Shadows in the Silence
Page 20

My stomach grumbled and tightened. “Yes, please. I’m dying over here.”
He dragged his own sleeping bag out onto the ground beside mine and dropped a bottled water and sandwich into my lap. As I ate, I listened to an owl hoot nearby and I finally gave the night sky a good look. My breath caught. It had been so long since I’d seen such bright stars. The sky seemed almost multifaceted as the stars twinkled. The enormous moon was so clear and close that it seemed unreal.
“You were right about the sky,” I said to Cadan.
He shifted next to me as he finished his sandwich. “Not many places on Earth have a view like this.”
“No, they don’t,” I agreed. The chill began to creep through my layers, so I burrowed myself into the sleeping bag like a burrito. Cadan, like all reapers, seemed unaffected by the icy air, and I glowered bitterly at him. “Did you ever find anything more on the hallowed glaive?”
He shook his head. “I’ve been trying to dig up information, but no one seems to know what it is. We’ll need to find an expert on relics, or something. I don’t even know where to start.”
I frowned, thinking of Nathaniel. He’d been a genius and seemed to know everything there was to know about our world. He would have been handy right now—not just so he could help us figure out this mysterious weapon, but I could really appreciate one of his terrible jokes. But he was gone, and so was my mother. And Will would be too if we were unsuccessful. I studied Cadan, who always seemed so cool and collected. I never imagined that he’d lost someone he loved before. “Can I ask you about something?”
“Of course.”
“Can I ask you about Emelia?”
He exhaled, long and tiredly. “Sure. What do you want to know?”
“What happened to her?” I asked. “If you’re not comfortable talking about her, that’s totally fine. I’m just curious and I’m learning so much about you. To be honest, you’re a bit of a puzzle.”
He looked down and he gave an uneven smile. “It’s okay. A long time has passed and I can talk about her. I met her in 1928 at a party in Los Angeles. She had been seeing Ronan for a while and knew what he was. Their relationship was so interesting to me—I’d never known a demonic reaper to show any sort of affection toward a human. It was obvious he was crazy about her and the more the three of us went to social things together, the more Emelia and I became friends. Ronan made mistakes, though. He had a temper and a sharp tongue, as you must have noticed when you met him. I’d seen Emelia cry more times than I could count. When they split for good, she and I remained friends, and I fell for her hard. I was stupid for a blink of an eye. I should’ve known better.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I was in deep, working for Bastian,” he said somberly. “I had to keep her secret, which I did for almost a year. I knew that if Bastian found out I’d been seeing a human girl…he’d have me flayed alive just to heal his own pride. Then the other demonic would eat her. They’d have taken her soul without a doubt. I should’ve walked away, but I didn’t. Ivar was the one who found me out. We’d had our fun together, but she was maniac. There are crazy girls, and there are crazy girls. I never got involved with her beyond anything physical, but she was just as jealous as she was insane. You saw her.”
I did. When Cadan had met me at the library a few months ago and we’d talked for a while, Ivar had tried to rip me apart in the parking lot. Cadan had killed her while defending me and to protect the secret that he was helping me to stop Bastian.
“Anyway,” Cadan continued, “Ivar followed Emelia after I left her one night and she killed her. I doubled back, but it was too late. I’d left her defenseless and Ivar hunted her down like a rabbit. Before Ivar could…take Emelia’s soul…I fought her. I beat her to hell but I couldn’t kill her. I couldn’t do it and I should have. Every day since I have regretted that.” He sucked in a heavy, trembling breath and his hands rolled into tight fists. “I just stared at her on the ground and then I took Emelia and left Ivar. I was stupid and a coward and just left her there. Alive.”
I watched him as he suffered internally. His pain and regret was so clear over every inch of him that I felt terribly sad for what happened. “I’m sorry,” I said.
He shook his head. “No. I’m the one who’s sorry. I hope I suffer for the rest of eternity for what I did to that girl. I knew—I knew—I never should’ve gotten involved with Emelia. I should’ve been more careful. But I’m selfish. Still am. As I am with you.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I assured him. “Ivar—”
“Yeah, Ivar took her life, but I handed it to her.” He shook his head again, this time less angrily. “I’m so impulsive and completely aware of it. You remind me of Emelia a little. It’s your eyes and your big smile. She loved to go to parties and dance and have fun. Both of you are so bright and full of life. You scared me too. Still do.”
“Good,” I said with a grin. “Then I’m doing my job right.”
I was rewarded with a small smile. “I mean about the way you make me feel, how quickly what I felt reminded me of when I had Emelia. That night when Ivar attacked you, it was like a flashback from Hell. At least I finally found the courage to avenge Emelia. By killing Ivar, I’d broken myself from Bastian completely, my allegiance to him, and then I killed him too. How sad it is that by dealing death, I gained my freedom?”