Beth accepted it, fighting tears. “Thank you so much. I’ll pay you back.”
“Shut up. It’s a gift. Hell, I would have paid three times that much just to see you happy. You just light up when you look at Smiley and I really like him.” She paused. “He is the total opposite of Carl.” She grimaced. “You know what I’m going to say.”
“You really hated him.”
“Big time.” Beth smiled again. “I wish I’d gotten here before they sent him away. I would have liked a few minutes alone with him. I would have kneed him in the balls.”
“You can’t tell anyone about that either. Everyone thinks they fled the country.”
Beth crossed a finger over her heart. “You know you can trust me.”
“That’s why I told you everything.”
Beth glanced at her stomach and laughed. “If it’s a girl, you better name it after me.”
“I don’t know if I’m pregnant or not. We never got a blood test. You came and Smiley put it off.”
“You better tell me when you do.” Beth took the bag. “Let’s get you dressed. You totally know I’m going to hit every damn baby store if you’re expecting. How cute are babies and if it comes out looking like Smiley then I’m going to have to give up wearing lipstick. Your child would be covered from me kissing all that cuteness. The kid will run screaming from Auntie Beth once he or she is old enough to walk. I’ll be that kissing lady who drives them nuts.”
“Top secret, Beth.”
Beth held her gaze and grew serious. “I read the news. I also listened to some of Gregory Wood’s asinine rants. I’d murder someone for you and go bury the body. No one will ever get any information out of me. They could hang me by my ni**les and beat me with sticks.”
Vanni laughed. “By your ni**les?”
Beth nodded. “Ouch, right? That’s the worst thing I could think of unless it’s by my nether lips. Can you imagine? Oh my god, ouchie. I will never understand how some people get pierced down there. I was going to have sex with a guy once and he had a piercing through his dick. I said no way and got the hell out of there.”
“I remember that. You said it looked horrible.”
“Scary is the word I used. It looked like a rounded barbell just hanging off the end of his dick. Who wants to have that inside them and did he honestly think he’d ever get head again? Choking hazard.”
Vanni laughed. “I’m less worried about my wedding now. Smiley doesn’t have any piercings.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Now get out of those clothes and into this dress. We don’t have too much time. Your groom looked nervous and no damn way do we want to give him time to get cold feet. He looks pretty damn fit. He’d be hell to catch if he makes a run for it. Neither one of us are joggers.”
“Smiley wouldn’t do that.”
“Even better. I’d hate to have to steal one of those Jeeps on my first day at Reservation to go after him and get busted by their cops. I wouldn’t mind being strip-searched though by that big hulk of a guy who came with you to pick me up.”
“Jericho?”
“Yeah. Did you see his chest and those matching arms? He’s like a mountain of muscle on two legs. I bet he could sweep me off my feet and wouldn’t bitch about me needing to lose a few pounds because I’m hurting his lower back.”
“He’s kind of scary looking.”
“Not to me. That’s the right kind of danger and I’d run to it.” Beth winked.
“Don’t hit on him. He’s going to be at the wedding.”
“Come on. I’m the maid of honor. It’s tradition to get drunk and nail one of the groomsmen.”
“Beth!”
“Fine.” She sighed. “I won’t drink.”
“No nailing Smiley’s best friend. He’s going to be like family. I don’t want you to hurt him.”
“Me hurt him? Are we talking about the same guy?”
“He’s really a sweet soul when you get to know him.”
“Enough.” Beth rolled her eyes. “You make me sound like a one-woman destruction crew. I won’t try to nail anyone. I get it. I’m not going to have sex. Big surprise.”
“What does that mean?”
Beth opened her mouth but then closed it. She shifted the bag, holding it out again. “My arms are getting tired. Strip. Wedding, remember?”
“Thank you, Beth.” Vanni kicked off her shoes and started to undress.
“That’s what best friends slash sisters are for. I’m way better than your blood sister.”
Vanni laughed.
“I’m not going to lecture you for ha**ng s*x before the ceremony. Do you want me to pretend to be Mia?” She took on a snooty tone. “First, you firmly grip the man’s penis and ask him if he has any sexual diseases. That’s so he can be assured that you’ll rip it off if he lies.”
“Stop.” Vanni giggled. “That’s so wrong but so accurate. I love you, Beth. Thank you for being you.”
“I bet she’s fun at parties. Now that you’re no longer nervous, let’s get this show on the road. I love you too but we’re talking about permanently hooking you up with a guy who makes you walk bowlegged. Girl talk is over. I bet he’s pacing and anxiously waiting to see his bride.”
“Shut up. It’s a gift. Hell, I would have paid three times that much just to see you happy. You just light up when you look at Smiley and I really like him.” She paused. “He is the total opposite of Carl.” She grimaced. “You know what I’m going to say.”
“You really hated him.”
“Big time.” Beth smiled again. “I wish I’d gotten here before they sent him away. I would have liked a few minutes alone with him. I would have kneed him in the balls.”
“You can’t tell anyone about that either. Everyone thinks they fled the country.”
Beth crossed a finger over her heart. “You know you can trust me.”
“That’s why I told you everything.”
Beth glanced at her stomach and laughed. “If it’s a girl, you better name it after me.”
“I don’t know if I’m pregnant or not. We never got a blood test. You came and Smiley put it off.”
“You better tell me when you do.” Beth took the bag. “Let’s get you dressed. You totally know I’m going to hit every damn baby store if you’re expecting. How cute are babies and if it comes out looking like Smiley then I’m going to have to give up wearing lipstick. Your child would be covered from me kissing all that cuteness. The kid will run screaming from Auntie Beth once he or she is old enough to walk. I’ll be that kissing lady who drives them nuts.”
“Top secret, Beth.”
Beth held her gaze and grew serious. “I read the news. I also listened to some of Gregory Wood’s asinine rants. I’d murder someone for you and go bury the body. No one will ever get any information out of me. They could hang me by my ni**les and beat me with sticks.”
Vanni laughed. “By your ni**les?”
Beth nodded. “Ouch, right? That’s the worst thing I could think of unless it’s by my nether lips. Can you imagine? Oh my god, ouchie. I will never understand how some people get pierced down there. I was going to have sex with a guy once and he had a piercing through his dick. I said no way and got the hell out of there.”
“I remember that. You said it looked horrible.”
“Scary is the word I used. It looked like a rounded barbell just hanging off the end of his dick. Who wants to have that inside them and did he honestly think he’d ever get head again? Choking hazard.”
Vanni laughed. “I’m less worried about my wedding now. Smiley doesn’t have any piercings.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Now get out of those clothes and into this dress. We don’t have too much time. Your groom looked nervous and no damn way do we want to give him time to get cold feet. He looks pretty damn fit. He’d be hell to catch if he makes a run for it. Neither one of us are joggers.”
“Smiley wouldn’t do that.”
“Even better. I’d hate to have to steal one of those Jeeps on my first day at Reservation to go after him and get busted by their cops. I wouldn’t mind being strip-searched though by that big hulk of a guy who came with you to pick me up.”
“Jericho?”
“Yeah. Did you see his chest and those matching arms? He’s like a mountain of muscle on two legs. I bet he could sweep me off my feet and wouldn’t bitch about me needing to lose a few pounds because I’m hurting his lower back.”
“He’s kind of scary looking.”
“Not to me. That’s the right kind of danger and I’d run to it.” Beth winked.
“Don’t hit on him. He’s going to be at the wedding.”
“Come on. I’m the maid of honor. It’s tradition to get drunk and nail one of the groomsmen.”
“Beth!”
“Fine.” She sighed. “I won’t drink.”
“No nailing Smiley’s best friend. He’s going to be like family. I don’t want you to hurt him.”
“Me hurt him? Are we talking about the same guy?”
“He’s really a sweet soul when you get to know him.”
“Enough.” Beth rolled her eyes. “You make me sound like a one-woman destruction crew. I won’t try to nail anyone. I get it. I’m not going to have sex. Big surprise.”
“What does that mean?”
Beth opened her mouth but then closed it. She shifted the bag, holding it out again. “My arms are getting tired. Strip. Wedding, remember?”
“Thank you, Beth.” Vanni kicked off her shoes and started to undress.
“That’s what best friends slash sisters are for. I’m way better than your blood sister.”
Vanni laughed.
“I’m not going to lecture you for ha**ng s*x before the ceremony. Do you want me to pretend to be Mia?” She took on a snooty tone. “First, you firmly grip the man’s penis and ask him if he has any sexual diseases. That’s so he can be assured that you’ll rip it off if he lies.”
“Stop.” Vanni giggled. “That’s so wrong but so accurate. I love you, Beth. Thank you for being you.”
“I bet she’s fun at parties. Now that you’re no longer nervous, let’s get this show on the road. I love you too but we’re talking about permanently hooking you up with a guy who makes you walk bowlegged. Girl talk is over. I bet he’s pacing and anxiously waiting to see his bride.”
