believe this.
“Your wife is pregnant,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, and when I dump the bitch, the kid’ll still be mine. He’ll be raised half the time by you and me, which might suck, but kids deal with that shit all the time. He’ll be good.”
I could not believe this!
“When you dump the bitch?” I asked.
“Liv, I’m in love,” he pointed a finger less than an inch from my face, “with you. We’re gonna make kids. You’re gonna do whatever you do at David’s office. I’m gonna run Georgia’s crew. And it’s all gonna be the way we wanted it to be.”
“If it’s all gonna be the way we wanted it to be, Tommy, how is my cousin pregnant?”
He shrugged.
Yes.
Shrugged.
Then he explained, “It took Georgia longer than she expected. I kept ridin’ her ass. She told me she’d deliver. I saw the fruits of her labors, they came slow, but I saw them so I trusted her. In the meantime, your dad kept givin’ me a load of shit for not knockin’ up my wife. The bitch I got at home was also givin’ me shit. To shut them down, keep a lid on it, make them think I was still cowed and to give Georgia time to do what she needed to do, I knocked her up.”
Was I once in love with this man?
“Tommy,” I started for reasons I didn’t know due to the fact this conversation was moot. Regardless of what he thought, there was no him and me. “You’ll remember the way we wanted things to be was not being involved in this life.”
“Babe, love you in a bikini on a Jet Ski. Love you in a bikini anytime. But you start havin’ my babies, the bikini will be out and you’ll have kids to take care of, so the Jet Ski will be out too. That was us bein’ young and stupid. This,” he pointed to the floor, “is our life.”
“It isn’t my life,” I told him. “Or at least I don’t want it to be, Tommy, and you know that.”
“It isn’t yours,” he agreed. “You’re right. But it’s mine. It’ll put food on our table. It’ll keep us with the family. You do what you gotta do, babe. You leave the rest to me.”
I held his gaze as I stated softly, “I cannot believe you’re saying these things to me.”
He shook his head in annoyance. “I can’t believe you can’t believe it, Liv. Fuck. You’re the love of my goddamned life.”
“Did you think of sharing that sometime in the past six years?” I asked.
“I did every time I looked at you,” he answered tersely.
This was, I had to admit, true.
“Perhaps you could have used your words,” I suggested. “And/or my sister using hers.”
“The less people in the know with that, the better. And she was worried. Worried you couldn’t keep your shit together. You’re sensitive. Shit bothers you. You wanted out of stuff, she was diggin’ in deeper. We had to keep you in the dark. She saw that shit happen to you and me, she and Gill were gettin’ it on, they were tight, things were intense, she knew your dad would shut that down with them. Took her a long fuckin’ time, but she got it sorted. For her and Gill and for you and me.”
All of this, all of it, was a surprise to me. My father, my sister, my ex-lover, none of them thought enough of me, my thoughts, wants, needs, even to discuss my own damned future with me.
That didn’t matter.
It was too late and Tommy needed to know that.
“I’m with Nick now and—”
“Right, Nick,” he interrupted me, spitting out Nick’s name furiously. “That’s a pile a’ shit you created, Liv. Now Georgia’s gonna have to deal with him and do it slick ’cause if he’s not dealt with right, that brother of his is gonna lose his mind, drag Sloan into it and Denver will be at war. We’re buildin’ up, we don’t need that kind of hassle.”
Unease started creeping.
“Georgia hardly has to—” I began, only to get cut off again.
“Babe, you don’t know, you would have totally fuckin’ lost it, Georgia fuckin’ lost it when she found out and that was when her plans went into hyperdrive. But when your dad got messed up in that human trafficking shit, it was not pretty.”
He’d been saying so much to me I couldn’t believe, I’d forgotten he’d said those words previously.
And I’d forgotten I’d heard them before.
Now I focused on them.
“What human trafficking shit?” I asked.
“The human trafficking shit the Feds were all over. Hawk Delgado was all over. It was so hot, only a moron would get near it. Plus, human trafficking? What the fuck? The guy won’t deal meth because it’s a poor man’s drug, but he’ll sell a human being?”
He didn’t expect an answer.
He kept spewing hideous words.
“Georgia nearly screwed everything after your dad ordered Gill to whack Nick and his Fed girlfriend…”
My lungs started burning.
“…and now she knows Sebring is biding his time for revenge. Fuck, we just found out he had bugs all over this fuckin’ warehouse and they been here a long time, Liv. Fuckin’ years he’s been listenin’ to everything that’s gone down here. Every-fuckin’-thing. Who knows the shit he’s got on us? We just know it could fuck us, all of us, including you.”
