I thought I was unsociable in years past, but for the first few weeks of this year I was a recluse. I kept my eyes down and went straight home after school. No football games. No hanging at Jay’s house. And definitely no parties or clubs.
But despite how hard I tried to be invisible, all eyes were on me. Only one person was able to shake me into clarity.
Lena was a shy girl who worked hard and didn’t go out of her way to impress others—traits I appreciated. She usually hid her face behind a headful of shiny black curls and kept to herself.
Lena came into the bathroom after me between classes one morning. Afterward I realized she had followed me. Lena shuffled next to me, leaning into the mirror to check out her creamy skin, catching my eye. We both messed with our hair, and then she bent down to see whether there were any feet in the stalls before speaking.
“I...” She bit down as if mustering courage. “I heard about what Scott McCallister did to you.”
“Oh?” I continued to dig around for some pretend object, surprised she would stoop low enough to care about such gossip, and hoping she would drop it. I almost missed her next words, spoken softly.
“He did it to me, too.”
I tensed and looked up at her. “He did?”
“Well, kind of.” She shuffled her stance, eyeing the cracked wall tiles. “Last year at a party over Christmas break.”
So Kaidan was right. It hadn’t been a solitary incident. Lena’s light gray nervousness darkened with apprehension when I didn’t respond right away.
“I believe you, Lena.”
With that reassurance, her gray worries cleared into the sky blue of relief.
“Did he—” She stopped herself, but I knew what she wanted to ask.
“No,” I told her. “We were interrupted.”
She continued avoiding my eyes, adjusting the book-bag strap on her shoulder. “That’s good. Unfortunately we weren’t. He didn’t drug me. I mean, he talked me into taking it, but afterward he told me I came on too strong, and he didn’t like me that way. He was just trying to be nice.”
“Oh, my gosh, Lena. That’s...” I didn’t know what to say. She looked at me now.
“You’re the only person I’ve ever told. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.”
“Thank you,” I said.
She nodded and rushed out the door. I stood there thinking for two minutes and received my first tardy ever.
Jay was shaking when he sat down next to me at the lunch table. Band and drama kids sat at the other end.
“Where’s your lunch?” I asked.
“I’m not eating.” His knee bounced as he glared around the cafeteria.
“What happened?” I pushed my tray away.
“Nothing.”
I moved closer, stomach turning. “No, tell me.”
“I have a feeling I’m gonna get suspended.”
“Why? What did you do?” I asked.
“Nothing yet.”
“Is it Scott?”
Jay nodded, mouth tightening at the mention of that name. “You should hear what he’s saying.”
“I don’t want to,” I told him. “He’s not worth getting into trouble over, Jay.”
“I don’t know about that. It might be worth it to shut his mouth.”
I followed Jay’s hateful stare to where Scott stood next to a table of wrestlers, reenacting someone tripping and falling. The guys rewarded him with hearty laughs. I wondered how many girls he’d taken advantage of.
I couldn’t let him get away with it, even though I loathed the idea of confrontation.
“You should tell your scary-ass dad about Scott,” Jay muttered.
“He’d kill him,” I said.
“Exactly.”
I put a hand on his arm. “Listen to me, ’kay? I’m going to say something to Scott, but I need you to promise me you won’t interfere. Just stay over here or go somewhere else.”
Jay was quiet for a moment, rubbing his hands together.
“Jay.”
“Fine. I’ll stay here, but I’m watching.”
I stood up and dumped my tray, then set it on the cart. Scott had moved on to the next table and was sitting across from Veronica and Kristin Miller. I took a deep breath and approached him on unsteady legs.
“Can I talk to you?” I asked quietly, trying not to gain everyone’s attention. Blood thumped in my temples and throat. He eyeballed me up and down over his shoulder as if I’d been rolling around in a pigsty.
“Talk to me about what?” He stood and faced me, using his bulk to make me step back. “About how you’re sorry you lied about me to everyone when all I did was try to be nice to you?”
I took a breath before answering. “Please, Scott, let’s just go in the hall and talk alone.”
“I got nothin’ to hide!” He threw his arms out to the sides.
I had intended to speak with him privately, but if he wanted to make a public spectacle out of us, then so be it. I balled my fists.
“I’m not sorry, because I haven’t lied about anything and you know it,” I said. “I’m not the one spreading rumors.”
“As if I would have needed to drug you,” he said. The whole table was watching and listening now. “You were, like, desperate, hanging all over me.”
I tried not to let his ugliness seep into me. I had to keep my mind sharp. I angled myself away from the spectators, but it had gone silent around us as I responded.
But despite how hard I tried to be invisible, all eyes were on me. Only one person was able to shake me into clarity.
Lena was a shy girl who worked hard and didn’t go out of her way to impress others—traits I appreciated. She usually hid her face behind a headful of shiny black curls and kept to herself.
Lena came into the bathroom after me between classes one morning. Afterward I realized she had followed me. Lena shuffled next to me, leaning into the mirror to check out her creamy skin, catching my eye. We both messed with our hair, and then she bent down to see whether there were any feet in the stalls before speaking.
“I...” She bit down as if mustering courage. “I heard about what Scott McCallister did to you.”
“Oh?” I continued to dig around for some pretend object, surprised she would stoop low enough to care about such gossip, and hoping she would drop it. I almost missed her next words, spoken softly.
“He did it to me, too.”
I tensed and looked up at her. “He did?”
“Well, kind of.” She shuffled her stance, eyeing the cracked wall tiles. “Last year at a party over Christmas break.”
So Kaidan was right. It hadn’t been a solitary incident. Lena’s light gray nervousness darkened with apprehension when I didn’t respond right away.
“I believe you, Lena.”
With that reassurance, her gray worries cleared into the sky blue of relief.
“Did he—” She stopped herself, but I knew what she wanted to ask.
“No,” I told her. “We were interrupted.”
She continued avoiding my eyes, adjusting the book-bag strap on her shoulder. “That’s good. Unfortunately we weren’t. He didn’t drug me. I mean, he talked me into taking it, but afterward he told me I came on too strong, and he didn’t like me that way. He was just trying to be nice.”
“Oh, my gosh, Lena. That’s...” I didn’t know what to say. She looked at me now.
“You’re the only person I’ve ever told. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.”
“Thank you,” I said.
She nodded and rushed out the door. I stood there thinking for two minutes and received my first tardy ever.
Jay was shaking when he sat down next to me at the lunch table. Band and drama kids sat at the other end.
“Where’s your lunch?” I asked.
“I’m not eating.” His knee bounced as he glared around the cafeteria.
“What happened?” I pushed my tray away.
“Nothing.”
I moved closer, stomach turning. “No, tell me.”
“I have a feeling I’m gonna get suspended.”
“Why? What did you do?” I asked.
“Nothing yet.”
“Is it Scott?”
Jay nodded, mouth tightening at the mention of that name. “You should hear what he’s saying.”
“I don’t want to,” I told him. “He’s not worth getting into trouble over, Jay.”
“I don’t know about that. It might be worth it to shut his mouth.”
I followed Jay’s hateful stare to where Scott stood next to a table of wrestlers, reenacting someone tripping and falling. The guys rewarded him with hearty laughs. I wondered how many girls he’d taken advantage of.
I couldn’t let him get away with it, even though I loathed the idea of confrontation.
“You should tell your scary-ass dad about Scott,” Jay muttered.
“He’d kill him,” I said.
“Exactly.”
I put a hand on his arm. “Listen to me, ’kay? I’m going to say something to Scott, but I need you to promise me you won’t interfere. Just stay over here or go somewhere else.”
Jay was quiet for a moment, rubbing his hands together.
“Jay.”
“Fine. I’ll stay here, but I’m watching.”
I stood up and dumped my tray, then set it on the cart. Scott had moved on to the next table and was sitting across from Veronica and Kristin Miller. I took a deep breath and approached him on unsteady legs.
“Can I talk to you?” I asked quietly, trying not to gain everyone’s attention. Blood thumped in my temples and throat. He eyeballed me up and down over his shoulder as if I’d been rolling around in a pigsty.
“Talk to me about what?” He stood and faced me, using his bulk to make me step back. “About how you’re sorry you lied about me to everyone when all I did was try to be nice to you?”
I took a breath before answering. “Please, Scott, let’s just go in the hall and talk alone.”
“I got nothin’ to hide!” He threw his arms out to the sides.
I had intended to speak with him privately, but if he wanted to make a public spectacle out of us, then so be it. I balled my fists.
“I’m not sorry, because I haven’t lied about anything and you know it,” I said. “I’m not the one spreading rumors.”
“As if I would have needed to drug you,” he said. The whole table was watching and listening now. “You were, like, desperate, hanging all over me.”
I tried not to let his ugliness seep into me. I had to keep my mind sharp. I angled myself away from the spectators, but it had gone silent around us as I responded.
