He tried to pull back, but Wes grabbed his arm and held him there. “I know you’re bi, but don’t forget who you’re talking to. Don’t try and flirt with me like you would a woman, because you’re not going to get the same response.”
With that, Wes walked away. Jessie grabbed her snacks, and when he got to the far end of the aisle, he glanced back. Braden still stood where he’d left him, watching.
Jessie didn’t stop talking the whole drive home. When they got to the small, three-bedroom house she’d shared with her mother, they went straight for the kitchen and started cooking tacos, one of the few things he knew how to make. He had a feeling they’d be eating a whole hell of a lot of tacos.
While they cooked, and then through dinner, he searched for the words to talk to Jessie about her mom. Each time he opened his mouth, nothing came out. His chest ached. How was he supposed to do this?
He and Chelle had talked to her before she passed. He and Lydia talked to her after. But she was young. He didn’t know if she really got it. Wes wouldn’t rely on Lydia every time they needed to have a talk. Jessie was his responsibility, and he damn sure took that seriously.
That didn’t make the ache go away, though. Didn’t make the words he wished weren’t true fall out of his mouth.
“Hey, Jess?”
“Can we watch TV? I wanna watch TV. Will you watch it with me?” she said, her mind always on the go.
“Yeah, yeah, we can watch TV.” Coward.
They watched a couple episodes of cartoons before he ran a bubble bath for her. One a week, Chelle had said, no more than one bubble bath a week, though he didn’t have a clue why. He just knew that her other baths had to be without her favorite part of the whole thing.
He put her in pajamas with feet in them after she finished bathing. She got a package of fruit snacks for her snack, and then Wes said, “It’s time for bed, kiddo.”
“What ‘bout my hair?”
What was wrong with her hair? “Your hair?”
“It’s still wet. Mommy says I’m not supposed to go to bed with wet hair when it’s getting cold.”
“Oh.” Wes scratched his forehead. “Okay.” He searched the hall bathroom for a blow dryer but couldn’t find one. He knew he sure as hell didn’t have one in his room, so he checked the hall closet next. It wasn’t there, either. Wes looked toward the other end of the house. Toward the closed door he didn’t want to go into.
He wanted nothing more than to put her to bed with wet hair, but if Chelle said she couldn’t, he wouldn’t do that. She’d taken good care of him, and he would do the same thing for her daughter.
“Go in the bathroom and wait for me, okay? I’m going to get the blow dryer.”
Jessie skipped to the bathroom, not realizing how close to a heart attack he was. He took a deep breath and just did it. Walked to the other side of the house, opened her door, went straight to the bathroom, ripped the cabinets opened, pulled out the black blow dryer, and then was back out. Had he even taken a breath the whole time he was in there?
There was a distinct scent when someone was dying. He smelled it often at the hospital he used to work at, but had never considered having it in his home. In Chelle’s room. It would be gone by now, but he still didn’t think he could ever breathe in there again.
It didn’t take long to dry her hair. He told her to go to the bathroom again, and waited in her pink bedroom for her to come back. Her hair flew every which way, and he didn’t even try to tie it back. He’d almost taken out an eye when he tried this morning.
When Jessie lay under the blankets, Wes sat on the edge of her bed. “Remember earlier, when we were talking with Braden at the store? You were talking about what your mom said.”
Jessie nodded.
His heart felt like someone threw it in a blender and turned it on. “I just wanted to see if you want to talk about her. We always can, you know? That’s a good way to remember her.” The speed on the blender kicked up. “It’s good to talk about her to keep her memory alive. You remember she’s not coming back, right?”
He reached out to lay a hand on Jessie’s arm, but his fucking hand was shaking. Hold it together, man. It’s your job to hold it together for this little girl.
Jessie nodded. No words, just a nod.
“It’s okay to miss her.”
“Do you miss her?” Jessie asked.
He closed his eyes and focused on trying to slow his heartbeat. “I do.”
“Me, too.” She turned on her side, and this time he kept his hand steady as he pushed her hair away from her face.
