“Hey, guys,” I said in the cheeriest voice possible when I realized nobody had heard me enter. All eyes fixed on me, silence filling the room.
I swayed unsteadily on my feet, slightly lightheaded from the walk up the stairs. They all stared… and stared… and stared… before finally, Ally scooted over and tapped the sofa cushion beside her.
“Come, sit, darlin’,” she said.
Why is she acting so weird?
Tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, I pulled the sweater’s loose sleeves down over my palms and, hunching over to hide my fat, sat down on the seat.
My friends’ eyes darted around the room and onto each other as I sat squirming on my seat.
“How you doing, Lex?” Rome eventually said and sat forward.
“I’m okay. Busy with my studies,” I replied and fixed my gaze on the hardwood floor. I couldn’t take the scrutiny, the attention. “This place is lovely, Rome. You must be real happy.”
“Yeah, it’s kinda f**kin’ perfect,” he replied, and silence once again filled the room.
“Here we go, guys!” Molly’s voice pulled our attention, and she walked out of the kitchen door carrying a huge chocolate cake.
My hands began to shake, my palms began to sweat, and my stomach growled as if it could taste the smooth flavor of chocolate on my tongue.
Do not give in, Lexington. Get out of the room. Do not let them sway you from your goal.
Panic ran through me like a sweeping torrent of water, and my eyes darted around as I tried to think of an excuse to leave.
When I lifted my eyes, all my friends were staring at me, Molly’s eyes glistening with tears.
A cough came from Cass and she said, “Lexi. This isn’t a house warming.”
Black spots blurred my vision as my anxiety became almost insufferable. “What… what do you mean?”
Cass took a deep breath. “We think you have an eating problem, Lex.”
I shook my head profusely. “No, I don’t! It’s just—”
“Then eat the cake,” Cass said and adopted her hard no-shit attitude.
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…
I felt everybody freeze, and the tension on the room became stifling.
“Darlin’. Please, we’re only trying to help you. You’ve gotten so thin and we all love you so much that it’s scaring the hell out of us. You are always alone, avoiding spending time with us. Lex, I think you need to see a doctor,” Ally pushed and laid her hand on my back, trying to be supportive.
The action startled me. I launched off the sofa, and in the process, knocked the cake clean from Molly’s hand and onto the floor.
“Lexi,” Ally whispered and stood reaching out for me.
I flinched back and rounded the coffee table, facing my panicked group of friends.
“Don’t touch me!” I screamed. “Don’t any of you touch me!”
My eyes swept along all my friends’ worried expressions, but it was Cass’s, my oldest friend’s, that scared me the most.
Cass stepped forward. “Lex, it’s okay, girl. What’s going on? Talk to me. Have you been starving yourself?”
The room seemed to tilt and I couldn’t breathe. My Lord, I couldn’t breathe! Gripping at my chest, I tried to back up and almost stumbled to the floor.
“Lex!” Molly shouted, and I pushed out my hands, keeping my approaching friends away. But Cass jumped forward and managed to grip my wrist regardless, and everything seemed to freeze.
I watched as Cass’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped down in shock. I tried to wrench my arm back, but Cass’s strong hold was like a vise.
“Cass, let her go. She needs to calm down!” Ally said from behind, but I could see the determination set on Cass’s face.
Lips tightened, Cass took hold of my sleeve and pulled the material back. I whimpered in response, but not as loud as Cass’s reactive gasp. Of all my friends’ reactive gasps.
“Let me GO!” I screamed, but Cass jumped forward and lifted up my sweater and the other layers of shirts, exposing my ribs beneath.
“Fuck! Lex, look at your damn ribs! Look at your f**kin’ ribs!”
Ripping the edge of my sweater from her hands, I stumbled back, hitting the wall behind me. A sea of shocked faces stared my way, and Ally stepped forward, the guys in the room not having a clue what to say.
“You have been starving yourself,” she whispered brokenly.
Tears flowed from my eyes and my legs gave way as I slid down the wall to the floor. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and wailed, “I can’t eat! I can’t eat! I’m so fat, and he won’t let me eat!”
“Who won’t let you eat?” Cass asked in confusion, bending down before me. “Who’s stopping you from eating?”
“The voice!” I shrilled. “The voice in my mind. He stops me from eating. He’s taking me to perfection.” My eyes glazed and I became lost in a fog. “He took Daisy away from me… and he took Austin away too! I disgusted him! He saw too much fat!”
“Daisy?” Cass said. “Who’s Daisy, darlin’?”
“And Austin? Austin Carillo? My best friend?”
Looking up through watery eyes, I saw Rome had stepped forward, a stern expression on his face.
“I love him… I love him so much, Rome. But he left me. Made love to me, then left me! I disgust him. He was making it better, me better, but he left me because I’m too fat! I’m an eyesore… a f**king EYESORE! Who can blame him for leaving…?”
I swayed unsteadily on my feet, slightly lightheaded from the walk up the stairs. They all stared… and stared… and stared… before finally, Ally scooted over and tapped the sofa cushion beside her.
“Come, sit, darlin’,” she said.
Why is she acting so weird?
Tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, I pulled the sweater’s loose sleeves down over my palms and, hunching over to hide my fat, sat down on the seat.
My friends’ eyes darted around the room and onto each other as I sat squirming on my seat.
“How you doing, Lex?” Rome eventually said and sat forward.
“I’m okay. Busy with my studies,” I replied and fixed my gaze on the hardwood floor. I couldn’t take the scrutiny, the attention. “This place is lovely, Rome. You must be real happy.”
“Yeah, it’s kinda f**kin’ perfect,” he replied, and silence once again filled the room.
“Here we go, guys!” Molly’s voice pulled our attention, and she walked out of the kitchen door carrying a huge chocolate cake.
My hands began to shake, my palms began to sweat, and my stomach growled as if it could taste the smooth flavor of chocolate on my tongue.
Do not give in, Lexington. Get out of the room. Do not let them sway you from your goal.
Panic ran through me like a sweeping torrent of water, and my eyes darted around as I tried to think of an excuse to leave.
When I lifted my eyes, all my friends were staring at me, Molly’s eyes glistening with tears.
A cough came from Cass and she said, “Lexi. This isn’t a house warming.”
Black spots blurred my vision as my anxiety became almost insufferable. “What… what do you mean?”
Cass took a deep breath. “We think you have an eating problem, Lex.”
I shook my head profusely. “No, I don’t! It’s just—”
“Then eat the cake,” Cass said and adopted her hard no-shit attitude.
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…
I felt everybody freeze, and the tension on the room became stifling.
“Darlin’. Please, we’re only trying to help you. You’ve gotten so thin and we all love you so much that it’s scaring the hell out of us. You are always alone, avoiding spending time with us. Lex, I think you need to see a doctor,” Ally pushed and laid her hand on my back, trying to be supportive.
The action startled me. I launched off the sofa, and in the process, knocked the cake clean from Molly’s hand and onto the floor.
“Lexi,” Ally whispered and stood reaching out for me.
I flinched back and rounded the coffee table, facing my panicked group of friends.
“Don’t touch me!” I screamed. “Don’t any of you touch me!”
My eyes swept along all my friends’ worried expressions, but it was Cass’s, my oldest friend’s, that scared me the most.
Cass stepped forward. “Lex, it’s okay, girl. What’s going on? Talk to me. Have you been starving yourself?”
The room seemed to tilt and I couldn’t breathe. My Lord, I couldn’t breathe! Gripping at my chest, I tried to back up and almost stumbled to the floor.
“Lex!” Molly shouted, and I pushed out my hands, keeping my approaching friends away. But Cass jumped forward and managed to grip my wrist regardless, and everything seemed to freeze.
I watched as Cass’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped down in shock. I tried to wrench my arm back, but Cass’s strong hold was like a vise.
“Cass, let her go. She needs to calm down!” Ally said from behind, but I could see the determination set on Cass’s face.
Lips tightened, Cass took hold of my sleeve and pulled the material back. I whimpered in response, but not as loud as Cass’s reactive gasp. Of all my friends’ reactive gasps.
“Let me GO!” I screamed, but Cass jumped forward and lifted up my sweater and the other layers of shirts, exposing my ribs beneath.
“Fuck! Lex, look at your damn ribs! Look at your f**kin’ ribs!”
Ripping the edge of my sweater from her hands, I stumbled back, hitting the wall behind me. A sea of shocked faces stared my way, and Ally stepped forward, the guys in the room not having a clue what to say.
“You have been starving yourself,” she whispered brokenly.
Tears flowed from my eyes and my legs gave way as I slid down the wall to the floor. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and wailed, “I can’t eat! I can’t eat! I’m so fat, and he won’t let me eat!”
“Who won’t let you eat?” Cass asked in confusion, bending down before me. “Who’s stopping you from eating?”
“The voice!” I shrilled. “The voice in my mind. He stops me from eating. He’s taking me to perfection.” My eyes glazed and I became lost in a fog. “He took Daisy away from me… and he took Austin away too! I disgusted him! He saw too much fat!”
“Daisy?” Cass said. “Who’s Daisy, darlin’?”
“And Austin? Austin Carillo? My best friend?”
Looking up through watery eyes, I saw Rome had stepped forward, a stern expression on his face.
“I love him… I love him so much, Rome. But he left me. Made love to me, then left me! I disgust him. He was making it better, me better, but he left me because I’m too fat! I’m an eyesore… a f**king EYESORE! Who can blame him for leaving…?”
