Austin looked down at Levi. Levi kept his head down, his hands gripping his hair.
I opened my mouth to explain, but—
“I couldn’t believe it, Axe, so I went to every market I could find. None of them knew you. None of them. One of them remembered seeing someone of your description. He said he thought he’d seen you hanging around, but you sure as hell weren’t working.”
Austin clawed at his dark hair, his eyes shining. Meeting my eyes again, he said, “I thought there had to be some mistake. There had to be, because my brother had changed. He’d got out of prison five years early and was doing real good. He was a different guy than the one who used to be Heighter tight.” He pulled in a ragged breath and his face flushed red with his pain.
I stepped forward. “I—”
“Then I get home, fucking talking myself out of what I prayed wasn’t true, and I go into your room, hoping you’d be there to explain all this shit. You weren’t, as always. So I started going through your stuff, looking for some reason why you’d lied to me. Lied to all of us for fucking months!”
Austin reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out the second bag of coke I’d bought after his game. I must have left it in my jeans.
My stomach fell, and I instantly knew what they were thinking.
“You’re dealing again, Axe? After everything?” Austin’s face contorted in a mix of both anger and pain. He threw the bag of coke at my feet.
I struggled to breathe as I stared at it. As I looked up, Austin was staring at me, all anger gone, just crushing disappointment on his face. But I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t get my head around how I’d come here today to tell them about my show. Instead my kid brothers were asking me to explain why I wasn’t at the market, why I had this coke, and of course they immediately thought the worst.
Austin suddenly pushed my duffel bag to my feet. “I came to see you today to tell you that you’re gonna be an uncle, a Zio, Axe. Lexi’s pregnant. We’ve been trying for two years but because of the damage to her body through her anorexia, they weren’t sure we’d be able to ever have kids. She woke me up this morning to tell me I was gonna be a papa. A fucking papa, Axe. Against the odds, we’re having a baby. It’s a fucking miracle… and the only two people I couldn’t wait to tell were you and Lev.”
My heart beat faster… Austin was gonna be a papa.
A fucking thrilled smile pulled on my lips, but Austin didn’t see it, he was too busy glaring at the floor.
“I can’t have you here no more, Axe. I got more important things than you to consider now.” His dark eyes met mine. “I need you to leave. I can’t have my baby, my wife, dragged into all the dealing and gang shit… my kid’s gotta have a better life than we did… they’ve gotta be safe. We all need to be safe.”
Levi lifted his head, his eyes bloodshot, his face pale and he rushed up the stairs.
“Lev… I can exp—”
Levi immediately stopped on the stairs, but never looked back. “You swore to me you wouldn’t do anything to take you away from us again. I let you in, I opened my heart to you again, and you have to fuck it all up! I let you in, Axe… and now I’ve lost you again…” he snapped and disappeared from sight. Austin turned his back on me and walked up after Levi.
Feeling real fear run through my veins, I stepped forward and called, “Aust…” but my foot landed on the bag of coke, busting the fucking thing open all over the floor.
Austin, hearing the bag split, sighed and, without looking back, said, “Just leave, Axe. Just fucking leave…”
My entire body filled with ice at how cold those words sounded coming from his mouth. I looked down at the mess of coke at my feet and felt nothing but shame… shame that I’d had a moment of weakness and bought this coke all those weeks ago.
But I was so fucking angry they hadn’t heard me out.
They didn’t even fucking let me speak.
Turning on my heel, I left my bag of clothes where it was and fucking raced outta the house, my head reeling.
What the fuck was I thinking in coming back here?
I was done. So fucking done with trying to make shit right.
I drove my Camino fast through the falling rain—a perfect fucking reflection of my mood—and headed for my studio. In my rush to tell Austin and Levi about my art, I’d brought nothing with me, not even my damn wallet or cell. I was getting them and then getting the fuck outta Seattle. And I wanted Ally to come with me. Just her, me, and the fucking road.
Letting the heavy metal music from my stereo fuel my rising anger, I didn’t realize for a good few miles that the black car was tailing me. Frowning, my suspicion back, I turned down random streets just to see if it would follow—this time it did.
Feeling my pulse spike, I narrowed my eyes and picked up speed. The car followed, its bumper almost rear ending me.
“Fuck,” I hissed under my breath. There was only one fucker I knew would be after me like this: Remo.
SHIT!
I pulled my car to a stop on a quiet road, a pit in my stomach as I realized this was it. He was here for my blood. The heavy rain bounced off my windshield like bullets and I cut the music, eyes glued on my hands.
I always thought I’d die at the hands of my crew. But what was tearing me apart right now was picturing Ally. I couldn’t even call her to tell her goodbye. FUCK! I’d just gotten my shit together, finally making some fucking headway in my life… and now…
I opened my mouth to explain, but—
“I couldn’t believe it, Axe, so I went to every market I could find. None of them knew you. None of them. One of them remembered seeing someone of your description. He said he thought he’d seen you hanging around, but you sure as hell weren’t working.”
Austin clawed at his dark hair, his eyes shining. Meeting my eyes again, he said, “I thought there had to be some mistake. There had to be, because my brother had changed. He’d got out of prison five years early and was doing real good. He was a different guy than the one who used to be Heighter tight.” He pulled in a ragged breath and his face flushed red with his pain.
I stepped forward. “I—”
“Then I get home, fucking talking myself out of what I prayed wasn’t true, and I go into your room, hoping you’d be there to explain all this shit. You weren’t, as always. So I started going through your stuff, looking for some reason why you’d lied to me. Lied to all of us for fucking months!”
Austin reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out the second bag of coke I’d bought after his game. I must have left it in my jeans.
My stomach fell, and I instantly knew what they were thinking.
“You’re dealing again, Axe? After everything?” Austin’s face contorted in a mix of both anger and pain. He threw the bag of coke at my feet.
I struggled to breathe as I stared at it. As I looked up, Austin was staring at me, all anger gone, just crushing disappointment on his face. But I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t get my head around how I’d come here today to tell them about my show. Instead my kid brothers were asking me to explain why I wasn’t at the market, why I had this coke, and of course they immediately thought the worst.
Austin suddenly pushed my duffel bag to my feet. “I came to see you today to tell you that you’re gonna be an uncle, a Zio, Axe. Lexi’s pregnant. We’ve been trying for two years but because of the damage to her body through her anorexia, they weren’t sure we’d be able to ever have kids. She woke me up this morning to tell me I was gonna be a papa. A fucking papa, Axe. Against the odds, we’re having a baby. It’s a fucking miracle… and the only two people I couldn’t wait to tell were you and Lev.”
My heart beat faster… Austin was gonna be a papa.
A fucking thrilled smile pulled on my lips, but Austin didn’t see it, he was too busy glaring at the floor.
“I can’t have you here no more, Axe. I got more important things than you to consider now.” His dark eyes met mine. “I need you to leave. I can’t have my baby, my wife, dragged into all the dealing and gang shit… my kid’s gotta have a better life than we did… they’ve gotta be safe. We all need to be safe.”
Levi lifted his head, his eyes bloodshot, his face pale and he rushed up the stairs.
“Lev… I can exp—”
Levi immediately stopped on the stairs, but never looked back. “You swore to me you wouldn’t do anything to take you away from us again. I let you in, I opened my heart to you again, and you have to fuck it all up! I let you in, Axe… and now I’ve lost you again…” he snapped and disappeared from sight. Austin turned his back on me and walked up after Levi.
Feeling real fear run through my veins, I stepped forward and called, “Aust…” but my foot landed on the bag of coke, busting the fucking thing open all over the floor.
Austin, hearing the bag split, sighed and, without looking back, said, “Just leave, Axe. Just fucking leave…”
My entire body filled with ice at how cold those words sounded coming from his mouth. I looked down at the mess of coke at my feet and felt nothing but shame… shame that I’d had a moment of weakness and bought this coke all those weeks ago.
But I was so fucking angry they hadn’t heard me out.
They didn’t even fucking let me speak.
Turning on my heel, I left my bag of clothes where it was and fucking raced outta the house, my head reeling.
What the fuck was I thinking in coming back here?
I was done. So fucking done with trying to make shit right.
I drove my Camino fast through the falling rain—a perfect fucking reflection of my mood—and headed for my studio. In my rush to tell Austin and Levi about my art, I’d brought nothing with me, not even my damn wallet or cell. I was getting them and then getting the fuck outta Seattle. And I wanted Ally to come with me. Just her, me, and the fucking road.
Letting the heavy metal music from my stereo fuel my rising anger, I didn’t realize for a good few miles that the black car was tailing me. Frowning, my suspicion back, I turned down random streets just to see if it would follow—this time it did.
Feeling my pulse spike, I narrowed my eyes and picked up speed. The car followed, its bumper almost rear ending me.
“Fuck,” I hissed under my breath. There was only one fucker I knew would be after me like this: Remo.
SHIT!
I pulled my car to a stop on a quiet road, a pit in my stomach as I realized this was it. He was here for my blood. The heavy rain bounced off my windshield like bullets and I cut the music, eyes glued on my hands.
I always thought I’d die at the hands of my crew. But what was tearing me apart right now was picturing Ally. I couldn’t even call her to tell her goodbye. FUCK! I’d just gotten my shit together, finally making some fucking headway in my life… and now…
