Spider Game
Page 65
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He tugged on her long hair and then took several strands in his mouth to slide through his lips. “Your man knows what to do and I’ll be more than happy to help you learn. There’s no bullshit with you. Either you like something or you don’t. Talking to me, telling me what you’re feeling and if it works for you is everything. And you have to trust me. You gave yourself to me, Cayenne. That means you know I’m going to take care of you in all ways, including your body.”
He felt her tense and knew immediately her independent streak was as strong as his was. “I trust that you’ll do the same for me.” He meant that. He was giving himself into her keeping and he didn’t plan on holding back. He was doing this one time. With one woman. Going all in. He needed her to do the same.
“Sex isn’t all about the body, not when it’s between two people who care. It starts in your heart, Cayenne, and in your mind. It’s about giving and taking.”
Like last night.
“Yes. With that, you have to have trust that anything I do to you will end up rocking your world.”
I couldn’t let you have your hands, Trap, she admitted. I was too afraid.
He heard the shame in her voice.
I don’t like feeling fear. I especially am uncomfortable when I don’t know something. I’m used to having knowledge because anything I read, I retain. Since living outside my cell, I’ve found that practical experience and book knowledge are two different things. Sex is still an unknown.
“We’ll take care of that.”
Knowing that doesn’t alleviate the fear of the unknown, Trap, she pointed out. I studied you over the last four months. I’ve been in your bedroom countless times. You don’t sleep with clothes. I knew your body before I ever actually touched you. I wanted you even without ever really talking to you.
He knew that feeling. It had been the same for him. She’d intrigued him, and few things intrigued him. Fewer women did. The obsession had grown over the weeks until the scent of her in his room and the knowledge that she was close drove him to seek her out. He stayed quiet, willing her to continue. The more he understood, the faster he could make their life together work smoothly.
I don’t trust anything I don’t understand.
He didn’t either. He knew about Whitney’s pairing of two enhanced individuals. He wanted to create the perfect soldier. Cayenne matched him intellectually. She didn’t have an ounce of bullshit games in her, something very necessary in a woman for him. It was most likely the same for her. Whitney had a knack for finding the right partner, but he obviously felt he couldn’t control Cayenne. He didn’t like wild cards. He’d demonstrated that over and over, especially with the women. He seemed to easily terminate the women.
Every time I looked at you, my body suddenly wasn’t my own. I felt hot and needy and burned inside. I knew what the chemistry was because I’d read about it, but you hadn’t even touched me. It didn’t make sense.
“And you distrusted it.”
Of course I did. I fought your pull, but I couldn’t stay away. I was kind of upset that you fought it better than I did. I knew you felt it too.
There was a small silence. He waited. He had known she was there in his bedroom many nights, he just hadn’t been able to spot her or prove it. But he’d known and he’d jacked off to the scent of her, wanting her to watch, groaning her name when he came in a white-hot fountain of brutal need.
When you did that, when I watched, it was literally the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I’d watched a few films on the Internet, but they didn’t in any way make me feel anything. When I saw and heard you, I wanted to crawl all over you, to put my mouth on your cock and to taste you. I needed to lick you clean. I burned. I burned every night I saw you do that and didn’t really know how to make it go away.
It wasn’t the best time for her to be telling him this. She needed to sleep, and right now, his cock was so fucking hard he was afraid he would explode, just burst apart. Still, he wanted to hear it. He needed to. She thought she was giving him facts, not realizing she was giving him the world.
No one has ever done any of the things for me that you did. You made me a home. You gave me food. You talked to me like no one else has ever done. You bought me shoes and clothes. I don’t know why you want me, Trap, I don’t know what I can give you back, but I want this. I just don’t understand your life or where I fit into it.
He understood immediately. She was all but asking if she fit into his world there in their home, and in the outside world as well.
“Baby, are you afraid I won’t want you outside our home?”
There was a small silence. I’m afraid either way. I want to share every aspect of your life and feel part of it. I didn’t like feeling as if I wasn’t in the know with your team, that you all were part of something I wasn’t. On the other hand, the thought of learning that side of things, being with your friends, out in public, that absolutely terrifies me. You weren’t shielding my face from the camera because of Whitney. You knew he already knew where I was. You didn’t want the world to see me.
“I wanted to protect you from that side of my life as long as possible. You need a chance to get to know me better, to trust that you can follow my lead in public and know that I’ll always have your back. I want you comfortable with my friends, with my team and with bodyguards so when you have to face that side of my life, you aren’t terrified. I know what I’m asking of you, and you don’t yet. It’s enormous. You’re giving me so much more than what I’m giving you.”
That isn’t possible. You’re giving me… life. I existed, Trap, but I wasn’t human. No one but you has ever seen me as a woman. As a human being. As someone worthwhile.
“That may be true, baby, but any number of men who aren’t arrogant and rude and have the paparazzi hanging around constantly would want to make you feel that. Someone who isn’t bringing you into the mess that is their life. You aren’t getting a prize. Money, maybe, but no prize life.”
She pushed her body back against his. Tight. Melting into him. He felt her soft amusement there in his mind. Filling him. He loved that she made him feel as if he could never be alone because she would always be there, inside of him.
I’m getting the best prize, Trap. You’ll always be that for me.
He closed his eyes, knowing he had to let her sleep. He felt her weariness and knew her fatigue was bone deep. Exhaustion had set in and she was already drifting. He hoped he was the best for her because he wasn’t going to give her up. He was going to fight for her with every breath in his body.
He felt her tense and knew immediately her independent streak was as strong as his was. “I trust that you’ll do the same for me.” He meant that. He was giving himself into her keeping and he didn’t plan on holding back. He was doing this one time. With one woman. Going all in. He needed her to do the same.
“Sex isn’t all about the body, not when it’s between two people who care. It starts in your heart, Cayenne, and in your mind. It’s about giving and taking.”
Like last night.
“Yes. With that, you have to have trust that anything I do to you will end up rocking your world.”
I couldn’t let you have your hands, Trap, she admitted. I was too afraid.
He heard the shame in her voice.
I don’t like feeling fear. I especially am uncomfortable when I don’t know something. I’m used to having knowledge because anything I read, I retain. Since living outside my cell, I’ve found that practical experience and book knowledge are two different things. Sex is still an unknown.
“We’ll take care of that.”
Knowing that doesn’t alleviate the fear of the unknown, Trap, she pointed out. I studied you over the last four months. I’ve been in your bedroom countless times. You don’t sleep with clothes. I knew your body before I ever actually touched you. I wanted you even without ever really talking to you.
He knew that feeling. It had been the same for him. She’d intrigued him, and few things intrigued him. Fewer women did. The obsession had grown over the weeks until the scent of her in his room and the knowledge that she was close drove him to seek her out. He stayed quiet, willing her to continue. The more he understood, the faster he could make their life together work smoothly.
I don’t trust anything I don’t understand.
He didn’t either. He knew about Whitney’s pairing of two enhanced individuals. He wanted to create the perfect soldier. Cayenne matched him intellectually. She didn’t have an ounce of bullshit games in her, something very necessary in a woman for him. It was most likely the same for her. Whitney had a knack for finding the right partner, but he obviously felt he couldn’t control Cayenne. He didn’t like wild cards. He’d demonstrated that over and over, especially with the women. He seemed to easily terminate the women.
Every time I looked at you, my body suddenly wasn’t my own. I felt hot and needy and burned inside. I knew what the chemistry was because I’d read about it, but you hadn’t even touched me. It didn’t make sense.
“And you distrusted it.”
Of course I did. I fought your pull, but I couldn’t stay away. I was kind of upset that you fought it better than I did. I knew you felt it too.
There was a small silence. He waited. He had known she was there in his bedroom many nights, he just hadn’t been able to spot her or prove it. But he’d known and he’d jacked off to the scent of her, wanting her to watch, groaning her name when he came in a white-hot fountain of brutal need.
When you did that, when I watched, it was literally the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I’d watched a few films on the Internet, but they didn’t in any way make me feel anything. When I saw and heard you, I wanted to crawl all over you, to put my mouth on your cock and to taste you. I needed to lick you clean. I burned. I burned every night I saw you do that and didn’t really know how to make it go away.
It wasn’t the best time for her to be telling him this. She needed to sleep, and right now, his cock was so fucking hard he was afraid he would explode, just burst apart. Still, he wanted to hear it. He needed to. She thought she was giving him facts, not realizing she was giving him the world.
No one has ever done any of the things for me that you did. You made me a home. You gave me food. You talked to me like no one else has ever done. You bought me shoes and clothes. I don’t know why you want me, Trap, I don’t know what I can give you back, but I want this. I just don’t understand your life or where I fit into it.
He understood immediately. She was all but asking if she fit into his world there in their home, and in the outside world as well.
“Baby, are you afraid I won’t want you outside our home?”
There was a small silence. I’m afraid either way. I want to share every aspect of your life and feel part of it. I didn’t like feeling as if I wasn’t in the know with your team, that you all were part of something I wasn’t. On the other hand, the thought of learning that side of things, being with your friends, out in public, that absolutely terrifies me. You weren’t shielding my face from the camera because of Whitney. You knew he already knew where I was. You didn’t want the world to see me.
“I wanted to protect you from that side of my life as long as possible. You need a chance to get to know me better, to trust that you can follow my lead in public and know that I’ll always have your back. I want you comfortable with my friends, with my team and with bodyguards so when you have to face that side of my life, you aren’t terrified. I know what I’m asking of you, and you don’t yet. It’s enormous. You’re giving me so much more than what I’m giving you.”
That isn’t possible. You’re giving me… life. I existed, Trap, but I wasn’t human. No one but you has ever seen me as a woman. As a human being. As someone worthwhile.
“That may be true, baby, but any number of men who aren’t arrogant and rude and have the paparazzi hanging around constantly would want to make you feel that. Someone who isn’t bringing you into the mess that is their life. You aren’t getting a prize. Money, maybe, but no prize life.”
She pushed her body back against his. Tight. Melting into him. He felt her soft amusement there in his mind. Filling him. He loved that she made him feel as if he could never be alone because she would always be there, inside of him.
I’m getting the best prize, Trap. You’ll always be that for me.
He closed his eyes, knowing he had to let her sleep. He felt her weariness and knew her fatigue was bone deep. Exhaustion had set in and she was already drifting. He hoped he was the best for her because he wasn’t going to give her up. He was going to fight for her with every breath in his body.
