She was in the kitchen making food, for what I was now guessing was a full blown party, judging by the amount of food she had in there. “Hey, honey,” she stopped what she was doing and searched my face, “You okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, and you?”
She waved her hand at me in a dismissive motion, “You know me, nothing fazes me.” Yep, that was true. My mother was unflappable; a tough bitch who could get through any situation.
“Do you need help with all this food?” I asked, changing the conversation. I hated discussing my feelings; better just to get on and deal with it yourself rather than whining to anyone who would listen.
“Thanks, honey,” she answered and for the next hour we worked together, getting all the boys and their families fed. News of Nix’s demise had spread fast, and loved ones had shown up to celebrate the end of the club’s battle with him. From what people told me it had been a long, hard two years here since I had left. The club had put a lot of work into bringing him down and everyone was glad to see the end of this episode.
Just as Mum and I were finishing up in the kitchen, J wandered in. He hooked an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. “Your dad wants to see you, baby,” he said and the tenderness in his voice made my stomach flutter. J didn’t often do tender so it meant something to me; perhaps it indicated a change in the way he was approaching our new relationship.
I smiled up at him. “Where is he?” I asked, and he told me where to find him. “I won’t be long,” I promised, and gave him a quick kiss as I left the kitchen.
I found my father outside talking to some of the boys. He glanced up when he saw me coming, his jaw set, no smile in place, but I saw the relief that flickered across his face in that moment and noted his shoulders settle out of their tense hold.
“Madison,” he addressed me, and waved the boys away so we could have some privacy.
He exuded an agitated vibe and I didn’t want a confrontation tonight so I silently waited for him to continue, not wanting to say something that might set him off. When dealing with Marcus Cole it was best to let him do most of the talking.
“You’re okay,” he nodded, and it was more of a statement than a question, like he was reassuring himself.
“Yes, Dad, I’m okay,” I confirmed.
Another moment passed between us, with him deliberating over something and then he let out a huge breath, curved his palm around my neck and pulled me to him in a hug. “Thank fuck,” he uttered, softly.
Shit, first J going all sensitive on me and now, Dad too. And then, out of nowhere, everything slammed into me at once. Relief, gratitude, joy, anger; I felt it all and then some. It unfurled within me, and I was overwhelmed to the point of tears. I started crying and Dad’s hand lightly brushed over my hair, soothing me, and this made me sob even harder.
We stayed like that for what felt like a long time; him calming me with soft reassurances and me clinging to him in a way I never had. I had needed him to be this father many times in my life and he had never come through for me, but this time I felt a shift and it affected me; I let my guard down a little and that was liberating.
Eventually, my tears dried up and I let go. “Thank you,” I said, quietly, looking up into his eyes to see a mixture of concern and love.
He nodded, and brushed his thumbs across my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “Madison, I know you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, and I fuckin’ know I can be an asshole sometimes, but I’m workin’ on it. I’m sorry that you and your mother were put in that situation today; that you had to witness what you did. And I’m fuckin’ worried about you, worried that this will send you back to that hell you were in after that motherfucker beat the shit out of you.”
Well, fuck me. Marcus Cole was going all emotional on me. It was time to put his mind at ease. “You don’t need to worry about me, Dad. Yeah, that was a fucked up situation, and seeing Nix killed was not on my bucket list, but you know what? I’m happy it’s done because it means you guys can get back to concentrating on club business and we can all breathe easier now. And as far as me losing the plot? It’s not going to happen. I’m stronger now and I have all of you to back me up. This time around, my eyes are wide open and I’m seeing everything in a different light,” I assured him, and then, needing to lighten the mood, I winked at him and said, “I’m not good at asking for help, but I’m working on it, just like you’re working on not being such an asshole.”
He threw his head back and laughed, and it was so good to see my Dad loosen up a little. “Okay, sweetheart, it’s a deal,” he agreed, “Now, let’s get back inside to the party. We’ve got some celebrating to do.”
The party lasted into the early hours and I was exhausted by two am. It had been a great night though, catching up with everyone after being away for the past couple of years and watching the boys shed the tension that they had obviously been feeling. Even Scott let loose a little and I watched with interest as he flirted with a woman I didn’t know. This was out of character for him; to my knowledge, Scott didn’t usually put the hard yards in with the ladies, he just scored whenever he felt the need.
As I watched him, he caught my eye and smiled. It was a dazzling smile, one that Scott didn’t often bring out. He was far too serious, and shouldered too much responsibility as far as I was concerned. I smiled back and then went looking for J.
“Yeah, and you?”
She waved her hand at me in a dismissive motion, “You know me, nothing fazes me.” Yep, that was true. My mother was unflappable; a tough bitch who could get through any situation.
“Do you need help with all this food?” I asked, changing the conversation. I hated discussing my feelings; better just to get on and deal with it yourself rather than whining to anyone who would listen.
“Thanks, honey,” she answered and for the next hour we worked together, getting all the boys and their families fed. News of Nix’s demise had spread fast, and loved ones had shown up to celebrate the end of the club’s battle with him. From what people told me it had been a long, hard two years here since I had left. The club had put a lot of work into bringing him down and everyone was glad to see the end of this episode.
Just as Mum and I were finishing up in the kitchen, J wandered in. He hooked an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. “Your dad wants to see you, baby,” he said and the tenderness in his voice made my stomach flutter. J didn’t often do tender so it meant something to me; perhaps it indicated a change in the way he was approaching our new relationship.
I smiled up at him. “Where is he?” I asked, and he told me where to find him. “I won’t be long,” I promised, and gave him a quick kiss as I left the kitchen.
I found my father outside talking to some of the boys. He glanced up when he saw me coming, his jaw set, no smile in place, but I saw the relief that flickered across his face in that moment and noted his shoulders settle out of their tense hold.
“Madison,” he addressed me, and waved the boys away so we could have some privacy.
He exuded an agitated vibe and I didn’t want a confrontation tonight so I silently waited for him to continue, not wanting to say something that might set him off. When dealing with Marcus Cole it was best to let him do most of the talking.
“You’re okay,” he nodded, and it was more of a statement than a question, like he was reassuring himself.
“Yes, Dad, I’m okay,” I confirmed.
Another moment passed between us, with him deliberating over something and then he let out a huge breath, curved his palm around my neck and pulled me to him in a hug. “Thank fuck,” he uttered, softly.
Shit, first J going all sensitive on me and now, Dad too. And then, out of nowhere, everything slammed into me at once. Relief, gratitude, joy, anger; I felt it all and then some. It unfurled within me, and I was overwhelmed to the point of tears. I started crying and Dad’s hand lightly brushed over my hair, soothing me, and this made me sob even harder.
We stayed like that for what felt like a long time; him calming me with soft reassurances and me clinging to him in a way I never had. I had needed him to be this father many times in my life and he had never come through for me, but this time I felt a shift and it affected me; I let my guard down a little and that was liberating.
Eventually, my tears dried up and I let go. “Thank you,” I said, quietly, looking up into his eyes to see a mixture of concern and love.
He nodded, and brushed his thumbs across my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “Madison, I know you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, and I fuckin’ know I can be an asshole sometimes, but I’m workin’ on it. I’m sorry that you and your mother were put in that situation today; that you had to witness what you did. And I’m fuckin’ worried about you, worried that this will send you back to that hell you were in after that motherfucker beat the shit out of you.”
Well, fuck me. Marcus Cole was going all emotional on me. It was time to put his mind at ease. “You don’t need to worry about me, Dad. Yeah, that was a fucked up situation, and seeing Nix killed was not on my bucket list, but you know what? I’m happy it’s done because it means you guys can get back to concentrating on club business and we can all breathe easier now. And as far as me losing the plot? It’s not going to happen. I’m stronger now and I have all of you to back me up. This time around, my eyes are wide open and I’m seeing everything in a different light,” I assured him, and then, needing to lighten the mood, I winked at him and said, “I’m not good at asking for help, but I’m working on it, just like you’re working on not being such an asshole.”
He threw his head back and laughed, and it was so good to see my Dad loosen up a little. “Okay, sweetheart, it’s a deal,” he agreed, “Now, let’s get back inside to the party. We’ve got some celebrating to do.”
The party lasted into the early hours and I was exhausted by two am. It had been a great night though, catching up with everyone after being away for the past couple of years and watching the boys shed the tension that they had obviously been feeling. Even Scott let loose a little and I watched with interest as he flirted with a woman I didn’t know. This was out of character for him; to my knowledge, Scott didn’t usually put the hard yards in with the ladies, he just scored whenever he felt the need.
As I watched him, he caught my eye and smiled. It was a dazzling smile, one that Scott didn’t often bring out. He was far too serious, and shouldered too much responsibility as far as I was concerned. I smiled back and then went looking for J.
