“We’ll probably need to offer her safe passage, don’t you think?” Cade pinched his bottom lip between his fingers a moment as he thought.
“If she’s been exposed, yes. There’s no way she’ll be safe. We’ve seen what Pellini does to people he’s displeased with. If not, if there’s a way we can keep her inside as a mole.” Ben shrugged. “We’d be crazy not to.”
Cade exhaled. God, he was tired, so tired of always thinking about everyone else. Of always being in charge of everyone’s safety and feelings. It came to him naturally, he was born to do it and he did it well, but at that moment, as he worried over the fate of some wolf he’d never even met, the burden crushed him.
Ben hesitated a moment before speaking again. “Cade, are you all right? Can I help in some way? I know I’m not Lex, I expect he’s shouldering a lot too since war has been declared. I…it’s just now that I’m a wolf, I feel so connected to everyone. Here at Great Lakes, I feel every wolf below me as a responsibility. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. Every day, year after year. I know you do a good job, God knows I hear it all the time about you and Lex being so good at your jobs and all. Sometimes though…sometimes you might want a bit of help so you can breathe. If and when, I’m here. We’re family.”
“I keep forgetting you’re a cop. You have a cop’s way of seeing. I’m all right. It’s good you’re here. It’s good I know Tegan is mated and happy and has found a place with you. Having to tell you to stay away from Cascadia gatherings until you’d chosen a place in a Pack was difficult. I don’t want my sister or you to ever feel slighted by your own family.”
Ben shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “I understand why you had to do it. So does Tegan. It was a potential powder keg with me unaffiliated like that. You had to protect the Pack at a time right after war had been declared. And as for being slighted by my own family, I have been. My sister still speaks to me but my parents have refused since I was changed.”
Cade couldn’t imagine what that must have felt like. The utter desolation and loss. “It’s truly their loss, Ben. It’s not the same, I know, but you’re my brother and you’re part of my family. You’re ours now just as we’re yours. Great Lakes or Cascadia, none of that matters.”
Ben nodded. “Thanks. You want to motor up to the Pack house and do your Alpha thing with Maxwell?”
“I suppose that’s what protocol demands.” Cade stood. “Let me go and clean up. Get a new shirt. I’ll be right back down.”
Later, sometime long after midnight after he’d returned to Tegan and Ben’s, he’d stood and looked at his reflection. After this damned war was finished, he was taking some time for himself. He’d been living half a life through his brother’s mate bond and he was sick of yearning. Sick of wanting what he couldn’t have and never would.
At forty-two he’d never paused to feel sorry for himself or to allow this sort of maudlin shit in his life. He had a job. A calling. To be an Alpha was a special gift. Only one wolf could hold that spot in a Pack. It was more than strength and intelligence, it was a combination of charisma, savvy, and political astuteness that all worked together and created one wolf they all looked to. One wolf who held their hearts, their joy and pain, their will and destiny in his hands. To be an Alpha was only a dream to all but a tiny minority and he was honored he’d been born and chosen to lead. He loved his wolves.
At the same time a deepening emptiness had stolen into his soul and with each passing day, it grew colder and colder. The last two years, watching Lex with Nina, seeing the completeness it brought to his brother’s life, satisfied him but ate away at him too. Cade didn’t want to be petty or avaricious. How could he begrudge Tegan this happiness she’d found? Or Tracy?
And yet, he wanted it too and it wasn’t too much to ask. There hadn’t been time for him to fully search for a mate but this war would end one way or another and when it did, he would find her or die trying before the emptiness swallowed him whole.
Chapter Two
The next day they headed up to the Pack house for the task force meeting. Benoit agreed to come out there rather than have the wolves meet him at the field office. Security would have been a nightmare and many of the human FBI agents didn’t trust the wolves. Especially after Benoit had been nearly killed when Pellini attacked the Palaver. Complicating matters further, Benoit’s former assistant, a werewolf, had resigned and gone back to his own Pack when war had been declared.
Guards constantly patrolled the grounds and Tegan wore an earpiece, keeping in contact at all times. National’s guards worked in teams with those Tegan ran in Ben’s name. Cade had asked why she didn’t take the position of Enforcer along with Ben. His sister had replied that she had, but in her own way, which was to provide on the ground support to Ben who’d fill the strategic spot. The two of them created one perfect working unit. Cade saw it in action. Watched as each of them did their part and created a peerless team.
A quiet bit of movement and speaking into wrist mics and the car carrying Benoit and another human agent approached the house. They got out and the hand shaking and basic posturing took up another five minutes until Ben and his friend finally laughed and entered the house together.
“We’ve set up for several calls and some tele-conferencing in the main room,” Tegan told them as she arrived with a smile for Benoit.
“If she’s been exposed, yes. There’s no way she’ll be safe. We’ve seen what Pellini does to people he’s displeased with. If not, if there’s a way we can keep her inside as a mole.” Ben shrugged. “We’d be crazy not to.”
Cade exhaled. God, he was tired, so tired of always thinking about everyone else. Of always being in charge of everyone’s safety and feelings. It came to him naturally, he was born to do it and he did it well, but at that moment, as he worried over the fate of some wolf he’d never even met, the burden crushed him.
Ben hesitated a moment before speaking again. “Cade, are you all right? Can I help in some way? I know I’m not Lex, I expect he’s shouldering a lot too since war has been declared. I…it’s just now that I’m a wolf, I feel so connected to everyone. Here at Great Lakes, I feel every wolf below me as a responsibility. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. Every day, year after year. I know you do a good job, God knows I hear it all the time about you and Lex being so good at your jobs and all. Sometimes though…sometimes you might want a bit of help so you can breathe. If and when, I’m here. We’re family.”
“I keep forgetting you’re a cop. You have a cop’s way of seeing. I’m all right. It’s good you’re here. It’s good I know Tegan is mated and happy and has found a place with you. Having to tell you to stay away from Cascadia gatherings until you’d chosen a place in a Pack was difficult. I don’t want my sister or you to ever feel slighted by your own family.”
Ben shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “I understand why you had to do it. So does Tegan. It was a potential powder keg with me unaffiliated like that. You had to protect the Pack at a time right after war had been declared. And as for being slighted by my own family, I have been. My sister still speaks to me but my parents have refused since I was changed.”
Cade couldn’t imagine what that must have felt like. The utter desolation and loss. “It’s truly their loss, Ben. It’s not the same, I know, but you’re my brother and you’re part of my family. You’re ours now just as we’re yours. Great Lakes or Cascadia, none of that matters.”
Ben nodded. “Thanks. You want to motor up to the Pack house and do your Alpha thing with Maxwell?”
“I suppose that’s what protocol demands.” Cade stood. “Let me go and clean up. Get a new shirt. I’ll be right back down.”
Later, sometime long after midnight after he’d returned to Tegan and Ben’s, he’d stood and looked at his reflection. After this damned war was finished, he was taking some time for himself. He’d been living half a life through his brother’s mate bond and he was sick of yearning. Sick of wanting what he couldn’t have and never would.
At forty-two he’d never paused to feel sorry for himself or to allow this sort of maudlin shit in his life. He had a job. A calling. To be an Alpha was a special gift. Only one wolf could hold that spot in a Pack. It was more than strength and intelligence, it was a combination of charisma, savvy, and political astuteness that all worked together and created one wolf they all looked to. One wolf who held their hearts, their joy and pain, their will and destiny in his hands. To be an Alpha was only a dream to all but a tiny minority and he was honored he’d been born and chosen to lead. He loved his wolves.
At the same time a deepening emptiness had stolen into his soul and with each passing day, it grew colder and colder. The last two years, watching Lex with Nina, seeing the completeness it brought to his brother’s life, satisfied him but ate away at him too. Cade didn’t want to be petty or avaricious. How could he begrudge Tegan this happiness she’d found? Or Tracy?
And yet, he wanted it too and it wasn’t too much to ask. There hadn’t been time for him to fully search for a mate but this war would end one way or another and when it did, he would find her or die trying before the emptiness swallowed him whole.
Chapter Two
The next day they headed up to the Pack house for the task force meeting. Benoit agreed to come out there rather than have the wolves meet him at the field office. Security would have been a nightmare and many of the human FBI agents didn’t trust the wolves. Especially after Benoit had been nearly killed when Pellini attacked the Palaver. Complicating matters further, Benoit’s former assistant, a werewolf, had resigned and gone back to his own Pack when war had been declared.
Guards constantly patrolled the grounds and Tegan wore an earpiece, keeping in contact at all times. National’s guards worked in teams with those Tegan ran in Ben’s name. Cade had asked why she didn’t take the position of Enforcer along with Ben. His sister had replied that she had, but in her own way, which was to provide on the ground support to Ben who’d fill the strategic spot. The two of them created one perfect working unit. Cade saw it in action. Watched as each of them did their part and created a peerless team.
A quiet bit of movement and speaking into wrist mics and the car carrying Benoit and another human agent approached the house. They got out and the hand shaking and basic posturing took up another five minutes until Ben and his friend finally laughed and entered the house together.
“We’ve set up for several calls and some tele-conferencing in the main room,” Tegan told them as she arrived with a smile for Benoit.
