Something Forever
Page 40

“Your phone was ringing.” Jenna passed it to me and headed back to the kitchen. She was filling the vases with water.
“Thanks.” I scrolled through it to see who had tried to reach me. One was from Tanner, and the other one was from Matthew. I texted Tanner first and let him know that I was considering visiting him since I was planning to attend the London book convention. I could take the train and swing by his place after the convention. I scrolled up to find Matthew’s.
Just in case you didn’t read my messages on the cards, I’m texting it to you. Each petal on all of the roses is how many times I’m saying I’m sorry for hurting you. Each petal on all of the roses is how many times I’m saying I miss you. And each petal on all of the roses is how much I love you. Call me when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.
Tears streamed down my face and my heart lit up in ways it hadn’t for weeks. “I miss you, too,” I mumbled under my breath. My fingers itched to text him those words, but I couldn’t. When I looked up, Jenna was right beside me.
“Hey.” With tears in her eyes, she smiled at me.
Then I lost it. I embraced her and sobbed like crazy in her arms. I needed her comfort. I needed for her to tell me that everything was going to be fine, but she had no idea what I was going through. Nobody knew. I had never told her about my condition.
“It’s okay. Let it all out.” She rubbed my back, holding me tightly. “I don’t understand why you are doing this to yourself, but I do understand why you feel guilty. The first step is telling your friends how you feel. The second step is talking about it and working things out. I’m not in your shoes, so I don’t know what it’s truly like. I’m not judging you, but you deserve all the happiness life presents to you. Don’t let it slip away. I’m sorry, but Tessa had her chance. God took her away, not you. You didn’t kill her, Becky. It was just her time to go. Someone better was meant for Matthew.”
I nodded, letting her know that I’d heard every single one of her wise words, and I’d needed to. Pulling back, I wiped my tears. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. All these years you kept this bottled up. It was eating up your heart and soul, Becky. I don’t care about Tessa. She is only a name to me. But I care about you. You’re a wonderful person who deserves Matthew more than she does. Don’t think you deserve anyone less. If Matthew was an ass**le, I would tell you to forget him, but look around you. This place is filled with his love for you.”
I glanced around, still unbelieving. Everywhere I looked was a reminder of Matthew. “Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll talk to Matthew, but I need to take one step at a time. He’s going to have to give me space. We can’t just jump into where we were.”
“I understand, but Matthew is going to Sydney this weekend for the annual Australia Fashion Show.”
“Oh...I’ll be going to the London Book Fair the same week. Then several weeks later is your wedding.” Seeing Jenna’s worried eyes I jumped in again. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there, even if Matthew and I can’t work it out. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Jenna rubbed my arm with a caring smile. “Just do what your heart tells you to do. That is what you always told me. Now I’m giving you the same advice back. Your heart won’t lie to you.”
“I love you, Jenna.” I pulled her in for a tight squeeze. “What am I going to do when you get married?”
Jenna sniffed into my sweater. “I’ll always be here for you.” Her voice cracked. “I’m just a phone call away. When you and Matthew get back together, you’ll be a floor below me.”
I knew she was saying those words to make us feel better, but we both knew that once she got married things would be different. It already was when she got together with Max, and it would get worse when she married him. I wouldn’t have it any other way for her. She deserved all the happiness. Me, on the other hand, I didn’t know.
Maybe Matthew and I would work things out, and maybe we wouldn’t, but that was all up to fate. Before I decided to do anything, I needed to take a trip to the doctor’s office again. If my predicament was what I thought it was, then I was in deep shit.
After the doctor’s visit I went to Starbucks near my apartment. With a hazelnut coffee in my hand, I settled into my favorite corner table where the sun shone just enough on my back to give me warmth. As I took a sip, it soothed my throat and blocked out my troubles.
I had an important decision to make, but the question was should I take care of this on my own? I didn’t want to trouble anyone. It would have to wait till after Jenna’s wedding. How would I tell Matthew about this life altering situation? Either way, I was screwed. Surprisingly, I was calm...too calm. Maybe I was more in shock. I jerked a little when I felt a body brush against mine. A part of me wished it was Matthew. Reminiscing on our last encounter there, it made me miss him. I didn’t know why I thought it was Matthew, but I glanced up with a smile.
“I was wondering if this seat was taken?” a tall, good-looking guy asked.
Feeling disappointed, I was about to tell him that it was when someone else spoke for me.
“Actually, this seat is mine.” His tone was territorial.
I flashed my eyes in the direction of that familiar voice, and saw a sexy smirk across his face. My heart thumped mercilessly from just the sight of him. Our eyes finally met, then he turned away and stared hard at the guy who was still standing there waiting for my answer.