Shadowfever
Page 41
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So many people are dead because of him. And hes out there laughing. I realize now that Darroc was always more dangerous than Malluc.
Malluc looked horrific and behaved like a monster, but he rarely killed those in his enclave of worshippers.
Darroc is attractive, charming, affectionate, and he can orchestrate the annihilation of three billion humans without batting an eye, without losing an ounce of that charm. On the heels of mass homicide, he can smile at me and tell me how much he cared about my sister, show me pictures of them having fun together. Then kill three billion more if he gets his hands on the Book?
Merged with it, what would he be capable of? Would he stop at anything? Is he using me as detachedly as Im trying to use him and the moment he gets what he wants Im a dead woman?
Were locked in mortal combat. Its a war I will do anything to win.
I smooth my dress, turn to the side, point a toe, and admire the line of my leg in heels. I have new clothes. After wearing functional clothing, being pretty feels strange, frivolous.
But necessary for the monster of frivolous appetites out there.
Last night after the Book vanished, Id tried to sleep but had succeeded only in getting tangled up in half-awake nightmares. I was at Darrocs mercy, being raped by the princes again; then the unseen fourth was there, turning me inside out; then I felt the sting of needles at my nape as he tattooed my skull; then the princes were on me again; and then I was at the abbey, shivering with unquenchable lust on the floor of the cell, my bones melting, fusing to each other, my need for sex was pain beyond imagining; then Rowena was looming over me, and I clung to her, but she crushed a funny-smelling cloth to my face. I fought, I kicked, I clawed, but I was no match for the old woman and, in my nightmare, Id died.
Id not tried to sleep again.
Id stripped, stood in the shower, and let the scalding spray punish my skin. Sun worshipper to the core, Ive never been cold so often in my life as I have these past few months in Ireland.
After scrubbing myself pink and as clean as I was going to ever be again, Id toed my pile of black leather with distaste.
Id been wearing the same underwear for too long. My leather pants had been soaked, dried, shrunk, stained. It was the outfit Id killed Barrons in. I wanted to burn it.
Id wrapped myself in a sheet and stepped into the living room of the penthouse, where dozens of Darrocs crimson-clad Unseelie were standing guard. Id given them detailed instructions on where to go and what to get for me.
When theyd moved toward another bedroom suite to wake Darroc to obtain permission, Id snapped, He doesnt let you make your own decisions? He freed you only to dictate your every move and breath? One or two of you cant go run a fewsimple little errands for me? Are you Unseelie or lapdogs?
The Unseelie are chock-full of emotion. Unlike the Seelie, theyve not learned to conceal it. I got what I wantedbags and boxes of clothing, shoes, jewelry, and makeup.
All weapons, good.
Now, as I admire myself in the mirror, Im grateful I was born pretty. I need to know what he responds to. What his weaknesses are. How much weakness I can get him to feel for me. He used to be Seelie. It is what he is at the core, and I got an intimate look at what the Seelie are like last night.
Imperious. Beautiful. Arrogant.
I can be that.
I have little patience. I want answers and I want them quickly.
I finish my makeup with care, dusting extra bronzer across my cheeks and the upper curves of my breasts, mimicking the gold-dusted skin of the Fae.
My yellow dress clings to a body toned to perfection by marathon sex with Barrons. My shoes and accessories are gold.
I will look every inch his princess.
When I kill him.
He stops talking when he sees me and looks at me for a long moment. Your hair was once blond like hers, he says finally.
I nod.
I liked her hair.
I turn to the nearest guard and tell him what I need to change my hair. He looks at Darroc, who nods.
I toss my head. I ask for simple things, yet they question me. Its infuriating! Can you not give me two of your guards for my own? I demand. Am I to have nothing for myself?
Hes looking at my legs, long and sleekly muscled, and my feet, pretty in high heels. Of course, he murmurs. Which two do you wish?
I wave a hand dismissively. You choose. Theyre all the same.
He assigns a pair to carry out my wishes. You will obey her as you would obey me, he tells them. Instantly and without question. Unless her orders conflict with mine.
They will become accustomed to obeying me. His other guards will become accustomed to seeing them obey me. Tiny gains, tiny erosions.
I join him for breakfast and smile as I choke down food that tastes of blood and ashes.
The Sinsar Dubh is rarely active during the day.
Like the rest of the Unseelie, it prefers the night. Those who were so long imprisoned in ice and darkness seem to find the sunlight jarring, painful. The longer I walk around with this grief inside me, the more I understand that. Its as if sunshine is a slap in the face that says, Look, the worlds all bright and shiny! Too bad youre not.
I wonder if thats why Barrons was rarely around during the day. Because he, too, was damaged like us and found comfort in the secrecy of shadows. Shadows are wonderful things. They hide pain and conceal motives.
Malluc looked horrific and behaved like a monster, but he rarely killed those in his enclave of worshippers.
Darroc is attractive, charming, affectionate, and he can orchestrate the annihilation of three billion humans without batting an eye, without losing an ounce of that charm. On the heels of mass homicide, he can smile at me and tell me how much he cared about my sister, show me pictures of them having fun together. Then kill three billion more if he gets his hands on the Book?
Merged with it, what would he be capable of? Would he stop at anything? Is he using me as detachedly as Im trying to use him and the moment he gets what he wants Im a dead woman?
Were locked in mortal combat. Its a war I will do anything to win.
I smooth my dress, turn to the side, point a toe, and admire the line of my leg in heels. I have new clothes. After wearing functional clothing, being pretty feels strange, frivolous.
But necessary for the monster of frivolous appetites out there.
Last night after the Book vanished, Id tried to sleep but had succeeded only in getting tangled up in half-awake nightmares. I was at Darrocs mercy, being raped by the princes again; then the unseen fourth was there, turning me inside out; then I felt the sting of needles at my nape as he tattooed my skull; then the princes were on me again; and then I was at the abbey, shivering with unquenchable lust on the floor of the cell, my bones melting, fusing to each other, my need for sex was pain beyond imagining; then Rowena was looming over me, and I clung to her, but she crushed a funny-smelling cloth to my face. I fought, I kicked, I clawed, but I was no match for the old woman and, in my nightmare, Id died.
Id not tried to sleep again.
Id stripped, stood in the shower, and let the scalding spray punish my skin. Sun worshipper to the core, Ive never been cold so often in my life as I have these past few months in Ireland.
After scrubbing myself pink and as clean as I was going to ever be again, Id toed my pile of black leather with distaste.
Id been wearing the same underwear for too long. My leather pants had been soaked, dried, shrunk, stained. It was the outfit Id killed Barrons in. I wanted to burn it.
Id wrapped myself in a sheet and stepped into the living room of the penthouse, where dozens of Darrocs crimson-clad Unseelie were standing guard. Id given them detailed instructions on where to go and what to get for me.
When theyd moved toward another bedroom suite to wake Darroc to obtain permission, Id snapped, He doesnt let you make your own decisions? He freed you only to dictate your every move and breath? One or two of you cant go run a fewsimple little errands for me? Are you Unseelie or lapdogs?
The Unseelie are chock-full of emotion. Unlike the Seelie, theyve not learned to conceal it. I got what I wantedbags and boxes of clothing, shoes, jewelry, and makeup.
All weapons, good.
Now, as I admire myself in the mirror, Im grateful I was born pretty. I need to know what he responds to. What his weaknesses are. How much weakness I can get him to feel for me. He used to be Seelie. It is what he is at the core, and I got an intimate look at what the Seelie are like last night.
Imperious. Beautiful. Arrogant.
I can be that.
I have little patience. I want answers and I want them quickly.
I finish my makeup with care, dusting extra bronzer across my cheeks and the upper curves of my breasts, mimicking the gold-dusted skin of the Fae.
My yellow dress clings to a body toned to perfection by marathon sex with Barrons. My shoes and accessories are gold.
I will look every inch his princess.
When I kill him.
He stops talking when he sees me and looks at me for a long moment. Your hair was once blond like hers, he says finally.
I nod.
I liked her hair.
I turn to the nearest guard and tell him what I need to change my hair. He looks at Darroc, who nods.
I toss my head. I ask for simple things, yet they question me. Its infuriating! Can you not give me two of your guards for my own? I demand. Am I to have nothing for myself?
Hes looking at my legs, long and sleekly muscled, and my feet, pretty in high heels. Of course, he murmurs. Which two do you wish?
I wave a hand dismissively. You choose. Theyre all the same.
He assigns a pair to carry out my wishes. You will obey her as you would obey me, he tells them. Instantly and without question. Unless her orders conflict with mine.
They will become accustomed to obeying me. His other guards will become accustomed to seeing them obey me. Tiny gains, tiny erosions.
I join him for breakfast and smile as I choke down food that tastes of blood and ashes.
The Sinsar Dubh is rarely active during the day.
Like the rest of the Unseelie, it prefers the night. Those who were so long imprisoned in ice and darkness seem to find the sunlight jarring, painful. The longer I walk around with this grief inside me, the more I understand that. Its as if sunshine is a slap in the face that says, Look, the worlds all bright and shiny! Too bad youre not.
I wonder if thats why Barrons was rarely around during the day. Because he, too, was damaged like us and found comfort in the secrecy of shadows. Shadows are wonderful things. They hide pain and conceal motives.
