In addition to his usual outfit, he also wore a pin on his left breasta snowflake, wrought from silver with such complexity and detail that one could see the crystalline shapes of its surface. Whoa. I wasnt sure exactly what the hell that meant, but given how my day was going, I was reasonably sure it was nothing good.
There was someone with him.
It was a smallish figure, covered in what looked like a black blanket of soft wool. It moved slowly, hunched, as if in terrible pain, leaning hard against my doubles supporting arms.
Uh, I said. What?
My double sneered at me. Why is it that youve never got the least goddamned clue whats happening inside your own head. Have you ever noticed this trend? Doesnt it bug you sometimes?
I try not to overthink it, I said.
He snorted. Hells bells, thats true. We have to talk.
Why cant you just send dreams like everyone elses subconscious?
Ive been trying, he said, and shifted into a voice that sounded suspiciously like Bullwinkle the cartoon moose. But somebodys been busy not overthinking it.
I arched an eyebrow. Oh, wait. That . . . that dream with Murphy? That was you?
All the dreams are me, blockhead, my double said. And I swear, dude, you have got to be the most repressed human being on the face of the planet.
What? Maybe you didnt notice, but Im not exactly bending over backwards for anybody?
Not oppressed, moron. Repressed. As in sexually. What is wrong with you?
I blinked, offended. What?
You were doing okay with Susan, he said. And Anastasia . . . Wow, theres really something to be said for experience.
I felt myself blushing and reminded myself that I was talking to me. So?
And what about all the things you missed, dummy? he asked. You had the shadow of a freaking angel who could have shown you any sensual experience you could possibly have imagined, but did you take her up on it? No. Mabs been throwing girls at you. You could literally make one phone call and have half a dozen supernaturally hot Sidhe girls playing rodeo with you anytime you wanted, and instead youre playing hopscotch over the cages of has-been demons. Hell, Hannah Ascher would have gotten busy with you if you wanted.
Its Parkour, I said defensively. And just because I dont go to bed with everything with a vagina doesnt mean Im repressed. I dont want it to be just sex.
Why not? my double said, exasperated. Go forth and freaking multiply! Drink from the cup of life! Carpe femme! For the love of God, get laid.
Isighed. Right. Id me didnt have to be concerned with long-term consequences. He was my instinctive, primitive self, driven by my most primal impulses. I wondered, briefly, if id and idiot came from the same root.
You wouldnt get it, I said. Its got to be more than just physical attraction. Theres got to be respect and affection.
Sure, he said, his tone absolutely acidic. Then how come you havent banged Murphy yet?
Because, I said, growing flustered, we arent . . . We havent gotten to . . . Theres been a lot of . . . Look, f**k off.
Hah, my double said. Youre obviously terrified of getting close to someone. Afraid youll get hurt and rejected. Again.
No Im not, I said.
Oh, please, he said. Ive got a direct line to your hindbrain. Ive got your fears on Blu-Ray. He rolled his eyes. Like she isnt feeling exactly the same thing?
Murphy isnt afraid of anything, I said.
Two ex-husbands, and the last one married her little sister. He might as well have sent her a card that said, Id like you, only youre too successful. And old. And youre a freaking wizard who is going to live for centuries. Of course shes freaking out about the idea of getting involved with you.
I frowned at that. I . . . You really think so?
No, dolt. You really think so.
I snorted. Okay, guy, if youre so smart. What do I do?
If having something real is so important to you, man up and go get her, my id said. You could both be dead tomorrow. Youre heading for the realm of freaking death, for crying out loud. What the hell are you waiting for?
Uh, I said.
Let me answer that for you, he said. Molly.
I blinked. Uh, no. Mollys a freaking kid.
She was a freaking kid, my double said. Shes heading for her late twenties, in case you forgot how to count. Shes not all that much younger than you, and the proportional distance is only shrinking. And you like her, and you trust her, and the two of you have a ton in common. Go get laid there.
Dude, no, I said. That is not going to happen.
Why not?
It would be a serious violation of trust.
Because shes your apprentice? he asked. No, she isnt. Not anymore. Hells bells, man, shes practically your boss when you get right down to it. At the very least, she got promoted past you.
There was someone with him.
It was a smallish figure, covered in what looked like a black blanket of soft wool. It moved slowly, hunched, as if in terrible pain, leaning hard against my doubles supporting arms.
Uh, I said. What?
My double sneered at me. Why is it that youve never got the least goddamned clue whats happening inside your own head. Have you ever noticed this trend? Doesnt it bug you sometimes?
I try not to overthink it, I said.
He snorted. Hells bells, thats true. We have to talk.
Why cant you just send dreams like everyone elses subconscious?
Ive been trying, he said, and shifted into a voice that sounded suspiciously like Bullwinkle the cartoon moose. But somebodys been busy not overthinking it.
I arched an eyebrow. Oh, wait. That . . . that dream with Murphy? That was you?
All the dreams are me, blockhead, my double said. And I swear, dude, you have got to be the most repressed human being on the face of the planet.
What? Maybe you didnt notice, but Im not exactly bending over backwards for anybody?
Not oppressed, moron. Repressed. As in sexually. What is wrong with you?
I blinked, offended. What?
You were doing okay with Susan, he said. And Anastasia . . . Wow, theres really something to be said for experience.
I felt myself blushing and reminded myself that I was talking to me. So?
And what about all the things you missed, dummy? he asked. You had the shadow of a freaking angel who could have shown you any sensual experience you could possibly have imagined, but did you take her up on it? No. Mabs been throwing girls at you. You could literally make one phone call and have half a dozen supernaturally hot Sidhe girls playing rodeo with you anytime you wanted, and instead youre playing hopscotch over the cages of has-been demons. Hell, Hannah Ascher would have gotten busy with you if you wanted.
Its Parkour, I said defensively. And just because I dont go to bed with everything with a vagina doesnt mean Im repressed. I dont want it to be just sex.
Why not? my double said, exasperated. Go forth and freaking multiply! Drink from the cup of life! Carpe femme! For the love of God, get laid.
Isighed. Right. Id me didnt have to be concerned with long-term consequences. He was my instinctive, primitive self, driven by my most primal impulses. I wondered, briefly, if id and idiot came from the same root.
You wouldnt get it, I said. Its got to be more than just physical attraction. Theres got to be respect and affection.
Sure, he said, his tone absolutely acidic. Then how come you havent banged Murphy yet?
Because, I said, growing flustered, we arent . . . We havent gotten to . . . Theres been a lot of . . . Look, f**k off.
Hah, my double said. Youre obviously terrified of getting close to someone. Afraid youll get hurt and rejected. Again.
No Im not, I said.
Oh, please, he said. Ive got a direct line to your hindbrain. Ive got your fears on Blu-Ray. He rolled his eyes. Like she isnt feeling exactly the same thing?
Murphy isnt afraid of anything, I said.
Two ex-husbands, and the last one married her little sister. He might as well have sent her a card that said, Id like you, only youre too successful. And old. And youre a freaking wizard who is going to live for centuries. Of course shes freaking out about the idea of getting involved with you.
I frowned at that. I . . . You really think so?
No, dolt. You really think so.
I snorted. Okay, guy, if youre so smart. What do I do?
If having something real is so important to you, man up and go get her, my id said. You could both be dead tomorrow. Youre heading for the realm of freaking death, for crying out loud. What the hell are you waiting for?
Uh, I said.
Let me answer that for you, he said. Molly.
I blinked. Uh, no. Mollys a freaking kid.
She was a freaking kid, my double said. Shes heading for her late twenties, in case you forgot how to count. Shes not all that much younger than you, and the proportional distance is only shrinking. And you like her, and you trust her, and the two of you have a ton in common. Go get laid there.
Dude, no, I said. That is not going to happen.
Why not?
It would be a serious violation of trust.
Because shes your apprentice? he asked. No, she isnt. Not anymore. Hells bells, man, shes practically your boss when you get right down to it. At the very least, she got promoted past you.
