Shadowfever
Page 22

You didnt even try to stop it, she finally says. Shes been letting us stew. She likes to do that. Potatoes and carrots, they turn to mush if they stew long enough. Time was, I did, too. But I dont cook down so fast anymore.
I didnt need to hear Ro say it. I been staring at the accusation blazing in her fierce blue eyes for the past five minutes. I dont answer. Im done answering her. She shoulda told us. She shoulda warned us. I never ever imagined the Sinsar Dubh could pull a stunt like that. She aint training us. Shes keeping us small. Afraid. Just like Mac said. WhatI shoulda died so she could say, Dani tried? Feck that noise. Aint dying just so she can feel better bout things.
Jo says, Grand Mistress, it looked like Barb was fighting it. From the information Jayne and his men gathered about the Book, we were pretty sure what that meant.
Och, and now youre trusting Jayne? I teach you! I train you!
Jo turns her face away a moment, and I remember that Barb was one of her best friends. But Jo, she surprises me with a little steel. When she turns back and starts talking again, her voice is steady. She was going to kill herself soon, Rowena. Our first goal was to keep the Book from getting a new body. If Dani had gone near it, it could have taken a virtually unstoppable body.
Ro cuts me a scathing glance. Ever the liability, are you not, Danielle?
I make a face, cant help it. Shes always blaming me for something. Done trying to blow smoke up her ass. Sick of pretending to be things Im not. Dpends on how you look at it, Ro, I say coolly. And youre always looking at it wrong.
Jo sucks in a sharp breath.
Ive gone too far, and Im about to go farther. I dont care. Ever since Mac disappeared, Ros made it plain shed take me back into her good graces if Id cooperate the tiniest bit. I been skirting around the subject, flirting with appeasing her just enough to keep her guessing, thinking Ill come to heel.
But that aint never gonna happen.
I just watched a hundred of my sistersso what if theyre sheep? Theyre still my sistersget butchered. And this old woman stands and glares at me? At least I own up to my sins. I go to sleep with em every night. Wake up with em every morning. See em in the mirror, staring right back at me. And I say, dude, get over yourself already.
Howd the Book get loose, Ro? Im on my feet, sword in my hand. Whyntcha ever tell us that? Cause maybe you fell asleep on the job? S that it?
Her voice is tight and shes even paler when she looks at Jo and snaps, You will escort that child to her room now! And lock her in!
As if thats gonna happen. Nobody here can control me. Ever since I killedthat Hunter, I been feeling like the dude that shot a giant with his slingshot. Ro cant feck with my head like she used to.
All I did is say what everybodys been thinking but been too afraid to say. I aint afraid of you no more, Ro. I saw the Sinsar Dubh tonight. I know what Im afraid of. I back-kick my chair so hard it slams into the wall behind me. Im leaving. Im done here. I mean it. I really am. Used to think I was at least a little safe in the abbey, but we got Shades in the shadows, and now the Book snuck in, and fact o the matter is, I can make myself a safer place than this in a feckin Dark Zone!
Sides, nobody herell even notice if Im gone. Maybe Ill check out Jayne, hang with the Guardians for a while.
You will go to your room this very instant, Danielle Megan!
Gah, I hate that name! Sissy name. Sissy girl.
What would your mother think of you? she snaps.
What would my mother think of what you made me? I snap back.
I made you a proud and true weapon for the right.
Guess thats why I feel like my sword most of the time. Cold. Hard. Bloody.
Ever the melodrama with you, isnt it? Grow up, Danielle OMalley! And sit down.
Feck you, Ro.
I freeze-frame out.
The chilly Irish air blasts me, and if a couple places on my cheeks are especially cold, I ignore em. I aint crying. I never cry.
I miss my mom sometimes, though.
The worlds big.
So am I.
DudeIm homeless!
I swagger into the night.
Free at last.
7
Why did you hang a Silver to Dublin in one of the white wings, when you know the House rearranges itself? Why didnt you put it somewhere more stable and easily accessible? I resume my questions as we walk.
That bipolar feeling from my high school days is back with a vengeance. Hes everything I despise. I want to kill him so badly that I have to keep my hands in my pockets, balled into fists.
Hes also the person who was intimate with my sister during the final months of her life, the only one who can answer all those questions no one else canand who can seriously shorten the amount of time I have to spend in this wasteland of a reality.
Did you take her journal? Did she know Rowena or any of the sidhe-seers? Did she tell you about the prophecy? Why did you kill her? Was she happy? Please tell me she was happy before she died.
No rooms in the White Mansion ever get completely dark, not even where night falls. I erred the first time I opened a Silver. I hung it in a place that did. A creature I believed securely imprisonedone I did not ever intend to free from the Unseelie prisonescaped.