Shadows in the Silence
Page 16

“There were so many of them,” he continued. “Until that morning, I’d never seen true beauty in its purest form. Nothing compared to this, seeing you there, surrounded by white horses, in a moment of such quiet serenity after a night of carnage and bloodshed. I’ll never forget this for as long as I live, and longer still if I’m granted a life after this one. The image is burned into my mind, into the deepest, most untouchable regions. I’ll never forget it.”
Though I wasn’t as close to the horses as my dream self, I remembered the smell of them, the scents of wet grass and soft earth on their white coats. The puffs of their breath against my hands, muzzles burying into my hair, the slickness of their coats beneath my fingertips. I closed my eyes and remembered myself encircled by the white horses, that strange mixture of contentment and joy. I remembered grinning ear to ear that day so long ago and looking up toward the trees at Will, who smiled that quiet smile of his, and I felt a riptide of longing and sadness drag my heart back out to sea.
Will spoke again, his voice even softer, his gaze pensive and distant. “You were such a pain sometimes, and made it so difficult at first for me to fall into my duty as your Guardian, to obey you when most of the time, I just wanted to snap back at you. But you never gave up and you fought with everything you had. I saw your kindness, your fathomless selflessness and immeasurable, divine beauty. It was moments like these, where even wild horses couldn’t deny the strength of your presence and heart, that made me want to fight until I couldn’t fight anymore—just to be by your side. I remember this very dawn, in this very meadow among the white horses, because in this very moment, I realized that I was in love with you.”
I opened my eyes and I was back in my body, standing next to Will in this memory-dream, watching his projection of myself, and I looked back into his face.
“I want to return to this place,” he said with a smile. “It’s been a long time. I’d like to see it again. With you. Maybe the descendants of these horses are still there.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding. My eyes began to burn with salty tears.
“I know that I’m dying, and I don’t want to die,” he said, “because you will be sad.”
“I’m going to save you,” I promised. “It’s my turn to protect you now.”
He fell quiet, breathing softly as he watched the horses. “I can’t die yet. When I wake up, I’ve got a few things to take care of. I want this war to end and if my mother is alive, I want to find her. Then I’m coming back here.”
“We will,” I said. “We’ll do all of those things.” I touched his cheek and turned his face to mine. “You have to keep fighting the way you’ve told me to keep fighting. Do you understand?”
“You’ll come back for me?”
I smiled. “I always do.”
He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to mine. I felt myself waking up, but I fought it. I didn’t want to leave this place—leave him.
I tightened my jaw in disappointment and pressed my body into his. “But for now, I have to go. I have to go back to the real world.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” he breathed, his hands cupping my face.
“I can’t save you if I’m sleeping,” I replied gently. I kissed him and forced myself to back away. “I love you, and I’ll come back for you.”
He said nothing as the vision blurred and faded. A moment later, he was gone, and so were the horses. I woke to a different dawn from my bed in the hotel room in Colorado. I glanced over at the other bed, but Cadan was gone. The shower was running. I turned over, pulling the blankets up to my chin, burying my face into the pillow as the fabric eagerly drank my tears.
“You’re very quiet this morning.”
I glanced over at Cadan as I drove, but that second was long enough for me to absorb the concerned look on his face. Eyes back on the road, I decided that I couldn’t reveal to him my dreams with Will. Even I didn’t fully understand how our minds could unite through sleep. It had to be the link the angelic magic forged between us in the tattoos on his arm. The closer I become to Gabriel, the stronger it should grow, and the closer I should grow to Will. Even now, a thousand miles away from him and despite his grievous condition, I sensed him. When I closed my eyes, I could catch his scent. But when I opened them, Cadan was sitting beside me, and Will’s scent drifted away.
“I’m focused,” I replied.
“You’ll let me know if you need a break, right?” he asked in return, and the uncertainty was clear in his tone.
I exhaled, but the sound was more like a growl. “You keep saying that and—seriously. When I need a break, I’ll take a break. And I don’t need a break, I need to keep going. If I wanted to bring my grandma with me, I would’ve brought her, but I didn’t, so shut up.”
He opened his mouth to reply, but wisely clamped it shut. I pressed on the gas and the SUV surged faster. We didn’t say much to each other for the next hour and a half, until the GPS had me pull onto a narrow dirt road full of potholes. Soon enough we passed a sign for Red Mountain Ranch, and not long after, the ranch itself came into view. I pulled the SUV into the drive, rolled under a rusty iron gate arch, and clunked over cattle guards beneath the wheels. There were a few free-range steers I had to dodge, including some chickens that, flailing their pitiful wings and hopping their fat bodies short distances over the ground, seemed more inclined to get out of the truck’s path than the cattle.