Maybe it did a year ago, too. Maybe that’s why I could never find anyone. I didn’t want guys like George or even guys like Sam. I wanted Samuel Bradshaw, no exceptions, no substitutions, and I was too scared to admit it to myself.
“You’re staring at him again,” George says.
“Shit.”
He pulls back to look me in the eye. “Listen, I know you’re both from New Hope, and I know that you know his family. Add that to his visit to your apartment and the way you act when he’s around, and I don’t need to be Sherlock to guess he’s the guy who broke your heart.”
I duck my head into his chest. “It doesn’t matter. We’ve both moved on.”
“It appears he’s moved on,” he says, his hand sliding up to the exposed skin of my back. “But I’ve been living next door to you for five months, and you’ve been miserable. I think time stopped for you the day he broke your heart.”
“That’s dramatic.” But my eyes are burning with tears, and I feel one escape and roll down my cheek. “Shit.”
He holds the back of my head and cradles my face against his chest. “Don’t let him see you cry. He’s not worth it.”
Chapter 7
Sam
My gut twists every time my gaze snags on Liz in that guy’s arms. All night I’ve been asking myself why I didn’t go to her sooner. Or call her. Anything.
Sure, I’ve been dealing with my own shit. In addition to finding out the woman I love had an online affair with my father, there was the whole Asia thing, and the baby, and the role Connor and my father may or may not have played in that mess. It’s hard to figure out how to fix an impossible relationship when you’re busy brooding over your fucked life.
My family’s imploding, and when she left me it was easier to blame her than it was to forgive her. Maybe that’s still the easier path.
Yesterday, I looked up Liz and drove to her apartment on impulse. Just showed up as if she’d even want to see me, and as if I even knew what to say.
“Hey, I know I was a dick last time we talked, but I wanted to warn you that there’s this video. Oh, right, you’ve already seen the highlight reel, like the rest of the world. Okay, so, I hope you’re not hurt by this, but then again, I hope you are because that would mean you still give two fucks.”
Right, so she didn’t exactly miss out on my most eloquent speech by being at work.
“Try looking at me,” Sabrina says. “Pretend she’s not here.”
I smile down at my date as if I’m the happiest asshole in the world. “Who?”
“Seriously?” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “What’s up with you two, anyway? You were all touchy at your father’s fundraiser before Christmas. What happened?”
I spot a journalist out of the corner of my eye and skim a kiss over Sabrina’s shoulder. I hope we don’t have to do much of this shit. The charade is going to get really old, really fast. I wait until he’s snapped a few pictures before I continue our conversation.
“Things fell apart.” Unwillingly, my eyes seek out Liz and her date again. They’re on the other side of the dance floor, and she’s curled into his chest as if the world is bad and dangerous and he is her safe place. Which fucking pisses me off. I’m supposed to be her safe place. Who is he, anyway? Are they serious? Serious enough that she took him to a work event and that she snuggles into his chest while she dances with him.
“I’ll tell you what,” Sabrina says. She slides her hand into my hair and turns my head just slightly so I’m looking at her instead of across the dance floor. “You get through this with me, and I’ll help you put things back together with Blondie.” She frowns. “If that’s what you want, that is.”
“I . . .” I don’t know what I want. To be someone else. To not be my father’s son. To start over. I shake my head. “As much as I respect the infinite strings you pull in all walks of life, Sabrina, I don’t think my relationship with Liz is something you can fix.”
“You’ve been carrying a torch for her for a long time. Sometimes, we’re only hurting ourselves by not letting go.” She gives me a sad smile that tells me she’s not just talking about Liz. She’s talking about her feelings for me.
Guilt shames me into keeping my eyes off Liz and on Sabrina.
“Wasn’t it this time last year that you told me you were holding out for her?” she asks. “That she was the one for you?”
The memory of that night cuts me. I was so determined to make Liz mine, and a few days later I opened the door to Connor’s apartment to find Liz sleeping naked in his arms. I should have known we were doomed from the start. Maybe Sabrina’s right.
* * *
One year ago . . .
“How have you been?” Sabrina asks. She gives me that timid little smile that makes me feel like an ass. I know she’s had a crush on me since we were teenagers, but I can’t very well tell her why I’m so dead-set against dating her.
“I’m good. Busy, but you know how it is.”
“I do.” She drops her gaze to the floor and bites her lip. “I have this silly dinner I have to go to this weekend for Mom. Is there any way I could talk you into going with me?”
“Sabrina?” I wait while her vulnerable eyes meet mine. “I’m kind of . . . involved with someone.”
She frowns. “I know you’re single, Sam. You can tell me the truth if you don’t want to go with me.”
“You’re staring at him again,” George says.
“Shit.”
He pulls back to look me in the eye. “Listen, I know you’re both from New Hope, and I know that you know his family. Add that to his visit to your apartment and the way you act when he’s around, and I don’t need to be Sherlock to guess he’s the guy who broke your heart.”
I duck my head into his chest. “It doesn’t matter. We’ve both moved on.”
“It appears he’s moved on,” he says, his hand sliding up to the exposed skin of my back. “But I’ve been living next door to you for five months, and you’ve been miserable. I think time stopped for you the day he broke your heart.”
“That’s dramatic.” But my eyes are burning with tears, and I feel one escape and roll down my cheek. “Shit.”
He holds the back of my head and cradles my face against his chest. “Don’t let him see you cry. He’s not worth it.”
Chapter 7
Sam
My gut twists every time my gaze snags on Liz in that guy’s arms. All night I’ve been asking myself why I didn’t go to her sooner. Or call her. Anything.
Sure, I’ve been dealing with my own shit. In addition to finding out the woman I love had an online affair with my father, there was the whole Asia thing, and the baby, and the role Connor and my father may or may not have played in that mess. It’s hard to figure out how to fix an impossible relationship when you’re busy brooding over your fucked life.
My family’s imploding, and when she left me it was easier to blame her than it was to forgive her. Maybe that’s still the easier path.
Yesterday, I looked up Liz and drove to her apartment on impulse. Just showed up as if she’d even want to see me, and as if I even knew what to say.
“Hey, I know I was a dick last time we talked, but I wanted to warn you that there’s this video. Oh, right, you’ve already seen the highlight reel, like the rest of the world. Okay, so, I hope you’re not hurt by this, but then again, I hope you are because that would mean you still give two fucks.”
Right, so she didn’t exactly miss out on my most eloquent speech by being at work.
“Try looking at me,” Sabrina says. “Pretend she’s not here.”
I smile down at my date as if I’m the happiest asshole in the world. “Who?”
“Seriously?” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “What’s up with you two, anyway? You were all touchy at your father’s fundraiser before Christmas. What happened?”
I spot a journalist out of the corner of my eye and skim a kiss over Sabrina’s shoulder. I hope we don’t have to do much of this shit. The charade is going to get really old, really fast. I wait until he’s snapped a few pictures before I continue our conversation.
“Things fell apart.” Unwillingly, my eyes seek out Liz and her date again. They’re on the other side of the dance floor, and she’s curled into his chest as if the world is bad and dangerous and he is her safe place. Which fucking pisses me off. I’m supposed to be her safe place. Who is he, anyway? Are they serious? Serious enough that she took him to a work event and that she snuggles into his chest while she dances with him.
“I’ll tell you what,” Sabrina says. She slides her hand into my hair and turns my head just slightly so I’m looking at her instead of across the dance floor. “You get through this with me, and I’ll help you put things back together with Blondie.” She frowns. “If that’s what you want, that is.”
“I . . .” I don’t know what I want. To be someone else. To not be my father’s son. To start over. I shake my head. “As much as I respect the infinite strings you pull in all walks of life, Sabrina, I don’t think my relationship with Liz is something you can fix.”
“You’ve been carrying a torch for her for a long time. Sometimes, we’re only hurting ourselves by not letting go.” She gives me a sad smile that tells me she’s not just talking about Liz. She’s talking about her feelings for me.
Guilt shames me into keeping my eyes off Liz and on Sabrina.
“Wasn’t it this time last year that you told me you were holding out for her?” she asks. “That she was the one for you?”
The memory of that night cuts me. I was so determined to make Liz mine, and a few days later I opened the door to Connor’s apartment to find Liz sleeping naked in his arms. I should have known we were doomed from the start. Maybe Sabrina’s right.
* * *
One year ago . . .
“How have you been?” Sabrina asks. She gives me that timid little smile that makes me feel like an ass. I know she’s had a crush on me since we were teenagers, but I can’t very well tell her why I’m so dead-set against dating her.
“I’m good. Busy, but you know how it is.”
“I do.” She drops her gaze to the floor and bites her lip. “I have this silly dinner I have to go to this weekend for Mom. Is there any way I could talk you into going with me?”
“Sabrina?” I wait while her vulnerable eyes meet mine. “I’m kind of . . . involved with someone.”
She frowns. “I know you’re single, Sam. You can tell me the truth if you don’t want to go with me.”
