Shadow Bound
Page 82
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“I know enough to know I want to know more. I know I want to kill everyone who had anything to do with whatever happened in that fucking basement.”
She sucked in a deep breath, and the next few came quicker, like she couldn’t get enough air. “I don’t need a knight, Ian. I can fight for myself.”
I nodded. “And everyone else around you. I know. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to help.”
Kori glanced at the floor and spoke while she picked at the hem of her jeans. “I don’t…I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never really done the relationship thing, unless you count a few three- or four-night-stands.”
“The only thing you learn from any relationship is how to be in that specific relationship. So even if you’d been married a dozen times, this would still be new. It’s new for me, too. It’s supposed to be.”
She looked up then and met my gaze. “I’m kind of a wreck right now, and I can’t promise that’ll get any better.”
“We’re all messed up, Kori. We all have secrets. We all have problems. Part of the process is figuring those things out. One at a time.”
“What if I scare you off?”
I scooted closer, and we were only two feet apart now. “You couldn’t possibly. I know what I want.” I leaned forward and hooked one hand behind each of her calves, where her legs were bent at the knee. When she didn’t object, I pulled her closer, until our knees were touching. “I want you. I want only you. I want all of you. But I’ll take whatever you’re ready to give.”
Twenty-Two
Kori
Ian kissed me, and I kissed him back. I couldn’t get enough of him and how good he felt. How eager, but…safe.
Kissing was fine. Kissing was good. There was no kissing in the basement, and kissing Ian made me feel like I was fifteen all over again, and just discovering the art. Innocence and adventure. Power, because he wanted to kiss me, but I could pull away and he’d still want me, but he’d let me go.
Kissing Ian was like starting all over. Clean slate. No memories. No past. Just…us.
When I finally pulled back, desperate for both air and perspective, I couldn’t hold back a groan. “You’re playing dirty,” I moaned, letting my forehead fall against his shoulder.
He laughed, his face pressed into my neck, and his words seemed to melt right into my skin. “Not yet. But I’m open to that.”
“I mean you and your words. You always know exactly what to say.” That he wanted me. That he’d take what I was willing to give. “Does that silver tongue work on most women?”
Ian leaned back so I could see his eyes. Or maybe so he could see mine. “I’m not feeding you lines, Kori. If I were I’d have told you how hot you are and how badly I want you. Both of which are true. But neither of which are how I want to start this.”
This.
This is a mistake. Alarm bells were going off in my head. I knew better than this. This was going to get us both hurt, and not just emotionally. But for the first time in my life, the risk felt worth it.
“So, how do you want to start this?” I couldn’t believe the words, even as they came from my own mouth.
“I want you, and not as a signing bonus. I want to be with you. I want to fall asleep touching you, and I want to see you first thing in the morning. I want you to answer the phone and smile when you hear my voice. I want to be the only one you ever look at like you’re looking at me now. That’s what I want. What do you want?”
“I want…I want to try it. No promises and no hard feelings if either of us changes our mind,” I said, and though he nodded immediately, I couldn’t help wondering if he would have agreed to anything right then, just to make me happy.
Then I realized it didn’t matter. If he was that determined to make me happy, who was I to complain?
I kissed him again. Then I kissed him some more. And somehow, we made it from the floor to the leather couch, where he let my hands explore hard planes of muscle through the soft cotton of his shirt. My mouth trailed over the rough stubble on his chin and down his neck.
Ian groaned, and his hand glided over my hip. He felt so good. Sooo good. But then his fingers slid beneath the hem of my top, and—
“Wait…” I sat up, pushing him away, and after less than a second, the confusion in his eyes gave way to caution and understanding too raw for me to look at. I didn’t want his sympathy. I didn’t need to be coddled like a baby or seduced like a virgin.
I needed…time. Just a little more time.
“I’m hungry. Let’s get some food.”
“You okay? Is this too much?” That look—pity—lingered on the edge of his understanding smile, and I couldn’t stand it.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I snapped, and I could hear the anger in my voice, but I couldn’t control it. “I’m not fucking broken. I’m just hungry.”
But that was a lie. I was broken, and there was no bandage in the world big enough to fix me.
“I’m sorry. I was just trying not to—”
“It’s fine,” I said, purging the anger from my voice with a staggering effort. “I really am hungry. I was going to take you to this awesome steak house in the south fork, but after what happened in the park this morning, we probably shouldn’t leave the west side. There’s a place a couple of miles away that’s not too bad…?”
She sucked in a deep breath, and the next few came quicker, like she couldn’t get enough air. “I don’t need a knight, Ian. I can fight for myself.”
I nodded. “And everyone else around you. I know. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to help.”
Kori glanced at the floor and spoke while she picked at the hem of her jeans. “I don’t…I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never really done the relationship thing, unless you count a few three- or four-night-stands.”
“The only thing you learn from any relationship is how to be in that specific relationship. So even if you’d been married a dozen times, this would still be new. It’s new for me, too. It’s supposed to be.”
She looked up then and met my gaze. “I’m kind of a wreck right now, and I can’t promise that’ll get any better.”
“We’re all messed up, Kori. We all have secrets. We all have problems. Part of the process is figuring those things out. One at a time.”
“What if I scare you off?”
I scooted closer, and we were only two feet apart now. “You couldn’t possibly. I know what I want.” I leaned forward and hooked one hand behind each of her calves, where her legs were bent at the knee. When she didn’t object, I pulled her closer, until our knees were touching. “I want you. I want only you. I want all of you. But I’ll take whatever you’re ready to give.”
Twenty-Two
Kori
Ian kissed me, and I kissed him back. I couldn’t get enough of him and how good he felt. How eager, but…safe.
Kissing was fine. Kissing was good. There was no kissing in the basement, and kissing Ian made me feel like I was fifteen all over again, and just discovering the art. Innocence and adventure. Power, because he wanted to kiss me, but I could pull away and he’d still want me, but he’d let me go.
Kissing Ian was like starting all over. Clean slate. No memories. No past. Just…us.
When I finally pulled back, desperate for both air and perspective, I couldn’t hold back a groan. “You’re playing dirty,” I moaned, letting my forehead fall against his shoulder.
He laughed, his face pressed into my neck, and his words seemed to melt right into my skin. “Not yet. But I’m open to that.”
“I mean you and your words. You always know exactly what to say.” That he wanted me. That he’d take what I was willing to give. “Does that silver tongue work on most women?”
Ian leaned back so I could see his eyes. Or maybe so he could see mine. “I’m not feeding you lines, Kori. If I were I’d have told you how hot you are and how badly I want you. Both of which are true. But neither of which are how I want to start this.”
This.
This is a mistake. Alarm bells were going off in my head. I knew better than this. This was going to get us both hurt, and not just emotionally. But for the first time in my life, the risk felt worth it.
“So, how do you want to start this?” I couldn’t believe the words, even as they came from my own mouth.
“I want you, and not as a signing bonus. I want to be with you. I want to fall asleep touching you, and I want to see you first thing in the morning. I want you to answer the phone and smile when you hear my voice. I want to be the only one you ever look at like you’re looking at me now. That’s what I want. What do you want?”
“I want…I want to try it. No promises and no hard feelings if either of us changes our mind,” I said, and though he nodded immediately, I couldn’t help wondering if he would have agreed to anything right then, just to make me happy.
Then I realized it didn’t matter. If he was that determined to make me happy, who was I to complain?
I kissed him again. Then I kissed him some more. And somehow, we made it from the floor to the leather couch, where he let my hands explore hard planes of muscle through the soft cotton of his shirt. My mouth trailed over the rough stubble on his chin and down his neck.
Ian groaned, and his hand glided over my hip. He felt so good. Sooo good. But then his fingers slid beneath the hem of my top, and—
“Wait…” I sat up, pushing him away, and after less than a second, the confusion in his eyes gave way to caution and understanding too raw for me to look at. I didn’t want his sympathy. I didn’t need to be coddled like a baby or seduced like a virgin.
I needed…time. Just a little more time.
“I’m hungry. Let’s get some food.”
“You okay? Is this too much?” That look—pity—lingered on the edge of his understanding smile, and I couldn’t stand it.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I snapped, and I could hear the anger in my voice, but I couldn’t control it. “I’m not fucking broken. I’m just hungry.”
But that was a lie. I was broken, and there was no bandage in the world big enough to fix me.
“I’m sorry. I was just trying not to—”
“It’s fine,” I said, purging the anger from my voice with a staggering effort. “I really am hungry. I was going to take you to this awesome steak house in the south fork, but after what happened in the park this morning, we probably shouldn’t leave the west side. There’s a place a couple of miles away that’s not too bad…?”
