Kaidan stared right at me with aggression on his face. That was the reaction I’d been afraid of. My heart thumped as I severed our eye contact, tightening my hold on the railing.
Kopano looked from me to the stage.
Jay bounded up at that moment, holding a flyer. “There’s an after party,” he said. “You guys wanna go?”
“No, I should head home soon,” I answered.
“Why?” Jay asked.
“I have to work tomorrow.”
“They don’t even open until eleven!”
Marna walked up and plucked the flyer from Jay’s hand with her slender fingers.
“She’ll be there,” Marna said. “We’ll all be there.”
The smart, self-preserving part of me wanted to refuse, but the stupid part of me could only listen to the beat of the song starting behind me and know the person responsible for making those beats would be at the party—might even talk to me.
“I call shotgun in Jay’s car,” Marna said.
Jay looked at her in disbelief. “Sweet,” he said. Then he lifted his hat and flipped it backward.
As promised, Ginger would not be separated from Marna, so she insisted on riding in Jay’s car, too. The thought of Ginger in the tiny backseat of his car amid old fast-food bags and torn seats was hysterical to me.
“I guess I’ll ride with you, if that’s all right,” I said to Kopano. He nodded.
We sat there in the car while the others drove off. He had a flyer of his own with directions, so I figured he was giving them a mile head start so we could talk. Something about his demeanor made me feel shy. I wouldn’t look at him. I wondered for the first time how it might feel to be alone with Kopano if Kaidan weren’t in the picture. He was virtually the opposite of Kaidan, but I found myself drawn to him. Maybe when it came to guys, my “type” wasn’t a certain look; it was a certain intensity.
After a few minutes, he started driving. He waited until we were a mile from the club before speaking to me.
“I like you.”
Okay, that was unexpected. I sat still, unsure how to respond.
“What I meant is,” he explained, “I like you as a person. I have never witnessed one of our kind befriend a human in such a way. Even I have not allowed myself to care for them the way I should, on a personal level.”
We were quiet again, and I caught myself chewing my lip, then stopped.
“Kaidan told me your story,” I said. “He told me you’re lucky to be alive.”
“That is true. If any of the other four had defied their fathers, they would have been killed. Dukes are not meant to care for their children. My father is an exception.”
“And mine,” I whispered. My pulse quickened with nervousness at my revelation. Kopano glanced my way before answering.
“I wondered if it was so. He always knew you were alive. Am I right? He let you be?”
“Yes. But please don’t say anything.”
“I will keep your secrets. I do not fear death.”
“You don’t fear... hell?”
“No.” He spoke with calm certainty. “It will not be for eternity. Even Neph will have their day of judgment.”
I was floored by his certainty. He was prepared to face whatever life and death delivered him.
“Have you said any of this to the others?” I asked him.
“In years past. But their situations are different.”
“Do you think any of them believe in what they do?”
“I could not bear their presence if they did. Blake and Marna do as they are told, but minimally and with no enthusiasm. Kaidan and Ginger have been the best workers, but over time I have observed much. They have strong wills to live, and they will do what is necessary to stay alive. But they are not happy. Being controlled and being unloved is not a natural way of life.”
“No, it’s not. What about other Nephilim?”
“Not all Nephilim despise their lives. There are many who seem to embrace their work and believe in the cause. I suppose there is no way of truly knowing one’s heart until one is put to the test.”
I pondered those words as we rode in comfortable silence the rest of the way to the party.
I sat on a couch between Jay and Kopano in some stranger’s old house, feeling jittery. Marna was on Jay’s other side, and the two of them talked. Ginger and Blake examined pictures on the wall, many of which were autographed by musicians.
An excited throng of girls waited in the front room for the band to arrive. I should have known this would be a groupie party. I swore that the second I saw Kaidan’s hands on another girl, I was out of there, even if it meant walking home. I knew he had to work, but I did not have to be a witness.
All of the guys were throwing back beers and talking animatedly about acoustics and instrumentals and the sound system that ran through the house. Local band music blared from the walls of every room.
I crossed my legs, then uncrossed them and crossed them on the other side. Kopano glanced down at my fidgeting, but did not comment.
“Oh, my gawd, they’re here!” squealed one of the girls from the other room, and my abs got tight.
I had a fleeting urge to snatch the half-full beer from Marna’s hand and chug it down. The door opened and people cheered. I rubbed my damp palms on the thighs of the jean skirt Jay’s sister had given me for my birthday.
Jay turned to me.
“You okay?”
I nodded and forced a smile. I wasn’t fooling him, of course, but he gave me that goofy half grin, and I knew he would take me home in a heartbeat if I asked him to, even if it meant cutting off his conversation with Marna.
Kopano looked from me to the stage.
Jay bounded up at that moment, holding a flyer. “There’s an after party,” he said. “You guys wanna go?”
“No, I should head home soon,” I answered.
“Why?” Jay asked.
“I have to work tomorrow.”
“They don’t even open until eleven!”
Marna walked up and plucked the flyer from Jay’s hand with her slender fingers.
“She’ll be there,” Marna said. “We’ll all be there.”
The smart, self-preserving part of me wanted to refuse, but the stupid part of me could only listen to the beat of the song starting behind me and know the person responsible for making those beats would be at the party—might even talk to me.
“I call shotgun in Jay’s car,” Marna said.
Jay looked at her in disbelief. “Sweet,” he said. Then he lifted his hat and flipped it backward.
As promised, Ginger would not be separated from Marna, so she insisted on riding in Jay’s car, too. The thought of Ginger in the tiny backseat of his car amid old fast-food bags and torn seats was hysterical to me.
“I guess I’ll ride with you, if that’s all right,” I said to Kopano. He nodded.
We sat there in the car while the others drove off. He had a flyer of his own with directions, so I figured he was giving them a mile head start so we could talk. Something about his demeanor made me feel shy. I wouldn’t look at him. I wondered for the first time how it might feel to be alone with Kopano if Kaidan weren’t in the picture. He was virtually the opposite of Kaidan, but I found myself drawn to him. Maybe when it came to guys, my “type” wasn’t a certain look; it was a certain intensity.
After a few minutes, he started driving. He waited until we were a mile from the club before speaking to me.
“I like you.”
Okay, that was unexpected. I sat still, unsure how to respond.
“What I meant is,” he explained, “I like you as a person. I have never witnessed one of our kind befriend a human in such a way. Even I have not allowed myself to care for them the way I should, on a personal level.”
We were quiet again, and I caught myself chewing my lip, then stopped.
“Kaidan told me your story,” I said. “He told me you’re lucky to be alive.”
“That is true. If any of the other four had defied their fathers, they would have been killed. Dukes are not meant to care for their children. My father is an exception.”
“And mine,” I whispered. My pulse quickened with nervousness at my revelation. Kopano glanced my way before answering.
“I wondered if it was so. He always knew you were alive. Am I right? He let you be?”
“Yes. But please don’t say anything.”
“I will keep your secrets. I do not fear death.”
“You don’t fear... hell?”
“No.” He spoke with calm certainty. “It will not be for eternity. Even Neph will have their day of judgment.”
I was floored by his certainty. He was prepared to face whatever life and death delivered him.
“Have you said any of this to the others?” I asked him.
“In years past. But their situations are different.”
“Do you think any of them believe in what they do?”
“I could not bear their presence if they did. Blake and Marna do as they are told, but minimally and with no enthusiasm. Kaidan and Ginger have been the best workers, but over time I have observed much. They have strong wills to live, and they will do what is necessary to stay alive. But they are not happy. Being controlled and being unloved is not a natural way of life.”
“No, it’s not. What about other Nephilim?”
“Not all Nephilim despise their lives. There are many who seem to embrace their work and believe in the cause. I suppose there is no way of truly knowing one’s heart until one is put to the test.”
I pondered those words as we rode in comfortable silence the rest of the way to the party.
I sat on a couch between Jay and Kopano in some stranger’s old house, feeling jittery. Marna was on Jay’s other side, and the two of them talked. Ginger and Blake examined pictures on the wall, many of which were autographed by musicians.
An excited throng of girls waited in the front room for the band to arrive. I should have known this would be a groupie party. I swore that the second I saw Kaidan’s hands on another girl, I was out of there, even if it meant walking home. I knew he had to work, but I did not have to be a witness.
All of the guys were throwing back beers and talking animatedly about acoustics and instrumentals and the sound system that ran through the house. Local band music blared from the walls of every room.
I crossed my legs, then uncrossed them and crossed them on the other side. Kopano glanced down at my fidgeting, but did not comment.
“Oh, my gawd, they’re here!” squealed one of the girls from the other room, and my abs got tight.
I had a fleeting urge to snatch the half-full beer from Marna’s hand and chug it down. The door opened and people cheered. I rubbed my damp palms on the thighs of the jean skirt Jay’s sister had given me for my birthday.
Jay turned to me.
“You okay?”
I nodded and forced a smile. I wasn’t fooling him, of course, but he gave me that goofy half grin, and I knew he would take me home in a heartbeat if I asked him to, even if it meant cutting off his conversation with Marna.
