Something Wonderful
Page 60

"Is that why you've been neglecting the ladies, who plague me to distraction, trying to discover where you plan to go next so they can be there?"
Tony laughed. "No. I've been neglecting them for the same reason you neglect your beaux. I'm flattered, but not interested."
"Hasn't any young lady suited you in all these years?"
"One," he admitted, grinning.
"Who was she?" Alexandra promptly demanded.
"She was the daughter of an earl," he said, his expression sobering.
"What happened to her," Alexandra prodded, "or is it too personal to discuss?"
"Not at all. It isn't even a unique story. She seemed to want me as much as I wanted her. I offered for her, but her parents wanted her to wait until the end of the Season before accepting an unpromising catch like me—a man of respectable birth, good family, but no title and no real fortune. And so we agreed to keep our feeling for each other a secret until the end of the Season."
"And then what?" Alexandra asked, sensing instinctively that he wanted to talk about it.
"And then someone with a title and a fortune and a very elegant address paid her passing notice. He stood up with her at a few balls, called on her a time or two—Sally fell for him like a rock."
Alexandra's voice dropped to a sympathetic whisper. "And so she married him instead of you?"
Tony chuckled and shook his head. "To the nobleman, the interlude with Sally had been nothing but a stupid, empty, meaningless flirtation."
"It—it wasn't Jordan, was it?" Alex asked, feeling a little sick.
"I'm happy to say it was not."
"In any case, you're better off without her," Alexandra announced loyally. "She was obviously either very mercenary or very flighty." One of Alexandra's warm, entrancing smiles touched her soft lips and she laughed with sudden delight: "Now that you are the most important duke in England, I'll bet she regrets turning you away."
"She may."
"Well, I hope she does!" she exclaimed, and then she looked guilty. "That is a very wicked way for me to feel."
"We're both wicked," Tony laughed. "Because I rather hope she does too."
For a moment they merely regarded one another in silence and the friendly accord they had always enjoyed. Finally Tony drew a careful breath and said, "The point I was trying to make earlier is that too much work is no more satisfying than too much amusement."
"You're right, of course. I hadn't considered that."
"There's something else you ought to consider," Tony said gently.
"What is that?"
"You ought to consider the possibility that the indefinable thing you said you felt was lacking from your life might be love."
Alexandra's unexpected mirthful reaction to that suggestion stilled his hand as he reached for a pinch of snuff. "Good heavens, I should hope it's lacking!" she said, and her musical laughter bubbled over, spilling through the room without a single note of anger to reassure Tony that her reaction was merely one of temporary bitterness over Jordan's treatment. "I have been in love, your grace, and I didn't enjoy it in the least!" she chuckled. "I'd sooner have a stomachache, thank you very much."
She meant every word of it, Tony realized as he gazed at the beautiful shining face turned up to his. She meant it—and the knowledge filled him with almost uncontrollable rage at Jordan. "You only had a small taste of it."
"Enough to know I don't like it."
"Next time you might like it more."
"It gave me a dreadful feeling inside. Like—like I'd eaten eels," she laughed. "I—"
The curse that exploded from him stopped her short. "Damn Jordan! If he were alive, I'd strangle him with my bare hands!"
"No, you misunderstand!" Alexandra said, hurrying to him, her luminous eyes searching his, trying to make him understand. "Even when I foolishly thought he cared for me, I felt horridly queasy inside. I couldn't stop worrying about every little thing I said. I wanted to please him, and I was quite turning myself inside out to do it. I think it must be a hereditary defect: The women in my family always fall in love with the wrong men, and then we worship them with blind devotion, tearing ourselves apart to please them." She grinned. "It's quite nauseating, actually."
A shout of laughter erupted from Tony an instant before he snatched her into his arms and hugged her, laughing into her fragrant hair. When their mirth had subsided, Tony gazed down into her eyes and soberly said, "Alexandra, what is it you want out of life?"
His steady gaze locked onto hers, holding her immobilized. "I don't know," she whispered, standing stock still as the man she had regarded as an older brother cupped her face between his big hands. "Tell me how you feel inside, now that you are one of the Reigning Queens of Society."
Alexandra could not have moved if someone had screamed that the house was afire. "Empty," she admitted in a ragged whisper. "And cold."
"Marry me, Alexandra."
"I—I can't!"
"Of course you can," he said, smiling at her resistance, as if he expected it and understood. "I'll give you the things you truly need to make you happy. I know what they are, even if you don't."
"What things?" Alexandra murmured, her eyes moving over his face as if seeing it for the very first time.
"The same things I need—children, a family, someone to care for," Tony said huskily.
"Don't," Alexandra cried as she felt her resistance begin to weaken and crumble. "You don't know what you're saying. Tony, I'm not in love with you, and you're not in love with me."
"You're not in love with anyone else, are you?"
Alexandra shook her head emphatically and he grinned. "There, you see, that makes the decision much easier. I'm not in love with anyone else, either. You've already met the best of the crop of eligible husbands during this Season. The ones who aren't here aren't much better. You can take my word on it."
When Alexandra bit her lip and continued to hesitate, Tony gave her a light shake. "Alexandra, stop dreaming. This is life as it really is. You've seen it. All that's left is more of the same unless you have a family."
A family. A real family. Alexandra had never been part of one—not a family with a father and mother and children; with cousins and aunts and uncles. Of course, their children would have only Tony's younger brother for an uncle, but still—