I turned to the bedside clock.
Three-fifteen am.
Fuck.
Pushing myself off the bed, I stalked into the bathroom. I flicked the tap on and splashed cold water over my face. Resting my hands on the sink, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. These dreams were getting out of hand, and exhaustion ruled my life. It painted my face and clawed at my body.
The dreams had haunted me since Ashley’s death, but they’d recently intensified to the point where they were hitting me hard and fast most nights. I thought they would have stopped after I’d dealt with Bullet and they had slowed down for a while. Fuck knew why they were back now.
I turned the tap off and scowled in the mirror. I had a lot of work to deal with today and just over two hours of sleep wasn’t going to help me get through it all. However, I knew from experience sleep would prove elusive. Better just to start my day with a shower and move on from there.
When the hot water hit my shoulders a few moments later, I dropped my head and rested my chin on my chest. Closing my eyes, I savoured the heat working its way into my tired muscles. The years since Ashley’s death hadn’t been kind to my body. Grief, regret and a lust for revenge had taken hold of both my mind and body, inflicting weariness on me. I pushed past the exhaustion most days, but these fucking dreams were taking their toll.
Fifteen minutes later, showered and dressed, I entered the kitchen. I made coffee and logged on to my computer, checking my emails. The pain of Ashley’s loss was never far away and I felt it as keenly these days as I did three years ago, but my work helped give my mind a break from it. And that was all I could ask for because I knew I’d never get over not having her in my life.
***
Four hours later, I parked my Jag not far from the front door of Harlow’s mother’s cafe, and exited it into the warm September sun. Late September in Brisbane should have been spring weather but we seemed to be moving straight into summer, just as we had last year. The humidity in the air this morning clung to me, and I contemplated yet again moving to a cooler climate. I’d never do it, though. I was born in Brisbane and I’d die here. This city was in my blood.
“You owe me breakfast as well as coffee.”
I looked up to find Madison standing on the footpath smiling at me. My sister was the happiest I’d ever seen her; marrying J had been a good decision. I cocked my head to the side. “How do you figure that, babe?”
Her smile turned into a grin that lit up her face. I liked what I saw there. Not many people meant as much to me as she did, and her happiness touched my cold heart in unexpected ways. “Well, you were supposed to have coffee with me yesterday, but you cancelled. It’s only fair you buy me breakfast to say sorry.”
I moved to where she was standing and draped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to me. Looking down at her, I murmured, “So, just for future reference, if I cancel on you, I’m up for whatever you decide?”
She wrapped her arm around my waist, and we walked into the cafe together. “Yes! Finally, a man who gets it,” she said, triumphantly.
Harlow looked up as we entered, just as Madison made her declaration. “What does he get?” she asked.
Madison let me go and moved to hug Harlow. “He gets that I call the shots if he cancels on me.”
“Oh honey, I think you have your brother wrapped around your little finger. Blade might be in charge of everything else in his life, but not so much where you’re concerned. He’d do anything for you.”
I jerked my thumb in Harlow’s direction. “She might be onto something there.”
Madison hit me with a look that made most of the shit I’d been through in my life worthwhile. Having her as my sister had changed me in ways no one else had ever been able to, not even Ashley. Madison made me want to be a better man. I was buried under a million fucking layers of darkness, and I’d embraced that for most of my life, but with her in it, I was trying hard to find a way out from under the murky depths.
She watched me watch her, and then, on a sigh, she said, “Okay, big brother, time to get your wallet out. I want pancakes and coffee today, and no skimping on the ice-cream and whipped cream.”
As I pulled my wallet out, I asked, “Cream and ice-cream?”
“Of course.” She shrugged. “Why not?”
Harlow interjected, “A girl needs a pick-me-up after her brother ditches her.” She winked at me as she said this.
I shook my head and muttered, “Once. I cancelled on you once.”
Madison continued to rib me. “And let the record show that you won’t do it again. Right?”
This type of exchange wasn’t something I was used to. Kidding around didn’t come easily to me, but Madison had been teaching me how. I played along with her. “Right. Especially not if it means you’ll resort to ice-cream and cream at eight o’clock in the morning.”
Madison and Harlow burst out laughing as I just stood there shaking my head at their antics. I lifted my chin at Harlow. “Make it two coffees.”
Harlow had worked out my moods and read me perfectly well now: I was done with the joking around. She nodded in agreement. “Done.”
I moved to sit and Madison followed. As we did this, Scott entered the cafe. His focus was entirely on Harlow. He didn’t see us. We both watched him, though, as he and Harlow discussed something. It looked serious, and I wondered about that, especially as they’d recently moved in together.
Three-fifteen am.
Fuck.
Pushing myself off the bed, I stalked into the bathroom. I flicked the tap on and splashed cold water over my face. Resting my hands on the sink, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. These dreams were getting out of hand, and exhaustion ruled my life. It painted my face and clawed at my body.
The dreams had haunted me since Ashley’s death, but they’d recently intensified to the point where they were hitting me hard and fast most nights. I thought they would have stopped after I’d dealt with Bullet and they had slowed down for a while. Fuck knew why they were back now.
I turned the tap off and scowled in the mirror. I had a lot of work to deal with today and just over two hours of sleep wasn’t going to help me get through it all. However, I knew from experience sleep would prove elusive. Better just to start my day with a shower and move on from there.
When the hot water hit my shoulders a few moments later, I dropped my head and rested my chin on my chest. Closing my eyes, I savoured the heat working its way into my tired muscles. The years since Ashley’s death hadn’t been kind to my body. Grief, regret and a lust for revenge had taken hold of both my mind and body, inflicting weariness on me. I pushed past the exhaustion most days, but these fucking dreams were taking their toll.
Fifteen minutes later, showered and dressed, I entered the kitchen. I made coffee and logged on to my computer, checking my emails. The pain of Ashley’s loss was never far away and I felt it as keenly these days as I did three years ago, but my work helped give my mind a break from it. And that was all I could ask for because I knew I’d never get over not having her in my life.
***
Four hours later, I parked my Jag not far from the front door of Harlow’s mother’s cafe, and exited it into the warm September sun. Late September in Brisbane should have been spring weather but we seemed to be moving straight into summer, just as we had last year. The humidity in the air this morning clung to me, and I contemplated yet again moving to a cooler climate. I’d never do it, though. I was born in Brisbane and I’d die here. This city was in my blood.
“You owe me breakfast as well as coffee.”
I looked up to find Madison standing on the footpath smiling at me. My sister was the happiest I’d ever seen her; marrying J had been a good decision. I cocked my head to the side. “How do you figure that, babe?”
Her smile turned into a grin that lit up her face. I liked what I saw there. Not many people meant as much to me as she did, and her happiness touched my cold heart in unexpected ways. “Well, you were supposed to have coffee with me yesterday, but you cancelled. It’s only fair you buy me breakfast to say sorry.”
I moved to where she was standing and draped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to me. Looking down at her, I murmured, “So, just for future reference, if I cancel on you, I’m up for whatever you decide?”
She wrapped her arm around my waist, and we walked into the cafe together. “Yes! Finally, a man who gets it,” she said, triumphantly.
Harlow looked up as we entered, just as Madison made her declaration. “What does he get?” she asked.
Madison let me go and moved to hug Harlow. “He gets that I call the shots if he cancels on me.”
“Oh honey, I think you have your brother wrapped around your little finger. Blade might be in charge of everything else in his life, but not so much where you’re concerned. He’d do anything for you.”
I jerked my thumb in Harlow’s direction. “She might be onto something there.”
Madison hit me with a look that made most of the shit I’d been through in my life worthwhile. Having her as my sister had changed me in ways no one else had ever been able to, not even Ashley. Madison made me want to be a better man. I was buried under a million fucking layers of darkness, and I’d embraced that for most of my life, but with her in it, I was trying hard to find a way out from under the murky depths.
She watched me watch her, and then, on a sigh, she said, “Okay, big brother, time to get your wallet out. I want pancakes and coffee today, and no skimping on the ice-cream and whipped cream.”
As I pulled my wallet out, I asked, “Cream and ice-cream?”
“Of course.” She shrugged. “Why not?”
Harlow interjected, “A girl needs a pick-me-up after her brother ditches her.” She winked at me as she said this.
I shook my head and muttered, “Once. I cancelled on you once.”
Madison continued to rib me. “And let the record show that you won’t do it again. Right?”
This type of exchange wasn’t something I was used to. Kidding around didn’t come easily to me, but Madison had been teaching me how. I played along with her. “Right. Especially not if it means you’ll resort to ice-cream and cream at eight o’clock in the morning.”
Madison and Harlow burst out laughing as I just stood there shaking my head at their antics. I lifted my chin at Harlow. “Make it two coffees.”
Harlow had worked out my moods and read me perfectly well now: I was done with the joking around. She nodded in agreement. “Done.”
I moved to sit and Madison followed. As we did this, Scott entered the cafe. His focus was entirely on Harlow. He didn’t see us. We both watched him, though, as he and Harlow discussed something. It looked serious, and I wondered about that, especially as they’d recently moved in together.
