“Who’s Marissa?” I asked, surprised by my own nosiness.
“Nobody,” he snapped. His face went hard and his jaw clenched. Why was he mad?
“You are the most baffling person I’ve ever met,” I mumbled.
“Me?! Neph don’t just show up uninvited to one another’s band gigs and homes unless they’re looking for trouble.”
Had he felt threatened by me? The thought was so absurd that I laughed at the irony.
“I didn’t even know I was Neph until after that party,” I said.
“I realize that now.”
“Only, you were right. I’m like you, but... I’m also not.” I paused.
“I’m listening,” he prompted.
I’d said too much. I was crazy for wanting to tell him about myself. There was something about him that made me want to abandon all caution. But he was in his father’s back pocket, and I shouldn’t risk it.
“Never mind,” I said.
“No. You may as well tell me now.”
“How do I know you won’t run back and tell him?”
“I don’t tell him anything if I can help it. Maybe you didn’t notice, but I tried to protect you from him back there. I thought if I could distract him and make him think I was working, maybe he would leave us and not see what you were.”
“I did notice.” My voice softened. “Why did you do that?”
“I’m not sure.” He glanced at me, but pulled his eyes away again, studying the road. “I suppose I wanted to figure you out for myself. I wasn’t expecting him home until later this evening. He’s usually not home during the week, but I suppose Marissa called him. You caught me off guard when you showed up. I wasn’t listening, and that’s not like me.”
Although I couldn’t see his colors, I believed him. Still, I didn’t like the insecurity of not knowing for sure.
“Why can’t I see your emotions?” I asked.
Kaidan let out a single laugh, as if the answer were obvious. “Because I don’t want you to.”
He could hide his colors on purpose?
“Is that something you can teach me?”
“I suppose. It would take time to learn, though.”
More time with Kaidan wouldn’t be so bad. Then I remembered—that was exactly what his father wanted.
“What will happen if I don’t, you know, do all of the stuff your father told me to? Because I’m not going to.”
“Oh, really?” He sounded amused. “And why not?”
“Because, well, drugs—you saw what they do to me. There would be no moderation. I just can’t do it. I won’t. And I’m definitely not going to push them on other people. And as far as having... you know...”
“What?” he asked.
My chest heated and it spread through my face and limbs.
“You’re too embarrassed to say it? Sex. Go ahead, give it a go. Sexsexsex.”
“Please just answer my question. What will happen if I don’t?”
“We could both be punished. If you refuse to be ‘trained,’ then you’ll need to lie low. Don’t come to my house again, and don’t do anything that might come to his attention. Neph are the least concern of the demons in our world. You’ll be forgotten and overlooked within a matter of days. But if he finds out you’re still a virgin, you’re on your own. I’ll tell him I tried and you refused. And you should know that if he does pursue you, and you continue to outright refuse to do as you’re told...”
I nodded for him to continue, hanging on his words. “What will happen?”
“What do you think? You’re dead.”
My stomach dropped. Patti had known this kind of danger was out there when she made me promise to stay away from him. How could I have been so reckless? I walked into a demon’s den! What if Pharzuph checked up on me and found out I was still a sober virgin?
“I don’t get why it’s such a problem that I’m a virgin, or why you have to be the one to...”
“Would you prefer another?” He spoke seriously, but there were undertones of amusement that irked me.
“No, I mean, it’s not that. If it’s the two of us, how is that supposed to be a bad influence on humans?”
“It would be part of your training to make you well-rounded in your sinful nature, so you can lure more humans. I don’t think it’s worth the risk to stay a virgin. I understand you’re afraid of becoming addicted to the drugs, but what’s your reasoning behind not having sex?”
Geez, could this conversation get any more personal? I squirmed a little in the seat.
“I want to wait until I’m married,” I admitted, crossing my legs and uncrossing them again.
He laughed at that. Loudly. I shot him a look.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that the thought of a Neph being so pure, getting married, and having a normal human life is...” He stopped laughing when he looked at me. “It’s not possible.”
This could not be happening. In the course of an hour my life had been altered drastically. My entire future would be forever skewed and shadowed.
“Even most humans don’t wait until marriage anymore.” He glanced at me through choppy brown hair that hung in his eyes. “Look. It’s not time to worry yet. Why don’t you tell me this big secret of yours?”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. I was not entirely safe with Kaidan. I knew that. So why wasn’t I scared of him? His father was a terrifying and disgusting piece of work, but Kaidan was a different story. I wanted to trust him. I wanted him to trust me.
“Nobody,” he snapped. His face went hard and his jaw clenched. Why was he mad?
“You are the most baffling person I’ve ever met,” I mumbled.
“Me?! Neph don’t just show up uninvited to one another’s band gigs and homes unless they’re looking for trouble.”
Had he felt threatened by me? The thought was so absurd that I laughed at the irony.
“I didn’t even know I was Neph until after that party,” I said.
“I realize that now.”
“Only, you were right. I’m like you, but... I’m also not.” I paused.
“I’m listening,” he prompted.
I’d said too much. I was crazy for wanting to tell him about myself. There was something about him that made me want to abandon all caution. But he was in his father’s back pocket, and I shouldn’t risk it.
“Never mind,” I said.
“No. You may as well tell me now.”
“How do I know you won’t run back and tell him?”
“I don’t tell him anything if I can help it. Maybe you didn’t notice, but I tried to protect you from him back there. I thought if I could distract him and make him think I was working, maybe he would leave us and not see what you were.”
“I did notice.” My voice softened. “Why did you do that?”
“I’m not sure.” He glanced at me, but pulled his eyes away again, studying the road. “I suppose I wanted to figure you out for myself. I wasn’t expecting him home until later this evening. He’s usually not home during the week, but I suppose Marissa called him. You caught me off guard when you showed up. I wasn’t listening, and that’s not like me.”
Although I couldn’t see his colors, I believed him. Still, I didn’t like the insecurity of not knowing for sure.
“Why can’t I see your emotions?” I asked.
Kaidan let out a single laugh, as if the answer were obvious. “Because I don’t want you to.”
He could hide his colors on purpose?
“Is that something you can teach me?”
“I suppose. It would take time to learn, though.”
More time with Kaidan wouldn’t be so bad. Then I remembered—that was exactly what his father wanted.
“What will happen if I don’t, you know, do all of the stuff your father told me to? Because I’m not going to.”
“Oh, really?” He sounded amused. “And why not?”
“Because, well, drugs—you saw what they do to me. There would be no moderation. I just can’t do it. I won’t. And I’m definitely not going to push them on other people. And as far as having... you know...”
“What?” he asked.
My chest heated and it spread through my face and limbs.
“You’re too embarrassed to say it? Sex. Go ahead, give it a go. Sexsexsex.”
“Please just answer my question. What will happen if I don’t?”
“We could both be punished. If you refuse to be ‘trained,’ then you’ll need to lie low. Don’t come to my house again, and don’t do anything that might come to his attention. Neph are the least concern of the demons in our world. You’ll be forgotten and overlooked within a matter of days. But if he finds out you’re still a virgin, you’re on your own. I’ll tell him I tried and you refused. And you should know that if he does pursue you, and you continue to outright refuse to do as you’re told...”
I nodded for him to continue, hanging on his words. “What will happen?”
“What do you think? You’re dead.”
My stomach dropped. Patti had known this kind of danger was out there when she made me promise to stay away from him. How could I have been so reckless? I walked into a demon’s den! What if Pharzuph checked up on me and found out I was still a sober virgin?
“I don’t get why it’s such a problem that I’m a virgin, or why you have to be the one to...”
“Would you prefer another?” He spoke seriously, but there were undertones of amusement that irked me.
“No, I mean, it’s not that. If it’s the two of us, how is that supposed to be a bad influence on humans?”
“It would be part of your training to make you well-rounded in your sinful nature, so you can lure more humans. I don’t think it’s worth the risk to stay a virgin. I understand you’re afraid of becoming addicted to the drugs, but what’s your reasoning behind not having sex?”
Geez, could this conversation get any more personal? I squirmed a little in the seat.
“I want to wait until I’m married,” I admitted, crossing my legs and uncrossing them again.
He laughed at that. Loudly. I shot him a look.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that the thought of a Neph being so pure, getting married, and having a normal human life is...” He stopped laughing when he looked at me. “It’s not possible.”
This could not be happening. In the course of an hour my life had been altered drastically. My entire future would be forever skewed and shadowed.
“Even most humans don’t wait until marriage anymore.” He glanced at me through choppy brown hair that hung in his eyes. “Look. It’s not time to worry yet. Why don’t you tell me this big secret of yours?”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. I was not entirely safe with Kaidan. I knew that. So why wasn’t I scared of him? His father was a terrifying and disgusting piece of work, but Kaidan was a different story. I wanted to trust him. I wanted him to trust me.
