I knew this was the way to madness yet I couldn’t stop myself. I thought about calling him, but nothing says stalky, insecure girlfriend like someone who calls at four a.m. My thoughts whirred and tumbled and fell in a great toxic cloud. And I hated myself for them. And they whirred and fell some more.
‘Oh, why couldn’t you just have been partnered with a nice middle-aged man?’ I murmured to the ceiling. And some time in the small hours I finally fell asleep.
On Monday we ran (I stopped only once), then went shopping in Macy’s and bought a bunch of children’s clothes for Agnes’s niece. I sent them off to Kraków from the FedEx office, this time confident of the contents.
Over lunch she spoke to me about her sister, how she had been married too young, to the manager of a local brewery, who treated her with little respect, and how she now felt so downtrodden and worthless that Agnes could not persuade her to leave. ‘She cries to my mother every day because of what he says to her. She’s fat or she’s ugly or he could have done better. That stinking dickhead piece of chickenshit. A dog would not piss on his leg if it had drunk a hundred buckets of water.’
Her ultimate aim, she confided, over her chard and beetroot salad, was to bring her sister to New York, away from that man. ‘I think I can get Leonard to give her a job. Maybe as secretary in his office. Or, better, housekeeper in our apartment! Then we could get rid of Ilaria! My sister is very good, you know. Very conscientious. But she doesn’t want to leave Kraków.’
‘Maybe she doesn’t want to disrupt her daughter’s education. My sister was very nervous about moving Thom to London,’ I said.
‘Mm,’ said Agnes. But I could tell she didn’t really think that was an obstacle. I wondered if rich people just didn’t see obstacles to anything.
We had barely been back half an hour before she glanced at her phone and announced we were going to East Williamsburg.
‘The artist? But I thought –’
‘Steven is teaching me to draw. Drawing lessons.’
I blinked. ‘Okay.’
‘Is surprise for Leonard so you must not say anything.’
She didn’t look at me for the whole journey.
‘You’re late,’ said Nathan, when I arrived home. He was heading off to play basketball with some friends from his gym, his kit-bag slung over his shoulder and a hoodie over his hair.
‘Yeah.’ I dropped my bag and filled the kettle. I had a carton of noodles in a plastic bag and put them on the counter.
‘Been anywhere nice?’
I hesitated. ‘Just … here and there. You know what she’s like.’ I switched on the kettle.
‘You okay?’
‘I’m fine.’
I could feel his gaze on me until I turned and forced a smile. Then he clapped me on the back and turned to head out. ‘Some days, eh?’
Some days, indeed. I stared at the kitchen worktop. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know how to explain the two and a half hours Garry and I had waited in the car for her, my eyes flicking repeatedly up to the light at the obscured window and back to my phone. After an hour Garry, bored of his language tapes, had texted Agnes to say he was being moved on by a parking attendant and she should text him as soon as she needed to go, but she didn’t respond. We drove around the block and he filled the car with fuel, then suggested we get a coffee. ‘She didn’t say how long she’d be. That usually means she’ll be a coupla hours at least.’
‘This has happened before?’
‘Mrs G does as she pleases.’
He bought me a coffee in a near-empty diner, where the laminated menu showed poorly lit photographs of every single dish, and we sat in near-silence, each monitoring our phones, in case she called, and watching the Williamsburg dusk turn gradually to a neon-lit night. I had moved to the most exciting city on earth, yet some days I felt my life had shrunk: limo to apartment; apartment back to limo.
‘So have you worked for the Gopniks for long?’
Garry slowly stirred two sugars into his coffee, screwing up the wrappers in a fat fist. ‘Year and a half.’
‘Who did you work for before?’
‘Someone else.’
I took a sip of my coffee, which was surprisingly good. ‘You never mind it?’
He looked up at me from under heavy brows.
‘All the hanging around?’ I clarified. ‘I mean – does she do this often?’
He kept stirring his coffee, his eyes back on his mug. ‘Kid,’ he said, after a minute. ‘I don’t mean to be rude. But I can see you ain’t been in this business long, and you’ll last a whole lot longer if you don’t ask questions.’ He sat back in his chair, his bulk spreading gently across his lap. ‘I’m the driver. I’m there when they need me. I speak when I’m spoken to. I see nothing, hear nothing, forget everything. That’s why I’ve stayed in this game thirty-two years, and how I’ve put two ungrateful kids through college. In two and a half years, I take early retirement and move to my beach property in Costa Rica. That’s how you do it.’ He wiped his nose with a paper napkin, making his jowls judder. ‘You get me?’
‘See nothing, hear nothing …’
‘… forget everything. You got it. You want a doughnut? They do good doughnuts here. Make ’em fresh throughout the day.’ He got up and moved heavily over to the counter. When he came back he said nothing more to me, just nodded, satisfied, when I told him that, yes, the doughnuts were very good indeed.
Agnes said nothing when she rejoined us. After a few minutes, she asked, ‘Did Leonard call? I accidentally turn my phone off.’
‘No.’
‘He must be at the office. I will call him.’ She straightened her hair, then settled back in her seat. ‘That was very good lesson. I really feel like I’m learning many things. Steven is very good artist,’ she announced.
It took me until we were halfway home to notice she wasn’t carrying any drawings.
11
Dear Thom,
I’m sending you a baseball cap because Nathan and I went to a real-life baseball game yesterday and all the players wore them (actually, they wore helmets but this is the traditional version). I got one for you and one for someone else I know. Get your mum to take a picture of you in it and I can put it on my wall!
No, I’m afraid there aren’t any cowboys in this part of America sadly – but today I am going to a country club so I will keep an eye out in case one rides by.
Thank you for the very nice picture of my bum-bum with my imaginary dog. I hadn’t realized my backside was that shade of purple underneath my trousers, but I shall bear that in mind if I ever decide to walk naked past the Statue of Liberty like in your picture.
I think your version of New York may be even more exciting than the real thing.
Lots of love,
Auntie Lou xxx
Grand Pines Country Club sprawled across acres of lush countryside, its trees and fields rolling so perfectly and in such a vivid shade of green they might have sprung from the imagination of a seven-year-old with crayons.
On a crisp, clear day Garry drove us slowly up the long drive, and when the car pulled up in front of the sprawling white building, a young man in a pale blue uniform stepped forward and opened Agnes’s door.
‘Good morning, Mrs Gopnik. How are you today?’
‘Very good, thank you, Randy. And how are you?’
‘Couldn’t be better, ma’am. Getting busy in there already. Big day!’
Mr Gopnik having been detained at work, it had fallen to Agnes to present Mary, one of the long-serving staff at his country club, with a retirement gift. Agnes had made her feelings clear for much of the week about having to do this. She hated the country club. The former Mrs Gopnik’s cronies would be there. And Agnes hated speaking in public. She could not do it without Leonard. But, for once, he was immovable. It will help you claim your place, darling. And Louisa will be with you.
We practised her speech and we made a plan. We would arrive in the Great Room as late as possible, at the last moment before the starters were served so that we could sit down with apologies, blaming Manhattan traffic. Mary Lander, the retiree in question, would stand after the coffee at two p.m., and a few people would say nice words about her. Then Agnes would stand, apologize for Mr Gopnik’s unavoidable absence, and say a few more nice words about Mary before handing over her retirement gift. We would wait a diplomatic half-hour longer then leave, pleading important business in the city.
‘Oh, why couldn’t you just have been partnered with a nice middle-aged man?’ I murmured to the ceiling. And some time in the small hours I finally fell asleep.
On Monday we ran (I stopped only once), then went shopping in Macy’s and bought a bunch of children’s clothes for Agnes’s niece. I sent them off to Kraków from the FedEx office, this time confident of the contents.
Over lunch she spoke to me about her sister, how she had been married too young, to the manager of a local brewery, who treated her with little respect, and how she now felt so downtrodden and worthless that Agnes could not persuade her to leave. ‘She cries to my mother every day because of what he says to her. She’s fat or she’s ugly or he could have done better. That stinking dickhead piece of chickenshit. A dog would not piss on his leg if it had drunk a hundred buckets of water.’
Her ultimate aim, she confided, over her chard and beetroot salad, was to bring her sister to New York, away from that man. ‘I think I can get Leonard to give her a job. Maybe as secretary in his office. Or, better, housekeeper in our apartment! Then we could get rid of Ilaria! My sister is very good, you know. Very conscientious. But she doesn’t want to leave Kraków.’
‘Maybe she doesn’t want to disrupt her daughter’s education. My sister was very nervous about moving Thom to London,’ I said.
‘Mm,’ said Agnes. But I could tell she didn’t really think that was an obstacle. I wondered if rich people just didn’t see obstacles to anything.
We had barely been back half an hour before she glanced at her phone and announced we were going to East Williamsburg.
‘The artist? But I thought –’
‘Steven is teaching me to draw. Drawing lessons.’
I blinked. ‘Okay.’
‘Is surprise for Leonard so you must not say anything.’
She didn’t look at me for the whole journey.
‘You’re late,’ said Nathan, when I arrived home. He was heading off to play basketball with some friends from his gym, his kit-bag slung over his shoulder and a hoodie over his hair.
‘Yeah.’ I dropped my bag and filled the kettle. I had a carton of noodles in a plastic bag and put them on the counter.
‘Been anywhere nice?’
I hesitated. ‘Just … here and there. You know what she’s like.’ I switched on the kettle.
‘You okay?’
‘I’m fine.’
I could feel his gaze on me until I turned and forced a smile. Then he clapped me on the back and turned to head out. ‘Some days, eh?’
Some days, indeed. I stared at the kitchen worktop. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know how to explain the two and a half hours Garry and I had waited in the car for her, my eyes flicking repeatedly up to the light at the obscured window and back to my phone. After an hour Garry, bored of his language tapes, had texted Agnes to say he was being moved on by a parking attendant and she should text him as soon as she needed to go, but she didn’t respond. We drove around the block and he filled the car with fuel, then suggested we get a coffee. ‘She didn’t say how long she’d be. That usually means she’ll be a coupla hours at least.’
‘This has happened before?’
‘Mrs G does as she pleases.’
He bought me a coffee in a near-empty diner, where the laminated menu showed poorly lit photographs of every single dish, and we sat in near-silence, each monitoring our phones, in case she called, and watching the Williamsburg dusk turn gradually to a neon-lit night. I had moved to the most exciting city on earth, yet some days I felt my life had shrunk: limo to apartment; apartment back to limo.
‘So have you worked for the Gopniks for long?’
Garry slowly stirred two sugars into his coffee, screwing up the wrappers in a fat fist. ‘Year and a half.’
‘Who did you work for before?’
‘Someone else.’
I took a sip of my coffee, which was surprisingly good. ‘You never mind it?’
He looked up at me from under heavy brows.
‘All the hanging around?’ I clarified. ‘I mean – does she do this often?’
He kept stirring his coffee, his eyes back on his mug. ‘Kid,’ he said, after a minute. ‘I don’t mean to be rude. But I can see you ain’t been in this business long, and you’ll last a whole lot longer if you don’t ask questions.’ He sat back in his chair, his bulk spreading gently across his lap. ‘I’m the driver. I’m there when they need me. I speak when I’m spoken to. I see nothing, hear nothing, forget everything. That’s why I’ve stayed in this game thirty-two years, and how I’ve put two ungrateful kids through college. In two and a half years, I take early retirement and move to my beach property in Costa Rica. That’s how you do it.’ He wiped his nose with a paper napkin, making his jowls judder. ‘You get me?’
‘See nothing, hear nothing …’
‘… forget everything. You got it. You want a doughnut? They do good doughnuts here. Make ’em fresh throughout the day.’ He got up and moved heavily over to the counter. When he came back he said nothing more to me, just nodded, satisfied, when I told him that, yes, the doughnuts were very good indeed.
Agnes said nothing when she rejoined us. After a few minutes, she asked, ‘Did Leonard call? I accidentally turn my phone off.’
‘No.’
‘He must be at the office. I will call him.’ She straightened her hair, then settled back in her seat. ‘That was very good lesson. I really feel like I’m learning many things. Steven is very good artist,’ she announced.
It took me until we were halfway home to notice she wasn’t carrying any drawings.
11
Dear Thom,
I’m sending you a baseball cap because Nathan and I went to a real-life baseball game yesterday and all the players wore them (actually, they wore helmets but this is the traditional version). I got one for you and one for someone else I know. Get your mum to take a picture of you in it and I can put it on my wall!
No, I’m afraid there aren’t any cowboys in this part of America sadly – but today I am going to a country club so I will keep an eye out in case one rides by.
Thank you for the very nice picture of my bum-bum with my imaginary dog. I hadn’t realized my backside was that shade of purple underneath my trousers, but I shall bear that in mind if I ever decide to walk naked past the Statue of Liberty like in your picture.
I think your version of New York may be even more exciting than the real thing.
Lots of love,
Auntie Lou xxx
Grand Pines Country Club sprawled across acres of lush countryside, its trees and fields rolling so perfectly and in such a vivid shade of green they might have sprung from the imagination of a seven-year-old with crayons.
On a crisp, clear day Garry drove us slowly up the long drive, and when the car pulled up in front of the sprawling white building, a young man in a pale blue uniform stepped forward and opened Agnes’s door.
‘Good morning, Mrs Gopnik. How are you today?’
‘Very good, thank you, Randy. And how are you?’
‘Couldn’t be better, ma’am. Getting busy in there already. Big day!’
Mr Gopnik having been detained at work, it had fallen to Agnes to present Mary, one of the long-serving staff at his country club, with a retirement gift. Agnes had made her feelings clear for much of the week about having to do this. She hated the country club. The former Mrs Gopnik’s cronies would be there. And Agnes hated speaking in public. She could not do it without Leonard. But, for once, he was immovable. It will help you claim your place, darling. And Louisa will be with you.
We practised her speech and we made a plan. We would arrive in the Great Room as late as possible, at the last moment before the starters were served so that we could sit down with apologies, blaming Manhattan traffic. Mary Lander, the retiree in question, would stand after the coffee at two p.m., and a few people would say nice words about her. Then Agnes would stand, apologize for Mr Gopnik’s unavoidable absence, and say a few more nice words about Mary before handing over her retirement gift. We would wait a diplomatic half-hour longer then leave, pleading important business in the city.
