Shopaholic & Baby
Page 41
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“She was asleep in her pram!” The raincoat woman’s gabbling to anyone who will listen. “And then it was just her blanket! These people are evil!”
“A baby’s gone!”
“They just grabbed her!”
I can hear the news spreading like wildfire among passersby. Parents are summoning their children to their sides with sharp cries. To my horror I see a pair of security guards heading toward me, their walkie-talkies crackling.
“They’ll have dyed her hair and changed her clothes by now,” the blond woman is saying hysterically. “She’ll be halfway to Thailand!”
“Madam, the fair entrances were secured as soon as we got the alert,” says a security guard in a terse voice. “No one’s coming in or out until we’ve found this baby.”
OK, I have to take control. I have to tell them it’s a false alarm. Yes. Just admit I invented Tallulah-Phoebe in order to queue-jump, and I’m sure everyone will understand—
No, they won’t. They’ll lynch me.
“It’s gone through. Do you have a PIN number?” says the man at the till, who looks totally unmoved by all the fuss. I jab it in on autopilot and he hands me the bag.
“Her child’s missing…and she’s shopping?” says the blond woman in tones of horror.
“Can you give a full description of the child, ma’am?” one of the guards says, approaching me. “National police have been informed, and we’ve got a call out to the airports….”
I am never going to tell a lie again. Never.
“I…um…” My voice isn’t working properly. “I should probably…explain something.”
“Yes?” Both men are looking at me expectantly.
“Bex?” Suddenly I hear Suze’s voice. “What’s going on?” I look up, and there’s Suze, pushing the double buggy with one arm and holding Clementine in the other.
Thank God, thank God, thank God—
“There you are!” I say, grabbing Clementine from Suze, my voice high with relief. “Come here, Tallulah-Phoebe!”
I hug Clementine tight, trying to hide the fact that she’s leaning out of my arms in a desperate attempt to get back to Suze.
“Is this the missing child?” A security guard is looking Clementine up and down.
“Missing child?” Suze looks incredulous. She turns and takes in the crowd around us. “Bex, what on earth—”
“I completely forgot that you’d taken little Tallulah-Phoebe off for lunch!” I say in shrill tones. “Silly me! And everyone thought she’d been kidnapped!” I’m desperately imploring her with my eyes to play along.
I can see her brain working it all out. The great thing about Suze is that she knows me pretty well.
“Tallulah-Phoebe?” she says at last, in tones of incredulity, and I give a slight, shamefaced shrug.
“Baby Tallulah-Phoebe’s back!” The raincoat woman is spreading the news joyfully among the passersby. “We’ve found her!”
“You know this woman?” The security guard regards Suze with narrowed eyes.
“She’s my friend,” I say quickly, before they arrest Suze for abducting her own baby. “Actually, I think we should probably go….” I squish Clementine into my pram as best I can amid all the packages, and maneuver it into a getaway position.
“Mama!” Clementine is still stretching out her hands toward Suze. “Mama!”
“Oh my God!” Suze’s face lights up like a beacon. “Did you hear that? She said Mama! Clever girl!”
“We’re off now,” I say hurriedly to the guards. “Thank you so much for all your help. You’ve got a great security system….”
“Wait a minute.” One of the guards is frowning in suspicion. “Why did the baby say ‘Mama’ to this lady?”
“Because…she’s called Mamie,” I say desperately. “Clever Tallulah-Phoebe, that’s your aunty Mamie! Aunty Mama! Let’s go home now….”
I can’t quite look at Suze as we head toward the exits. On the loudspeakers, the DJ is saying, “And baby Tallulah-Phoebe has been found, safe and well….”
“So, do you want to tell me what that was all about, Bex?” Suze says at last, without turning her head.
“Er…” I clear my throat. “Not really. Shall we go and have a cup of tea instead?”
EIGHT
SUZE AND I spend the rest of the day together, and it’s just fab. We dump all our parcels in Suze’s enormous Range Rover, then she drives to the King’s Road and we have tea at a great children-friendly place with ice-cream sundaes and everything. (I am always having crayons on the table from now on.) Then we go to Steinberg & Tolkien, and I buy a vintage cardigan and Suze buys an evening bag, and then it’s time for supper, so we go to Pizza on the Park, where a jazz group is warming up and they let the twins bang their fists on the drums.
“A baby’s gone!”
“They just grabbed her!”
I can hear the news spreading like wildfire among passersby. Parents are summoning their children to their sides with sharp cries. To my horror I see a pair of security guards heading toward me, their walkie-talkies crackling.
“They’ll have dyed her hair and changed her clothes by now,” the blond woman is saying hysterically. “She’ll be halfway to Thailand!”
“Madam, the fair entrances were secured as soon as we got the alert,” says a security guard in a terse voice. “No one’s coming in or out until we’ve found this baby.”
OK, I have to take control. I have to tell them it’s a false alarm. Yes. Just admit I invented Tallulah-Phoebe in order to queue-jump, and I’m sure everyone will understand—
No, they won’t. They’ll lynch me.
“It’s gone through. Do you have a PIN number?” says the man at the till, who looks totally unmoved by all the fuss. I jab it in on autopilot and he hands me the bag.
“Her child’s missing…and she’s shopping?” says the blond woman in tones of horror.
“Can you give a full description of the child, ma’am?” one of the guards says, approaching me. “National police have been informed, and we’ve got a call out to the airports….”
I am never going to tell a lie again. Never.
“I…um…” My voice isn’t working properly. “I should probably…explain something.”
“Yes?” Both men are looking at me expectantly.
“Bex?” Suddenly I hear Suze’s voice. “What’s going on?” I look up, and there’s Suze, pushing the double buggy with one arm and holding Clementine in the other.
Thank God, thank God, thank God—
“There you are!” I say, grabbing Clementine from Suze, my voice high with relief. “Come here, Tallulah-Phoebe!”
I hug Clementine tight, trying to hide the fact that she’s leaning out of my arms in a desperate attempt to get back to Suze.
“Is this the missing child?” A security guard is looking Clementine up and down.
“Missing child?” Suze looks incredulous. She turns and takes in the crowd around us. “Bex, what on earth—”
“I completely forgot that you’d taken little Tallulah-Phoebe off for lunch!” I say in shrill tones. “Silly me! And everyone thought she’d been kidnapped!” I’m desperately imploring her with my eyes to play along.
I can see her brain working it all out. The great thing about Suze is that she knows me pretty well.
“Tallulah-Phoebe?” she says at last, in tones of incredulity, and I give a slight, shamefaced shrug.
“Baby Tallulah-Phoebe’s back!” The raincoat woman is spreading the news joyfully among the passersby. “We’ve found her!”
“You know this woman?” The security guard regards Suze with narrowed eyes.
“She’s my friend,” I say quickly, before they arrest Suze for abducting her own baby. “Actually, I think we should probably go….” I squish Clementine into my pram as best I can amid all the packages, and maneuver it into a getaway position.
“Mama!” Clementine is still stretching out her hands toward Suze. “Mama!”
“Oh my God!” Suze’s face lights up like a beacon. “Did you hear that? She said Mama! Clever girl!”
“We’re off now,” I say hurriedly to the guards. “Thank you so much for all your help. You’ve got a great security system….”
“Wait a minute.” One of the guards is frowning in suspicion. “Why did the baby say ‘Mama’ to this lady?”
“Because…she’s called Mamie,” I say desperately. “Clever Tallulah-Phoebe, that’s your aunty Mamie! Aunty Mama! Let’s go home now….”
I can’t quite look at Suze as we head toward the exits. On the loudspeakers, the DJ is saying, “And baby Tallulah-Phoebe has been found, safe and well….”
“So, do you want to tell me what that was all about, Bex?” Suze says at last, without turning her head.
“Er…” I clear my throat. “Not really. Shall we go and have a cup of tea instead?”
EIGHT
SUZE AND I spend the rest of the day together, and it’s just fab. We dump all our parcels in Suze’s enormous Range Rover, then she drives to the King’s Road and we have tea at a great children-friendly place with ice-cream sundaes and everything. (I am always having crayons on the table from now on.) Then we go to Steinberg & Tolkien, and I buy a vintage cardigan and Suze buys an evening bag, and then it’s time for supper, so we go to Pizza on the Park, where a jazz group is warming up and they let the twins bang their fists on the drums.
