Something Forever
Page 49

Tanner must have sensed Matthew’s uneasiness. “Well, I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about. But if she decides to dump you, my bed is available.” Tanner winked and left.
I was dying of laughter inside, but I was also mad as hell with Matthew. He finally turned to me with his head down. “Becca,” he heaved softly, most likely from embarrassment.
“My room, now,” I commanded.
Matthew
“What are you doing here, Matthew?” That was the first thing she said to me. Did she know I’d flown all those miles to be with her, to bring her home because I missed her like crazy? Didn’t that even matter?
I plopped on the bed and put my face into the palm of hands for a second before I looked back up at her. “This is your fault. You left me hanging. You said we would talk when you came back, but you delayed your trip home. Then I found out that you were with a guy. How do you think I was feeling? What do you expect from me? I would fight for you, don’t you know that?”
Becca leaned against the dresser and looked down. “You’re right. This is my fault. I haven’t been straight with you and you need answers, just like I needed mine.”
My head turned sideways and I glanced at her in confusion. “What answers do you need? I think I was very clear when I told you how sorry I was and how much you mean to me. I even told you that I loved you, but you never said those words back to me.”
The physical and emotional distance I was feeling from her right now was breaking my heart. I’d lost her. Blood rushed down my body and my muscles began to feel weak. The stabbing, painful twist in my heart was making my eyes sting. My breath quickened when the room started to become small. There wasn’t enough air.
“Becca, if you don’t want to be with me anymore, just say it. I want you to be happy. If I don’t make you happy, I’ll let you go. I’ll walk out that door and never bother you again.”
Becca looked at me like she couldn’t believe I had just said that and her posture straightened. “Matthew, I don’t want you to leave me, but I’m so afraid you are going to.” Her eyes began to tear.
Becca wiped her tears and gestured her hand out to stop me from going to her. “Just hear me out first.” She inhaled a deep breath. “I’m a runner. I’ve always run away from my problems. I’d rather block them out and pretend they never happened than to face them. I’m trying not to do that. Unfortunately, old habits are hard to break. I’ve wanted to tell you, but I’m so afraid of losing you. It’s the reason why I’ve been avoiding talking to you.”
“Becca? I don’t understand.”
There was a long pause. Becca fidgeted with her nails as she spoke, “I’m sick.”
“What do you mean? Are you going to get better? Is it cancer? What is it?” I stopped asking questions when I realized I wasn’t giving her a chance to speak.
“I have a chronic kidney infection. I’ve had it since I was a child. I missed many days of school because I was in and out of the hospital. Finally, the infection was contained. My kidneys have been scarred and damaged, the reason I have less kidney function.”
My chest began to relax and I could feel my lungs release the air I was holding in. I clasped my hands together and lowered my elbows on my thigh to think. “It came back?”
“Yes.” Becky nodded.
“I’ll find the best doctors for you. We’ll do whatever it takes to make you better.”
“I haven’t finished Matthew.” She paused. “It gets worse.”
I inhaled a deep breath again. What else could there be?
“I won’t be able to give you children. The extra fluid that is needed to carry a child will cause more stress. When a woman gets pregnant, all of her organs have to work harder. This is fine for healthy women, but not for someone like me. The percentage of babies making it to full term is very low. And there is the possibility of the mother not surviving the pregnancy.”
For me, this was all too simple—it was easy to fix—but I guess it didn’t seem like it to Becca. I was trying to understand her reasoning behind her running away. Wanting to comfort her, I stood up and took a small step. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. “We’ll adopt. Your health is more important. I love you, not the idea of having a baby.”
Becca pulled out her hand again. “Don’t. Your parents want lots of grandchildren.”
“And they’ll get them, but they’ll also love any grandchildren. My parents aren’t like that.”
“I know, Matthew.”
“Then what is it, Becca? You’re driving me crazy. Please, talk to me.” I was halfway to her. I wanted to hold her so bad and make her pain go away, but I couldn’t, and it was killing me. I took more steps to her as Becca wiped her tears. Then I halted in shock at her next words.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted. The river of tears started to flow down her face and she started to fall to the floor, but I reached her just in time. I sat on the very spot she would have fallen and held her tightly in my arms. “I almost had an abortion because I was too scared of what could happen,” she gasped between breaths into my shirt. “I feel horrible, because how could I even think those thoughts? I love you too much. I want to give you our child. I don’t want anything to happen to our baby.”
As I continued to embrace her, I couldn’t help the pain searing my heart and the tears that were forming in my eyes. I tried to grasp the reality of this situation and understand what Becca had been going through the past couple of weeks alone. Becca continued to sob in my arms, and I let her. Cradling and comforting her as best as I could, I gave her kisses and told her that everything was going to work out...but those were the only words I said. I really wasn’t sure. Recalling our fight regarding Tessa and Amber, I was relieved that I hadn’t mentioned to Becca that Tessa had been pregnant. In fact, I hadn’t told anyone, not even Max. And now, Becca would never know. That information would devastate her.