Shadowfever
Page 166
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I have such a spell. We will lay the child to rest together. You will be his savior. We will free him now, this very night. Open me, MacKayla. Open yourself. I have been unguided. You will teach me.
I bit my lip, frowning. Could I guide the Sinsar Dubh? Would my humanity give me the edge I needed? I turned inward, searching my heart, my soul. What I found there straightened my spine and squared my shoulders.
I can, I said. I can change you. I can make you better.
Yes, yes, do it now. Take me, hold me, open me, it whispered. Love you, MacKayla. Love me.
I couldnt wait another moment. I reached for the Sinsar Dubh.
48
The Book was icy beneath my hands, but the flames in the rubies warmed my soul.
I was touching the Sinsar Dubh.
The contact took my breath away. We were twins separated at birth, rejoined. Id been waiting for it all my life. With it in my hands, I was complete. I hugged it to my chest, shivering, trembling with emotion. A dark song began to build inside me. The Book was a finger and I was the wine-damp rim of a fine crystal goblet. It slid round and round, playing a melody that came from deep within my compromised soul.
I ran my hands lovingly over the jeweled cover.
I felt the immense power it contained. It inflated me, swelled inside me, made me drunk on it, giddy. The baby Id once been, whod known no right or wrong, was still in there. Unborn, we have yet to develop morality. I suspect theres some part of us that remains that way until death.
We choose. Thats what its all about.
When I stopped embracing it, held it away to admire it, the crimson rune that had been hidden in one of my palms pulsed wetly, expanded, and latched tiny suckers onto it, binding the covers closed.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING! the Sinsar Dubh screamed.
Making you better. I began to cry as I scooped another bloody rune from the glassy black surface of my lake. I wanted the Book like I wanted to breathe. Now I knew why it had hunted me. I was its perfect host. We were made for each other. With it, I would never fear anything. Rejecting it was the hardest thing Id ever done in my life. More bitter still was the knowledge that with each rune I pressed into the boards and binding, I was condemning Jericho and his son to continue living in an eternal hell.
HOW DARE YOU DECEIVE ME?
The nerve of me. I wanted to tear the runes off, crack open the Book, take my spell of unmaking. I didnt dare. If I opened the gold, black, and crimson cover the tiniest sliver, its dark song would rush out and consume me.
She would doom the world, theyd said.
Id been tempted, so tempted. I wanted Alina back. I wanted the walls up. I wanted Dani to be innocent and young and not my sisters killer. I wanted to be Jericho Barrons hero. I wanted to release him from endless pain. See him walk into the future with hope andmaybe even smile every now and then.
YOU SAID THE WORLD WAS IMPERFECT!
It is. I pressed another dripping rune into the cover.
But it was my world, filled with good people, like my father and mother, patient Kat, and Inspector Jayne, who were always doing their parts to make it a better place. Unseelie might be overrunning our planet, but wed been long overdue for a threat to unify us as a race and turn our petty angers away from one another.
There was pain, but there was also joy. It was in the tension between the two that life happened. Imperfect as it was, this world was real. Illusion was no substitute. Id rather live a hard life of fact than a sweet life of lies.
I flipped the Book over and pressed a rune into its back.
Its voice was muffled, growing weaker.
He will hate you!
That was the crushing blow. Id been a breath away from what Barrons had devoted his entire existence to getting, and Id turned my back on it. Id promised him. Id told him we would find a way, and Id failed him. There was no way to lift a single spell of such power from the Sinsar Dubh. It would never have floated it to the surface and given it to me willingly. Even now it was regretting that it had ever floated anything to the surface for me, but it had taken calculated risks, tempting me to look deeper. It had given me what Id needed to stay alive, to keep me heading toward merging with it, taking it in, letting it have my body and have control. It knew what I wanted now and would never give it up unless I merged with it completely. If Id raised that lideven a scant inch, just for a quick peeklooking for the spell, it would have been all over. It would have taken up squatters rights and obliterated me. Perhaps some tiny part of me would have remained cognizant, screaming in eternal horror, but not enough to matter.
Ryodan had been right. The Sinsar Dubh was after a body, and it had wanted mine. If I believed its story, it had prepped me to be possessed since before I was born. Waited until Id become the perfect host. But it hadnt waited quite long enough. Or maybe it had waited too long. Evil is a completely different creature, Mac, Ryodan had said. Evil is bad that believes its good.
I hadnt understood what he was saying at the time. I did now.
I pressed another rune onto the binding.
I would never lay Barrons child to rest now. Never free the man.
Destroy you, bitch! Not the end. Never the end!
Four more runes and the Sinsar Dubh was silent.
I sat back on my heels. My hands were shaking, I was exhausted, and my cheeks were wet.
I was about to lay my hand against the cover to confirm what I sensed, that it was containedat least as well as it could be until we got it to the abbeywhen the invisible barrier restraining Jericho evaporated.
I bit my lip, frowning. Could I guide the Sinsar Dubh? Would my humanity give me the edge I needed? I turned inward, searching my heart, my soul. What I found there straightened my spine and squared my shoulders.
I can, I said. I can change you. I can make you better.
Yes, yes, do it now. Take me, hold me, open me, it whispered. Love you, MacKayla. Love me.
I couldnt wait another moment. I reached for the Sinsar Dubh.
48
The Book was icy beneath my hands, but the flames in the rubies warmed my soul.
I was touching the Sinsar Dubh.
The contact took my breath away. We were twins separated at birth, rejoined. Id been waiting for it all my life. With it in my hands, I was complete. I hugged it to my chest, shivering, trembling with emotion. A dark song began to build inside me. The Book was a finger and I was the wine-damp rim of a fine crystal goblet. It slid round and round, playing a melody that came from deep within my compromised soul.
I ran my hands lovingly over the jeweled cover.
I felt the immense power it contained. It inflated me, swelled inside me, made me drunk on it, giddy. The baby Id once been, whod known no right or wrong, was still in there. Unborn, we have yet to develop morality. I suspect theres some part of us that remains that way until death.
We choose. Thats what its all about.
When I stopped embracing it, held it away to admire it, the crimson rune that had been hidden in one of my palms pulsed wetly, expanded, and latched tiny suckers onto it, binding the covers closed.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING! the Sinsar Dubh screamed.
Making you better. I began to cry as I scooped another bloody rune from the glassy black surface of my lake. I wanted the Book like I wanted to breathe. Now I knew why it had hunted me. I was its perfect host. We were made for each other. With it, I would never fear anything. Rejecting it was the hardest thing Id ever done in my life. More bitter still was the knowledge that with each rune I pressed into the boards and binding, I was condemning Jericho and his son to continue living in an eternal hell.
HOW DARE YOU DECEIVE ME?
The nerve of me. I wanted to tear the runes off, crack open the Book, take my spell of unmaking. I didnt dare. If I opened the gold, black, and crimson cover the tiniest sliver, its dark song would rush out and consume me.
She would doom the world, theyd said.
Id been tempted, so tempted. I wanted Alina back. I wanted the walls up. I wanted Dani to be innocent and young and not my sisters killer. I wanted to be Jericho Barrons hero. I wanted to release him from endless pain. See him walk into the future with hope andmaybe even smile every now and then.
YOU SAID THE WORLD WAS IMPERFECT!
It is. I pressed another dripping rune into the cover.
But it was my world, filled with good people, like my father and mother, patient Kat, and Inspector Jayne, who were always doing their parts to make it a better place. Unseelie might be overrunning our planet, but wed been long overdue for a threat to unify us as a race and turn our petty angers away from one another.
There was pain, but there was also joy. It was in the tension between the two that life happened. Imperfect as it was, this world was real. Illusion was no substitute. Id rather live a hard life of fact than a sweet life of lies.
I flipped the Book over and pressed a rune into its back.
Its voice was muffled, growing weaker.
He will hate you!
That was the crushing blow. Id been a breath away from what Barrons had devoted his entire existence to getting, and Id turned my back on it. Id promised him. Id told him we would find a way, and Id failed him. There was no way to lift a single spell of such power from the Sinsar Dubh. It would never have floated it to the surface and given it to me willingly. Even now it was regretting that it had ever floated anything to the surface for me, but it had taken calculated risks, tempting me to look deeper. It had given me what Id needed to stay alive, to keep me heading toward merging with it, taking it in, letting it have my body and have control. It knew what I wanted now and would never give it up unless I merged with it completely. If Id raised that lideven a scant inch, just for a quick peeklooking for the spell, it would have been all over. It would have taken up squatters rights and obliterated me. Perhaps some tiny part of me would have remained cognizant, screaming in eternal horror, but not enough to matter.
Ryodan had been right. The Sinsar Dubh was after a body, and it had wanted mine. If I believed its story, it had prepped me to be possessed since before I was born. Waited until Id become the perfect host. But it hadnt waited quite long enough. Or maybe it had waited too long. Evil is a completely different creature, Mac, Ryodan had said. Evil is bad that believes its good.
I hadnt understood what he was saying at the time. I did now.
I pressed another rune onto the binding.
I would never lay Barrons child to rest now. Never free the man.
Destroy you, bitch! Not the end. Never the end!
Four more runes and the Sinsar Dubh was silent.
I sat back on my heels. My hands were shaking, I was exhausted, and my cheeks were wet.
I was about to lay my hand against the cover to confirm what I sensed, that it was containedat least as well as it could be until we got it to the abbeywhen the invisible barrier restraining Jericho evaporated.
