Seven Years to Sin
Page 14

Alistair weighed her change in mood, knowing the waters of this particular topic were far from shallow. He also knew she wasn’t yet willing to let him swim in them. Still, he couldn’t resist an attempt.
“I had a friend at Eaton,” he began, “who was probably the most intelligent fellow I’ve ever come across. Not so much with his studies, but he was observant and quick to think. However, whenever I complimented him on his rare ability to scan for advantages and make swift use of them, he hurried to dissuade me. He lacked confidence, yet I couldn’t collect why. Later, when I met certain members of his family, it became clear that his sort of mental acuity wasn’t appreciated, which undermined Barton’s personal esteem. His parents wanted to see high marks for his school work; everything else was useless in their opinion.”
“I can sympathize.”
“I’m sure you can, as there are similarities between you. Like Barton, you also make great effort to dissuade me from my high opinion of you. But you do not lack confidence, as he did. You aren’t undermined by your peers, as he was. In your case, you don’t value the traits in yourself that inspire admiration in others. Now you suggest it’s because you acquired those traits under some type of duress. From what quarter? Your mother? Competition with your sibling?”
The look Jessica shot him was full of exasperation. “Are you always so curious? If so, is this level of interest applicable to everyone? Or only to women you wish to bed?”
“You are as prickly as a porcupine, and equally hard to grasp. I love it.”
“You love a challenge,” she corrected. “If I were pursuing you, you would feel different.”
“Try me,” he said, meeting her gaze. “Let’s put it to the test.”
“Another challenge. Or a wager. Irresistible to you.” She popped the last remaining bit of bread into her mouth, then set to work arranging pillows to her liking. When she leaned slightly against them, using her elbow as a prop, he found the view quite charming. Relaxed elegance and artless beauty.
Choosing not to argue about the root of his interest, Alistair returned to an earlier point in the conversation. “So how will you distinguish yourself in the future? What plan do you have?”
“Perhaps I will manage Calypso well.” She bit carefully into a pear slice. “I hope to prove myself worthy of the task.”
“There is nothing for you to do. Tarley has an excellent foreman and a competent steward, as well as a superior agreement for the transport of goods, if I say so myself. The wheels are well greased and they turn without need for you to exert any effort.”
When a shadow passed over Jessica’s features, he realized his error. The truth of it was, he was alarmed by the prospect of her having no need for him, which might be the case if she wasn’t hunting for a buyer. But that wasn’t reason to dash her hopes. She wanted to tackle and conquer a task of heretofore untried scale. Regardless of how that impacted his access to her, he should support such a brave endeavor. Lord knew he admired it.
“That isn’t to say adjustments cannot be made,” he corrected quickly. “There is always room for improvement.”
The look she gave him was both grateful and knowing. Though new to the game of seduction and sexual conquest, she was yet aware that he was making concessions to woo her. “I hope so. At the very least, I should like to keep it running smoothly.”
He grinned. “Nothing intriguing about you, you say.”
Jessica looked down at her hand and the large sapphire gracing it. “Maybe a little something,” she conceded. “At least in your view.”
“No other view matters.” He would have selected a ruby for her. Red would suit the inner fire she kept carefully banked.
“Can you … will you, help me?” She looked up, her eyes veiled beneath thick lashes. “You started with nothing. I would expect you know everything there is to know about growing and selling sugarcane.”
The surge of relieved triumph he felt was accompanied by a softer, warmer emotion. “Absolutely. Once you gain your bearings and feel settled enough, I can expand your knowledge. I wouldn’t want to intrude too soon, but if you ever have any questions or difficulties, I would be honored to assist you.”
“Thank you.”
They ate in companionable silence for a time. While Alistair was content just to share a meal and a lovely day with Jessica, he noted that the set of her shoulders relaxed the longer he held his tongue. Which led him to wonder just how deeply she allowed people to know her. She evaded more questions than she answered. Altogether, it was clear that her upbringing had known moments of harshness, with “consequences” grave enough to mold her into a skin she did not wear comfortably.
He looked again at the sapphire wedding ring on her slender hand and wondered how well Tarley had known her. Most peerage marriages were shallow associations based on the mutual understanding that disruptive discussions would not take place. It was not unusual for spouses to touch upon only brief highlights of their separate daily schedules and delve not at all beneath the surface to discover how each other felt about any particular event or acquaintance.
Was there anyone in Jessica’s life who shared her confidence?
“You had a dog,” he remembered. “It was always with you.”
“Temperance,” she said with a note of wistfulness. “She passed away a few years ago. I miss her terribly. There are times when my skirts will brush my ankles in a certain way, and for a moment I forget and think it might be her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Have you ever had an animal you were attached to?”
“My brother Aaron had a beagle I liked well enough. Albert had a mastiff that drooled a lake every hour. And Andrew had a terrier named Lawrence who was indeed a terror, which made us fast friends. Alas, by the time Lawrence was done ruining the furniture and rugs, Masterson had decreed there would be no more animals in our household. My poor luck to be the youngest and last in line.”
Her smile was soft. “I suspect you’d spoil a pet.”
He wanted to spoil her, lavish her with gifts, drape her nude body in jewels …
Clearing his throat, he said, “Does Lady Regmont also have a fondness for animals?”
“Hester has always been too busy to dedicate time to a pet. It is the rare day when she does not have a full schedule.”
Alistair recalled how vivacious Hester had been during his long-ago acquaintance with her. “Michael was quite enamored of that quality in her. He, too, enjoys the companionship of many people.”
“Everyone loves Hester.” A breeze pushed a thick blond curl across her cheek, and she brushed it back. “It’s impossible not to.”
“Michael had eyes for no one else when she was in the same room.”
“She can be the brightest light in any company.”
He caught the wistfulness in her words. “You miss her.”
Jessica sighed. “In many ways. She’s altered a great deal in the last year. I am ashamed to say I don’t know if the change was gradual or sudden. After Tarley became ill, I had little time to visit with anyone.”
“Altered in what way?”
She lifted one shoulder in a helpless shrug. “I fear she might be ill. She has become quite thin and is often pale. There are times when there is a pinching around her eyes and mouth, as if she might be in pain. But when I’ve begged her to call for the doctor, she insists nothing is amiss.”
“If anything is wrong, I am certain Michael will see to it in your absence. You can rest easy.”
“With everything demanding his attention, I doubt he has time to see to himself. Dear man. He needs a wife to ease some of his burdens.”
“Your sister still has the ability to garner the whole of his attention, which is why, I believe, he hasn’t wed.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you saying Michael has a tendre for Hester?”
“Has for years,” Alistair said dryly. He knew well how consuming such an obsession could be.
“No,” she breathed. “I can’t credit it. He’s never shown any signs of affection greater than friendship.”
“And you have paid strict attention to be certain?”
She stared at him for a long moment, then smiled sheepishly. “I had no idea.”
“Neither does Lady Regmont, which was the bulk of his problem.”
“She did mention him once, when listing desirable qualities to be found in her future spouse.”
“Oh? What did she say? Perhaps it might offer him comfort to know she finds him appealing in some regard. Then again, perhaps it would be torturous since there’s nothing to be done about it now.”
“She appreciated his congeniality, I believe.” Jessica’s eyes sparkled. “However, you possess the appearance she most admired.”
“Flattering. Did you agree?”
“I lied.”
His brows rose.
“In a fashion,” she qualified. “I told her you were too young for me to assess in that manner.”
Alistair clapped a hand over his heart. “Ho! The fair lady cuts me to the quick.”
“Stuff,” she scoffed.
“Youth does have its advantages. Vigor, stamina—”
“Impetuousness.”
“Which can be delicious,” he retorted, “when done properly. Since you admit to lying, you are confessing that you found me physically appealing even then. Why didn’t you say as much to your sister?” Did she share nothing personal with anyone?
“I couldn’t encourage her interest! I don’t believe you two would suit. You would quickly overshadow her, I think.”
“I would not have been receptive in any case. It would be very unwise for a man to court one sister while secretly pining for the other.”
Jessica flushed. “You have never pined for anything. It’s not in your nature. Besides, like Mr. Sinclair, you never once gave any indication of knowing I even existed.”
“The same can be said of you in regard to me. Both of us appear to have been aware of each other, but you were promised to Tarley and I was too young. I had no notion of what I wanted to do with you beyond unrestrained fornication, and I was confounded by how to achieve that end. You are such a perfect, pristinely glorious creature. Rutting atop you in a frenzy of adolescent lust seemed obscene and impossible.”
It was a testament to her growing ease in his company that she wasn’t completely scandalized by his bluntness, as she certainly would have been mere days ago. “You appeared to have more skill and control in such matters when I bore witness to them.”
“It would have been different with you.”
Her blush deepened. She looked down at the food between them. “Perhaps if Michael had been more obvious or forthcoming about his feelings for Hester—not that she isn’t remarkably happy with Regmont …”
“I avoid speculating on past possibilities. Life is what it is. Making the best of it takes energy enough. Pointless to waste any effort regretting what cannot be changed.”
Jessica nodded as if she agreed, but her gaze was slightly unfocused, betraying the inward turn of her thoughts. “You act with the intention of not regretting your decision to do so,” she murmured, almost to herself. “While I have always chosen not to act, so there would be no possibility of regret.”
“Who is to say which approach is better?”
“I should like to try your way. At least for a little while.” Alistair looked up at the sky to mitigate any pressure his next words might exert. “It would seem to be the perfect time. You can reinvent yourself while away from home, and no one will be the wiser.”
“You will know.”
“Ah, but I won’t tell a soul.”
She wagged a finger at him, a gesture he found enchanting for its playfulness. “You are influencing me. Whether that is for my betterment or detriment remains to be seen.”
“I know precisely what you need.”
“Do you?”
“Freedom without censure.” He sat up. “It does exist, and I can show it to you.”
“Freedom and consequences go hand in hand.”
“Yes. But is censure a consequence or simply a nuisance? Does it really matter what others think of you, if you have the means to ignore them?”
Jessica exhaled audibly. “I am beginning to care about what you think of me.”
“I’m mad for you.” Alistair reached for the bottle of wine protruding from the basket. “And I have liked all the sides I have seen of you so far.”
“Both of us cannot flaunt convention.”
“We can’t?”
“Someone has to be the voice of reason. I designate you.”
He laughed. “Do you?”
“We shall reverse roles. I will proceed without concern for consequences, and you will act with an eye toward propriety. You certainly will need the practice, since you intend to rejoin Society when you return to England.”
Alistair was beyond intrigued with her bold suggestion.
“Come now,” she prompted. “We both know you are well versed in how to break rules. The question is: can you follow them? Can you withdraw from an endeavor, goal, or desire simply because it would be scandalous to continue? Can you pass opportunities in order to avoid censure?”
“Can you break rules?” he rejoined. “Can you continue, even if doing so is scandalous? Can you risk censure to seize opportunities?”
“I can certainly give it my best effort.” Her smile was brighter than he’d ever seen it. “Shall we wager to make my proposal more appealing?”
“Oh, it’s appealing enough.” The reversal of their roles introduced a host of wickedly wonderful possibilities. “But, as you know, I never walk away from a challenge. Twenty guineas?”