He shook me. “It’s not what you think! Listen, dammit!” Brax pleaded. His fingers dug into my shoulders as he steadied me, anchored me to the spot of grass I stood in.
“No! You listen!” I said, shrugging out of his grip. From my peripheral I noticed people from the party passing slowly by, as they walked in and out of the Sigma house, watching our argument. Tessa stood there, too, waiting. Maybe I’d end up on YouTube again, and they’d all get some satisfaction from one more public humiliation out of me. It’d be the very last. I cradled the throbbing hand I’d punched him with. “I trusted you, Brax. I believed everything you’d said, despite my hesitation. Despite your thuggish looks, I never believed the rumors.” More tears burned my eyes, and I could do nothing more than shake my head and laugh. “God, was I so wrong about you. You’re no man. Just a stupid boy with no goddamn sense.” My voice caught then. Breathe.
“You weren’t wrong about me.” he growled, scrubbed his face with his hand. “This is f**ked up, was taken way too far and you’ve gotta hear me out—”
“I don’t have to do anything.” Somewhere deep inside of me, I found a shred of courage. A little more self respect. I stepped closer to him, tilted my head, ignored the hurt I saw in his crystal eyes that matched the deep ache in my heart. “Just pretend you never met me, Brax.” I cocked my head, studied him. “Leave. Me. Alone.” I turned and began to walk away, but he once more followed me, grasped my uninjured wrist and swung me around to face him. The panicky pain I saw etched into his features made me flinch.
“I tried, Gracie. But I just f**king can’t.”
He’d tried? What did that even mean? Confusion spiked through my brain but I held eye contact, as hard as it was to do that, and yanked free of his grasp. “My name’s not Gracie.” The cold, flat finality that resonated in my voice surprised me. From the ashen look on Brax’s face, it’d surprised him even more.
“Olivia, are you okay here?”
Noah Hicks’ voice sounded behind me, and he eased his body in front of mine, mostly blocking Brax from my view. “Walk away, man. You don’t need to make things worse.” Noah’s shoulders stiffened as he addressed Brax.
Brax said nothing, pushed his fingertips into his eye sockets, then locked his fingers behind his neck. “Fuck!” he swore under his breath.
Then he charged Noah and the two went down fighting. Noah was athletic, but no match for Brax. Noah grunted as Brax’s knuckles connected to his jaw. “Brax, stop it!” I yelled. “Stop!”
Brax was like a rabid dog, taking his frustrations out on Noah fist over fist. Cory’s big frame pushed forward and he pulled Brax off. “Whoa, man, take it easy, take it easy.”
Noah rolled up from the ground and took my hand. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll get you out of here.”
“You won’t f**king take her anywhere!” Brax fought to break Cory’s hold—and almost did. Although Cory was a big guy, the strain was evident in his face as he struggled to contain Brax. Finally, he did, pinning his arms behind him and holding him tightly against him in a backwards bear hug. “I can’t hold him forever,” Cory said to Noah. He cocked his head. “Get outta here.”
I looked once more at Brax’s face. His eyes. Silently, they pleaded with me. Begged me for something, some unknown thing. Noah draped his arm over my shoulder, and I turned away.
“Gracie, wait. Please, just listen to me. Hear me out. Let me the f**k go, man! Gracie!”
I didn’t look back as Noah guided me to his Mustang parked along the walkway. He opened the passenger side door and I climbed in. Just as he slammed the door shut, I heard Brax’s tortured cry as he called my name, cutting through the chilled night air, and it struck me in the gut. Something about all of this felt so damn wrong. All of it. None of it. Everything. I tried not to look, tried not to torment myself by seeking Brax out, but I couldn’t help it. He was there, still held captive by his best friend.
Behind Brax and Cory stood Kelsy Evans, his arm draped over some girl dressed as a seductive nurse. Even under the shade of darkness, I saw his stupid grin of victory.
I closed my eyes.
As Noah pulled away, I glanced at his face. With a busted lip and a swollen eye, he stared straight ahead and maneuvered his car away from the Sigma house.
“Thanks,” I offered. “I’m … sorry for all the drama. I’m sorry you were hurt. This—it’s not who I am, Noah. It seems to follow me.”
He looked at me, a fast glance, then returned his stare to the road. “It’s okay. And I know this isn’t you, Olivia.” He reached over and patted my knee, then returned his hand to the wheel. His hair was messy from the tussle with Brax, and his tee shirt was torn at the collar. “It’ll all blow over.” He gave a grin, then winced at the cut on his lip. “It always does.”
We talked for a while, just driving around, until finally, Noah took me back to the dorm. He walked me to the entrance. “If you ever need me, Olivia, just call.” He smiled, and it was genuine and unthreatening. With his hand he straightened my crooked fairy wing. “I mean it.”
“I will. Thanks, Noah.”
I watched him drive off and, despite all that had happened, the humiliation, the hurt, the shit, my eyes darted through the darkness. Seeking a familiar headlamp from an even more familiar motorcycle. There was nothing. The lot was empty, save my old truck and few other lone vehicles. And I wasn’t sure if I felt relief or disappointment.
With a heavy heart I slid my card through the key lock and entered the dorm.
25. Anguish
Putting Brax behind me proved much harder in reality than in theory. He texted. Called. Emailed. I ignored them all. Although he’d stayed away that night after the Blitz, he’d since made it his mission to ensure I got home from work okay. I found myself looking for that single headlamp in the parking lot, and hating myself when relief swept over me. He tried his best to talk to me, but I just … couldn’t. He was everywhere; stuck in my memory, my brain, my thoughts.
My humanities class.
Right along with Kelsy.
I sat away from them both and tried my best to concentrate on my studies. It was as if my brain had its very own clump of gray matter at its beck and call. Against my will my gaze would slip over the room and seek out Brax. Every single time it happened, he caught me. He’d have his gaze fixed on me, too, and a look of anguish and helplessness would wash over his distinctive features as his eyes silently pleaded with me. I hurriedly turned away every time. It was almost unbearable. My emotions were so raw, conflicted, at war with one another and me, jammed right smack in the middle. It drained me. Made me tired. Uninterested with school. Sad. I missed Brax. Missed the way it’d been … before. His voice. His accent. His playful teasing. All of that clouded my recent memory of the embarrassment and pain I’d endured once I’d discovered his true intentions at that stupid fraternity Blitz. Maybe it made me feel better to have a shred of hope that some of it had been real. How could anyone be that callous? That shallow? The truth of his deception was plain and evident. Black and white. Cut and dry. So why did I still carry hope? Was it the pleading of his voice I heard in my head, over and over again? Begging me to listen, to understand he’d tried to stop it? That I didn’t know the whole story?
Stupid girl.
As soon as class was over, though, I’d have my bag already clutched in my hand and I’d hurry out the door and down the stairs, never giving Brax a chance to catch me. Kelsy, blessedly, didn’t even try. He had his seductive nurse girlfriend from the Blitz at his side constantly now and had apparently moved on. I was old news, no longer a conquest. In my heart I knew he thought he’d won. Let him think it. He was the very last thing I needed to worry about. I was glad his obsessive behavior was turned on anyone else other than me. Poor girl.
Over the next two weeks before Thanksgiving break I seriously struggled. Tessa was right there for me. She, Marcie and Kelly tried their best to convince me to go out with them again, but I had zero interest in going to bars. Strangely enough, Ash’s fight with Brax hadn’t deterred his pursuit of me, and after getting my cell number from Tessa, he’d texted and asked me out. I was flattered, but uninterested, and declined. Then I threatened to strangle Tessa for giving my number out. She promised not to do it again.
A week before break I was closing at the oservatory with Steven when all hell broke loose. Noah and, regrettably, Dr. Callander, were both present and in the lobby. Steven and I were turning all the lights off in the displays in the back.
“I need to speak to Gracie Beaumont. Now.”
Brax’s booming voice, a little slurred, resonated off the walls, and Steven and I exchanged a worried look.
“Uh oh,” he said quietly. “That sounds like trouble. Maybe you should stay back here with me?” He glanced at the doorway. “Let Professor Callander handle it.”
I nodded, but moved closer to the doorway so I could hear a little better. Steven moved with me. Inside, my heart pounded.
“Son, you’ve been drinking,” Professor Callander said in a strong voice. My stomach dropped at the accusation that was more than likely completely true. “Ms. Beaumont is not available. Leave now and I won’t call campus police.”
Brax’s disbelieving laugh cut through the air. “She’s here. She’s always f**king here so go get her. She was supposed to be off an hour ago.”
“I’ll give you one last chance, son,” Professor Callander advised. “Leave.”
“I’m not your son. Hicks, you know she’s f**king here. Tell her I’m waiting for her outside. Never mind douchebag, I’ll tell her myself. Gracie! You might as well get out here and talk to me. I ain’t leaving this time till you hear me out! I’ll be waiting by your truck.”
The double glass doors in the lobby slammed, and I jumped where I stood.
“Shit,” Steven muttered. He looked at me. “You can’t go out there. He’s drunk.”
I closed my eyes briefly. Godalmighty, he was drunk. And all he’d wanted to do, ever since the Blitz, was tell me his side of the story. Why hadn’t I just listened?
I looked at Steven. “I don’t want him to get into trouble.” I sighed. “If the professor calls the campus police on him, he will get in serious hot water with his coach.”
Steven’s brows knitted into a frown. “So? He should’ve thought about that before boozing it up and coming here to harass you.”
I sighed again and shook my head. “I’ll just go talk to him.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for being such a good friend.”
“You’re welcome. But this won’t end good, Olivia,” he said. “Do you want me to come with you? I don’t think he’ll punch me out like he did Noah.”
I glanced over my shoulder as I hurried out the door. “No, it’s okay. Thanks.”
Steven followed me, though, and the second I entered the lobby, I almost ran smack into Professor Callander. Noah was right behind him and I knew they were both headed to find me. Noah’s pensive expression stopped me in my tracks.
“Professor, I am so sorry,” I started. “I can explain—”
The professor was older, with graying hair and a long mustachio, but had the gentlest brown, honest, no-nonsense eyes I’d ever seen. In a firm grip, he squeezed both my shoulders. “Olivia, I know you are. And I understand this isn’t your fault. But,” he cleared his throat and leveled his gaze to mine. “I can’t place this program or the observatory at any risk, whatsoever. And that boy, I’m afraid, is a risk.” His eyes softened. “I’m sorry, Olivia. You’re a fine, promising astrologist, and I abhor this decision. But I’m going to have to let you go.”
My mouth, cheeks, face went numb with shock and disbelief. I couldn’t say anything. Only stare. Let me go? I was getting fired?
“Um, Professor Callander,” Noah said hurriedly. “I’m sure this can be worked out.”
“I wish it could be,” Professor Callander said to me. “But in this instance I have to think of the department.”
“I,” I found my voice. Small, not as determined as I’d have preferred. “I promise, Professor, this won’t ever, ever happen again.”
Again, the older man’s eyes softened. “Yes, Ms. Beaumont. Yes, it most certainly will.”
My heart sunk. “I’m … sorry.” Without knowing anything better to say, I made my way to the employee lounge.
“Oh, man, Olivia,” Steven said, walking alongside of me. “Oh, man. This totally sucks. It’s not even your fault.”
In the lounge, I grabbed my pack and turned to my friend. “It’s okay, Steven. Thanks.” I gave him a small smile, then thought better and wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. “For everything. I’ll see you in class.”
“Are you gonna be okay?” he asked. His cheeks flushed red.
I met his gaze. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.” I wasn’t, by far. But what could I do? Save face, keep my pride intact, and leave. That’s what I could do.
Professor Callander was gone when I entered the lobby, but Noah stood by the door, waiting on me. “I’ll talk to him, Olivia. He’s made a rash decision.”
I stopped and shook my head. “No, he didn’t. I mean, I wouldn’t want me working here, with my drunk ex-boyfriend showing up making obnoxious demands.” I forced a smile. “Thanks for taking up for me, Noah. I appreciate it. But I’ll be fine.”
“No! You listen!” I said, shrugging out of his grip. From my peripheral I noticed people from the party passing slowly by, as they walked in and out of the Sigma house, watching our argument. Tessa stood there, too, waiting. Maybe I’d end up on YouTube again, and they’d all get some satisfaction from one more public humiliation out of me. It’d be the very last. I cradled the throbbing hand I’d punched him with. “I trusted you, Brax. I believed everything you’d said, despite my hesitation. Despite your thuggish looks, I never believed the rumors.” More tears burned my eyes, and I could do nothing more than shake my head and laugh. “God, was I so wrong about you. You’re no man. Just a stupid boy with no goddamn sense.” My voice caught then. Breathe.
“You weren’t wrong about me.” he growled, scrubbed his face with his hand. “This is f**ked up, was taken way too far and you’ve gotta hear me out—”
“I don’t have to do anything.” Somewhere deep inside of me, I found a shred of courage. A little more self respect. I stepped closer to him, tilted my head, ignored the hurt I saw in his crystal eyes that matched the deep ache in my heart. “Just pretend you never met me, Brax.” I cocked my head, studied him. “Leave. Me. Alone.” I turned and began to walk away, but he once more followed me, grasped my uninjured wrist and swung me around to face him. The panicky pain I saw etched into his features made me flinch.
“I tried, Gracie. But I just f**king can’t.”
He’d tried? What did that even mean? Confusion spiked through my brain but I held eye contact, as hard as it was to do that, and yanked free of his grasp. “My name’s not Gracie.” The cold, flat finality that resonated in my voice surprised me. From the ashen look on Brax’s face, it’d surprised him even more.
“Olivia, are you okay here?”
Noah Hicks’ voice sounded behind me, and he eased his body in front of mine, mostly blocking Brax from my view. “Walk away, man. You don’t need to make things worse.” Noah’s shoulders stiffened as he addressed Brax.
Brax said nothing, pushed his fingertips into his eye sockets, then locked his fingers behind his neck. “Fuck!” he swore under his breath.
Then he charged Noah and the two went down fighting. Noah was athletic, but no match for Brax. Noah grunted as Brax’s knuckles connected to his jaw. “Brax, stop it!” I yelled. “Stop!”
Brax was like a rabid dog, taking his frustrations out on Noah fist over fist. Cory’s big frame pushed forward and he pulled Brax off. “Whoa, man, take it easy, take it easy.”
Noah rolled up from the ground and took my hand. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll get you out of here.”
“You won’t f**king take her anywhere!” Brax fought to break Cory’s hold—and almost did. Although Cory was a big guy, the strain was evident in his face as he struggled to contain Brax. Finally, he did, pinning his arms behind him and holding him tightly against him in a backwards bear hug. “I can’t hold him forever,” Cory said to Noah. He cocked his head. “Get outta here.”
I looked once more at Brax’s face. His eyes. Silently, they pleaded with me. Begged me for something, some unknown thing. Noah draped his arm over my shoulder, and I turned away.
“Gracie, wait. Please, just listen to me. Hear me out. Let me the f**k go, man! Gracie!”
I didn’t look back as Noah guided me to his Mustang parked along the walkway. He opened the passenger side door and I climbed in. Just as he slammed the door shut, I heard Brax’s tortured cry as he called my name, cutting through the chilled night air, and it struck me in the gut. Something about all of this felt so damn wrong. All of it. None of it. Everything. I tried not to look, tried not to torment myself by seeking Brax out, but I couldn’t help it. He was there, still held captive by his best friend.
Behind Brax and Cory stood Kelsy Evans, his arm draped over some girl dressed as a seductive nurse. Even under the shade of darkness, I saw his stupid grin of victory.
I closed my eyes.
As Noah pulled away, I glanced at his face. With a busted lip and a swollen eye, he stared straight ahead and maneuvered his car away from the Sigma house.
“Thanks,” I offered. “I’m … sorry for all the drama. I’m sorry you were hurt. This—it’s not who I am, Noah. It seems to follow me.”
He looked at me, a fast glance, then returned his stare to the road. “It’s okay. And I know this isn’t you, Olivia.” He reached over and patted my knee, then returned his hand to the wheel. His hair was messy from the tussle with Brax, and his tee shirt was torn at the collar. “It’ll all blow over.” He gave a grin, then winced at the cut on his lip. “It always does.”
We talked for a while, just driving around, until finally, Noah took me back to the dorm. He walked me to the entrance. “If you ever need me, Olivia, just call.” He smiled, and it was genuine and unthreatening. With his hand he straightened my crooked fairy wing. “I mean it.”
“I will. Thanks, Noah.”
I watched him drive off and, despite all that had happened, the humiliation, the hurt, the shit, my eyes darted through the darkness. Seeking a familiar headlamp from an even more familiar motorcycle. There was nothing. The lot was empty, save my old truck and few other lone vehicles. And I wasn’t sure if I felt relief or disappointment.
With a heavy heart I slid my card through the key lock and entered the dorm.
25. Anguish
Putting Brax behind me proved much harder in reality than in theory. He texted. Called. Emailed. I ignored them all. Although he’d stayed away that night after the Blitz, he’d since made it his mission to ensure I got home from work okay. I found myself looking for that single headlamp in the parking lot, and hating myself when relief swept over me. He tried his best to talk to me, but I just … couldn’t. He was everywhere; stuck in my memory, my brain, my thoughts.
My humanities class.
Right along with Kelsy.
I sat away from them both and tried my best to concentrate on my studies. It was as if my brain had its very own clump of gray matter at its beck and call. Against my will my gaze would slip over the room and seek out Brax. Every single time it happened, he caught me. He’d have his gaze fixed on me, too, and a look of anguish and helplessness would wash over his distinctive features as his eyes silently pleaded with me. I hurriedly turned away every time. It was almost unbearable. My emotions were so raw, conflicted, at war with one another and me, jammed right smack in the middle. It drained me. Made me tired. Uninterested with school. Sad. I missed Brax. Missed the way it’d been … before. His voice. His accent. His playful teasing. All of that clouded my recent memory of the embarrassment and pain I’d endured once I’d discovered his true intentions at that stupid fraternity Blitz. Maybe it made me feel better to have a shred of hope that some of it had been real. How could anyone be that callous? That shallow? The truth of his deception was plain and evident. Black and white. Cut and dry. So why did I still carry hope? Was it the pleading of his voice I heard in my head, over and over again? Begging me to listen, to understand he’d tried to stop it? That I didn’t know the whole story?
Stupid girl.
As soon as class was over, though, I’d have my bag already clutched in my hand and I’d hurry out the door and down the stairs, never giving Brax a chance to catch me. Kelsy, blessedly, didn’t even try. He had his seductive nurse girlfriend from the Blitz at his side constantly now and had apparently moved on. I was old news, no longer a conquest. In my heart I knew he thought he’d won. Let him think it. He was the very last thing I needed to worry about. I was glad his obsessive behavior was turned on anyone else other than me. Poor girl.
Over the next two weeks before Thanksgiving break I seriously struggled. Tessa was right there for me. She, Marcie and Kelly tried their best to convince me to go out with them again, but I had zero interest in going to bars. Strangely enough, Ash’s fight with Brax hadn’t deterred his pursuit of me, and after getting my cell number from Tessa, he’d texted and asked me out. I was flattered, but uninterested, and declined. Then I threatened to strangle Tessa for giving my number out. She promised not to do it again.
A week before break I was closing at the oservatory with Steven when all hell broke loose. Noah and, regrettably, Dr. Callander, were both present and in the lobby. Steven and I were turning all the lights off in the displays in the back.
“I need to speak to Gracie Beaumont. Now.”
Brax’s booming voice, a little slurred, resonated off the walls, and Steven and I exchanged a worried look.
“Uh oh,” he said quietly. “That sounds like trouble. Maybe you should stay back here with me?” He glanced at the doorway. “Let Professor Callander handle it.”
I nodded, but moved closer to the doorway so I could hear a little better. Steven moved with me. Inside, my heart pounded.
“Son, you’ve been drinking,” Professor Callander said in a strong voice. My stomach dropped at the accusation that was more than likely completely true. “Ms. Beaumont is not available. Leave now and I won’t call campus police.”
Brax’s disbelieving laugh cut through the air. “She’s here. She’s always f**king here so go get her. She was supposed to be off an hour ago.”
“I’ll give you one last chance, son,” Professor Callander advised. “Leave.”
“I’m not your son. Hicks, you know she’s f**king here. Tell her I’m waiting for her outside. Never mind douchebag, I’ll tell her myself. Gracie! You might as well get out here and talk to me. I ain’t leaving this time till you hear me out! I’ll be waiting by your truck.”
The double glass doors in the lobby slammed, and I jumped where I stood.
“Shit,” Steven muttered. He looked at me. “You can’t go out there. He’s drunk.”
I closed my eyes briefly. Godalmighty, he was drunk. And all he’d wanted to do, ever since the Blitz, was tell me his side of the story. Why hadn’t I just listened?
I looked at Steven. “I don’t want him to get into trouble.” I sighed. “If the professor calls the campus police on him, he will get in serious hot water with his coach.”
Steven’s brows knitted into a frown. “So? He should’ve thought about that before boozing it up and coming here to harass you.”
I sighed again and shook my head. “I’ll just go talk to him.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for being such a good friend.”
“You’re welcome. But this won’t end good, Olivia,” he said. “Do you want me to come with you? I don’t think he’ll punch me out like he did Noah.”
I glanced over my shoulder as I hurried out the door. “No, it’s okay. Thanks.”
Steven followed me, though, and the second I entered the lobby, I almost ran smack into Professor Callander. Noah was right behind him and I knew they were both headed to find me. Noah’s pensive expression stopped me in my tracks.
“Professor, I am so sorry,” I started. “I can explain—”
The professor was older, with graying hair and a long mustachio, but had the gentlest brown, honest, no-nonsense eyes I’d ever seen. In a firm grip, he squeezed both my shoulders. “Olivia, I know you are. And I understand this isn’t your fault. But,” he cleared his throat and leveled his gaze to mine. “I can’t place this program or the observatory at any risk, whatsoever. And that boy, I’m afraid, is a risk.” His eyes softened. “I’m sorry, Olivia. You’re a fine, promising astrologist, and I abhor this decision. But I’m going to have to let you go.”
My mouth, cheeks, face went numb with shock and disbelief. I couldn’t say anything. Only stare. Let me go? I was getting fired?
“Um, Professor Callander,” Noah said hurriedly. “I’m sure this can be worked out.”
“I wish it could be,” Professor Callander said to me. “But in this instance I have to think of the department.”
“I,” I found my voice. Small, not as determined as I’d have preferred. “I promise, Professor, this won’t ever, ever happen again.”
Again, the older man’s eyes softened. “Yes, Ms. Beaumont. Yes, it most certainly will.”
My heart sunk. “I’m … sorry.” Without knowing anything better to say, I made my way to the employee lounge.
“Oh, man, Olivia,” Steven said, walking alongside of me. “Oh, man. This totally sucks. It’s not even your fault.”
In the lounge, I grabbed my pack and turned to my friend. “It’s okay, Steven. Thanks.” I gave him a small smile, then thought better and wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. “For everything. I’ll see you in class.”
“Are you gonna be okay?” he asked. His cheeks flushed red.
I met his gaze. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.” I wasn’t, by far. But what could I do? Save face, keep my pride intact, and leave. That’s what I could do.
Professor Callander was gone when I entered the lobby, but Noah stood by the door, waiting on me. “I’ll talk to him, Olivia. He’s made a rash decision.”
I stopped and shook my head. “No, he didn’t. I mean, I wouldn’t want me working here, with my drunk ex-boyfriend showing up making obnoxious demands.” I forced a smile. “Thanks for taking up for me, Noah. I appreciate it. But I’ll be fine.”
