“Yeah, we are. Once and for fucking all.”
“Thank fuck,” he murmured, relief clear in his voice. He stood and made to say something, but his eyes shifted to something behind me. “Layla,” he called out.
I spun around to find her walking towards the stairs to leave. She didn’t respond to Merrick, so I stalked after her and called out, “Layla!”
She stopped and looked at us. Fuck, anger still painted her face. “What?” she snapped.
“Where are you going?” I asked, catching up to her.
“I’ve got stuff to do at work.”
There was a divide between us, slight, but there. I didn’t like it, but neither of us had the time to discuss it at the moment, so I let her go. Once she’d disappeared from my sight, I pulled my phone out and dialled Ben.
“What’s up?” he asked when he answered.
“Put some eyes on Layla until we deal with Phil.”
“Already organised.”
“Good.”
Thank fuck.
***
Eight hours later, I parked my car outside Layla’s bar. The afternoon had been futile in our search for Phil. He’d disappeared, and no one on the street was talking. I hadn’t managed to catch Layla on the phone, so I had to wonder if she was avoiding me on purpose. Exiting the car, I searched the street for my boys and found them parked a little down the road. The relief I felt at their presence was immense. The thought of something happening to Layla almost paralysed me with fear.
I entered the bar, scanning for her as I walked. Unable to see her, I headed toward Jess who was just finishing up serving. Her gaze shifted to me as her customer walked away. “Hi Donovan,” she greeted me.
“Layla in?”
“She’s upstairs.”
I lifted my chin at her. “Thanks.”
Without waiting for her to say anything else, I made my way upstairs. I found Annie in the lounge room watching television, and she smiled at me. “Layla’s in the shower.”
“Thanks,” I said, and headed towards the bathroom in Layla’s bedroom. Annie was still guarded with me, and while I’d usually take some time to talk with her, tonight I just needed to find out what was running through Layla’s mind.
I couldn’t hear the water running, so I figured she must be finished in the shower. The door to her bathroom was open, and I stood in the doorway and watched as she dried herself. Her side was to me, and when she sensed my presence, she turned her head to look at me.
“Have you been here long?” she asked, as she wrapped the towel around her and turned to face me completely.
“No, just arrived.”
She didn’t say anything, just nodded and then turned back to face her mirror again, beginning to brush her teeth.
Fuck.
What the hell was going on?
I walked to where she was and stood behind her. We watched each other in the mirror, and I took in the closed-off look on her face. “Why have you shut down on me?” I asked softly.
She stared at me for a few moments before spitting out her toothpaste and rinsing her mouth. Finally, she lifted her head, and, still watching me in the mirror, she said, “I’m annoyed at you for trying to boss me around today.”
I nodded. “I know that, but that’s not why you’ve shut down.”
“You pissed me off, Donovan. I won’t ever be the type of woman you can control like that, so if that’s what you’re looking for, it’s best to walk away now.”
What the fuck?
I slid one hand around her waist, and the other around her neck. Gripping both hands tightly around her, I bent my face to her ear and growled, “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart, so you need to tell me what the fuck has gotten into you over the last few days. You’ve pulled away from me, and we need to fix that. Tonight.”
I felt her suck in a breath, and watched in the mirror as her eyes widened. When she didn’t say anything, I spoke again, “Feel it, Layla. Stop thinking so hard, and just tell me what you feel.”
As we stared at each other in the mirror, the only sound in the room was our uneven breathing. We were both feeling this, I was sure of it.
“I feel like I’m falling so deep into this with you, Donovan, and I think you feel the same way, but then I don’t want to believe it...” Her voice trailed off.
“Why?” I held my breath, waiting for her answer.
She hesitated for a moment. “Because if it’s not true, it will kill me when you walk away,” she whispered.
The brokenness in her voice hit me in the chest, and I pulled her into me, my arms wrapping tight around her. “I’m in deep, baby, with no intention of walking away. I told you I’ve never felt it like this before, and I meant that. I fucking need you, Layla, like I’ve never needed anyone.”
She stared at me, and I knew her brain had kicked in again. When she didn’t speak, I squeezed her, and demanded, “Say it. Whatever it is, say it.”
Her eyes shut for a couple of moments, and when she opened them, I could see the change. “I worry you’re not over Ashley, that one day you’ll realise I can never be her . . . ”
I cut her off, “I don’t want you to be her.” I let her go and spun her around. “I want you. You accept me in ways she never could, and you’ve never once tried to change me. I fucking needed that because I was buried so far down in my own self-hatred it was suffocating me. For the first time in years, I feel like I can breathe again, and that’s because of you.”
“Thank fuck,” he murmured, relief clear in his voice. He stood and made to say something, but his eyes shifted to something behind me. “Layla,” he called out.
I spun around to find her walking towards the stairs to leave. She didn’t respond to Merrick, so I stalked after her and called out, “Layla!”
She stopped and looked at us. Fuck, anger still painted her face. “What?” she snapped.
“Where are you going?” I asked, catching up to her.
“I’ve got stuff to do at work.”
There was a divide between us, slight, but there. I didn’t like it, but neither of us had the time to discuss it at the moment, so I let her go. Once she’d disappeared from my sight, I pulled my phone out and dialled Ben.
“What’s up?” he asked when he answered.
“Put some eyes on Layla until we deal with Phil.”
“Already organised.”
“Good.”
Thank fuck.
***
Eight hours later, I parked my car outside Layla’s bar. The afternoon had been futile in our search for Phil. He’d disappeared, and no one on the street was talking. I hadn’t managed to catch Layla on the phone, so I had to wonder if she was avoiding me on purpose. Exiting the car, I searched the street for my boys and found them parked a little down the road. The relief I felt at their presence was immense. The thought of something happening to Layla almost paralysed me with fear.
I entered the bar, scanning for her as I walked. Unable to see her, I headed toward Jess who was just finishing up serving. Her gaze shifted to me as her customer walked away. “Hi Donovan,” she greeted me.
“Layla in?”
“She’s upstairs.”
I lifted my chin at her. “Thanks.”
Without waiting for her to say anything else, I made my way upstairs. I found Annie in the lounge room watching television, and she smiled at me. “Layla’s in the shower.”
“Thanks,” I said, and headed towards the bathroom in Layla’s bedroom. Annie was still guarded with me, and while I’d usually take some time to talk with her, tonight I just needed to find out what was running through Layla’s mind.
I couldn’t hear the water running, so I figured she must be finished in the shower. The door to her bathroom was open, and I stood in the doorway and watched as she dried herself. Her side was to me, and when she sensed my presence, she turned her head to look at me.
“Have you been here long?” she asked, as she wrapped the towel around her and turned to face me completely.
“No, just arrived.”
She didn’t say anything, just nodded and then turned back to face her mirror again, beginning to brush her teeth.
Fuck.
What the hell was going on?
I walked to where she was and stood behind her. We watched each other in the mirror, and I took in the closed-off look on her face. “Why have you shut down on me?” I asked softly.
She stared at me for a few moments before spitting out her toothpaste and rinsing her mouth. Finally, she lifted her head, and, still watching me in the mirror, she said, “I’m annoyed at you for trying to boss me around today.”
I nodded. “I know that, but that’s not why you’ve shut down.”
“You pissed me off, Donovan. I won’t ever be the type of woman you can control like that, so if that’s what you’re looking for, it’s best to walk away now.”
What the fuck?
I slid one hand around her waist, and the other around her neck. Gripping both hands tightly around her, I bent my face to her ear and growled, “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart, so you need to tell me what the fuck has gotten into you over the last few days. You’ve pulled away from me, and we need to fix that. Tonight.”
I felt her suck in a breath, and watched in the mirror as her eyes widened. When she didn’t say anything, I spoke again, “Feel it, Layla. Stop thinking so hard, and just tell me what you feel.”
As we stared at each other in the mirror, the only sound in the room was our uneven breathing. We were both feeling this, I was sure of it.
“I feel like I’m falling so deep into this with you, Donovan, and I think you feel the same way, but then I don’t want to believe it...” Her voice trailed off.
“Why?” I held my breath, waiting for her answer.
She hesitated for a moment. “Because if it’s not true, it will kill me when you walk away,” she whispered.
The brokenness in her voice hit me in the chest, and I pulled her into me, my arms wrapping tight around her. “I’m in deep, baby, with no intention of walking away. I told you I’ve never felt it like this before, and I meant that. I fucking need you, Layla, like I’ve never needed anyone.”
She stared at me, and I knew her brain had kicked in again. When she didn’t speak, I squeezed her, and demanded, “Say it. Whatever it is, say it.”
Her eyes shut for a couple of moments, and when she opened them, I could see the change. “I worry you’re not over Ashley, that one day you’ll realise I can never be her . . . ”
I cut her off, “I don’t want you to be her.” I let her go and spun her around. “I want you. You accept me in ways she never could, and you’ve never once tried to change me. I fucking needed that because I was buried so far down in my own self-hatred it was suffocating me. For the first time in years, I feel like I can breathe again, and that’s because of you.”
