Sins of Sevin
Page 30

He slowly slid his hands down and placed them away from me by his side. While my mind was relieved, my body was screaming for the return of his touch. Even without the physical contact, I still indirectly felt him as he continued to stare me down.
“Look around, Evangeline. There is no one else here. It’s just you and me.”
Swallowing, I replied nervously, “I’m aware of that.”
“We’ve talked about a lot of things since we’ve met, things we fear, things we’re passionate about. But never…not once…have we talked about this, what’s been happening between us.” When I looked down, he placed his hands on my face again, forcing my eyes upward. “We need to talk about it.”
I closed my eyes, nodding in agreement, feeling a weight slowly lifting off of me. Keeping everything inside had been arduous. “Okay. Let’s talk about it.”
His eyes held an intensity that almost scared me. “I’ll start,” he said before pausing. He blinked repeatedly, clearly trying to figure out how to articulate what he was thinking. “Sometimes, I feel like my whole life has been a lie, whether I was pretending to be something I wasn’t or just the bullshit people fed me. From the moment I met you, before I even knew your fucking name, it felt like you were somehow a reflection of the real me. When I’m around you, I never want to be anyone else but myself. That’s never happened to me before. No more bullshit. I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?”
Even though I was scared, not entirely sure of what I was agreeing to, I nodded. “Yes.”
“I’m gonna ask you some questions. I don’t want you to think about the repercussions of your answers or what you think you should say. I just need your truth.”
“My truth?”
“Yes. No lies to protect anyone, just the unbridled truth. Can you do that for me, even if just for tonight?”
A teardrop fell down my cheek as I whispered, “Yes.”
He stepped back away from me a bit. He was breathtaking with his broad chest exposed in that open plaid shirt. His inky black hair was wet from the rain. My insides were bustling with need. Unable to control my body’s reaction to him, being here alone with Sevin felt like a very dangerous predicament. I couldn’t help wanting to touch him, and that scared me.
His voice startled me. “First question. Are you really planning to marry him?”
After hesitating, I said, “I think so.”
“That’s not really an answer. Give me a yes or no.”
“That’s the truth. I’m planning to, but I’m not a hundred percent sure I can follow through with it.”
“Because you don’t really want it.”
“I want to get married.”
“You don’t want him.” He moved in closer, his voice more demanding. “Tell me the goddamn truth.”
Reminding myself of my vow not to lie, I admitted, “I don’t really want him. But I need him.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s going to hurt me to stay here. And he’s my ticket out.”
Now that was definitely the truth.
He took two more steps toward me, causing goosebumps to form on my arms. “When we were in the barn that night and you listed your hopes and dreams, you told me that you wanted to experience love.”
I nodded and whispered, “Yes.”
“I thought I was incapable of that.” He paused. “But I think I might be experiencing something very close to it…with you.”
What he’d just admitted was a total shock. Even though he remained silent, Sevin seemed overcome with emotion. He expected those words no more than I did.
He continued, “Tell me I’m not crazy, because I think you feel the same way.”
I do.
I finally spoke, “You’re not crazy. That’s why I have to leave. These feelings aren’t going away, so I have to go away…because I can’t have you.”
“Look at me. Can’t you fucking see that you already do?”
“What?”
“You have me, Evangeline. You. No one else. From the moment we met, it’s been you.”
“We can’t be together.”
“I don’t want to hurt Elle, either. That’s the last thing I want, but I can’t control this.”
“I don’t think you understand, Sevin. That doesn’t matter. You and I will never have a future. Number one, my father…he’d kill you. There is nothing in this world more precious to him than Elle, and if you hurt her, he’d destroy you. But more than that, I can’t betray my sister. She loves you so much.”
“She thinks she loves me. She doesn’t know me, not like you do. I know I made a promise to her and your father that I fully intended to keep, but I am so confused. The only thing I’m sure of anymore is that I can’t shake my feelings for you. Lord knows, I’ve tried.”
“Try harder. Please. We have to. I refuse to hurt her.”
“I refuse to hurt you,” he snapped. “My being with her is hurting you.”
“Don’t worry about me.”
“Don’t worry about you? You’re gonna let him take you back to Missouri, away from Addy, away from your family, all because you’re running away from me. I should be the one leaving town if that’s the case.”
“Don’t you say that, Sevin. This is your home. This is your future. You deserve this opportunity.”