“I’m done,” she says. “This is the last time you get me alone.”
I take a step back, and my body hits the door. “Done?”
“You thought you’d bring me in here, throw my skirt over my head, and fuck me? To be fair, I guess that’s what’s been happening lately, but I’m done.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s just sex, right? Hell, maybe I should bill you. What’s the going rate for a screw these days? And do I get more for the times you tied me up?”
“I never said it was just sex.”
“But that is all it is, Sam. You’re planning your wedding to another woman and visiting me for your booty calls. I let you fuck me at work when your pretend fiancée was in the room next door, for God’s sake.”
“You’re talking crazy.” Something in my stomach warns me that she’s not. It’s that hitching feeling you get at the top of the first hill on a roller coaster, right before the bottom falls out. Except there’s no thrill in this. Only terror.
“There’s one way we can be together.” She drops her gaze to the floor, like she can’t stomach looking at me. “You can walk out there and tell everyone that your engagement is no more. Admit it was a sham, or say you two struggled under the media scrutiny. You can tell the world you’re not with her, and then I can be with you. She’s poison.”
“I know she is.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “But I can’t.” This isn’t just about me getting to meet my child anymore. I can’t subject Liz to the humiliation that would follow Sabrina releasing her conversations with my father. “Too many people would get hurt.” You would get hurt.
“Then I can’t be with you.”
I never expected an ultimatum. Not from Liz. “You don’t understand.”
“Maybe I understand too well.” She grabs a magazine from the stack and presents it to me. As if I haven’t seen those horrible pictures for myself.
“Is this about those tabloid pictures? I’ve wanted to talk to you, but you avoided my calls. We were in the bar, and a photographer showed up. We were acting for the cameras.”
“You’re one hell of an actor.”
“Liz, listen.”
“I’ll listen when you’re not with her anymore. When you’re living truth instead of a lie. Not until then.”
“You want truth? I don’t even remember it. I don’t remember her climbing into my lap, and I certainly don’t remember falling into fucking bed with her.” There it is. The summit, the moment everything falls out from under you. I intended to tell her, but not like this. Never like this.
Her face creases with hurt and she curls into herself. “You slept with her?”
“I—” It’s my turn to look away. Just the memory of waking up next to Sabrina is enough to make my stomach churn. “I don’t know, but I can’t lie to you. We woke up in bed together, and both of us drank too much the night before to remember what happened. I’d remember something if I slept with her, wouldn’t I?”
But I can see on her face that it doesn’t matter. She’s too hurt by the possibility.
“I don’t even like her. I don’t remember what happened. You were pissed at me and I drank too much. Don’t walk away from me. I can’t lose you again. I don’t care about all the bullshit behind us, Liz. All I care about is tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. All that matters is knowing I get to have them all with you.”
She closes her eyes. She’s so beautiful, her lashes resting against her cheeks. I want to memorize her. Even like this, even angry with me, and hurt. I want to take her in until she becomes part of me.
She swallows and takes a deep breath. “While we’re talking about the truth, you should know I’m the one who told Connor about Asia. I didn’t know she was pregnant and I didn’t know what he was going to do, but after I saw you with her, I’m the one who gave him her name. And I’m sorry about that. You have no idea how sorry. But you need to know that I played a part.”
My breath leaves me in a rush. “What?” I’m surrounded by people I can’t trust. The idea that Liz had something to do with the baby being taken away from me is too much.
I’m so afraid she’s right. This is over. And we’ve been fooling ourselves.
“You hurt me, Sam, but I have to take some blame too. You and I both knew this wasn’t going to end in happily ever after,” she whispers. Pain is all over her face and her eyes fill with tears. “How could it?”
Chapter 24
Liz
Sam: I forgive you for telling Connor. Please don’t give up on us.
“Please stop crying,” Nix says. “Please, please, please, Liz. I can handle tears but I suck with emotional breakdowns.”
“I’m sorry,” George says. “She’s been like this since she got home from work. She told me to drive her here.” He hands her my phone. “She’d just gotten this text.”
Nix reads the text and frowns then looks at me. She takes my shoulders in her hands and dips her head until I meet her eyes. “Stop crying long enough to tell me one thing I can do to help you. Just one thing, big or small.”
“Call Hanna.”
When my twin arrives, she takes one look at me and wraps me in her arms. “It’s okay,” she whispers, stroking my hair. “We’re going to figure this out. I promise. Just breathe.”
I take a step back, and my body hits the door. “Done?”
“You thought you’d bring me in here, throw my skirt over my head, and fuck me? To be fair, I guess that’s what’s been happening lately, but I’m done.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s just sex, right? Hell, maybe I should bill you. What’s the going rate for a screw these days? And do I get more for the times you tied me up?”
“I never said it was just sex.”
“But that is all it is, Sam. You’re planning your wedding to another woman and visiting me for your booty calls. I let you fuck me at work when your pretend fiancée was in the room next door, for God’s sake.”
“You’re talking crazy.” Something in my stomach warns me that she’s not. It’s that hitching feeling you get at the top of the first hill on a roller coaster, right before the bottom falls out. Except there’s no thrill in this. Only terror.
“There’s one way we can be together.” She drops her gaze to the floor, like she can’t stomach looking at me. “You can walk out there and tell everyone that your engagement is no more. Admit it was a sham, or say you two struggled under the media scrutiny. You can tell the world you’re not with her, and then I can be with you. She’s poison.”
“I know she is.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “But I can’t.” This isn’t just about me getting to meet my child anymore. I can’t subject Liz to the humiliation that would follow Sabrina releasing her conversations with my father. “Too many people would get hurt.” You would get hurt.
“Then I can’t be with you.”
I never expected an ultimatum. Not from Liz. “You don’t understand.”
“Maybe I understand too well.” She grabs a magazine from the stack and presents it to me. As if I haven’t seen those horrible pictures for myself.
“Is this about those tabloid pictures? I’ve wanted to talk to you, but you avoided my calls. We were in the bar, and a photographer showed up. We were acting for the cameras.”
“You’re one hell of an actor.”
“Liz, listen.”
“I’ll listen when you’re not with her anymore. When you’re living truth instead of a lie. Not until then.”
“You want truth? I don’t even remember it. I don’t remember her climbing into my lap, and I certainly don’t remember falling into fucking bed with her.” There it is. The summit, the moment everything falls out from under you. I intended to tell her, but not like this. Never like this.
Her face creases with hurt and she curls into herself. “You slept with her?”
“I—” It’s my turn to look away. Just the memory of waking up next to Sabrina is enough to make my stomach churn. “I don’t know, but I can’t lie to you. We woke up in bed together, and both of us drank too much the night before to remember what happened. I’d remember something if I slept with her, wouldn’t I?”
But I can see on her face that it doesn’t matter. She’s too hurt by the possibility.
“I don’t even like her. I don’t remember what happened. You were pissed at me and I drank too much. Don’t walk away from me. I can’t lose you again. I don’t care about all the bullshit behind us, Liz. All I care about is tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. All that matters is knowing I get to have them all with you.”
She closes her eyes. She’s so beautiful, her lashes resting against her cheeks. I want to memorize her. Even like this, even angry with me, and hurt. I want to take her in until she becomes part of me.
She swallows and takes a deep breath. “While we’re talking about the truth, you should know I’m the one who told Connor about Asia. I didn’t know she was pregnant and I didn’t know what he was going to do, but after I saw you with her, I’m the one who gave him her name. And I’m sorry about that. You have no idea how sorry. But you need to know that I played a part.”
My breath leaves me in a rush. “What?” I’m surrounded by people I can’t trust. The idea that Liz had something to do with the baby being taken away from me is too much.
I’m so afraid she’s right. This is over. And we’ve been fooling ourselves.
“You hurt me, Sam, but I have to take some blame too. You and I both knew this wasn’t going to end in happily ever after,” she whispers. Pain is all over her face and her eyes fill with tears. “How could it?”
Chapter 24
Liz
Sam: I forgive you for telling Connor. Please don’t give up on us.
“Please stop crying,” Nix says. “Please, please, please, Liz. I can handle tears but I suck with emotional breakdowns.”
“I’m sorry,” George says. “She’s been like this since she got home from work. She told me to drive her here.” He hands her my phone. “She’d just gotten this text.”
Nix reads the text and frowns then looks at me. She takes my shoulders in her hands and dips her head until I meet her eyes. “Stop crying long enough to tell me one thing I can do to help you. Just one thing, big or small.”
“Call Hanna.”
When my twin arrives, she takes one look at me and wraps me in her arms. “It’s okay,” she whispers, stroking my hair. “We’re going to figure this out. I promise. Just breathe.”
