Shadows in the Silence
Page 30
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“If you trust him,” Will said in a low voice, “then I accept that. But it doesn’t mean that I have to trust him too.”
Will moved away from me and went back into the house without uttering another word. When he was gone, I turned to Cadan and winced at his appearance. He was mostly healed now, but blood still caked his face and his black eyes remained puffy. I watched his skin stitch together a gash in his lip and he wiped the blood away with the back of his hand.
“I’m so sorry,” I told him. “You look awful, like you got hit by a bus.”
He coughed up a hunk of red stuff. “I had it coming. He got it out of his system finally, so maybe now we can move past this and focus on what’s important, like stopping Sammael. It’ll be a while before Will is ready to accept me. We shouldn’t push him.”
I nodded, knowing he was right. This situation only added more stress that none of us needed. “He sure likes to hold grudges, doesn’t he?”
The corner of Cadan’s lip pulled into a tiny smile. “Again, I deserved it. When you’re immortal, time is different. Things that happened years ago still sting like they happened yesterday. Grudges are hard to let go. I understand how he’s feeling and I think we both need to let him feel it. He’ll let go when he’s ready. If he doesn’t, then it’s not like I deserve any better.”
As I let his words sink in, I couldn’t help cringing at the mess Will had left him in. “I should get you a towel or something, help you clean yourself up.”
“Nah. I need to get going. I’m exhausted and just got my ass kicked inside out. And I need to eat like crazy.” His expression softened. “I’ll catch you later, okay? And next time I’ll give you a heads up if I need to drop by. In the meantime I’ll try to gain back my pride by beating up things for information.”
I put a hand on his shoulder. “Let me know if you hear anything interesting, okay? The next step is to find this hallowed glaive and the copy of Antares’s grimoire.”
He gave me a puzzled look. “Why do you still need it?”
“I need to summon Azrael and ask for his help in fighting Sammael,” I said. “If that doesn’t work, then I need to ascend, to become Gabriel again, if it’s possible.”
His eyes bugged. “Well, if you think it’ll give us an edge, then let’s do it.”
“Thanks,” I said. “If I can be at my full archangel power, then I have a chance to wipe out Sammael and Lilith.”
“I’ll find out what I can about any copies of the grimoire for you. Night, Ell.” He winced before spreading his wings and disappearing into the Grim.
Will had mangled him pretty bad and I felt partly responsible. I should have told Will everything, that Cadan was his older brother, that without Cadan’s help, I never could have found Antares in time. Will could have had time to digest the news before seeing Cadan’s face. Perhaps their altercation would’ve been less bloody and traumatic.
Back in the house, I headed up the stairs. Behind the closed door of Nathaniel’s and Lauren’s room, I could hear the TV on and see light flickering around the doorframe. I felt awful every time Lauren was around a fight. As a psychic, she had her own incredible talents, but superhuman strength wasn’t one of them. I couldn’t even imagine how vulnerable she felt when reapers turned a brawl into a demolition derby. I found Will in the upstairs bathroom washing his hands. The white sink was stained red with blood that wasn’t his.
“I’m sorry,” I said weakly.
He didn’t look up. “For?” His voice was dry, low, and empty of emotion.
“For a million things.” I sighed and leaned against the wall. “For not telling you that I knew Cadan is your brother. I was afraid to tell you. I’m also sorry that I didn’t tell you that Cadan took me to Antares. And I’m sorry he came over tonight.”
He turned off the faucet and set his hands on the counter on either side of the sink. At last he looked up and his gaze caught mine in the vanity mirror. That green was so very dull. “I understand why you didn’t want to tell me. I wouldn’t have wanted to know.”
“I would’ve told you when…” My voice trailed off. When would I have told him? Under what circumstances would I have had the balls? “I just wasn’t sure when was the right time. I would have told you. I swear.”
“I know you would’ve.”
He turned around and scooped me into a hug. I clung to his iron grip, soaking in his heat like I’d been freezing to death. I buried my cheek into his chest, breathing in his scent and smoothing my hands over the hard contours of his back beneath the soft cotton of his shirt.
“I just wanted you to live,” I whispered against him. My tears melted into his shirt. “You’ve saved me more times than…than there are stars in the sky. I had to do whatever it took to save you in return.”
He squeezed me tighter and nestled his face into my hair and I felt his warm breath. Then we just held each other in that still and quiet place.
9
AFTER AN INTENSE LAST FEW DAYS OF HIGH SCHOOL, I passed my exams and guaranteed my admission into Michigan State in the fall. The night before commencement, Kate and I had a sleepover at Nana’s house with angelic reapers prowling the area on full alert, as danger these days was extremely imminent. Kate and I did the lame girl things I once loved, like giving each other a mani/pedi, flipping through magazines, and scrolling through gossip blogs. But I hadn’t realized until then how much I’d changed since last fall. While Kate showed off the new designer dress she bought to wear beneath her graduation gown, I realized that I didn’t really care. I had just grabbed the first dress I found in my closet and a pair of heels that would match, feeling no excitement at all. I hadn’t even wanted to go shopping. Dresses and shoes didn’t matter. The only excitement I felt about graduation was getting to be with my friends and family, because I understood now how limited our time with them was. If only I’d known that before it was too late. Maybe then my mom would’ve been able to watch me receive my diploma.
Will moved away from me and went back into the house without uttering another word. When he was gone, I turned to Cadan and winced at his appearance. He was mostly healed now, but blood still caked his face and his black eyes remained puffy. I watched his skin stitch together a gash in his lip and he wiped the blood away with the back of his hand.
“I’m so sorry,” I told him. “You look awful, like you got hit by a bus.”
He coughed up a hunk of red stuff. “I had it coming. He got it out of his system finally, so maybe now we can move past this and focus on what’s important, like stopping Sammael. It’ll be a while before Will is ready to accept me. We shouldn’t push him.”
I nodded, knowing he was right. This situation only added more stress that none of us needed. “He sure likes to hold grudges, doesn’t he?”
The corner of Cadan’s lip pulled into a tiny smile. “Again, I deserved it. When you’re immortal, time is different. Things that happened years ago still sting like they happened yesterday. Grudges are hard to let go. I understand how he’s feeling and I think we both need to let him feel it. He’ll let go when he’s ready. If he doesn’t, then it’s not like I deserve any better.”
As I let his words sink in, I couldn’t help cringing at the mess Will had left him in. “I should get you a towel or something, help you clean yourself up.”
“Nah. I need to get going. I’m exhausted and just got my ass kicked inside out. And I need to eat like crazy.” His expression softened. “I’ll catch you later, okay? And next time I’ll give you a heads up if I need to drop by. In the meantime I’ll try to gain back my pride by beating up things for information.”
I put a hand on his shoulder. “Let me know if you hear anything interesting, okay? The next step is to find this hallowed glaive and the copy of Antares’s grimoire.”
He gave me a puzzled look. “Why do you still need it?”
“I need to summon Azrael and ask for his help in fighting Sammael,” I said. “If that doesn’t work, then I need to ascend, to become Gabriel again, if it’s possible.”
His eyes bugged. “Well, if you think it’ll give us an edge, then let’s do it.”
“Thanks,” I said. “If I can be at my full archangel power, then I have a chance to wipe out Sammael and Lilith.”
“I’ll find out what I can about any copies of the grimoire for you. Night, Ell.” He winced before spreading his wings and disappearing into the Grim.
Will had mangled him pretty bad and I felt partly responsible. I should have told Will everything, that Cadan was his older brother, that without Cadan’s help, I never could have found Antares in time. Will could have had time to digest the news before seeing Cadan’s face. Perhaps their altercation would’ve been less bloody and traumatic.
Back in the house, I headed up the stairs. Behind the closed door of Nathaniel’s and Lauren’s room, I could hear the TV on and see light flickering around the doorframe. I felt awful every time Lauren was around a fight. As a psychic, she had her own incredible talents, but superhuman strength wasn’t one of them. I couldn’t even imagine how vulnerable she felt when reapers turned a brawl into a demolition derby. I found Will in the upstairs bathroom washing his hands. The white sink was stained red with blood that wasn’t his.
“I’m sorry,” I said weakly.
He didn’t look up. “For?” His voice was dry, low, and empty of emotion.
“For a million things.” I sighed and leaned against the wall. “For not telling you that I knew Cadan is your brother. I was afraid to tell you. I’m also sorry that I didn’t tell you that Cadan took me to Antares. And I’m sorry he came over tonight.”
He turned off the faucet and set his hands on the counter on either side of the sink. At last he looked up and his gaze caught mine in the vanity mirror. That green was so very dull. “I understand why you didn’t want to tell me. I wouldn’t have wanted to know.”
“I would’ve told you when…” My voice trailed off. When would I have told him? Under what circumstances would I have had the balls? “I just wasn’t sure when was the right time. I would have told you. I swear.”
“I know you would’ve.”
He turned around and scooped me into a hug. I clung to his iron grip, soaking in his heat like I’d been freezing to death. I buried my cheek into his chest, breathing in his scent and smoothing my hands over the hard contours of his back beneath the soft cotton of his shirt.
“I just wanted you to live,” I whispered against him. My tears melted into his shirt. “You’ve saved me more times than…than there are stars in the sky. I had to do whatever it took to save you in return.”
He squeezed me tighter and nestled his face into my hair and I felt his warm breath. Then we just held each other in that still and quiet place.
9
AFTER AN INTENSE LAST FEW DAYS OF HIGH SCHOOL, I passed my exams and guaranteed my admission into Michigan State in the fall. The night before commencement, Kate and I had a sleepover at Nana’s house with angelic reapers prowling the area on full alert, as danger these days was extremely imminent. Kate and I did the lame girl things I once loved, like giving each other a mani/pedi, flipping through magazines, and scrolling through gossip blogs. But I hadn’t realized until then how much I’d changed since last fall. While Kate showed off the new designer dress she bought to wear beneath her graduation gown, I realized that I didn’t really care. I had just grabbed the first dress I found in my closet and a pair of heels that would match, feeling no excitement at all. I hadn’t even wanted to go shopping. Dresses and shoes didn’t matter. The only excitement I felt about graduation was getting to be with my friends and family, because I understood now how limited our time with them was. If only I’d known that before it was too late. Maybe then my mom would’ve been able to watch me receive my diploma.
