I had to, I said.
Butters jawline hardened. Try to see this from my perspective, Harry, he said. Ever since Chichn Itz, you havent been you. Do you even get that?
What do you mean? I asked.
You made a deal. With Mab, he said simply. You apparently died. Your ghost showed up claiming you had died, and got us all to do things. Then you show up alive again, only youve got freaky Winter faerie powers. You were here for a day before Molly was gone, with freaky Winter faerie powers of her own. And youve been back for a year, living out on that island where hardly anyone can get to you, not talking, not helping, not here. He looked at me for the first time. Not you. Not the you we all know. The guy who came to gaming every week. Who we went to drive-in movies with.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets.
I know that things happen to people, he said. And maybe youve got excellent and real reasons for doing what youve done. But . . . at the end of the day, theres just no replacement for being here. Were losing people. Kids. Old folks. Hell, there was this thing killing peoples pets for a while. He turned back to his washing. Its enough to make a guy a little bit cynical. And now you show up again, only youre not talking about what youre doing. People are worried that youre going to go bad like the other Winter Knights have. He spun back to me, his dark eyes hard and pained. And when you sit up from being sewn up, whats the first thing you do? Hey, Butters? How you doing, Butters? Sorry about beating up your girlfriend? Didnt mean to wreck your computer room, man? No. The first thing you start talking about is paying off a debt. Just like one of the Fae.
Which made a cold chill go through my stomach. Butters might not have all the facts, he might not have the full story, but . . .
He wasnt wrong.
He started slapping his stuff back into his bag, though his voice stayed gentle. Im afraid, man. I know whats going on out there now, and its scary as hell. So you tell me, Harry. Should I be anxious about Superman hanging out with Luthor? When I find out more about what youre dragging Karrin into, is it going to make me less worried? Because Im not sure I know you anymore.
It was maybe fifteen seconds before I could answer.
It isnt going to make you any less worried, I said quietly. And I still cant talk to you about it.
Honesty, he said. He nodded a couple of times. Well. At least weve got that much. Theres orange juice in the fridge. Drink some. Get a lot of fluids in the next few days.
Then Butters took his bag and walked out of thekitchen.
He looked at least as tired as I felt. And I could see how afraid he was, and how the fear had worn him down. He had doubts. Which, in this world, was only smart. He had doubts about me. That hurt. But they were understandable. Maybe even smart. And hed been up-front with me about it all. That had taken courage. If I truly had been turning into the monster he feared, by being honest with me about it, he wouldve just painted a huge target on his face. Hed done it anywaywhich meant that he wasnt sure, and he was willing to risk it.
And most important, when Id needed his help, hed shown up and given it.
Butters was good people.
And he wasnt wrong.
I heard quiet talking going on in the living room, between Butters and Karrin and another female voiceAndi, presumably. A moment later, the door opened and closed again. The quiet of an emptier house settled over the place.
Karrin appeared in the doorway.
You heard that, huh? I asked.
Yeah, she said. I did. She crossed to the refrigerator, opened it, and took out a jug of orange juice. She got a plastic drinking glass out of the cupboard and poured it full. Then she passed the juice to me.
I grimaced and drank some, then stared down at the rest. You agree with him?
I understand him, she said.
But do you agree?
I trust you, she said.
Three words. Big ones. Especially coming from her. For a moment, they filled the room, and I felt something tight in my chest ease out of me.
I looked up at her and smiled with one side of my mouth. She answered it.
Maybe you shouldnt, I said.
The smile deepened around her eyes. Maybe Im a big girl who can make up her own mind.
Maybe you are, I allowed.
Its been a hard year, she said. Theyre tired, and scared. People lose faith sometimes. Theyll come around. Youll see.
Thanks, I said quietly.
She put her hand on my arm and squeezed, then let go of me. I set Valmont up in the guest bedroom, she said. Youre in my room. Im on the couch.
Ill take the couch, I said.
You dont fit on it, bonehead. Youre the one who got shot, remember? And I need you in the best shape possible if were going to do this.
I swirled the orange juice in the glass. She had a point.
Mister appeared in the doorway, then flung himself at my shins. I pulled the injured one back so that his shoulder hit my left shin alone. I leaned down to rub his notched ear. Where have you been, fuzzball?
Butters jawline hardened. Try to see this from my perspective, Harry, he said. Ever since Chichn Itz, you havent been you. Do you even get that?
What do you mean? I asked.
You made a deal. With Mab, he said simply. You apparently died. Your ghost showed up claiming you had died, and got us all to do things. Then you show up alive again, only youve got freaky Winter faerie powers. You were here for a day before Molly was gone, with freaky Winter faerie powers of her own. And youve been back for a year, living out on that island where hardly anyone can get to you, not talking, not helping, not here. He looked at me for the first time. Not you. Not the you we all know. The guy who came to gaming every week. Who we went to drive-in movies with.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets.
I know that things happen to people, he said. And maybe youve got excellent and real reasons for doing what youve done. But . . . at the end of the day, theres just no replacement for being here. Were losing people. Kids. Old folks. Hell, there was this thing killing peoples pets for a while. He turned back to his washing. Its enough to make a guy a little bit cynical. And now you show up again, only youre not talking about what youre doing. People are worried that youre going to go bad like the other Winter Knights have. He spun back to me, his dark eyes hard and pained. And when you sit up from being sewn up, whats the first thing you do? Hey, Butters? How you doing, Butters? Sorry about beating up your girlfriend? Didnt mean to wreck your computer room, man? No. The first thing you start talking about is paying off a debt. Just like one of the Fae.
Which made a cold chill go through my stomach. Butters might not have all the facts, he might not have the full story, but . . .
He wasnt wrong.
He started slapping his stuff back into his bag, though his voice stayed gentle. Im afraid, man. I know whats going on out there now, and its scary as hell. So you tell me, Harry. Should I be anxious about Superman hanging out with Luthor? When I find out more about what youre dragging Karrin into, is it going to make me less worried? Because Im not sure I know you anymore.
It was maybe fifteen seconds before I could answer.
It isnt going to make you any less worried, I said quietly. And I still cant talk to you about it.
Honesty, he said. He nodded a couple of times. Well. At least weve got that much. Theres orange juice in the fridge. Drink some. Get a lot of fluids in the next few days.
Then Butters took his bag and walked out of thekitchen.
He looked at least as tired as I felt. And I could see how afraid he was, and how the fear had worn him down. He had doubts. Which, in this world, was only smart. He had doubts about me. That hurt. But they were understandable. Maybe even smart. And hed been up-front with me about it all. That had taken courage. If I truly had been turning into the monster he feared, by being honest with me about it, he wouldve just painted a huge target on his face. Hed done it anywaywhich meant that he wasnt sure, and he was willing to risk it.
And most important, when Id needed his help, hed shown up and given it.
Butters was good people.
And he wasnt wrong.
I heard quiet talking going on in the living room, between Butters and Karrin and another female voiceAndi, presumably. A moment later, the door opened and closed again. The quiet of an emptier house settled over the place.
Karrin appeared in the doorway.
You heard that, huh? I asked.
Yeah, she said. I did. She crossed to the refrigerator, opened it, and took out a jug of orange juice. She got a plastic drinking glass out of the cupboard and poured it full. Then she passed the juice to me.
I grimaced and drank some, then stared down at the rest. You agree with him?
I understand him, she said.
But do you agree?
I trust you, she said.
Three words. Big ones. Especially coming from her. For a moment, they filled the room, and I felt something tight in my chest ease out of me.
I looked up at her and smiled with one side of my mouth. She answered it.
Maybe you shouldnt, I said.
The smile deepened around her eyes. Maybe Im a big girl who can make up her own mind.
Maybe you are, I allowed.
Its been a hard year, she said. Theyre tired, and scared. People lose faith sometimes. Theyll come around. Youll see.
Thanks, I said quietly.
She put her hand on my arm and squeezed, then let go of me. I set Valmont up in the guest bedroom, she said. Youre in my room. Im on the couch.
Ill take the couch, I said.
You dont fit on it, bonehead. Youre the one who got shot, remember? And I need you in the best shape possible if were going to do this.
I swirled the orange juice in the glass. She had a point.
Mister appeared in the doorway, then flung himself at my shins. I pulled the injured one back so that his shoulder hit my left shin alone. I leaned down to rub his notched ear. Where have you been, fuzzball?
