Show Me How
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“Uh-huh. So if you wouldn’t mind, I need to finish getting ready.”
He nodded absentmindedly and took a step back, but didn’t take his eyes off me. “Then, uh, I guess things worked out tonight.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Funny how that can happen for both of us.”
Deacon’s gaze had been traveling down again, but snapped back up at my words. From the way he quickly looked away, but kept opening his mouth like he wanted to say something, it was clear he’d assumed I had somehow guessed the real reason why he hadn’t been there for me today. But I wasn’t going to make it easier for him by saying anything else. He’d hurt me without even trying or caring.
Unapologetically arrogant and unaware.
Well, I guess now he was apologetic at least.
“Deacon,” I prompted when he continued to stand there, and tried to ignore the chaos his light eyes caused inside me when they finally rested on my face again.
My heart was racing so fast it felt like it would beat out of my chest, and it was taking every ounce of strength to stand still when my body was craving the feel of his against mine again.
“Right, well . . . I’ll, uh, I’ll see you.” After another pause, he turned and walked down the hall. And with a worried look, Jagger reluctantly followed.
I released a ragged breath and slumped against the doorframe, and tried to ignore the way my hands shook from the chaos that Deacon left in his wake. After I heard him leave, I waited in the hall for a few minutes before grabbing Grey’s keys and leaving as well. And soon I was at the babysitter’s house picking up my son.
“Hey, thank you for understanding,” I told her as I handed her some cash, and took Keith’s hand and started backing up toward the driveway. “After what happened today, I really just need to spend the night with my favorite guy.”
“Not a problem! Call me whenever you need me again.”
“I will.” Once Keith was in his booster seat, I kissed his cheek and asked, “Who are you?”
“Mommy!” he said with a laugh and a cheesy grin. “I’m Spider-Man!”
“What do you say to Spider-Man taking me out on a date tonight? I think other guys just make our lives too complicated.”
Keith held out his fist, and I bumped it. “All right! Hot dog!”
My laughter bubbled up, genuine and free. “Hot date, bud.”
“That’s what I said!”
Chapter Eleven
Deacon
June 11, 2016
YOUR TURN . . . come back to me, Words.
I sent the text, then walked into the kitchen to look for something to eat, but I didn’t know if I was hungry. I couldn’t even focus on what was in front of me. So much so that it took way too long to realize that I was staring at the closed refrigerator door instead of inside it.
All I could see was Charlie. Still.
The way she’d looked when I’d gone after her earlier. The way her blue eyes had been guarded.
What she’d said. “Yeah. Funny how that can happen for both of us.”
She knew . . . I don’t know how, but somehow she fucking knew about my afternoon.
I knew I’d fucked up. All I’d wanted was to forget about her, and to knock some sense back into my head. I’d still planned on picking her up and taking her to look at cars once her shift was over.
But one girl had led to another.
By the time I’d gotten the second to leave, I was ready to slam my head into the wall over and over again, if only to get the thought of Charlie out of it. Because she was still there, just as she had been for nearly two weeks, only now it was paired with this overwhelming sense that I’d done something wrong. To Charlie, to Words . . .
But I’d done nothing more than what I’d done nearly every day for years, and Charlie meant nothing, and Words was . . . Words wasn’t real. And yet, as soon as I grabbed my phone and saw the missed calls and the time, my stomach had dropped and I’d felt crippled from the guilt that tore through me.
I’d known that I needed to leave, to get to Charlie. That I had to explain everything and nothing because I refused to let her know what I’d done in an attempt to erase her. But I hadn’t been able to force myself to move.
I’d stood frozen with my hair gripped tightly in my fist as I’d called her over and over again.
I’d thought if I allowed myself to want Charlie, I would do something that ruined everything.
Each call that went unanswered drove home the realization that I’d already done that.
I barely registered the sound of the front door opening from where I was lying on the carpet in the middle of the living room. I didn’t remember walking in there or lying down, but there I fucking was, scrubbing my hands over my face again and again, trying to wash away images I couldn’t keep.
My hands stilled and body tightened when I felt someone settle down next to me. I slowly lowered my arms and turned my head only enough to take in the person next to me when they pressed themselves as close to me as possible.
A shock of red hair met me seconds before her voice did, and I felt myself instantly relax.
“If I hadn’t witnessed what just happened in my home, seeing you right here would clue me in to the fact that something is wrong.” Grey turned her head to look at me, her gold eyes dark in the room, the only light filtering in from the entryway.
“What do you mean?” My voice was hoarse, as if I’d actually been yelling and screaming at myself the past hour the way I’d wanted to.
“What was it you and Graham said?” She trailed off, and resituated herself so her head was now on my shoulder. “Right . . . you always said Knox was murdering the carpet when all that stuff was going down with Harlow, back before he told you about it. And now for the first time ever, I find you lying here in the dark. I think this carpet means bad things for some of my favorite guys.”
A low, dark laugh vibrated in my chest. “Just a carpet, Grey.”
She didn’t respond for a long time, and when she did, hesitation crept through each word. “Jagger . . . Jagger’s so mad, Deacon.” There was an uneasy pause before she admitted, “And I was too, but then I saw you when you came looking for her, and more importantly, I saw you when you left. I know there’s something going on that neither of you are telling me, and you don’t have to tell me if you aren’t ready, but I had a feeling that you needed me.”
He nodded absentmindedly and took a step back, but didn’t take his eyes off me. “Then, uh, I guess things worked out tonight.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Funny how that can happen for both of us.”
Deacon’s gaze had been traveling down again, but snapped back up at my words. From the way he quickly looked away, but kept opening his mouth like he wanted to say something, it was clear he’d assumed I had somehow guessed the real reason why he hadn’t been there for me today. But I wasn’t going to make it easier for him by saying anything else. He’d hurt me without even trying or caring.
Unapologetically arrogant and unaware.
Well, I guess now he was apologetic at least.
“Deacon,” I prompted when he continued to stand there, and tried to ignore the chaos his light eyes caused inside me when they finally rested on my face again.
My heart was racing so fast it felt like it would beat out of my chest, and it was taking every ounce of strength to stand still when my body was craving the feel of his against mine again.
“Right, well . . . I’ll, uh, I’ll see you.” After another pause, he turned and walked down the hall. And with a worried look, Jagger reluctantly followed.
I released a ragged breath and slumped against the doorframe, and tried to ignore the way my hands shook from the chaos that Deacon left in his wake. After I heard him leave, I waited in the hall for a few minutes before grabbing Grey’s keys and leaving as well. And soon I was at the babysitter’s house picking up my son.
“Hey, thank you for understanding,” I told her as I handed her some cash, and took Keith’s hand and started backing up toward the driveway. “After what happened today, I really just need to spend the night with my favorite guy.”
“Not a problem! Call me whenever you need me again.”
“I will.” Once Keith was in his booster seat, I kissed his cheek and asked, “Who are you?”
“Mommy!” he said with a laugh and a cheesy grin. “I’m Spider-Man!”
“What do you say to Spider-Man taking me out on a date tonight? I think other guys just make our lives too complicated.”
Keith held out his fist, and I bumped it. “All right! Hot dog!”
My laughter bubbled up, genuine and free. “Hot date, bud.”
“That’s what I said!”
Chapter Eleven
Deacon
June 11, 2016
YOUR TURN . . . come back to me, Words.
I sent the text, then walked into the kitchen to look for something to eat, but I didn’t know if I was hungry. I couldn’t even focus on what was in front of me. So much so that it took way too long to realize that I was staring at the closed refrigerator door instead of inside it.
All I could see was Charlie. Still.
The way she’d looked when I’d gone after her earlier. The way her blue eyes had been guarded.
What she’d said. “Yeah. Funny how that can happen for both of us.”
She knew . . . I don’t know how, but somehow she fucking knew about my afternoon.
I knew I’d fucked up. All I’d wanted was to forget about her, and to knock some sense back into my head. I’d still planned on picking her up and taking her to look at cars once her shift was over.
But one girl had led to another.
By the time I’d gotten the second to leave, I was ready to slam my head into the wall over and over again, if only to get the thought of Charlie out of it. Because she was still there, just as she had been for nearly two weeks, only now it was paired with this overwhelming sense that I’d done something wrong. To Charlie, to Words . . .
But I’d done nothing more than what I’d done nearly every day for years, and Charlie meant nothing, and Words was . . . Words wasn’t real. And yet, as soon as I grabbed my phone and saw the missed calls and the time, my stomach had dropped and I’d felt crippled from the guilt that tore through me.
I’d known that I needed to leave, to get to Charlie. That I had to explain everything and nothing because I refused to let her know what I’d done in an attempt to erase her. But I hadn’t been able to force myself to move.
I’d stood frozen with my hair gripped tightly in my fist as I’d called her over and over again.
I’d thought if I allowed myself to want Charlie, I would do something that ruined everything.
Each call that went unanswered drove home the realization that I’d already done that.
I barely registered the sound of the front door opening from where I was lying on the carpet in the middle of the living room. I didn’t remember walking in there or lying down, but there I fucking was, scrubbing my hands over my face again and again, trying to wash away images I couldn’t keep.
My hands stilled and body tightened when I felt someone settle down next to me. I slowly lowered my arms and turned my head only enough to take in the person next to me when they pressed themselves as close to me as possible.
A shock of red hair met me seconds before her voice did, and I felt myself instantly relax.
“If I hadn’t witnessed what just happened in my home, seeing you right here would clue me in to the fact that something is wrong.” Grey turned her head to look at me, her gold eyes dark in the room, the only light filtering in from the entryway.
“What do you mean?” My voice was hoarse, as if I’d actually been yelling and screaming at myself the past hour the way I’d wanted to.
“What was it you and Graham said?” She trailed off, and resituated herself so her head was now on my shoulder. “Right . . . you always said Knox was murdering the carpet when all that stuff was going down with Harlow, back before he told you about it. And now for the first time ever, I find you lying here in the dark. I think this carpet means bad things for some of my favorite guys.”
A low, dark laugh vibrated in my chest. “Just a carpet, Grey.”
She didn’t respond for a long time, and when she did, hesitation crept through each word. “Jagger . . . Jagger’s so mad, Deacon.” There was an uneasy pause before she admitted, “And I was too, but then I saw you when you came looking for her, and more importantly, I saw you when you left. I know there’s something going on that neither of you are telling me, and you don’t have to tell me if you aren’t ready, but I had a feeling that you needed me.”
