“Jay!” I brought my arms up to his shoulders, gazing at him and letting my head flop back.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I am so good.” I tried to talk normally, but the breathy voice that came out was totally unfamiliar. I rubbed little circles on his shoulders with my palms. “You are the bestest friend, Jay. I love you.”
“Are you drunk?!”
Uh-oh. He was upset. No, no, no. Everything was so nice. So perfect. I needed Jay to be happy, too.
“She’s rollin’,” Veronica said, popping some peanuts in her mouth with manicured fingers.
He looked at me with huge eyes, and then moved my arms down and took a step away from me. “What the hell, Anna?”
“Jay, please. Please don’t be mad at me.” I reached up to him, but he deflected my arms.
“That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?” he asked, his face tight. All I could do was stare like a fawn in a spotlight. Jay had never, ever yelled at me.
“Whatever, man, forget this.” He reached between Veronica and me, grabbing a half-full bottle of clear liquor before disappearing into the movement and noise around us. I was thankful when Scott walked up and filled in the empty gap Jay left behind. I didn’t want any gaps tonight.
“You just missed Jay being a total buzz kill!” Veronica said to him. “And did you know that me and Anna are totally best friends now?”
Scott looked at me hesitantly, but when I smiled he slid an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. Jay’s words had already filtered through me and were gone. There was no room in paradise for anything as ugly as anger.
“Hey, you.” Scott’s voice was all melty and buttery in my ear. “Sorry, Veronica, but I’m going to have to steal your new best friend.”
“Y’all behave yourselves, now.” She winked.
I turned to her and we hugged like we’d never see each other again, and then Scott was weaving the two of us through the partygoers, up a curved wooden staircase, down the hall, and into a room.
The sudden quiet was a shock to my ears when he shut the door behind us. Scott led us to what looked like a guest bed. He sat, so I sat. He lay back on his elbows, so I did, too. When he turned his body to lean over me, I dropped my elbows and lay back, completely still.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked. I shook my head.
“Everything feels so soft.” My fingers caressed the sides of my jeans. Even the normally rough feel of denim was like silk under my fingers.
“When I’m on E,” he said, “I always think everyone should be naked. Just like Adam and Eve.”
That made perfect sense to me at the moment, and it seemed funny. “Just completely natural and happy,” I said, and we smiled at each other.
“Do you know when I first started to like you?” he asked. “Remember last year after state match, when I got the, um, cauliflower ear?”
I’d forgotten about that. He’d been so embarrassed about the grossly swollen ear that he’d gotten from the wrestling mats at the state competition. His girlfriend had even been disgusted enough to dump him.
“You were always sweet,” he said. “You didn’t stare at it like everyone else.” He laid his arm across my belly and caressed my waist. “You know, Anna, it wouldn’t take much for you to be more, I don’t know, popular or whatever. I’ve seen you play volleyball and softball in gym. You’re good. You could go out for sports and maybe wear some different clothes or something. I mean, you’re pretty, but you could be, like, hot. You know?”
I was quiet for a second. Part of my brain contemplated being offended, but it was overruled by a heavy blanket of peacefulness in my bloodstream.
“I’m sorry, Scott, but even if I had the money, I just don’t care about those things. I want people to like me for who I am. Isn’t that what you want, too?”
I reached up to touch his face, but he grabbed my hand and held it.
“Have you kissed many guys?”
“I’ve never kissed anyone,” I admitted.
“Not even Jay?”
“No way. He’s like my brother.” I tried to think of Jay now. What had been wrong with him earlier? It made me feel sad, but I couldn’t recall why.
“How long will this last?” I asked. “This feeling?”
“About four hours. Then it takes a couple hours to come down.”
Come down? That sounded awful. I wondered if I could talk Scott into giving me more.
“Anna.”
“Huh?” I tried to focus on him.
“I want to be your first kiss.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Before he even had a chance to lean down, the door banged open, letting in the party’s earsplitting volume. We both sat up on the bed and I found myself staring into the deep blue eyes of Kaidan Rowe.
“What the—” Scott started.
“Ah, there you are, luv. Let’s go, then.”
Kaidan was looking at me. And waving me toward him. I sat there weighed down with shock.
“Can you walk, or will I have to carry you?” Kaidan asked.
Scott raised his voice. “What are you doing, man?”
“I need a chat with Anna.” But Kaidan didn’t look at Scott when he said it. His eyes stayed on me.
He remembered my name. And it sounded so lovely when he said it. Scott and I turned to each other. It never crossed my mind not to go with Kaidan. He was the most amazing part of my whole wakeful dream.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I am so good.” I tried to talk normally, but the breathy voice that came out was totally unfamiliar. I rubbed little circles on his shoulders with my palms. “You are the bestest friend, Jay. I love you.”
“Are you drunk?!”
Uh-oh. He was upset. No, no, no. Everything was so nice. So perfect. I needed Jay to be happy, too.
“She’s rollin’,” Veronica said, popping some peanuts in her mouth with manicured fingers.
He looked at me with huge eyes, and then moved my arms down and took a step away from me. “What the hell, Anna?”
“Jay, please. Please don’t be mad at me.” I reached up to him, but he deflected my arms.
“That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?” he asked, his face tight. All I could do was stare like a fawn in a spotlight. Jay had never, ever yelled at me.
“Whatever, man, forget this.” He reached between Veronica and me, grabbing a half-full bottle of clear liquor before disappearing into the movement and noise around us. I was thankful when Scott walked up and filled in the empty gap Jay left behind. I didn’t want any gaps tonight.
“You just missed Jay being a total buzz kill!” Veronica said to him. “And did you know that me and Anna are totally best friends now?”
Scott looked at me hesitantly, but when I smiled he slid an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. Jay’s words had already filtered through me and were gone. There was no room in paradise for anything as ugly as anger.
“Hey, you.” Scott’s voice was all melty and buttery in my ear. “Sorry, Veronica, but I’m going to have to steal your new best friend.”
“Y’all behave yourselves, now.” She winked.
I turned to her and we hugged like we’d never see each other again, and then Scott was weaving the two of us through the partygoers, up a curved wooden staircase, down the hall, and into a room.
The sudden quiet was a shock to my ears when he shut the door behind us. Scott led us to what looked like a guest bed. He sat, so I sat. He lay back on his elbows, so I did, too. When he turned his body to lean over me, I dropped my elbows and lay back, completely still.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked. I shook my head.
“Everything feels so soft.” My fingers caressed the sides of my jeans. Even the normally rough feel of denim was like silk under my fingers.
“When I’m on E,” he said, “I always think everyone should be naked. Just like Adam and Eve.”
That made perfect sense to me at the moment, and it seemed funny. “Just completely natural and happy,” I said, and we smiled at each other.
“Do you know when I first started to like you?” he asked. “Remember last year after state match, when I got the, um, cauliflower ear?”
I’d forgotten about that. He’d been so embarrassed about the grossly swollen ear that he’d gotten from the wrestling mats at the state competition. His girlfriend had even been disgusted enough to dump him.
“You were always sweet,” he said. “You didn’t stare at it like everyone else.” He laid his arm across my belly and caressed my waist. “You know, Anna, it wouldn’t take much for you to be more, I don’t know, popular or whatever. I’ve seen you play volleyball and softball in gym. You’re good. You could go out for sports and maybe wear some different clothes or something. I mean, you’re pretty, but you could be, like, hot. You know?”
I was quiet for a second. Part of my brain contemplated being offended, but it was overruled by a heavy blanket of peacefulness in my bloodstream.
“I’m sorry, Scott, but even if I had the money, I just don’t care about those things. I want people to like me for who I am. Isn’t that what you want, too?”
I reached up to touch his face, but he grabbed my hand and held it.
“Have you kissed many guys?”
“I’ve never kissed anyone,” I admitted.
“Not even Jay?”
“No way. He’s like my brother.” I tried to think of Jay now. What had been wrong with him earlier? It made me feel sad, but I couldn’t recall why.
“How long will this last?” I asked. “This feeling?”
“About four hours. Then it takes a couple hours to come down.”
Come down? That sounded awful. I wondered if I could talk Scott into giving me more.
“Anna.”
“Huh?” I tried to focus on him.
“I want to be your first kiss.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Before he even had a chance to lean down, the door banged open, letting in the party’s earsplitting volume. We both sat up on the bed and I found myself staring into the deep blue eyes of Kaidan Rowe.
“What the—” Scott started.
“Ah, there you are, luv. Let’s go, then.”
Kaidan was looking at me. And waving me toward him. I sat there weighed down with shock.
“Can you walk, or will I have to carry you?” Kaidan asked.
Scott raised his voice. “What are you doing, man?”
“I need a chat with Anna.” But Kaidan didn’t look at Scott when he said it. His eyes stayed on me.
He remembered my name. And it sounded so lovely when he said it. Scott and I turned to each other. It never crossed my mind not to go with Kaidan. He was the most amazing part of my whole wakeful dream.
