A spark lit up in my mind. I gasped and sat up straighter. The lost knowledge from my dark days!
“I knew there was something more! I still can’t remember it, though.”
My dad chuckled at me.
“Don’t beat yourself up, kid. It’ll all come back once you shed that body. No soul can fathom how difficult it’ll be once they’re in physical form and they can’t remember anymore.”
I kept smiling, feeling buoyant with this new information. And then a question rose in my mind that robbed me of happiness.
“Why do mothers of Nephilim always die?”
He nodded, as if he’d expected this. Dropping his forearms to the table, he took my hands again.
“We talked about this a lot when Mariantha was pregnant. When the female body was created, it was made as a vessel to usher another human soul through the realms. You always hear people talking about the miracle of birth, and it’s true. It’s a miracle each time a soul makes the passage. But a Neph soul is different from a human soul. It’s something more. The human body wasn’t created to be able to expel such a complex soul into the earthly realm. It can’t physically survive it.”
Oh. Wow. This was huge. “And is this general knowledge among the demons?” I asked.
“Of course, but they don’t go flaunting the fact that the Neph are so powerful. Don’t want to put any ideas in the minds of their kids.”
It was yet another way the Neph had been deceived and downtrodden. I couldn’t wait to tell Kaidan the truth. I wanted to get to the bottom of everything. So many questions were bouncing around in my mind. I told him about Hollywood and how much it broke my heart to feel all of the people’s suffering.
“Angels of light are extremely sensitive to the emotions of others, so you got that from your mother, which is good, Anna, but you can’t be so sensitive that you’re blind to the bigger picture. Didn’t you ever get hurt when you were little? Fall down and skin your knee?”
“Sure.”
“Does it still hurt?”
“No. I see where you’re going with this,” I said.
“I know it sounds trite. I would never suggest saying this to someone who’s in the middle of a tragedy, but even the worst earthly pain and heartache doesn’t last into the heavenly realm. And it all serves a bigger purpose.”
“But what about the suffering of the Neph?” I asked, indignant. “The way they’re treated...”
“I know. I’ve always believed the Nephilim are the strongest souls on earth. I think even the Dukes feel threatened by them. If anyone could overthrow the demons, it’s their own children.”
But the children are scared, I wanted to say. We’ve been told we’ll end up in hell. I should have asked then, but I wasn’t ready to hear it. I peeked at the clock. Time was going by way too fast.
“Tell me more,” I said. “Tell me anything. What’s the meaning of life?”
He let out a big, burly laugh.
“You thought you’d stump me with that one, didn’t you? It’s actually very simple. The purpose of life is to find your way back to a spiritual way of thinking and living—to be able to get past the physical stuff. That’s pretty much the whole test. And every soul is given talents and strengths to help them along the way.”
“That’s it?!”
He snickered at my bug-eyed response.
“It’s much harder than it sounds.” He looked up at the clock now. “Ten more minutes, little one. What else you got for me?”
There was thunder in my heart. I looked at his big, weathered hands holding mine on the table. I couldn’t put it off any longer.
“Is it true there’s a stain on my soul, and I’m condemned to go to hell no matter what? That’s not true, is it?”
His breathing had gone shallow as he stared at me. A tremble began to shake his chin, and he looked away. No. Please, no. I shook my head, pulling my hands away to cover my face. My heart ached and my eyes stung.
“Please forgive me, Anna.” His voice was quiet. “This is why I never wanted children. Please look at me.”
I moved my hands down from my watering eyes, pressing my fingers over my mouth.
“It might be different for you. Your mother’s good might cancel out my bad. We don’t know. And if it’s true, then I’ll be there with you. We’ll stick together through the darkness.”
“Why would He do that to us?” My voice rose. “To all of the Nephilim children? It’s not our fault!”
He leaned across the table, grasping my hands from my face and holding them. His eyes were set on mine.
“Nothing good comes from anger,” he said. “Trust me. It’ll keep you from thinking clearly. I know you don’t want that. Don’t lose hope. Remember, hell is only a holding place. You’ll get your shot at judgment. We can’t know everything about the ultimate plan. It’d be like trying to teach infants quantum physics.”
I rubbed my face, trying to nod and swallow the sob in my chest. I didn’t want to go to hell. There was nothing more petrifying than the idea of a place absent of love.
“Two minutes!” hollered a guard by the door. “Wrap it up and say your good-byes, folks.”
We both stood. I came around the table and went into his thick, solid arms. He smelled like soap. It was surreal to be hugged by him, but so right. He kissed the top of my head.
“I knew there was something more! I still can’t remember it, though.”
My dad chuckled at me.
“Don’t beat yourself up, kid. It’ll all come back once you shed that body. No soul can fathom how difficult it’ll be once they’re in physical form and they can’t remember anymore.”
I kept smiling, feeling buoyant with this new information. And then a question rose in my mind that robbed me of happiness.
“Why do mothers of Nephilim always die?”
He nodded, as if he’d expected this. Dropping his forearms to the table, he took my hands again.
“We talked about this a lot when Mariantha was pregnant. When the female body was created, it was made as a vessel to usher another human soul through the realms. You always hear people talking about the miracle of birth, and it’s true. It’s a miracle each time a soul makes the passage. But a Neph soul is different from a human soul. It’s something more. The human body wasn’t created to be able to expel such a complex soul into the earthly realm. It can’t physically survive it.”
Oh. Wow. This was huge. “And is this general knowledge among the demons?” I asked.
“Of course, but they don’t go flaunting the fact that the Neph are so powerful. Don’t want to put any ideas in the minds of their kids.”
It was yet another way the Neph had been deceived and downtrodden. I couldn’t wait to tell Kaidan the truth. I wanted to get to the bottom of everything. So many questions were bouncing around in my mind. I told him about Hollywood and how much it broke my heart to feel all of the people’s suffering.
“Angels of light are extremely sensitive to the emotions of others, so you got that from your mother, which is good, Anna, but you can’t be so sensitive that you’re blind to the bigger picture. Didn’t you ever get hurt when you were little? Fall down and skin your knee?”
“Sure.”
“Does it still hurt?”
“No. I see where you’re going with this,” I said.
“I know it sounds trite. I would never suggest saying this to someone who’s in the middle of a tragedy, but even the worst earthly pain and heartache doesn’t last into the heavenly realm. And it all serves a bigger purpose.”
“But what about the suffering of the Neph?” I asked, indignant. “The way they’re treated...”
“I know. I’ve always believed the Nephilim are the strongest souls on earth. I think even the Dukes feel threatened by them. If anyone could overthrow the demons, it’s their own children.”
But the children are scared, I wanted to say. We’ve been told we’ll end up in hell. I should have asked then, but I wasn’t ready to hear it. I peeked at the clock. Time was going by way too fast.
“Tell me more,” I said. “Tell me anything. What’s the meaning of life?”
He let out a big, burly laugh.
“You thought you’d stump me with that one, didn’t you? It’s actually very simple. The purpose of life is to find your way back to a spiritual way of thinking and living—to be able to get past the physical stuff. That’s pretty much the whole test. And every soul is given talents and strengths to help them along the way.”
“That’s it?!”
He snickered at my bug-eyed response.
“It’s much harder than it sounds.” He looked up at the clock now. “Ten more minutes, little one. What else you got for me?”
There was thunder in my heart. I looked at his big, weathered hands holding mine on the table. I couldn’t put it off any longer.
“Is it true there’s a stain on my soul, and I’m condemned to go to hell no matter what? That’s not true, is it?”
His breathing had gone shallow as he stared at me. A tremble began to shake his chin, and he looked away. No. Please, no. I shook my head, pulling my hands away to cover my face. My heart ached and my eyes stung.
“Please forgive me, Anna.” His voice was quiet. “This is why I never wanted children. Please look at me.”
I moved my hands down from my watering eyes, pressing my fingers over my mouth.
“It might be different for you. Your mother’s good might cancel out my bad. We don’t know. And if it’s true, then I’ll be there with you. We’ll stick together through the darkness.”
“Why would He do that to us?” My voice rose. “To all of the Nephilim children? It’s not our fault!”
He leaned across the table, grasping my hands from my face and holding them. His eyes were set on mine.
“Nothing good comes from anger,” he said. “Trust me. It’ll keep you from thinking clearly. I know you don’t want that. Don’t lose hope. Remember, hell is only a holding place. You’ll get your shot at judgment. We can’t know everything about the ultimate plan. It’d be like trying to teach infants quantum physics.”
I rubbed my face, trying to nod and swallow the sob in my chest. I didn’t want to go to hell. There was nothing more petrifying than the idea of a place absent of love.
“Two minutes!” hollered a guard by the door. “Wrap it up and say your good-byes, folks.”
We both stood. I came around the table and went into his thick, solid arms. He smelled like soap. It was surreal to be hugged by him, but so right. He kissed the top of my head.
