I can’t be responsible for that again, so I spared my mother and hurt Liz instead. I only wish I felt like that was the right decision.
“If you didn’t want to be with her, you never should have recorded it,” Erin says.
“Seriously?” I say. “You’re going to sit there and pretend you don’t know?”
Erin crosses her arms and sets her jaw. “Don’t say it.” I can see in her calculating eyes that she already knows.
“Why? Because if I say it here, I might say it to a journalist? You think I want the world to know the truth about that video? That I want to be labeled Governor Guy’s former boy toy? Because that’s what I was—almost a decade ago—I was a very consenting boy toy, and happy to be, but that was it.”
Erin winces. “No. You see, you weren’t. Let’s get that straight from the start.”
“We’re going to rewrite history now?”
“Damn straight we are,” Erin says.
I shake my head. “You think I’m going to go give interviews? That I’m going sell my story? Trust me. I have no desire to tell the world about my sex life with Christine—”
“You mean your sex life with Sabrina,” Erin says, her voice rising for the first time since I’ve met her.
“Stop.” Sabrina squeezes her eyes shut and exhales slowly. “Sam, I’m sorry this sucks for you. I really am. We’re just trying to make the best of a horrible situation. And you’re right, this isn’t our only choice, but we don’t have many. And as much as Erin wants to play bad cop here, the truth is that this is your choice. You control what happens next. Either we continue as planned, pretending to be together, or you ruin Mom, or you ruin me. That’s it. Those are our choices.”
“It doesn’t have anything to do with you,” I say. “Why would it ruin you?”
“You don’t want to continue to pretend to be with me, and you say you won’t destroy Mom’s political chances by telling the truth, so that leaves ruining me.” She lifts her palms. “The whole world thinks I made a sex tape. A very taboo sex tape. And since, yeah, I’ve had a crush on you most of my life, it’s a pretty convincing story. You act like I’m benefiting from this. Like I’m conning you into a big cover-up because it’s great fun.” She lifts her eyes to mine. They’re wet with tears. “Did you know I was talking to a guy? I liked him. I thought . . .” She shakes her head. “But forget about me. I’m doing this for you, too. Because as much as you’ve hurt me by pretending I don’t exist year after year, I still care about you, and I don’t want your life to be defined by your affair with an older woman. They’ll hound you if they learn the truth, Sam. You think this is bad? Just wait.”
I drag a hand over my face and take a deep breath. She’s right. I’ve been treating her like she benefits from this, when really she’s the innocent victim.
“If they knew the truth,” she says, “they would eat you alive. Even if you’re a fucking asshole sometimes, you deserve better than that. And if you want any chance at a normal life, you need this to pass with as little fuss as possible.”
I sink down onto the couch next to her. Jesus. I’ve had months to try to patch things up with Liz, but I waited until I couldn’t have her.
Erin clears her throat. “Thankfully, they’re assuming the video is recent and that the redhead is Sabrina. If the American people think that video is of Governor Guy, they’ll never elect her to be their commander in chief.”
“Her sex life is irrelevant to her political life,” I mutter, but I know that’s not true. Not to the voters.
“I managed to get you two an interview with Ina Turnstall for Monday,” she says. “If you think you can get the woman you were with tonight to stay quiet, I think the interview could put a lot of questions to bed, no pun intended.”
I feel sick. “Liz won’t say anything.”
Sabrina cocks her head at me. “It was Liz? Seriously? Even after what happened with your father?”
I go cold. “How do you know about that?”
She frowns. “Connor told me.”
“Fuck,” I mutter. “Asshole.” I hate the idea of anyone knowing, but leave it to fucking Connor to share my family’s private matters.
Erin rubs her temples. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna give her a heart attack. “I’d rather focus on you and Sabrina right now. Tell me you’ll do it. One interview.”
I look at Sabrina. “One interview where we lie to the world.”
She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth. “Please, Sam?”
Erin flips her hair. “One interview where you tell the world the truth about your relationship and about how you’re madly in love.”
“The truth?” A humorless laugh slips from my lips, and the sound is ugly and empty. “I guess mine isn’t the only family who doesn’t understand the definition of truth.” Sabrina looks so beaten down that I already know I’ll do it, but regardless of what Sabrina and Erin think, I need to tell Liz the truth.
* * *
Liz
Sam: We need to talk.
“I’m sorry if I screwed up your date last night,” Grace says, as she drives me to my apartment. “Dude, I was hammered.”
“You didn’t screw up my date.” I close out the texting application and put my phone back in my purse. I can’t think of anything I want to hear from him, and I have no intention of replying.
“If you didn’t want to be with her, you never should have recorded it,” Erin says.
“Seriously?” I say. “You’re going to sit there and pretend you don’t know?”
Erin crosses her arms and sets her jaw. “Don’t say it.” I can see in her calculating eyes that she already knows.
“Why? Because if I say it here, I might say it to a journalist? You think I want the world to know the truth about that video? That I want to be labeled Governor Guy’s former boy toy? Because that’s what I was—almost a decade ago—I was a very consenting boy toy, and happy to be, but that was it.”
Erin winces. “No. You see, you weren’t. Let’s get that straight from the start.”
“We’re going to rewrite history now?”
“Damn straight we are,” Erin says.
I shake my head. “You think I’m going to go give interviews? That I’m going sell my story? Trust me. I have no desire to tell the world about my sex life with Christine—”
“You mean your sex life with Sabrina,” Erin says, her voice rising for the first time since I’ve met her.
“Stop.” Sabrina squeezes her eyes shut and exhales slowly. “Sam, I’m sorry this sucks for you. I really am. We’re just trying to make the best of a horrible situation. And you’re right, this isn’t our only choice, but we don’t have many. And as much as Erin wants to play bad cop here, the truth is that this is your choice. You control what happens next. Either we continue as planned, pretending to be together, or you ruin Mom, or you ruin me. That’s it. Those are our choices.”
“It doesn’t have anything to do with you,” I say. “Why would it ruin you?”
“You don’t want to continue to pretend to be with me, and you say you won’t destroy Mom’s political chances by telling the truth, so that leaves ruining me.” She lifts her palms. “The whole world thinks I made a sex tape. A very taboo sex tape. And since, yeah, I’ve had a crush on you most of my life, it’s a pretty convincing story. You act like I’m benefiting from this. Like I’m conning you into a big cover-up because it’s great fun.” She lifts her eyes to mine. They’re wet with tears. “Did you know I was talking to a guy? I liked him. I thought . . .” She shakes her head. “But forget about me. I’m doing this for you, too. Because as much as you’ve hurt me by pretending I don’t exist year after year, I still care about you, and I don’t want your life to be defined by your affair with an older woman. They’ll hound you if they learn the truth, Sam. You think this is bad? Just wait.”
I drag a hand over my face and take a deep breath. She’s right. I’ve been treating her like she benefits from this, when really she’s the innocent victim.
“If they knew the truth,” she says, “they would eat you alive. Even if you’re a fucking asshole sometimes, you deserve better than that. And if you want any chance at a normal life, you need this to pass with as little fuss as possible.”
I sink down onto the couch next to her. Jesus. I’ve had months to try to patch things up with Liz, but I waited until I couldn’t have her.
Erin clears her throat. “Thankfully, they’re assuming the video is recent and that the redhead is Sabrina. If the American people think that video is of Governor Guy, they’ll never elect her to be their commander in chief.”
“Her sex life is irrelevant to her political life,” I mutter, but I know that’s not true. Not to the voters.
“I managed to get you two an interview with Ina Turnstall for Monday,” she says. “If you think you can get the woman you were with tonight to stay quiet, I think the interview could put a lot of questions to bed, no pun intended.”
I feel sick. “Liz won’t say anything.”
Sabrina cocks her head at me. “It was Liz? Seriously? Even after what happened with your father?”
I go cold. “How do you know about that?”
She frowns. “Connor told me.”
“Fuck,” I mutter. “Asshole.” I hate the idea of anyone knowing, but leave it to fucking Connor to share my family’s private matters.
Erin rubs her temples. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna give her a heart attack. “I’d rather focus on you and Sabrina right now. Tell me you’ll do it. One interview.”
I look at Sabrina. “One interview where we lie to the world.”
She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth. “Please, Sam?”
Erin flips her hair. “One interview where you tell the world the truth about your relationship and about how you’re madly in love.”
“The truth?” A humorless laugh slips from my lips, and the sound is ugly and empty. “I guess mine isn’t the only family who doesn’t understand the definition of truth.” Sabrina looks so beaten down that I already know I’ll do it, but regardless of what Sabrina and Erin think, I need to tell Liz the truth.
* * *
Liz
Sam: We need to talk.
“I’m sorry if I screwed up your date last night,” Grace says, as she drives me to my apartment. “Dude, I was hammered.”
“You didn’t screw up my date.” I close out the texting application and put my phone back in my purse. I can’t think of anything I want to hear from him, and I have no intention of replying.
